Does anyone here have AvPD? Self-diagnosis or professional?
After a cursory examination of the symptoms of AvPD, I have AvPD.
>>29933945
Psych major with DID here. For the most part self-diagnosis is bullshit. You can get close but your view is going to be skewed by your lack of objective viewpoint. Even with things such as depression there could be alternative cause such as physical illness.
That being said, it's still worth bringing up that you think you have AvPD to a professional.
>>29933945
Most of the symptoms apply to me. I know there's a very big chance it's wrong but I'm too scared to actually go to a professional and talk about everything
Bump for interest. I have bpd, but I don't really seem as "social" as some people with it are.
>>29936644
It would help to go to a professional though. It's definitely worth looking into, and could improve your life.
>>29935504
Most Psychiatrists or mental health workers I've spoken to believe that DID is bullshit. I guarantee you're American and by Psych major, you mean you've taken Psychology in High School.
>>29937675
Finishing my degree in the fall thanks to the GI Bill, and I should be taking the GRE in the fall too, once I get around to scheduling it. And there is plenty of evidence to support DID as a diagnosis, as shown by it being included in the DSM-5.
clinical depression, avpd, anxiety and gender dysphoria, all diagnosed and all are horrible.
how do you all make it through the day?
i just upped my antidepressants to 300mg effexor in hopes it will help more than the 225 im prescribed. idc if it kills me or not, i cant remember what serotonin syndrome does to you but oh well
>>29933945
Nothing diagnosed. But I unironically wish that picture was real
Confirmed Autist. I didn't even really go the psychiatrist, my parents got the meme autism forms and paperwork, they did their own, and before you knew it I had a legit diagnosis faster than a nigger on welfare checks.
Almost certainly have AVPD. Fit all of the symptoms. Only thing that helps is adderall.
depression, anxiety, and the auts. sucks, yo
I just signed up to be a human research volunteer. Hopefully I can get the help I need.
>>29938609
>>29938653
I keep hearing different things about this, but what's it actually like for an autist to deal with emotions?
>>29933945
Alien versus predator: dysonance
20yo male diagnosed with bipolar 1, borderline and avpd. I suck.
OCD checking in. Where my fellow obsessives at? Shit fucking sucks balls
Psychotic depression reporting in, can't get proper help because too ashamed and paranoid to tell my psychiatrists about the voices so I end up downplaying my mental illness.
Any Schizo's lurking? I wanna know how you were diagnosed
>>29939294
right here pham
>whenever something is important start obsessing worse
>pick at my skin until it's bloody
>clean my contacts for 30 minutes because i keep thinking i see dirt in them
>have to flush the toilet twice or i can't get the image of waste out of my mind
>broke the bathroom door from slamming it so many times
are you a cleaning OCD or a routines OCD?
>>29937892
>>29938635
>>29939251
how did you know it was AvPD and not social/general anxiety? how is it different, if you have both...?
>>29939500
to me idk, ask my therapist
>>29939489
Obsessive as shit. Skin picker, thought caster, worryfag. I must maintain this weight, I must lock the door several times, I must check my computer several times, I must not think about killing my parents (or they'll die), I must not think about schizophrenia (or I'll develop it), I must sit in the middle seat in the car or the doors with open and I'll die, no matter how many times I've locked them, I must not think about Satan or he'll probably posses me, I must pray a set number of times to rid myself of the guilt of praying to Satan with my thoughts.
That's kinda what I do. You know these feels? My therapist and psych said I was a pretty obvious case of OCD. Thankfully I'm not as ritualistic, but very, very, VERY obsessive
>>29933945
Diagnosed with AvPD though I think there's more going on with me than avoidant alone captures.
>>29939500
Compare the diagnostic criteria for AvPD with that of social anxiety and it should probably shed some light. For me it's that I don't consciously experience anxiety, I just find myself withdrawing mentally and I can't will myself to engage and function, but I think that's atypical.
>>29939294
Currently putting off going to bed bc I also want to put off doing my going to bed rituals
Yeah. I can't even post on 4chan.
I have accounts on some websites, but I tend to leave forever once someone criticizes me. Every time someone replies with a critique, valid or not, I no longer want to visit.
Every time someone criticizes me, I cry as soon as there are no people near me.
4chan's good too, but mostly I leave threads. forever after I'm criticized. The feeling doesn't come as strong though.
Mostly, I avoid being criticized by studying formal and informal fallacies as they involve no sense of self. Only my argument is wrong, and not my self.
Of course, that leads to me being accused of being a smartass so it doesn't really work. Also, misunderstanding of the fallacy fallacy, leads to fallacy fallacy fallacy, leads to fallacy fallacy fallacy fallacy, ad infinitum. I stop immediately after it's brought up.
I'm not trying to be a smartass, I'm trying to preserve my self esteem.
I have extreme anxiety around other people. I just want to go away. I feel like I'm making stupid mistakes all the time. Even then, when I'm finally confident, (around familiar people) When someone rejects my idea, I just go quiet for at least an hour. I sometimes get too emotional.
