over 10 years of social isolation and that my 20's are almost over makes me want to kill myself
I can't even go outside, have to be paranoid and have a knife on me..Can't connect with people either, people here fucking hate my guts and I spent years of my life trying to figure out what happened, I didn't get any answers, no one would say anything, no one talked to me, no one wanted me around. I don't think I'll ever have a meaningful life..All I get to do is wake up and think about how alone I am, and what could have possibly put me there.
kroriginal
>>29900735
>people here fucking hate my guts and I spent years of my life trying to figure out what happened
You're a tripfag, thats what happened.
You are craving attention and appreciation so much that you use your name on a chinese cartoon online store.
But the point of this place is to be anonymous, that no one person is better than another, you're only as good as your content.
but you are a gigantic faggot who wants to turn this place into an edgy facebook.
kys
>>29900784
Is he actually a tripfag? He might just be doing it to be a good OP. If not though, yeah. You're a faggot.
>>29900784
I'm talking about the city Im in not 4chan.
>>29900817
Go find your answers in the traffic with a blindfold
LOL I'm 18 and I already feel that way
sorry OP
>>29900735
the best you can do is just live your life and try to find like minded people through hobbies. you won't get answers, and never will. sorry this happened but you have to admit some of this is related to your own will. have you thought of moving? are you employed?
>over 10 years of social isolation and that my 20's are almost over makes me want to kill myself
no, your refusal to accept responsibility for your thoughts and feelings are making you want to kill yourself.
im 29, also been isolated for more than a decade, since i left HS. i'm absurdly happy, probably one of the happiest people on the planet.
why? because i acknowledged that i am solely responsible for my state of being and through many years of practice forged a perfect mentality.
>>29900874
It's mostly social isolation that makes me feel that way. I was bullied ruthlessly around here by people and they literally isolated me socially and it still goes on. I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of being depressed, I'm tired of drinking all the time to cope with my serious depression and anxiety issues.
>>29900735
I feel those feels as well, i am 27 and i haven't had anything close to friends for many years, in my teens i used to have a few people i did drugs with but they weren't really my friends, even though they acted like they were.
I never understood why i was never accepted or felt like i belong, when everyone else seemed to have no such struggles. I think it's probably autism or some shit.
At least i no longer want friends or gf because now i pretty much hate everyone and i am too scarred but my neurosis is ramping up because there is no point in my existence and i have to work hard to provide for myself.
>>29900874
YOU wanted to be alone, he obviously didn't, how stupid are you since i need to explain this to you?
>>29900914
The thing that hurts the most, I was bullied by my own brother too. He wasn't a brother, he was just another bully just like them. 4 people had to hold him back in my own home because I came home from work one day to a house full of people and got pissed about it. I worked 60 hours a week to come home and have people look at me a say "what the fuck is this nigga doing here?"..
>>29900836
OP's status: BTFO and currently on suicide watch
>>29900735
were you a neet? one of my biggest problems.
>>29900735
sounds bad broman
try this thread
>>29899979
>>29900914
there is no law of the universe that says if you're socially isolated then you're forced to be depressed. that's simply a belief of yours, and beliefs can be changed.
i too had that belief at some point. but i recognized that it wasn't true, so every time that thought came into my head i would counter it with my own thought something like "i am perfectly fine being alone, i can be alone for a thousand years with ease". and of course the negative thought would return thousands of times, urging you to believe in it. and thousands of times i would counter it with my own thoughts about how I WANT my reality to be. eventually it would go away for good
now i should say this isn't a purely mental process. anytime a negative thought arises it triggers a negative feeling which triggers some subtle physiological response. something like a slight tightening of the solar plexus, or the shoulders, or the abdomen. i would focus on those areas and relax them
>>29900932
>teens i used to have a few people i did drugs with but they weren't really my friends, even though they acted like they were.
This. Those were the only "Friends" I had, and they would go to partys and everything without me..When other people were around, I was allowed to hang out with them..I couldn't go to anyone else either because everyone knew each other. It was a circle of people that I wasn't a part of and was constantly reminded of it. EVen today when I woke up I was hit with the heavy feeling of loneliness and isolation that no one should ever have to deal with.
>>29900874
>perfect mentality
such things doesn't exist
mentality is not only subjective, it is composed by subjectivity
>>29901021
I've tried for 13 years of my life to get better, I've battled myself and my feelings constantly. I've just got to the point where I've realized there's nothing I can do about it, and it kills me to not know what I did, or why I deserved to be isolated from people and get bullied by everyone and even a family member.
>>29900932
>>29901038
I'm 18 and I had those people too
In the end I ditched them just like I ditched everybody else
I don't regret it, they never treated me like an equal
>>29901089
Yeah, but when I ditched them, I had no one to go to..I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving them behind. Until I realized, I literally have no one else to go to, talk to, hang out with, anything. I tried making new friends but it was like the second they met other people around here, the next time I'd see them, they'd hate my fucking guts and it happened all the time. I never did anything wrong to anyone to deserve what I got, nothing, I think about it all the time, run things through my head...Get nothing.
