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I am going to kill myself

no but for real i tried about a year and a half ago and pussied out right at the last minute, kinda fucked up my car a bit though. but i'm having many many daily thoughts about just killing myself

I'm going to make one last shot at fixing my fucked life, by leaving everything behind, cutting all contact, and becoming a new person.

I won't be some closeted literally gay faggot who can't even get close to another guy because he was abused as a child so whacks off to nonthreatening cartoons,
i won't be scared of people who know my parents spying on me, or family checking up on me and telling me how to live my life and yelling at me like i'm some disobedient animal
I won't be that weird guy who has no emotional connections at 26

I'll be some fresh off the boat/plane English teacher, with a good excuse for why i have no friends or contacts, and in a place where being a bit awkward through a language barrier is the norm and being a fucking weirdo with a weird sense of humor is just "oh he's foreign" instead of people instantly considering me a serial killer because i don't follow sports

So i will kill who and what i am now, and if that doesn't work i'll literally just kill myself