Also, when something embarrassing happens Or make s stupid mistakes in fiction, I feel what the character is feeling, like I actually feel embarrassed although I am aware it isn't real. I can't read any fiction because of this.
At least I'm not psychotic... Everything seems too real for me. I cannot do anything creative, such as writing, drawing, or singing.
I have no true interests. I'm a "casual" in anything. Fuck, I go here because I've exhausted everything else (in the context of viewing, not contributing). But me? I just feel empty.
Maybe that's why I know a lot of useless things. I can watch movies, and well, that's it. I either like it or hate it, but I cannot criticize it correctly.
I can't emotionally invest into anything, yet I can't control my emotions around other people.
>>29939583
i feel that feel. mine are centered around not doing something right (not filling in a test bubble the right way so i press down extremely hard and panic if there's a pixel of white space). i don't have supernatural worries like demons, but i do obsess over losing control and it harming someone if i don't do the ritual.
have you tried any jew pills? i take lithium after going through a dozen ssri/antipsychotics/snri and it helps. i notice an uptick in thoughts when i miss a day.
>>29936671
Also BPD anon here
It's not that I don't want to socialise.. I'm just not a nice person ;_;
w-wanna be friends?
also
>tfw I've not taken seroquel for 2 days now
>tfw my head feels like its about to explode
psychotic depression with schizotypal personality disorder
Everyday of my life is hell and I wish for nothing but to return to the void from which I came.
I'm 22 and on disability and I'm afraid I will be for life. I can't function well day to day, some days I can't even feed myself and the cleaning gets so bad I have to call people to come help me because my room ends up looking like a hoarder's.
I just want it all to end.
>>29939720
Which are?
>>29939807
Holy fuck Abilify has been a game changer for me. No more intrusive thoughts, well they're not as frequent. Abilify is fucking life saving. That and ACT therapy is huge.
Ask your doc for a trial, it's been tremendously helpful for me.
>>29939832
>>29939807
Also I wanted to ask: do you have a voice narrating everything you do? Not a physical voice, but the one in your head that commands your OCD, does he also narrate shit? Like I just heard my brother get a glass of ice water and my mind went
>I heard my brother get some ice water
It's fuckin weird. It's like a writer is trapped in my head.
>>29939809
BPDs are monsters. They should all be rounded up and gassed, they're not even people.
>>29939832
I have to do everything in order, my clothes all have to touch each other on the floor after I take them off, have to check and see if all the Q-tips are in the trash can and are touching, touching specific walls/doors/edges in specific ways
One will fizzle out as time goes by, only to be replaced by a new one
>>29939809
I've gotten pretty far in treatment. Did DBT last year which helped a lot, but I've been getting more and more withdrawn lately.
major depression, anxiety and shizo I think I might just have autism
>>29939870
That is some serious OCD, god damn
I thank God I'm not like this.
Who avpd with /fantasy life impeding their reality/ here? I've been doing it for so long that I can't imagine life without it as sad as that sounds. I wonder how much brain space it takes up sometimes. I still have trouble disclosing just how involved it is sometimes just because when I have to say it out loud it makes me realize how much time I actually spend inside my head
>>29933945
"self-diagnosis"
Man I wish this wasn't a thing. I can understand if someone is aware enough to understand their condition, but it used way too often as a cop-out for not dealing with life like all other humans.
>>29939849
That's mean anon
>>29939873
Are you in the UK? How do you start DBT?
My psychiatrist recommended it but I walked out after he diagnosed me and never saw him again
>>29939916
I've had it my whole life, man. It's just so ingrained in my outlook and my behavior.
>>29939832
ahh, that's great it works for you anon. i did try that, i don't remember why i stopped taking it because i've gone through so many, but i only lasted a few days from the side effects.
>>29939847
no, never. that's interesting. my ocd doesn't "talk", i get intense feelings of dread, and i count off the numbers when counting the rituals. i picture the bad consequence happening. no talking though
>>29939849
i might have bpd, but my shrink doesnt want to diagnose comorbids, but i agree, please gas me, i want to die. being alive is suffering
Chronic derealization (no depersonalization), insomnia, short temper, lack of motivation, poor hygiene, can become obsessed with coincidences (though my rational mind knows they are just that), anxiety without knowing why, social anxiety, ruminations, low, empty mood, intrusive disturbing thoughts, staring problem - constantly stare out the corner of my eye at anyone who walks past, especially people I woukd rather not - attractive women, mean looking men, disabled people, children. Literally can't look away. Can't sit in a room with someone if they are remotely within my field of vision. Often stare into space and snap out of it a while later, realising I've been sat there thinking about something (or sometimes nothing) for up to 10-15 minutes.
Probably a few more that I've missed. What could be wrong with me? I know none of you are doctors but you're messed up enough to have some idea. Also worth noting that I get drunk a couple of times a month, which reduces nearly all the symptoms.
>>29939971
US
My therapist at the time thought it would be helpful, and found a place that did groups locally.
