It's 6 am here in the UK and I haven't slept a wink since 10 am yesterday.
It's relaxing being NEET but can get pretty depressing.
Let's talk robots, how are you doing today, tell me about yourself?
This place makes me comfy and I'd like to help make it cool for you too!
Let your thoughts go.
I feel pretty nebulous atm and I honestly can't remember if I'm high something may have broken but I don't know what to expect from the never ending nights.
I love all of you!
Sad bump because I need someone to talk to :(
>>29939074
I am aimless and desperately seek direction.
>>29939138
You want to talk about it friend?
>>29939154
not much to say. I dabble in things then quit too easily.
>>29939177
What have you done recently?
Maybe if you focus on why you enjoy something it'll be easier to keep going
Have you ever done psychedelic drugs? I did once. 15 grams of shrooms. It was really amazing.
>>29939199
I have read a volume of a manga, Master Keaton and started on another, Eden.
That is good advice. Focusing on my interests however small like interesting character designs keeps me going sometimes. It seems that a lot of the time it wears off and it feels like hell until I'm attracted again. My biggest problem is minimizing that space in between having no interest in anything and getting into things again.
>>29939355
I've only done weed. I've always wanted a psychedelic but I can't find where to get it.
What's it like
>>29939370
Maybe space out whatever you're doing so you don't burn up your interest in one go, like what happens to people who buy video games but never finish them because they got bored
>>29939074
Hmm.. This is more directionless blather, but I'm lost. On the one hand, I'm rapidly losing weight and have no interests in life.
But on the other? I feel invigorated, like this is what I'm meant to be doing. I don't feel depression for my situation, and embrace it happily. Although I am spiraling towards anorexia or doom, I feel content. It's strange.
>>29939443
Are you worried about it?
>>29939383
Well, I did 15 grams which is a ungodly amount. The average first time dose is 3/4 grams.
When it started to hit me, I just couldn't talk or do anything at all, so I laid down in my bed. Eventually, I somehow ended up in a strange state where I believed that I was in some strange alternate dimension, all I could see were infinite patterns and bright lights, probably had my eyes closed, and I thought this was going on for eternity. I had no idea who/what I was, no ego at all, just observing this endless universe. It was pretty beautiful. I'm going to buy some more next time I get some cash. Hopefully I'll do DMT some day, aswell.
Don't do 15 grams of shrooms your first time though. That's dangerous.
>>29939480
I keep hearing all these things about DMT and u definitely want to try it but I just wish I knew how I'll come out of it.
They say one trip changes you
>>29939457
No, not really. That's why it's more blather, just something I wanted to say to someone. That's another thing, anon. I have grown less fearful, less afraid. Only my fear ofRoller Coasters. Or that feeling of falling, if we're being really specific. Something about it leaves me quaking in my boots and pissing my pants. Well, not always pissing, but wishing I did.bind me. Even death no longer leaves me fearful. I kind of like it, really.
So what about you, my friend? Why no sleep? Something bothering you?
>>29939552
The fact that it's on your mind and you're so introspective about it shows its leaving some kind of impact even if it's small.
As for me I don't really know why I can't sleep, I guess it's just the pressure of life and my mind always ticking away like a broken clock.
It does feel good to talk to you guys though, something about people here just feels warm, like family.
>>29939541
It feels like it has changed me. Although I'm still "depressed", I can't help but recognize a certain beauty inherent to existence. Somewhere out there, gargantuan clouds of gas are colliding, heating up, and slowly forming a star. This star will one day attract masses from asteroids/comets/planetoids, smashing together, forming planets. In the infinite size of space, it is almost definitely true that one of those planets will one day birth life, potentially sentient/conscious life, which will realize what I have realized.
Also, I've started eating drastically less. I don't know if that's related.
I'm still fucked up, though.
>>29939598
I guess I can understand that. Few other places feel so welcoming. It feels sort of like the friends that never existed.
For the pressure, maybe an outlet would assist? Some like physical activities like exercising, though I'm more of a relaxing music kind of guy. Anything helps, so long as it calms the inner squabbles.
>>29939644
Do you think there is such thing as enlightenment, and do you think the way you feel is close to it?
>>29939678
I just don't feel like I have any energy for anything anymore, emotionally.
My friends invite me out and I want to go buy I just feel this urge to stay home where it's comfy and not deal with the world. It's not laziness and I often end up making excuses to people just to end up feeling lonely at home
>>29939686
I think it's theoretically possible, but I doubt a biological organism has achieved it. I think it's much more likely for a sentient machine to achieve it. We are dragged down by emotions and hormones, and the general distractions of the physical world. A being of pure thought would have a much higher chance of reaching it. Though I think it's still technically possible to achieve "enlightenment", just much harder due to our physical presence.
I definitely am not close to enlightenment. I'm still extremely stuck in my own rut, totally attached to this world and my ego. But I think I have been shown a shard of what enlightenment is, and that has begun to affect my life greatly. Even if it is just a fragment.
>>29939074
Today I had an existential break through on the nature of human consciousness and self awareness.
Now I sit in my room at 2am wishing for death. It's just another night for me.
>>29939744
So what do you think enlightenment is or could be?
>>29939750
I'm really interested.
Do you think you know how to describe it in a way others can experience what you have? It's probably hard but I find it fascinating
>>29939750
What has this existential breakthrough revealed to you?
>>29939788
Well, firstly, removal or conscious separation from the physical world. In a machine-sentience or artifical AI, that would be pretty easy, as the machine may have no physical sensation at all. In a biological organism, that is harder. The person would have to separate themselves from their physical presence, the emotions they feel, their pain, their sexual attractions, etc.
