>have depression whole life
>parents said I didn't cry much as a baby
>said I had an 'old soul'
>24
>not sure if medication would help or make me worse
>don't want to become a zombie
>don't want happiness if it's fake
I'm fine with my contentment but god damn I wish I had the motivation other people do. My social life is kill just because I never made any effort outside of school/work to maintain relationships because I just didn't care that much
I'm becoming a complete shut in what do?
>gave up on real happiness
>meds don't even work
At this point being a klonopin zombie sounds kinda nice. Maybe if my family ever actually hospitalizes me like they threaten to I'll throw an anxiety fit and pose a threat to the psych ward staff.
>tfw found out a couple years ago my mom has it too
>meds either give migraines, shortness of breath, inability to fap, or worsened it
>waiting on a callback for a job i probably won't get
I'm about ready to just call it quits and try to get benefits. I don't want to do it but anything's better than no income.
too depressed to post sorry. going in to a clinic later for whatever the fuck else i have. hope i get prescribed an execution
On the other hand, if you keep on being depressed, you'll end up at my stage, where you don't have any wants, no iniative, your brain starts fucking rotting away and nothing brings you pleasure anymore. I can sleep for 3 days straight, can't keep up any kind of relation, be it with family, friends or otherwise and my memory's gone to shit.
>>29784014ksjfivuioskdnrjgickndrkieokjnfmkldjgjfkkngjicfknfmkcljnjkio
>>29784904
Probably already there. I moved 2 hours away from my hometown and only talk to my entire family a few times a year. I don't know most of my immediate families birthday, I don't know how old my nieces and nephews are, and my nephews mother was killed in a car crash a few weeks ago and I don't care. I haven't even consoled my brother even though they weren't together or anything.
Ever since all I wanted to do was just go to school and come home to myself or now go to work and come home to myself. I'm roommates with what I would consider my best friend since 3rd grade and all I do is come home and close my door.
But I still don't want to medicate. Because somehow the idea of riding that emotional rollercoaster while the meds dial in or living a fake happiness seems worse than going down this same path I'm going of guaranteed mediocrity.
>>29784014
The site http://www.balancingbrainchemistry.co.uk helped me a little.
>>29784014
>>parents said I didn't cry much as a baby
>tfw ywn be happy like you were as a baby
>>29785275
The sense of wonder in the world from childhood slowly dissipates as you get older and learn and do more things. I used to think travelling would help, and when I did it, I realized you can't run from what's in your fucked up brain. I'm lucky in that I have something I enjoy doing that primarily acts as a major distraction. Most people sleep forever.