>>29939994
The side effects could be better but the benefits have been massive.
My OCD is a commanding man in my head that tells me what to do. It's me, it's my own voice, but sometimes I don't think it is. Fucking gay
>>29939984
I'm sure life has been hard for you living like that. Might I ask the consequences of not following bed time rules?
>>29940020
Most forms of dissociation, including derealization, come from some form of trauma. Plus insomnia and hypervigilance would also strongly suggest that. I know I occasionally have problems with being overly aware of potential threats.
>>29940047
It's gotten to the point where I just do them, bc then I can't move on to the next one and go to bed. If I don't think I did one of them quite right and can't keep at it, I spend a lot of time convincing myself in my head that it's ok or good enough, or something else that will satisfy me. I have a couple "comfort rituals" I suppose I could call them
>>29940067
And regarding paranoia I get, e.g. friends talking about me, deliberately acting against me, seeing coincidences or references to my life and fate everywhere. Is that just a symptom of anxiety? I ask that because they are gut feelings which I easily ignore in my rational mind, but they give me intense anxiety regarding my mental state. I feel paranoid about my paranoia.
>>29940242
Paranoia can also be common with that. You really should speak to an expert though. And specifically seeing references to your life and fate might be a sign of other issues.
Histrionic
I have lost every single friend irl because of my attention seeking and constant manipulation. I am pretty much like a hairy girl. I am also barely functioning in society. I can't drive or swim so I've become very very very self destructive using attentionseeking as a way to harm myself.
I've mostly contained it on the internet since irl is a bad place to do it.
So is the internet but who knows I am just an insane attention seeker. On the net ive avatarfagged on like twenty different generals always throwing myself as the center of attention lying to make myself the focal point.
I do that irl I am always known as the liar amd I make sure im noticed. Attention is a hell of a drug.
>>29940335
It sucks wanting attention. I've pretty much had to stop going to bars at this point because I've had too many close calls almost going home with guys just because they where nice to me.
>>29940523
Despite the fact that im pretty much a female besides in looks and I don't take any hormones it still weirds me out that there are females on r9k.
This place has changed so much. You girls are just predators to robots.
>>29940562
Having a disorder that makes you an attention whore doesn't make you a female, retard.
>inb4 b-but i'm a girl on the inside
>>29940562
To be completely fair I'm relatively new to /r9k/. I normally just browse /k/.
>>29940618
confirmed tranny
>>29940583
JUST FUCKING LEAVE SLUT JUST GTFO YOU'RE NOT WELCOME HERE! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IM NOT ARGUING WITH YOU I KNOW WHO AND WHAT I AM YOU'RE JUST A FUCKING SLUT INVADING MALE TERRITORIES JUST FUCKING GO I FUCKING HATE YOU I HATE THIS BOARD NOW I BARELY EVEN VISIT IT JUST LEAVE!
>>29940562
>pretty much female
explain? just because you are an attentionwhore?
>>29940628
>girls cant like gun
what are you? sexist?
>>29940628
>implying all the girls on /k/ are trans
>>29940649
t.someone who's never been in a "g"wg thread on /k/
>>29940672
what are you trying to imply anon?
originalthecomment
>>29940649
I just am a girl on the inside and how I act but im too old to be a tranny. Its also im really emotional and girly in general.
All my friends and family always said that im a female and ive always felt closer to females in general.
The attention seekings part of it I guess tbqh...you don't realize how bad seeking is tbqh...
Trannie is degenerate though tbqh...
>>29940730
Classic sperglord who watches too much anime. Being emotional and liking girly things doesn't make you a girl. It makes you a feminine man.
The only reason you should be a tranny is if you have intense hate of your body because it feels wrong.
>>29940730
>you don't realize how bad seeking is
i suppose not, ive never wanted attention and always make myself invisible out of fear of people. how is it?
>really emotional
tfw you have suppressed all your emotions due to childhood trauma
i just want to cry again...
Anyone else on ssri here? Seeing a doctor again today because Zoloft has done nothing
Never been diagnosed but I know I have mental illness. I'm seeing a therapist and I'm on 75 mg effexor. Im hypersensitive and I've struggled with social anxiety (real SA. The kind where you feel like everyone or someone is always watching you out in public and that they are scrutinizing your every action) paranoia (fear of people gossiping about me) depressive tendencies (thoughts of suicide and negativity and anger) plus obsessive tendencies. I'm also schizoid because I avoid people and do not desire any relationships with anybody.
>>29940805
was on ssris, im on snris now, it has had a little improvement, but far from enough
>>29940628
Didn't think being a girl was that big a deal.
>>29940805
Wew lad, you're lucky if you find a magic pill in the first few medications. You should be going to a therapist to see if that'll help because meds are a shit-shoot.
>>29940787
I didn't even start watching anime until 2014 because I studied Japanese and wanted to improve it tbqh...ive felt like a girl all my life. When I look in the mirror the way my body shape my eyes my lips all look like a female too me. I've also always looked up to the females because I felt like they had the most power.