Secondly, it would require recognition of the subjectivity of life, and the fact that we can't really be sure of anything at all. I'm not really sure, actually. Enlightenment is just being shown the truth, and fully living it. I can't really claim to know what Enlightenment is if I haven't been Enlightened, can I? It'd be like trying to describe the future. Also, the ability to totally accept ones failures and mistakes. Not feeling shame when you discover you were incorrect, no more informational bias. Just total logic, completely free of confirmation bias and whatnot. Seeing the world as it truly is, instead of what you wish it to be.
>>29939806
We're going to break the self into 3 categories. Conscious thought, unconscious thought and autonomy.
Conscious thought is everything you are aware of. It is a higher level of thought that forms ideologies and presents the illusion of control ie "These are my thoughts". Unconscious thought are things like your feelings, they are thoughts that happen but you are not aware of them. Like a black box system that takes inputs then spits out an output.
Autonomous functions are things like your heart beating, your lungs breathing, the white blood cells in your body. They are things you have no control over and behave on their own.
Obviously the autonomous systems are deterministic. While the unconcious system requires time to compute its answer, is still deterministic. Everyone can agree certain things usually make all people feel the same way. the The conscious system takes time as well, but cannot immediately spit out a correct answer. It can only speculate what answer is correct it must spit out, but it will eventually do so and take action.
This conscious part of your head is self aware. It is self aware because you are a creature capable of learning and you have learnt of yourself. Being self aware is an evolutionary advantage as it creates a more understandable picture of reality, rather than merely observing you can see that you are observing.
Your thoughts you see belong to the conscious self, but they too are deterministic. They are not of your own choosing, they merely are. And you observe them but you know that you are observing them, so you see them as something else separate from you that can be manipulated.
But they can't be, how can you manipulate yourself? How can you change yourself without fundamentally changing the nature of your being? Free will is an illusion of the mind, a fail safe created to preserve your own existence. Because the act of thinking about your thoughts is still ingrained in the process of your thoughts.
>>29939884
Every little thing we do is to sustain our own ego and preserve the survival of the self.
Not only that, but everything we do is already predetermined. If you could reset (not rewind) the same event over and over again, each time the event would unravel the exact same way.
Given a choice between A and B only one path will be chosen. And that path will always be chosen if the exact same circumstances are replayed.
You have no control over your life. Your body has control and manipulates it's environment, but your thoughts are not controlled by you, they are you. You merely observe them.
>>29940035
But in observing them and being able to do so are we not affecting the outcome?
People can become radically different when they reflect inwards and deconstruct their ideas and feelings
>>29940069
You are not affecting the outcome, your thoughts are. The act of thinking about your thoughts is creating a reaction. But it is not you who chooses to think. The thinking just occurs and you are along for the ride.
It's like the manager of a department in a store. He is responsible for his department and he thinks he runs the show, but really his employees will do as they please and he just has to deal with the after math of their work.
>>29940131
Interesting
How has this view affected you and your daily life
>>29940035
>Every little thing we do is to sustain our own ego and preserve the survival of the self.
What about suicide?
But yes, everything that happens is destined to happen. So what? This fact doesn't really concern me.
>>29940166
I still lead the same miserable existence I did before. Uncovering the truth does not change the nature of the truth, everything is still as it was before.
However now that I know the nature of such things it helps me explain other people's behaviors and gives me more insight into society as a whole. Humans are social creatures after all, perhaps eusocial.
I'm just able to accept more things now rather than be mystified and continuously doubt or question the actions of others.
>>29940225
Nobody kills them self without reason. No one has ever written a suicide note that said "I killed myself because why not?"
Suicide never comes from autonomy. You cannot just tell your heart to stop beating. Suicide also never comes from your emotions, because they scream at you night and day to stay alive. Suicide comes from your thoughts, it is seen as a solution to end pain. Because you can preserve yourself if you never experience pain. But it is a fallacy, because to preserve your own peace you must end the self.
That's why suicide is seen as an act of broken or mentally unwell individuals. Because it defies the nature of humans to live.
We are all machines, but that doesn't mean some machines aren't broken.
>>29940354
Allright, that seems true to me. The fact that all things are pre-destined to happen is not very concerning, though.
I mean, when you're reading a book, everything that occurs is pre-destined to occur. Yet you're still interested in the book, it still feels exciting.
>>29940438
>>29940575
Whether the fact that everything can be predetermined is of relevance to you matters not.
I'm just happy I think I've finally figured out that things are this way. It matters to me, I don't care if it's inconsequential to you.
I mean I'll still go on living my life the same way even with this new information. But now I know.
>>29940731
Aight man, I get that. I was just trying to say that this realization shouldn't stop you from acting as though you do have free will, or stop you from making decisions, even though you aren't really willing it, it's just one more domino falling in the line.
>>29939074
I'm also in the UK, haven't slept all night
Going to see a doctor this morning for depression
Just end it
>>29940939
You two should meet and buttfuck.
>>29940959
I'm straight and a kissless virgin, wouldn't be very fun
>>29940912
I can't escape the illusion of free will. It's like a program installed on my operating system. That there has to be a user, that I have to form attachments and relationships in life in order to explain 'me'.
I am human, and so very human. The concept of events is a totally human construct. In reality every process is always continuing. A never ending chain. But in our heads we choose the start and end points to create an 'event'.
Also we all have an ego, it's impossible for humans to function without ego. Those who are said not to have one don't live very long without supervision and care.
I accept what I am as is evident by the indulging in my own ego I have done with this thread. By merely posting am I not asking for attention in some way? Even if it's just being noticed?
That said, I do suffer from severe depression and that is something that does fuck up my life. But I'm a textbook example (which further proves my belief in determinism) and if my biochemistry makes me off myself, I guess it was fate.
>>29940974
That's all the more reason to do it!