>>29901159
you did the right thing by cutting off contact with them
>>29901159
better lonely than in bad company I guess
they'd only put me down so I don't give a fuck honestly
>>29901159
Yeah same here, i think my "friends" actually talked shit behind my back and they seemed to have higher social status regardless of the fact that they hanged with me often so the other people believed them i guess. It's the only explanation i have.
>>29901224
half of their conversations was mindless bragging about girls they've fucked, so I was always left quiet lol
>>29901081
being isolated from people and bullied and rejected by family is all trivial. all that matters is your feelings and thoughts, your response to the situation. whether or not you want to admit it, you have full responsibility for and ultimate control of those thoughts.
>>>29901039
its perfect enough so that i can confidently exclaim that no matter what situation my imagination can come up with i will always be happy, or at the least indifferent.
for instance, i can say "if someone breaks into my house, kidnaps me, and forces me into a dungeon where they rape and torture me for 10 years, i will always be happy"
i have come up with a plan for the worst scenarios imaginable. for instance i know for a fact monks are able to turn off their pain receptors through deep meditation(see - self immolated man). so if i'm in such a situation, i will meditate every second of every day until i have achieved that. of course this is simply mentality. the real event is obviously going to be much more challenging than the thought experiment.
but lets be real, that's never going to happen, but social isolation and what the real world actually throws at you is about 1000x easier to deal with than the worst things you can imagine.
>>29901216
Another thing that depressed me, I see people around here chilling in groups doing the pokemon go thing. I make a post about getting people together, not one reply when other people around here get multiple responses in minutes. I just can't comprehend what I've done, or why everyone avoids me. I'm not leaving anything out, I'm not lying.
>>29901241
lol i think people talked about sex even more often around me because i was really awkward around women and they knew all about me and that i was never getting laid
i think this boosted their egos a lot
>>29901224
same shit happened to me. I tried to get on their social level but was pushed away everytime.
>>29901241
That, fighting, drugs, and the partys they went to without me.
>>29901247
yeah, I can see that working
I have a mechanism that works too, it's called apathy, it has become part of me
>>29901320
The whole "just get better" thing doesn't work out for some people.
>>29901281
ikr
they knew how lost I was and how everything was so hard to me
>>29901320
call it neutrality. apathy has a slightly negative connotation. it's pretty much, or perhaps entirely identical to neutrality mechanically. it's a very useful tool, if you can't be happy about a situation, at least be neutral.
>>29901335
lol just get better?
apathy is literally "fuck it" or "I don't care anymore"
it's when you accept what you got and let it be
>>29901356
apathy is far easier to achieve tho
and it can be pretty "positive" (at this point positivity is pretty much discarded but you know what I mean)
>>29901361
But I can't accept it because I did nothing to deserve it. I see people enjoying their lives, having fun, I want the same but for some reason I can't have that. I've tried hobbies to get around new people, but of course, they know everyone that fucked with me in my teens into early adulthood and like I said before, their whole attitude changes towards me after the first time I've met them. So I always have this feeling that I'm constantly being slandered, and I can almost really believe it because all the signs are there. My brother did the same thing, used to degrade me, make fun of me, beat me up in front of people, it was sick..it was like everyone vs. me and I had no idea what I did wrong..I did nothing wrong and I always have to think of what could have been, or what I could have now.
>>29901429
>they know everyone that fucked with me in my teens
I know this feel very well
My hs nickname followed me everywhere I went, and made every attempt hopeless
I'm 18, and apathy is my only hope
>>29901454
>I'm 18
You're way too young to be down like that, kid
>>29901499
True, I'm 26, and starting to see people slow down and to start being actual functioning adults. The days of partying, social events, and having fun are almost over. People are getting set in to their careers, starting families, buying homes. I'm over here, unemployed with nothing, still at home, trying to pull myself together.
>>29901429
well you seem to just ignore all my advice that's fine. ill just leave with 1 final comment.
if i were in your identical situation in every way, i would not only be happy, i would be ecstatically blissful. i would think of all those memories of being bullied and rejected and i would laugh and thank god they happened, i wouldnt desire to change a thing past or present. then i would go rent a book from the library and go read in a nice comfy park.
g'day lad
>>29901578
Because your advice is doing nothing for me. I've heard it all before.
>if i were in your identical situation in every way, i would not only be happy, i would be ecstatically blissful.
We're two different people, there's nothing for me to be happy or blissful about here.
>>29900874
>responsibility for your thoughts
explain where thoughts come from and how you're responsible for it in any way.
>>29901499
>>29901545
The thing is, even being 18, I can't hype myself to be productive or study, when I did absolutely nothing remarkable or even considerable
Everybody else seems so infatuated with life and shit
I just want it to be as painless as possible
>>29900735
you need to have a stong interest, some activity or hobby that you want to become the best in. Like going to school, taking courses or anything and need to be really invested. People still see you weird at first but good kind of weird because you have true interest in something while they are just thinking who to have small talk next.
