Anyone else living constantly on the verge of suicide? I'm thinking of going for one last long walk before morning.
Does anybody here have dreams where they kill themself? I can remember shoting up a place which looked like a hospital in my dream then running at the police whilst they had their guns point at me, they shot me and I fell down but I got back up and started running again.
Every single day all I think about is killing myself
>>29943056
The part where you shoot up the place is possibly the most worrying though.
>>29943056
All the time. Tons of dreams of me shovelling myself full of pills and slowly dying on the floor of the bathroom (strange, because that's not the way I'm planning it). Always disappointed when I wake up.
>>29943023
Every time I get in my car I have to fight the urge to swerve in front of a semi or floor it into a telegraph pole.
>>29943056
No
But I've been dying in dreams a lot more lately
I got shot in the head by some random guy, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, couldn't have done anything to offend him, and then I became this spooky disembodied ghost and wandered around or something. It was terrifying in the moments leading up to it but it was okay after that.
>>29943085
Same. Been of five antidepressants in a year and all they did was kill my libido.
>>29943102
my drive home has a huge cliff to the right of the road. My hands get sweaty on the wheel every single time I drive by. I wish I wasn't a coward.
>>29943096
Worrying? It was the best part of the dream.
The feeling was just indescribable...blowing someones brains out with sirens in the background knowing your going to die in a few minuites
my life is mundane the same robot neet shit over and over again I know that I probably wont do it because I'm to much of a pussy to leave my home but I'd do almost anything to get that feeling again.
https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=transhumanism
>>29943135
For me it's the T-intersection where my street meets the highway. All I'd have to do is hit the accelerator half a second early for however many tons of logging truck to hit my driver's side door at 90km/h
Recently I've been considering it a lot, but in a really calm, serene "what if" way. I did some research and I'm surprised how hard it apparently is to reliably kill yourself if you don't have access to guns. The kind of sleeping pills that you can overdose on aren't being sold here (anymore), that's a 1970s/80s meme. Even if you could find them somewhere you would still need a prescription, and then they give you only enough to treat whatever condition you have because they know. Most pills, even in large doses, will only give you freakish stomach cramps and hours of pain.
I had to sell my car so I can't just drive full speed into some big ass tree, there's no high enough places to jump down from in my area. Jumping in front of trains seems less reliable than previously thought, with some people only getting their limbs torn off and then being "saved" from death thanks to modern medicine. People often talk about the helium mask method but I don't even have the $100 or so to buy the equipment and if you get the pressure even slightly wrong it will tear up your lungs instead of letting you sleep peacefully.
A lot of people online lie about certain methods being "painless" because what do they care, it's not like you can sue them. Then I suspect the other half of people lie about certain methods being extremely painful because they want to discourage people from doing it.
What I'm saying is that suicide is only really feasible for gun people, and even then a few idiots always manage to screw up the angle and end up paralyzed or something. I have personally ruled out suicide for the moment, but I also don't know how to fix my money problems. I have a kind of vindictive personality so I would like to stay alive and somehow make it out of this rough patch and show all these assholes that they can't make me surrender. "If you're going through hell, keep going", Churchill allegedly said but my feet are starting to really fucking hurt you fat drunk fuck.
>>29943117
I am not on anything, mainly because it would ruin any chance of me doing what I wanted to do when I was younger which is join the Army.
tried hanging myself with a dog leash but it unclipped after a couple of seconds holding the weight, just feel really hopeless and desperate.
>>29943170
what the fuck does that have to do with anything? That shit is for lifecucks who want to be immortal (whatever the implied cost). Being suicidal is the exact opposite
>>29943282
Well there is hanging
>>29943385
maybe it would give someone something to look forward to. i think a lot of people are depressed/suicidal because they compare their lives to others who have it a lot better and think they're both going to die and that's final, so they might as well not deal with the stress and kill themselves.
but if some of them realized what was happening, that technology isn't just for spamming memes or finding people to have sex with, they might find a purpose.
I'm going to jump in front of a train soon, it should be such an easy thing to do, almost weird how fucking easy.
They don't even bother to deter you whatsoever, guess they don't care about suicides.
Either way, probably sometime this fall or next fall, when it starts getting darker earlier.