But whatever now I lift idgaf tbqh...and a fitness guy who cares
>>29940795
How is being an attention whore? When you're a negative attenipn whore and a positive it depends. Irl you get laid pretty easily when youre the center of attention positively. But if you go too far using being hysterical you lose everybody at once.
Its a curse and a blessing.
What type of childhood abuse babe?
Pretty sure I have depersonalisation disorder
>>29940863
you are new here arent you?
i learned that gender is a very big deal around here pretty fast. im surprised that nobody has told us to get off their board yet
>>29933945
I know something's wrong but I can't get treatment in my country without losing my civil rights
>>29940907
Admittedly the first couple /k/ meet-ups I went to I dressed as a guy, and almost freaked when someone accused me of stolen valor because disproving him would mean showing my ID and giving it away.
>>29933945
Diagnosed with it some years ago.
I think it's kinda BS, since I have reasons to be AvPD.
On the otherhand, it might be true, but due to how much I've improved, it feels hard to really believe in it.
>>29940907
See
>>29940639
Somebody already mentioned it tbqh
>>29940889
i see, sounds both good and bad. im a little envious that you seem to have a decently good social life, yea?
as for the abuse, well in broad strokes i had a physically and mentally abusive and neglecting single mom while also being bullied throughout public school, at least when she let me go to school
>>29940937
why did you get accused?
>>29940947
oh, well then, looks like everything is normal as usual then
>>29941027
Honestly? Because I mentioned doing the PFT after the Crucible instead of before, which we did because our boot camp graduation was right before Martin Luther King day. That, and I didn't come across as the stereotypical "overly masculine" Marine for some reason.
>>29941027
>decently good social life
I have absolutely nobody in my life. You don't know the lengths that I have gone for attention. That's why I consider it a disorder im fucked.
I've dealt with neglect my whole life also tbqh. I failed entire school years because nobody made me go to school. Shit sucks girly. My mom also ran away when I was younger and I've never had a good female role model ever.
>>29941077
heh, i think i would die in bootcamp, my stamina has become so low since i stopped playing soccer.
i know a one or two who have been in the marines, they arent exactly what id call macho marines.
>>29941166
both alone i see, i only have two friends left who both live five hours away.
iktf of failing school, im likely to have to redo most of my first year of my masters because i broke down last winter and still struggling to get back on my feet.
sucks that your mom just left you, though i guess its better than having you mom wish you dead
>>29941240
Guy was a reservist, in my experience they tend to act more moto than active duty does.
>>29941240
Its all good im fit as shit and masculine as fuck but also a female on the inside I repress it hard. I know how to fight also and im manly but in my heart i feel like a girl
I have to go to bed goodnight kitten.
Guys i can't get over the fear of vCJD. How the fuck do i know i don't suffer from it ?
- can stay in incubation for 10 to 20 years or even more
- can show up at any time but usually during 20-30 years old
- no cure or treatment dead in 14 months
- USUALLY STARTS WITH PSYCHOLOGICAL SYMPTOMS LIKE DEPRESSION OR ANXIETY
It's been two months that i've been SUDDENLY anxious OUT OF NOWHERE (and as an extension : depressed) and it keeps getting worse and worse. I don't want to fucking die not like this.
I've learned to accept myself and part of that is just being myself and not trying to pretend to be a ``normal'' social person. But it's making me feel uncomfortable at work because the CEO is pushing this employee engagement initiative so my senpais keep trying to make sure I appear ``engaged''. I feel like they want me to look more excited and extroverted but that's in conflict with the sort of self-acceptance I learned in therapy
Panic disorder and bipolar 1 here. Have to go see my dumbass psych tomorrow
>>29941270
ah, that could explain it, it does seem that those that arent or havent been active, like to show off more, perhaps to compensate for the stores the actives can tell and they cant.
>>29941274
nothing wrong with feeling if thats what you been by feeling as a girl. emotions arent a girls-only thing.
>kitten
really though
>>29939779
I can't describe how perfectly this hits me. It's all dead on.
>>29941343
Yeah, I may have been a massive pog, but some of them take it to the next level.
>>29939437
I'm diagnosed. I got it a year before I figured out what was wrong with me, I wasn't aware that I was hearing voices, I thought this was the way that people talked. I was confused all the time, and my parents started locking me out of the house because I couldn't get a job, I kept getting fired. But I was locked out of the house and I started doing cough syrup, and then I went to the grocery store and saw a guy with the words: "NO THIRD EYE" floating over his head. After many psychic trials with the man I chased him outside where he apparently disappeared. Somehow this led me to the conclusion that I'm a schizo. And I looked up the diagnosis in the library and my delusions came crashing down. I'm professionally diagnosed and I take zyprexa.
How did you find out?
>>29941427
I can die peacefully know that at least I'm not the only one.
>>29941597
I'm 19 currently, about to turn 20.