I'm nly saying because was in a similar situation, actually I have been always alone besides going to school and although I had some friends for a year when I was 13 it was only because of small village school. I don't even talk to them any more. I've been totally uncommunicative and in my own room from the ages 18-23, then half of year I was social only because someone liked me sexually which I couldn't even recognize after they wanted to have sex like 10 times and then again until the year 30. In between I have tried to enter the real world but always failed because I hav eno experience of the real world, even as a child who was from time to time spoken to by another nerds I was totally alone and never approached to anyone. I didnb't even realize that you actually have to go to people but thought that if it is meant to happen it happens anyway.
The story about me is probably not that interesting but I'm telling it because maybe you can relate. It is often assumed that being alone is exeption in a person's life, that before getting in that life period they were normal but something happened. In real life, those people have often no experience of socializing beyond politeness at all. Being social is exception for them just like meditating for a week without talking is for another person.
>>29901608
thoughts come from belief systems. your belief system was indeed mostly given to you by your family and your society as you grew up. but the most important aspect of a belief system is that it is fluid even though it gives off the appearance of being very rigid.
you can change any belief you have. all it takes is a desire to change and perseverance. beliefs will fight you literally thousands of times, which is proper, they're fighting for their lives. but one day they will give up, their energy is on a limited duration the moment you decide to change them.
>>29901690
Been there, done it, got nothing out of it.. Did you even read my posts?
>>29901690
what I have learned from my attempts to socialize though is that too often people concentrate on the form (being social) and all the self help books are full of how to speak to people but never what to speak. Fear isn't always the reason why people don't speak but also that they don't enjoy those normal everyday conversations, it is even scientifically proven that people feel worse after meaningless small talk and socializing helps only when it is deep and meaningful.
Probalby the most harsh truth is that people care what the conversation gives to them. They don't give a shit about being nice or talking to someone who is just nice because socializing as a form is not relevant for anyone, even those shallow tv teens have strong interests, like girls, boys, fucking.
If you are autistic you need not to think about others but what you are interested in and do that. Join clubs, courses, university to learn about something, think what you provide to the conversation and you will still be weird but respected and liked. You should have some substance that attracts others to you, not trying to be liked just by blabbering random bullshit and looking "nice". Think what are your standard, what you like about people, go deeper than looks, but don't settle with someone onky because they are nice. Friendships among girls (don't know about guys) are often like that, popular girls separate and talk about their boy things and then less popular girls are somewhat expected to talk to each other even if they don't have abything in common. Typical decent girls who have no interests and are just nice to each other and talk about boring everyday stuff or complain about their relationships. When I was younger, I really wanted them to like me without realizing that we don't have anything to talk about and I feel bored. When I made 1 friend who I met maybe 1-2 a year I was super clingy because was afraid that she will leave me. Even though I didn't feel no connection whatsoever
>>29901717
yeah I read but I wrote more and my only advice is that do not try to be liked, to connect with people for the sake of connecting but do something meaningful with your life and fuck what others think. They will come around eventually.
You didn't really mention if you are interested in something or just think all the time about how you failed socially. It might sound harsh but during the time you are doing that other people learn new skills. You need to learn that life isn't fair, people are irrational and most things can never be solved. Often bad things just happen randomly and it is nobodys fault-
You should visit a psychiatrist because of your paranoia. Sometimes activities that are not inherently social can also help, like bicycling or even walking in less populated areas. You are somewhat separated but still get out of the house.
The change of the environment does good for you.
>>29902045
You forgot the part where I said I've tried to get into different hobbies and things but didn't go well because of the people around here.
>>29900954
not that person but being happy alone is something that can be learned. Clingy behaviour where you need to have friends no matter who is what scares people away. Everyone who has normal relations with friends can be also happy alone, there are no extremely clingy people who have normal relationships with friend unless they are codependent.
It is also stupid to assume that a person who is happy alone always chose this over the best possible version of friendship, they just don't maintain bad friendships to look normal while secretly being unhappy and jealous like many, many people do.
>>29901499
That's bullshit
I'm 20 and already feel fucking hopeless. Everyone my age has been in relationships, can drive, has a job, friends etc. all the things that mark you out as socially well adjusted, likeable and fun. I already feel like ending it. I doubt I'll even make 25.
>>29902089
Why are you still living there?
I didn't only mean hobbies as part of socializing and making friends but developing yourself. So if all social contact is taken away you are still left with something that you are. And not only hobbies but what you want to become, what to achieve? Why are you not working towards this?
Reading now all of this you just should move to a new place and believe me, nobody expect your bullies seriously hates you because people are too obsessed with themselves.
>>29902268
these are very generic characteristics that say nothing about the person. Socializing is just means that a person talks to others but not what about, driving a car or having a job or a relationship are completely somethign that characterize any random person, from trailer trash or wall street bankers. It doesn' mean they are happy with their life
>>29902404
>driving a car or having a job or a relationship are completely somethign that characterize any random person, from trailer trash or wall street bankers. It doesn' mean they are happy with their life
Of course, but at least they're adults and are capable of self reliance and participating in society.