>>29943282
Hanging seems pretty reliable. Snap your neck in the process, and you'll have a quick death.
Tfw you've driven everyone away so no one will be hurt when you kill yourself. You have no one to talk to anymore about it because they're all sick of hearing it, even your doctor.
>>29943450
I have better things to do than being coopted into some sort of illuminati assimilation machine. Like being dead
>>29943085
Me too.
>>29943542
;_; I care anon.
I can't see myself growing to be an old man. But I don't have the courage to do anything. What a shit existence we have guys, huh?
Does anyone just say/think "kill yourself" involuntarily? Like I'll be playing a game and fail I'll mutter "kill yourself, fucking stupid, fucking idiot just kill yourself". If anything goes wrong anywhere I just think of suicide and get this heavy feeling of despair in my chest
>>29943838
Yeah it goes through my head all the time.
I often think it when I see couples. Just knowing I'll never have that makes me tell myself I'm pathetic
>>29943385
>lifecucks
i want to die but this is good
>>29943838
Yeah
It's not even contextual, I'll just be bumbling about doing whatever I'm doing and out will pop "kill yourself", or "you're already dead", or "you're going to die wishing you had never lived", or "you should have died already"
It's almost uncontrollable
>>29943838
>spill water
>"i'm going to fucking kill myself"
>drop my keys
>"i'm going to fucking kill myself"
>can't find television remote
>"i'm going to fucking kill myself"
it's my reaction to everything now.
most of the time i just think it but i say it often enough too that my family ignores me now. i guess that's a good thing because i honestly do plan to go through with it when the time is right.
>>29943023
I'm glad I live in europoor land. If I could buy as gun legally, I would get one.
Get back to my house, sit down, take a shot of the best vodka I could buy. Read through my journal, reminisce about past life and focus only on the good things. Then just take a shot by pointing my gun inside my mouth but a bit up to hit the sweet spot and die with happy thoughts in my head.
Anyone else disgusted by decomposed bodies?
I don't want to look like that, i wish there was a way to kill myself that would completely obliterate every piece of me
>>29943056
Be thankful. That's nothing compared to me having a dream about being shotby Jerry Seinfeld.
Certainly this comment must be original
>>29944120
You should just get yourself cremated and your ashes used to fertilize a new tree. You can also get yourself made into a diamond if you're a fag
>>29943023
Don't do it. If a robot toughs it out for long enough he gets reincarnated as a normie/Chad.
If you kill yourself instead you become a Stacy and get transported to a dimension where our Supreme Gentleman pursues you for an eternity
>>29944177
That sounds like hippie shit,
I just dont want to exist. I even fantasize about tying weights to myself and jumping off a cruise in the middle if the pacific
>Don't do it. If a robot toughs it out for long enough he gets reincarnated as a normie/Chad.
Is this true or do you just end up like WitchKing?
In a way. I'm not particularly sad, but I'm not happy either. I just don't feel like existing. My discomfort isn't great enough for me to do something about it, but if I were to get cancer I wouldn't complain.
>>29944117
>past life
>good things
normies get out ree
>>29943838
Everyday. Probably bihourly.
I'm too cowardly to actually do it, don't know about you anons, do you feel the same?
I just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up again. I have no desires anymore. I don't want to have anything or to be anything. I want to be nothing. I don't live, I'm just waiting. Waiting for this life to end. I just find ways to distract myself until the day I die.
Sometimes I think I should quit this pills and let my true self arises and put and end to this shit.
Daily.
I've taken out life insurance that has suicide cover (albeit there's a 13 month exclusion period) so if I kill myself in the next 4 months my wife (ree) won't get it. Also stashed away a good $5k for some lawyer fees should the insurance company protest it but I've already had one look over it and it's pretty much open/shut. $500k in her name should I do it.