I can remember in detail every time I've been in trouble in school, from Kindergarten to Senior year. It always hit hard and made me cry and throw a tantrum after school, but my 6th grade teacher caught found out about this and tried to help me. She tried everything once I had my biggest meltdown right before lunch time. I still feel sorry for her for all the shit I put her through. I heard she retired this year.
Of course this was the same time the 'emo' trend rose, so I started to hurt my forearm. It relieved the anxiety, but it was never really habitual. Of course this shit landed me with a therapist that didn't do anything but try to make me go to some camp.
The last time I hurt my arm was around February this year, when my Calculus professor took half points off a 2-point assignment because it was late, I'm not shitting you. I wasn't upset about the points, I was upset I wasted some of his office hours, only for him to lessen his opinion of me. I know he didn't care about it at all, but to me it felt like he broke my heart and mind.
I've disbanded from 4 friends circles because I did one stupid thing each time and got called out for it. I've erased all of my connections with my family besides my mother.
I don't want to be diagnosed. I don't want that shit on some record somewhere. All I want is to be cured of the monster inside me amplifying each and every simple flaw and mistake to reach as abominable sins against nature and time.
i have depression, anxiety, hypersomnia and possibly adhd. i slept 20 hours recently and i woke up still tired. i almost didn't graduate senior year in june because it took maximum effort to get to class. i just barely weaseled my way into decent marks.
i spend my days awake either just looking at imageboards or playing vidya if i can surmise the attention required to do so. if im not distracting myself with frivolous bullshit i will constantly ruminate on the fact that i have no friends and desperately crave female affection. sometimes when i rarely dream ill hear female voices just whispering into my ears for hours. the worst part is im not even suicidal so there's no exit-plan here. im locked into this shit life.
I'm a diagnosed Borderline (replete with the usual depression/anxiety disorder gamut), and what's worse I'm an INFJ.
All at once I feel everything, but I feel nothing. I have no other way to describe it. Life is agony. Feeling is agony. Hence, I shut myself away, agonizing all the time over how much I would love to go outside and meet and help people. As soon as I form any close connection however, I become afraid and shut everybody out all at once. My life is a constant cycle between apathy and antipathy.
>>29942201
iktf anon, life is awful..
>>29939849
I get scared whenever I know someone has BPD
>have AvPD
>>29942643
bpd means "i'm a human trainwreck who will destroy your life for an ounce of attention". good that u realize that
I think I have a lot of mental problems but I don't want to know what they are, so I'm never going to a professional. And you can't make me mother!
>>29942655
Extrapolate. What is your experience with BPD sufferers?
>>29942780
>it can never be cured
How did you come to this conclusion?
I think BPD is a nurture causes nature of the brain to change because lots of them seem to have fucked up childhoods.
>>29942836
personality disorders aren't mood/anxiety ones that are "outside" the personality. they ARE the person.
>>29933945
>Self-diagnosis or professional?
>self-diagnosis
Topkek
>>29942967
I'm a BPD suffer, recently diagnosed. I'd been told there was fair prospects for recovery, but I don't want to be argumentative. I'm concerned.
A lot of websites, and doctors, that deal specifically with BPD say that it's curable. It'd fucking ruin me if it's not. I feel like I'm being torn apart every waking hour. But then again, I suppose there's a difference between "treatable" and "curable", isn't there?
Fuck me. This is almost definitely why Asuka is my waifu.
>tfw OCD
>tfw holding together the fabric of fucking reality every waking second of your life for a bunch of ungrateful normies who think you're "weird"
not really though but still
>>29942872
One of my professors said he thought a more appropriate name for it was 'complex trauma disorder' for essentially that reason. BPD as a name is just historical inertia.
>>29943206
Dialectical behavior therapy does consistently show significant improvements in functioning, self-reported wellbeing and measures of suicidality/selfharm.
>>29943206
lol, see even now, you didn't show any empathy for how badly i got fucked over. all the questions and conversation are about you.
it's not curable. i hope treatment can help you, but this is your personality now and forever. it's just so fucked up that you're considered a disorder. you have to actively try to stop from doing what's natural for you, every single time.
>>29943206
>difference between "treatable" and "curable"
theres a big difference, one suppresses the symptoms, while the other removes the underlying cause.
for me ive had luck with neither
>>29943356
>you didn't show any empathy for how badly i got fucked over
I can't empathize. I've never been in a relationship before. Would it have made you feel better if I'd tried to fake my way through it? That strikes me as disingenuous.
>>29943438
regular people would feel some pity for being betrayed by a friend and gf at the same time. i would've before that relationship, which was my only one. that's bpd though, so it is what it is
>>29943356
>you didn't show any empathy
others taught me that i am nothing, nothing cant have empathy.
>>29943551
T I P S M Y F E D O R A T O Y O U G O O D S I R
>>29943497
Well that's another thing entirely. If you're going to hold me against the standards of people who have been fucked over once or twice, then you should take a good look at the board you're posting in right now.
