As the title said I think I did it now boys. I got myself some more brain damage. Here's the story
>last tuesday I got my hands on 50 Lorazepam 1 mg each
>took them all with a bottle of vodka because I don't have the balls to kill myself
>didn't die and was whacked out till friday
>now I can't tell the difference between dream and reality anymore
>>29769379
You need to wake up
Wake up
>>29769454
Sadly I'm not asleep. I should have died so often already, why couldn't I do it this time?
To keep this thread alive I'm gonna post my story of why I should be dead.
>had really aggressive leukemia at age 8
>took a massive overdose of fentanyl from my dead grandma who also died of cancer
>tried to die of alcohol poisoning at age 16 by drinking 15 beer and a bottle of vodka
>got almost hit by lightning at age 13 or 14
>and my latest fuck up with benzos and alcohol
So nobody is going to care about this relatively original thread?
I've also heard voices a few times but there's no schizophrenia in my family. Only colon cancer, alcoholism and heart disease
>>29769379
I got a 50 pack of Lorazepam last week, but now my docs want me to stop using them and I still have a shit ton left
idk if I should keep them
>>29769917
Probably depends on what's wrong with you but taking them recreationally is quite fun
>>29769917 >>29769954
But I think you should generally keep them. Having meds in your house is always nice. And if you don't want them you could still sell them to someone
>>29769954
Depressions, Borderline (Agoraphobia, Social anxiety), and avoidant personality disorder
Guess I will keep them and use them when I feel terrible
>>29769917
Btw are you also from Germany?
>>29770113
OpsecYes
>>29770109
What did your docs say? Maybe they just want you to get stronger benzos.
>>29770133
Interestsing that I guessed that from your meds.
>>29770109
And it's interesting that I got almost the same psych diagnosis as you do.
>>29770144
Nah I have been on benzos for over 3 months and now is probably a good time to stop
Still can take the normal dose and I am not addicted so it's better to stop now
I took Xanax at the beginning, but then switched to Lorazepam
I tried a few other meds that you can take as needed, but none of them seem to work
>>29770220
Spend any time in hospitals yet?
Did 3 weeks in a mental hospital and 11 weeks in a day hospital
I will probably stay in the day hospital until october
>>29770268
Not because of mental problems. I've managed to hide them and my suicide attempts for quite a while now. But my mother has been in and out of hospitals because of colon cancer for a while. And my brother was in hospitals because of Eppstein Barr 2 years ago. Wish you the best luck.
>>29770268
Thankfully I'm not addicted to anything except cigarettes and alcohol
>>29770268
And also why did you get in the hospital?
>>29770482
The actual one?
I wasn't stable enough for DBT according to my docs, also I had issues with weekends where the day hospital couldn't protect me from myself
>>29770626
Both interest me. Sounds pretty damn bad if you ask me. I never wanted to go to a hospital since my brother wasn't taken seriously 2 years ago.
well, do you have psychosis? how severe is it?
>>29770626
I have also not been to a psychiatrist since I got diagnosed
>>29770892
I haven't been diagnosed and there's no family history.
>>29769379
>>now I can't tell the difference between dream and reality anymore
Sounds pretty good tbqh
No robot YOU'RE unoriginal
>>29771002
It's more scary than cool though. This afternoon I thought my dad cut his hand of. And maybe I killed something or someone last week.
Maybe you don't really want to die. Next time, jump from a building, and you'll finally wake up from this nightmare.
>>29770788
Well my psychiatrist wanted me to go to a day hospital, but I didn't want to for months
Then I started having panic attacks again and decided I had to
>>29770951
Meds helped me
I had to try a few antidepressants, but I found one that works
Therapy helped me a great deal when it comes to my anxiety
Now I am doing that DBT shit and hope it will fix my borderline issues
Try some shit it can help
>>29771068
I don't even exactly know why I don't want to go to another psych doctor. Funnily enough I called one one time and the receptionist got my number and everything but they still didn't call me back.