ahh... i really do think i will be dead quite soon
i want to be the human that will give birth to an impossibility and kill them all and pull the curtain on this world
my head feels strange, a pressure, i can feel myself floating and swinging back and forth when i lie still, my body moves on its own, rising from the bed, it feels nice, my skull feels like it's being caved in
there is something inside of my brain that cannot be brought into this world through any means nor can it be explained through language, no beginnings or endings, no words, it has landed on the surface of my skull from a place where no surfaces exist, the unknown wordless infinity that gave birth to birth itself, within that infinity lies many worlds born from the same seed, and they are all imperfect and full of pain and should not exist, i want to know what stands there at the top, the farmer who planted these seeds, and i want to drag him down into the hellish garden he has grown and to shove those seeds up his ass, because he is a punk ass bitch, just like spiderman who i also knocked out with a roundhouse kick, i want him to die, because i am tired, and i want everything that ever was or ever will be to FUCK OFF so i can sleep soundly for eternity with comfort and certainty that nothing will ever exist in the past, present or future because time was destroyed and converted into dream juice for the tiny cummie wizards that are dancing in your goddamn brain right now you fucking CUNT, i want to rewind until space time disappears and for whatever lies beyond in the timeless void beyond the human brain's comprehension beyond the beginning and the end and beyond the words to hear my plea and to kill all sources, kill themselves, to have mercy on the word-doomed creatures starving in the dried up deserts of hell on their slaveships of failure, perhaps abandoned, perhaps trapped in timeless infinity, kill all sources of light, kill all life, SLEEP
>>29944524
Don't forget the code for the nuclear power plant
Awake for 32 hours and counting. Insomnia and psychosis do not make for a fun combination. I see, think, and feel things I should not be allowed to experience. Certainly, I am not that immoral of a person to be deserving of this consistent torment. I have been doing little other than contemplating whether such absurd forms of suffering serve any real purpose. Will I, in some way, benefit from this accumulated suffering if I perhaps deceive myself into believing that it cannot reduce me to a pathetic state, or pretend that I can overcome it, or can it not be gained from, is its sole purpose to drive me to velleity? Is there a more effective method to defying it?
And I suppose it's worth asking who the creator is that allowed for such conditions to exist. Why was I not consulted before being callously tossed into an uncaring and deceitful existence? Why couldn't I have been blessed with a fortunate genetic predisposition rather than with one damned to chase the suffering at its roots?
Are the stars a pretense to the true nature of reality? Do they give me just enough hope to eventually be crushed again? I've come to hate the stars, the small pleasures, anything that is pure or beautiful, because it is all only misleading. The deception is just too much.
I do not see how the conditions for such an experience could be the work of anything other than some evil deity. I can only hope that reincarnation and karma exist, and I am in some way being punished for an awful crime I had committed in a previous life. That is the only possible way I could justify this existence, it must be a deserved punishment.
We must cultivate our garden....yada yada yada, babble babble blabber, fuss n spit, kick n scream, cry and beg, sleep and dream, boo hoo. Return me to the comforts of the womb, and to the sweet delicacy nature once treated me with.
>>29943056
god damn motherfucking oriuginal post fuck
>>29944524
>>29944660
these posts are giving me some tough feels anons
>>29944689
How about making posts that contribute something instead of pointless reactions?
>>29944660
Lmao 32 hours? That's fucking nothing.
>>29944660
You're a terrible writer. Just think you should know.
>>29944660
so deep
kill yourself
>tfw you cant hold down a job or attend school for more than 30 minutes because you have a full blown panic attack from being around other people or being forced to interact with them
>>29945753
heyyy that's me
I even have trouble walking on the street, I feel everyone doesn't want me there. and in the store I start breathing weird when waiting in line and sweating for no reason.
Haha I want to die
>>29944660
you're fucking annoying and you should be embarrassed
this is why nobody likes you
>>29945816
>go to classroom
>put in different room
>start to worry
>sit down
>cant think
>everything sounds louder than normal
>can hear flourescent lighting humming like crazy
>everyones faces are a blur
>sweating like a pedo on trial
>hands are shaking and am completely pale
>run out and cry
why
>>29943056
I had a dream last night where I killed someone who had humiliated me by filming me in a drunken stupor and putting it on the internet. I shot him in the back of the head and then I shot myself in the head since I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in prison.
Dark shit.
>>29945861
That's when the normies say:
>Just keep going out of your comfort zone, you'll have to face your fears!
No. Normies don't experience fear like we do. Yet they act out of emotion when they shouldn't.
>>29945910
i keep going back and trying again and it just gets worse. i dont want to give up but the panic attacks just keep happening. they've been happening to me all my life, it never ends.
>>29944660
Lol did you bang out this little novel on amphetamines?