I do feel sorry for you. It's not like I've never been betrayed by close friends. However, matters concerning relationships are a different matter entirely. I'm unfamiliar with them. Betrayal, however, I am all too familiar with. Thus, I felt anything I'd have to say regarding your turmoils would seem a bit facile.
>>29941817
Psychiatric records are confidential, anon. That is, unless you're criminally insane or immediately suicidal.
>>29943356
Most research shows that personality can change over time though, and that for the majority of people with BPD you can get symptoms into remission with a couple years of treatment.
And for a thread for people to talk about their problems, you sure seem salty about people talking about their own problems that they deal with.
>>29944378
I think that's why he deleted his earlier post. Though I could see why he'd be salty, considering what he's been through.
Is it possible to have both BPD and AvPD?
Because I feel like I've developed AvPD over how fucked in the head I was as a child and the consequences that came.
Primary dx is BPD. Diagnoses unofficially as a teen but officially when I turned 18. Lots of supplemental diagnoses over the years due to BPD sxs being kinda erratic over time. Now 31 and much higher fx. Less self destructive behavior and fx better in relationships. Still isolate a lot though just because of how difficult relationships are for me in comparison to the average person.
Main sad part of my life is feeling like I will never be able to find a spouse because of this. But I'm working on it and gradually getting better. Have had many relationships but struggle with intamacy and feeling comfortable and safe in them. Don't act out though anymore, instead I prefer to just end them on peaceful terms.
I've got diagnosed ADD and PDDNOS, PDDNOS is basicly they know you're fucked up but they can't really pinpoint what it is so they just slap this meme term on you.
What a fuckin joke
>>29944464
Completely possible to have both.
"Borderline personality disorder (BPD) and avoidant personality disorder (AVPD) co-occur so frequently that in some samples, more than 40% of individuals with BPD also meet criteria for AVPD."
( Source: https://www.verywell.com/borderline-and-avoidant-personality-disorder-425419 )
>>29944632
Borderlines are a tricky bunch when it comes to diagnosis. The term literally meant, when it was created, borderline between nuerotic and psychotic. These people have a unique mixture of high emotionality, low insight and unstable identity resulting in erratic behavior and borrowing traits from other personality types when the need arises (usually as an ineffective coping mechanism). It takes a skilled doctor to determine if the patient legitimately has both conditions or if they are simply a BPD client who is displaying strong traits of another disorder due to emotional or enviromental pressures.
>>29944721
Given that a symptom of BPD is intense discomfort in interpersonal relationships it would be reasonable to assume that a coping skill would be avoidance. The difference however is avpd individuals avoid others typically due fears of humiliation and shame ingrained in them since childhood. Whereas BPD individuals do this because of fear of rejection, abandonment and the distress that occurs when in relationships. The questions for doctors typically is what is the underlying condition which precipitates the other symptoms.
Eg someone can be diagnosed with lots of things because they are displaying a variety of symptoms, but there will be one primarily diagnosis which is perpetuating the other disorders.
>>29944721
You're absolutely right. I just said that it happens that people sometimes receive both diagnoses and that it's not too uncommon either. After all, the comorbidity odds-ratio between AvPD and BPD is according
>>29944899
Whoops. Accidentally posted before finishing typing.
What I meant to say that is the comorbidity odds-ratio between AvPD and BPD is according to the DSM-IV 0.54. (I've forgotten what the DSM-V actually says. Might be lower.)
>>29941276
Hello ? Someone ?
>>29945240
You are a hypochondriac. This is an incredibly rare condition and you have no legitimate evidence to support that you have it. Depression and anxiety are experienced to some degree by the vast majority of the population.
>>29945436
But to be fair it does sound like you have some underlying anxiety disorder or some nuerotic bullshit going on. Probably not very happy with your life and can't cope with it so you are refocusing the attention on some fictional disease you have no evidence to support. Get in therapy and talk it out. Eventually you will see you are anxious and unhappy but being totally irrational. Good luck working on that other shit.
>>29944721
One thing I always found interesting was the amount of overlap in symptoms and comorbidity between BPD and DID. I had initially been diagnosed with BPD before they realized what the actual issue was.
>>29933945
I do
It was diagnosed by therapists/psychiatrists
I thought I just had social anxiety and agoraphobia
Also have borderline and depressionsI also get intrusive thoughts telling me to hurt/kill people around me and I might betrans
>>29941590
I put my head into a wall and had to go to a hospital. I just wanted the voices to shut the fuck up
>>29939779
wow. Youre just like me.
I have extreme anxiety, i fear everything that involves other people and i get panic attacks when im at the store buying food to stay alive :(
>>29946854
I get thoughts to kill other people too, i once almost killed a man because he was just looking at me... I had a brick in my hand i was ready to strike, but i didnt.
>>29947464
>>29947464
Do you get them often?
I think they quite normal if you don't get them too often
Do you have to hold onto things or throw stuff away, because you are scared of killing people?
