Who here /couldbehappy/ but self-sabotages? My friends wanted me to hang out today, but I lied and told them I was busy when all I do in my house is absolutely fucking nothing besides sulking and thinking depressing things
Is that not what it means to be robot, Anon?
>>29823306
Lost many opportunities because of that. Hell, even my Chad cousin tried to hook me up with at least five grills and eventually gave up. Whenever I see him, the first thing he does is try to cheer me up to fuck bitches.
I am a fucking failure. ;_;
>>29823306
Cyborg here
Not sure how i feel about this my dude, it's 2 am now and a friend's friend will ride me to her church at 9 am, they're both religious girls so no never thought of anything because they're not my type, I'm currently on vacation and bored to death, hope i meet someone cool there, I'm so lonely it hurts
>>29823435
>cyborg
>my dude
>friend's friend
>religious
>vacation
>>29823360
>>29823402
So being a robot means knowing how to be happy and then purposely doing the opposite of that?
I had a gf once, back in high school, because I found a girl I thought looked pretty (she was a bit of an outcast though) and I acted like a completely different person--kind, confident, outgoing, the works. Stayed together for 2 years. After we broke up, I decided to become more selective with who I date, and went back to being the sulking depressing shitbag I always was and haven't had a gf since. I know how to get one, but now I'm jsut too selective when it comes to personalities, and more specifically, personalities in conjunction with looks. Don't know if I'll ever find a that I really like--someone I can hold nice discussions with while also finding them physically attractive. I'm not in a rush for a gf, nor that interested in a relationship, but it's just a thought.
Is being a robot just denying yourself happiness? Does everybody on this board already know how to be happy and purposely behave in the opposite way to punish themselves? Are you all self-loathing? Am I? Why?
I don't even know what I want. I'm in college, studying neuroscience in hopes of becoming a doctor, but that's not even my dream, it's my dad's. I don't have a dream of my own though. I'm not very motivated and I have to force myself to do things sometimes (which is the main reason why leaving the house is difficult) and I have no ambition. I just want to be content and live a comfy life, neither rich nor poor, but I refuse to let myself be happy. I have friend and acquaintances that I can call who would be willing to hang out with me, but I don't crave human interaction and I'm fine being alone at home playing vidya. Even so, I can't help but think I should be strengthening my bonds with these people, but I don't know what to say. I prefer talking to people when there's a clear subject at hand, small talk is lame.
Do I hate myself or am I just lazy?
Is it only possible to incite discussion on this board through baiting?
>>29823651
You seem to be selective anon. My case is that I fear that I will be a waste of time to someone else because I am aware that I can't hold a conversation.
>>29824706
No, it is a sign that the good posters left.
I believe this works just like tickling or self harm. It feels less when you do it yourself as to opposed to other people.
Happiness makes you more fragile.
>>29825121
>I fear that I will be a waste of time to someone else because I am aware that I can't hold a conversation
It just takes practice, and getting used to the flow of conversation. It's why I prefer talking to people in certain areas (school) or at certain events (concert) because those places have obvious conversation topics. This is also why I basically don't text anybody, because if I'm sitting at home and they're doing who knows what, then what the hell am I supposed to talk about?
Personally, I am averse to getting close to others since I fear that I would be viewed as a waste of time to them, but that's because I have low self-worth. That's part of the reason why I tried my "tactic" (which succeeded) to get a girlfriend.
How's your mental health, anon? It sounds like you have low self-worth as well
>>29825300
Brain fog most of the time, mind keeps flagelating my ego when I do anything "wrong" or "awkward" for hours, intentionally shutting down convos with "yes/no" answers because I don't get a kick out of convos (while being aware that it is an useful skill that i should develop), but I don't really fear people anymore (being a receptionist at a previous job addressed that).
>Personally, I am averse to getting close to others since I fear that I would be viewed as a waste of time to them, but that's because I have low self-worth.
I think that working as a receptionist for a while will give you a perspective of the kind of people out there and force yourself outside of the bubble. People act kinda stupid more often than you think, hard to explain.
I know that feel man. I'm friends with a lot of shy people, and I'm shy too. So that leaves us in this stagnating circle where we just don't talk until we're forced to see each other by another friend or engagement.
>>29825829
Try to come up with an activity together, something fun to do desu. Unless they are girls, it won't be that difficult I guess.
I have had so many great opportunities that would have made my life decent but because I'm such I a fuckup I just throw them away.
Like I had a chance to go study in France this summer and pretty much guaranteed a job when I returned but my depression hit really hard a week before the application and I didn't bother with it even though like no one ever applies for it.
I'm just hoping to die.
Aw, man. You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong
>>29823306
my life is often otherwise perfect
> money from good hob
> fit
> not ugly
but I don't like people.
>be me
>pretty smart as a kid
>change my career path in senior year, spend two fucking extra years in high school taking remedial shit while kids who bullied me are going to university studying meme degrees like history and psychology.
>btw, I don't have anything against history or psychology, but you gotta work your ass off to develop good workable skills for this degree, do lots of networking, start doing research early, etc. These fucks are just working through the basic course requirements and expecting to become professors and lawyers.
>get to university
>get depressed a lot, lovesick, bullied by roommates
>gpa is shit
>get job over the summer working in a lab
>make my own hours, dont show up for two months (the one month was maybe okay because of issues with the prof, but the second month was entirely My Fault)
>shitty gpa still despite taking a bird course in the summer
>avoiding going to the dentist/doctors
>listen to music on my headphones too loud, try to ignore the obvous hearing damage
>waste my parents and siblings money, when they've been so kind to help me buy groceries
>feel like a horrible deceptive leech who deserves to die
At least I'm trying to talk to my friends more. A friend of mine just got out of a bad divorce and they said that they really appreciated my support and went on this big rant about what a great friend I am. That meant a lot. Made a couple friends this summer, too. So, baby steps. I went to work today. Might do some writing.
>>29825967
Dude, same.
It's okay, you fucked up, you can keep moving forward. Even if you fuck up in the future, you can still keep moving forward.
>>29826882
Oh, and I guess another consolation was that my former oneitis tried to bait me into asking them out. Lol fuck off. That felt good.
Ummm yeah all the fucking time OP
I've literally made up excuses for my family and friends so I can play video games probably 50 times or so
>>29823306
>been meaning to go to this free movie thing for months now
>it's every week
>find some minor inconvenience that gives me an excuse not to go every time
I'm afraid of all of the people desu
Couldve gone to some bday thing for this cute christian girl from work and a couple other work friends, but decided to stay at home and be depressed because I'm a piece of shit
Used to tell myself I didn't go to parties coz everyone's a druggo normie alcoholic but this wasn't even one of those parties so idk
>>29823651
>had a gf once
you blew it
>>29823651
>not even my dream, it's my dad's.
>I don't have a dream of my own
That's a theory behind self sabotage. You're not really on board with what you're trying to make yourself do.
Telling yourself something seemingly rational like "don't be negative all the time", "don't eat icecream it's not healthy", or "go out, it will help you make friends", that's simply not enough. It has to resonate with you on a deeper level, you have to *really* feel it. I think it's possible to realign oneself at the core, but it takes time.