Yeah, I'm actually at the end of my rope. I found a really nice channer girl that I hit it off REALLY well with. She's honestly a really cool girl and I'm 100% happy with just being her friend and don't even care about anything else.
We'd be in voice call for hours, we'd just good off and play games or watch anime together. She genuinely laughs and has a great time with me. She's gotten into serious topics with me about her issues and insecurities, I've helped her and she's told me many times she appreciates my friendship.
But she tried to commit suicide recently and went to a psych ward. She only spent a week but she hasn't been the same since returning. I've tried being there for her but she mostly goes MIA. She's apologized and explained that she gets super anxiety lately and feels like she doesn't deserve friends and that I'll just be disappointed in her like everyone else.
We hardly talk anymore. We went from talking literally every single day for hours on end to radio silence. I try poking her for conversaiton and she rarely responds. The times she does, it's just like before, where we just have very long discussions about anything and everything; so it isn't as if she's bored of me or anything, she just doesn't get in the mood to talk anymore.
Her depression is kinda worsening mine. I relate to her really well and it makes me wanna kill myself more. I just want to be there for her. I just wanna help her, but I can't if she won't let me.
>>29945925
I became a neet because of it.. There's not really anything I could've done, I fucked up 3 college educations this way, got in debt, and got fired from 4 or 5 jobs. After you lose so often and see there's nothing in the future for you, it kinda becomes pointless.
>>29945971
Girls aren't a legitimate reason to be depressed, sorry.
>>29943102
>telegraph
>>29945974
b-b-but i dont want to resign...if i resign i know i'll go completey crazy for good and doing something awful and seal my fate.
feels bad man, how did it ever come to this. i got choices but none of them are good.
>>29945998
I hope you find a way to be happy bud
>>29946008didn't want to type anything, only wanted to /feel/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwYX52BP2Sk
>>29946046
I have never understood these images. 2030 is 14 years from now, but 2015 is infinitely far away
>>29945988
If you've ever had a 4 year+ relationship with a girl and she broke up with you I would say that's a legitimate reason to be depression. Although, killing yourself because of a girl isn't a legitimate reason.
If you kill yourself then the people that treat you badly win...
>>29946118
That doesnt matter, and its bullshit
Also no one treats me bad, or as badly as myself
![35531_3_full[1].jpg_v=1196579607.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/U4kYayJ.jpg "35531_3_full[1].jpg_v=1196579607.jpg")
Just dreamt of my English teacher last night.
Didnt see her for 8 years
She was so beautiful. Long wavy hair, beautiful smile...
Just like young Jessica Alba but with black hair, thinner lips and lighter skin.
Such a perfect creature..
I wish I could sit in her class for eternity,time is so cruel
>>29945988
Depression is an illness, you don't need a reason to be depressed. That's like saying you don't have any reason to be schizophrenic.
>>29945651
hey man I'm suicidal as hell too
>>29946205
>no one treats me bad, or as badly as myself
>then the people that treat you badly win...
sounds like he was right then
>>29945988
Not really about a girl so much as it is about meeting someone I connect with more than anyone else -- someone that I can relate to and genuinely makes me happy. My life doesn't revolve around her, but she's made me significantly happier and having that removed makes everything else feel really dull.
I never meet people I actually WANT to socialize with. It's painful finding that and having it taken away for no particular reason.
>>29946234
Fair enough, but it's not a good reason to kill yourself. I see people being suicidal on /r9k/ because of girls every day, like that'd fix their life magically, if they had a relationship. They have to see their true misery, they're fundamentally broken people. Girls have little or nothing to do with it, unless your gf died or you came out of a 6 year relationship. Even then it's fixable. What I'm saying is, my depression is worse than yours.
>>29944461
Dang, that sounds like a good reason for her to murder you if you didn't do it... and make it look like you did.
>>29946341
You're misunderstanding. It's not that the relationship will magically fix the depression, it's the set of goals that comes with a relationship. Making someone else happy genuinely makes you happy -- humans are social animals even if you're the more reclusive introvert.
Working for someone else psychologically is more rewarding than working for yourself, if you genuinely care about the well being of that person. Some people are more driven by making happiness a reality for others, and they feel worthless and depressed if they only focus on their selves.