>>29947729
I get them many times a week, everytime when i even think someone is judging me or just looking at me i feel like killing. I have to "hide" knives sometimes when i feel really angry and sad, and i feel like killing the people responsible of my misery. My life has been very miserable and full of pain, and i have been abused and beaten as a young kid. I think thats the reason why im fucked up.
Bipolar type 1, OCD, sexual sadism and paraphilia NOS here.
>tfw you're making so much progress in therapy and your psychologist tells you that you're doing really good work and that he's proud of how committed you are
>tfw the meds are keeping you stable
>tfw able to socialize online for the first time in ages without severe intrusive thoughts
>tfw the urge to kill other people isn't constant anymore
>tfw still sleeping 12+ hours a day and barely doing anything with my life otherwise but still ridiculously proud of myself for doing so much better lately
>didn't even have any nightmares last night
I could cry I'm so relieved. I never thought that things would get better and my work is actually paying off. So fucking what if I'm leagues behind other people my age and will probably always be distant from other people, it's fucking getting better. There's hope, /r9k/.
>>29947974
>tfw your optimism kills the thread
>TFW you have AvP
I suspect I might have it, but I'm not comfortable with self-diagnosis and would rather get a second opinion
Only problem other than that is this mindset of "if you think you have it, then you don't have it" that I've seen personally.
>>29947974
Keep up the good job Necro.
were all gonna make it.
>>29948503
I'm OCD as well and also hopelessly optimistic don't worry about it
I have OCD so I have a fuckton of tedious routines that waste time and money, but I don't know what this is called.
>im horrified of doing something wrong at all times
>obsessed with adequacy, if i feel im inadequate i will stop doing what im doing even if i loved it before
>if i get criticized i will silently cry without letting anyone know and later feel like the guy who criticized me was right about everything
>after i get criticized ill shut up for really long periods of time, afterwards just responding with "yes" or "no" if someone asks me something
>inevitably leave the place i was criticized in and never return, since i think they would be better off without me
>obsessed with helping out others even if it means ignoring my own wants because i feel like everyone is important except me
Thoughts?
>>29948889
That's textbook OCD. It doesn't have to be all about cleaning and washing rituals, being preoccupied with any negative thoughts is what defines the disorder.
>>29945436
>This is an incredibly rare condition and you have no legitimate evidence to support that you have it
Outside of MASSIVE ANXIETY out of fucking nowhere that doesn't seem to get any better and outside of having the impression that something is pulling me to one side (read i feel unbalanced and can barely stand on one leg) you're right, i have no legitimate evidence.
But still...fuck i'm afraid.
OCDfags, I feel so sorry for you. It sounds fucking exhausting
>>29947974
Oh hey, another BD type I. Glad I'm not alone here. I am also barely doing anything with my life.
Sometimes I wonder if I really have avpd or if I am just surrounded by assholes.
>>29951168
god speed to you anon. it's so fucking hard to live with. do you still get manic episodes or are you medicated for them?
>want to go to a psychologist
>after years of depression and not telling it to my family, I man up a bit and ask them about me going to psychologist
>"you don't need this, anon"
>they pretty much know I am not exactly a normal person but they still won't do it
>give up and just keep holding the depression
I am also afraid the psychologist may get me arrested as potential danger to my family and neighbours if I was to answer everything honestly, which also made me give up further.
>>29951386
As long as you have no immediate plans I wouldn't worry about it. See a professional.
Does anyone get intrusive thoughts non stop?
>>29951315
I had exactly one episode a couple years ago and it was humiliating. I had to be hospitalized for it and it still haunts me to this day. I'm on Lamictal now and I don't think I'll ever go off it.
What does it mean when you try to talk but everything that comes out sounds like some fucked up spaghetti?
Everytime I try to talk I'm able to properly talk for like a few seconds before ending in a mumbling mess of confusion.
I'm diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar-type. I take a lot of drugs too, which just makes everything a lot worse.
Sometimes I'll start talking with myself in my head and I'll feel like I'm contemplating something interesting, but then I snap out of it and realize my thoughts are all just gibberish. And every now and then I'll be chatting with a friend and suddenly I'll hear her voice asking me something, so I give her my answer, but then she'll tell me she didn't say anything. I always say something really fucking weird too, like asking somebody about the condition of their poops lately.
I fucking hate living with this illness. I used to be a top student in high school and I got all these prestigious academic awards, but now I just feel like I'm fucking retarded. I can't think straight a lot of the time. I'm completely emotionless all the time and I keep feeling like I don't even exist. Like this is all just a dream or something.
>>29951872
god speed to you anon, I was on lamictal for quite a long time and it helped me significantly. best of luck to you.
>>29939437
I'm this poster: >>29952154
I checked myself into the emergency room and these two doctors with thick Austrian accents wanted to know all the symptoms I was having. I told them I was seeing things and hearing voices, then they asked me like 20 questions about what the voices sounded like and what they said. I don't really know what difference that information made. They were acting like I was an amazing scientific specimen and they couldn't wait to observe me and run all sorts of tests.
They both just nodded at each other and were very confident in themselves: "Yep, I'm going to have to go with schizoaffective disorder, a hypomanic episode." "I'll have to agree, looks like a textbook example." And that was pretty much that.
>>29952371
They were probably interested because of how notoriously difficult it is to pinpoint just what, exactly, makes someone "schizoaffective". Honestly I don't know how anyone would be able to distinguish schizoaffective disorder from schizophrenia.
How do you learn to stop worrying? Is that anxiety?
I have depression,anxiety disorder, AvPD and maybe a low autism level. All this self-diagnosis
Sometimes i get angry by small things and i start to punch the wall or throw something. All this with my knowledge, sometimes i even get angry by myself when i nearly break something while throwing it. Because of that, i only throw things that is unbreakable like a pillow, it helps to ease my anger and anxiety.
>>29952591
Yes, i have anxiety disorder and i worry about everything. I sure want to know how to stop it. Meditation is nearly impossible
>>29952663
Medication will help.
>>29952991
What kind of medication? I fear talking about this with my relatives.
>>29953088
That's not something you can take 4chan's advice for lol. See a doctor. They usually start with an SSRI and go from there. It's not the type of medication you can take without some type of professional monitoring.
>>29952472
Well, it's pretty obvious when I'm manic. I become a completely different person. I get really chatty with strangers, even though I'm usually very introverted, and I stay up for two or three days at a time. Sometimes I have delusions of grandeur, where I'm some sort of holy figure and I can talk to God. That's usually only behavior you see in people with bipolar disorder. Then I've got all the psychotic and disorganized symptoms too, which is the schizo aspect of it.
I'm very clearly schizoid. Not to be confused with schizophrenic, schizoid personality disorder is a pervasive avoidance of people by choice, shallow emotions, and general anhedonia.
I didn't really make sense until I realized normal people actually have an urge to be around eachother, even "introverts" feel this.
Before I knew that I didn't really understand how other people did it, how I was so different from them. Objectively there was no clear line of demarcation; I'm okay looking, I've been moderately successful, I can be eloquence in speech... but my life looked nothing like theirs. No love, few friends, no parties, nothing.
I remember being younger, a few years before I left home, and my parents asking me how I felt. I didn't have an answer, and I usually don't. I'm just... here, at least most of the time.
I can't answer questions like
>what's you're happiest memory
>how did you feel when 'X'
>what makes you sad
There's just nothing. The emotions I do have I don't attach to my memories, which makes it more difficult to remember life events.
I've spent the better part of a year trying to unpack my emotions. When you're schizoid you still feel, but you ignore it entirely. You ignore it so thoroughly they're almost entirely subconscious. I have to catch myself and really take a step back and figure out what I'm feeling, and then I have to identify and name the feeling. It's like trying to understand a fore in language, but it kinda works. But it's not going well at all, because most of them are negative and I don't have the energy to deal with them, so I just blank them out again.
>>29953962
Ahh, yeah. I'm bipolar and can totally relate. The only thing I don't get are the auditory hallucinations. I had a manic episode so bad that some doctors thought it could be schizoaffective, but mood stabilizers stopped all the symptoms so that pretty much settled that.
Just curious - how are your symptoms now? Do you take anti-psychotics? I took Abilify for a little while and it made me extremely uncomfortable.
>OCD
>Anxiety
>Has severe depression but has it under control now
>Transgender
It's a horrible fate I would not wish onto anyone
>>29951252
I've heard people say this before but I really can't relate. To me it seems like such an obvious thing even if you only have shit people around you.
If you really are anxious of being around others, feel inferior by a landslide, feel completely socially incompetent and that you always make a fool of yourself as a result, then you're likely to have AvPD. However, if you instead avoid people because you don't like the way they treat you or the way they make you feel because of things THEY do or did when you've spent time with them, then I'd say your chances of truly being an avoidant are rather slim.
>>29954629
Haven't been too psychotic lately, but I'm very depressed. It feels like a lot of people I care about have abandoned me. I'm afraid for my future too. Started making plans for my suicide, but I stopped myself. I gotta get a job or volunteer or something, because holing myself up in my room for months is really not health for my mind. I shouldn't isolate myself for so long.
I take Zyprexa every night. I tried Abilify and Risperdal, but I had problems with both of those. I like Zyprexa because I don't really get any side effects from it. Doesn't make me too tired.
>>29951853
I want to answer you, but I'm not sure which definition of the word you're using. If you are using the vague one, then I'd say definitively. Heck, I've built my whole lifestyle around them. I found myself unable to run from them, so instead I play video games roughly 12 hours a day just to constantly keep myself distracted so there's no opportunity for them to creep up. I fucking hate video games now, and every night I dread going to sleep because my guard is then lowered against my will before actually being embraced by the Sandman. The thoughts always creep up without exception then, and I just can't deal with it.
I'd self harm to lessen the anxiety and pain they bring, but I'm afraid of taking it too far or leaving permanent scars.I'm a fucking pussy, but maybe some day I'll manage to man up and start cutting.