Relationships aren't magical, but the opportunities that bring can legitimately help you grow as a person and improve on yourself.
I already said in my post, I DON'T CARE if I go out with her. I don't care if she even returns feelings for me, but I DO care about her happiness and love knowing that I made her smile or laugh.
>>29946453
Hm
I guess I never truly wanted to make someone else happy then
>>29943023
Do you want to hear a story about a retarded roastie (my sister) who got btfo by Chad?
>>29946502
Yes
CAPTCHA was popcorn, lol
Just bought some xanax. Plan to mix it with alcohol, hope it works
>>29946482
It's hard to find people you care about, but that's what makes it so much more devastating when you do find one but they don't let you help.
I don't relate to anyone. I'm 27, met her in January, and this year up until now has been the first year I've felt so fulfilled. I don't feel like just apathetically and hollowly living out day after day ad nauseum just waiting for my clock to tick down. It's a great feeling, and returning to the monotony of what was my previous life is something I feel I can't do. I was "fine" before and accepting of my condition but after being exposed to the brighter side of life it's hard to think I can return to how I was before.
It didn't even have to be a girl. She could have been a guy. I even joked with her saying she could reveal to me any day now that she's actually a trap that's really good with makeup and doing a girl's voice and I'd still care about her. In response she just told me
>"That's really gay but I'm happy you'd let me stick it in your pooper."
I never said that I would let you stick it in my pooper.
>"But what if I wanted to show my love for you?"
I'm not letting you stick it in my pooper.
>"Man what's the point of being a boy if you won't let me stick it in your pooper?"
Is this a sly invitation for me to stick it in your pooper?
>"Only if I was a guy but then you'd be gay."
>>29946585
>she is 28 now
>she was married to a great guy
>he wanted children and wanted to build a house with her
>he was about to finish his medical studies to become a well-paid doctor (he did exceptionally well in university and had multiple great job offers)
>she was working as some lowly bank clerk at the time
>she decides she doesn't like it there anymore and works at another place
>kind of as a free consultant
This is the part where she is somewhat secretive about, but I guess I have it figured out
>at the new place, there works this muscular handsome Chad
>she tells me what a real man he is and how her husband is such a loser
>disdainforplebs.jpg
>she seeks some excuse to break up with her husband
>tells us that he became "abusive" in their flat
>being redpilled about women, I doubt this, but my parents believe it without a second thought
>I think she just wanted an excuse to break up with her beta provider and fuck this Chad (which she did multiple times, even when she was still officially married to her husband)
Now comes the conclusion
>my sister and her then-husband divorce
>their loan for the house must be paid back (they have to pay extra and don't even get a house)
>her savings are now empty
>being a free consultant now, there are no more monthly paychecks, she must work for her own money
>it's tough, she cries and goes somewhat broke
>meanwhile her ex husband is starting to make good income in a big hospital, and it will only get better with time
>she has more sex with this Chad guy
>she wants him to commit to a relationship
>he wants to "think about it"
>abuses her some more for sex, food, companionship etc.
>then he says no
>my sister is sad/angry at Chad
>but she still has sex with him
Basically tl;dr:
>sister was married to good guy
>she wanted Chad
>divorce
>Chad abused her
>now she is miserable, 28, "career woman", no husband, no children
top kek it's like an /r9k/ meme turned into reality
Who here /partial suspension hanging/? I really don't have access to any other good methods.
Anyone else actually feel a sense of relief around their suicidal thoughts? Like, I can live life knowing that whatever shit comes my way is irrelevant and face it with apathy because I know that if I ever get too much for me to handle I can off myself at any point.
>>29946759
Not trying to discourage, but from what I've read death via strangulation is really painful. Hanging is only good if you can snap your neck and die from the spinal damage. Dying from the actual loss of oxygen is long and painful. Find another method.
>>29946796
I think partial suspension hanging is about reducing the blood flow to your brain so that you go unconscious after a while. But it's true, dying from suffocation is really one of the worst ways to go.
By the way if you're white, don't kill yourself. We need you in the coming race war. Visit your local shooting range and fire some bullets. It's fun.
>tfw loans almost paid off
>can end it cleanly
>maybe even able to leave a surplus to my beneficiaries
I'm almost free, brothers.