I'm psychiatrist and I would never tell that to a patient, because of legal issues, but try large amounts of LSD or psylocibin. They're the only substance that could modify enough your brain to cure your state.
>>29771061
I have a few buildings I can jump off if I can bypass security but I don't think I can do it now.
>take 20-100mg xanax a day with weed and/or alcohol
You're a fucking pussy
>>29771181
I've tried shrooms before in high doses. I had an interesting time but it didn't help.
>>29771181
Bullshit someone who browses r9k is a psychiatrist
>>29771213
If you had read my post you would have known that wasn't the only thing I tried.
>>29771275
I browse 4chan in general. Why would I lie on internet ?
>>29771275
Not the person you're replying to, but I actually lecture on the applications of hallucinogens in psychotherapy at a p prestigious uni. That being said, I'm a Bs/botany dropout.
>>29769379
learn lucid dreaming, see if you can control reality.
>>29771181
>>29771339
Besides you sadly can't really get real LSD on the market anymore
>>29771339
That's quite interesting. Does it speak about psilocybin to cure OCD ? It's the only mental illness that can't be "cured", or at least suppressed temporarily, by meds. The only solution is lobotomy, which is kinda barbaric and forbidden in most states.
>>29771367
If I don't know dream from reality I can't really lucid dream
>>29771388
The Onion Router ---> Alpha Bay. To know if it's real LSD, buy an ultraviolet lamp
>>29771291
And if you have read my entire post, you'd realize I've mentioned alcohol already. You think you got brain damage because you took 50 ativan and blacked out. That's cute.
>>29771339
what is this course called? i'm amazed that it exists and would like to know more about what kind of material is covered, etc
>>29771464
I already have brain damage because of huffing gas I only spoke of more brain damage but that is beside the point. Well excuse me if I'm not an expert on the interaction between Lorazepam+Alcohol on the brain. I've only dealt with cancer before so I'm not an expert
>>29771464
Besides I've done some other things that should have killed me. I'm the OP. that thought his thread didn't get any attention btw
get into a car accident, get a brain injury
>i was at a rehab place
>sometimes get crazy dreams
>one i was driving home from rehab i was driving home, i got to the garage, wondering why is there a tv in the garage
>call my parents at like 3am mom i'[m in the garage
>how did you get into the garage
>car...
>at another rehab there was a fat hot speech therapist
>in the dream she wants me to pull down her pants
>virgin in me panics and don't
>the next time i had her i told he sorry for not making a move
>she tells me that she has a boyfriend and soon to get engaged
the nurse assistance felt bad for me at both rehabs. my penis was flaccid.the pills i was on made me so i couldn't get an erection
>>29772077
Never been in a car accident and I don't drive
>>29770425
>thankfully I am only addicted to the things that are readily available with the least deterrents to acquisition and offer the most unexceptional highs while have extremely deleterious health complications
What a moron
>>29772181
I don't care about my health. My family history says I'm going to get cancer in my 40s to 60s. Alcohol makes me feel better for a short while and cigarettes are a temporary relieve from stress. I honestly don't know why I should care. Besides I have done other drugs and either thought they were unpleasent or they were hard to get often.
>>29772181
I might not have been clear enough but I made these posts
>>29771464
>>29771446
>>29771388
>>29771291
>>29771249
>>29771212
>>29771154
>>29771056
>>29770982
>>29770788
>>29770482
>>29770364
>>29770220
>>29770168
>>29770144
>>29770113
>>29770109
>>29769954
>>29769885
>>29769726
>>29769624
>>29769480
>>29769379
>>29771639
I hope these are all my posts
>>29769379
>while in college
>lived alone
>took 90 pills, (sleeping pills+ pills that slow down your pulse/heartbeat)
>slept more than 28 hours
>barfed a little+peed my pants in sleep
>dragged myself on the flor and drank some water from the bathroom sink
>drank until i fell asleep on the bathroom floor
>woke up several hours later, was able to drink some more and went to bed
>woke up, I was weakened as fuck , but i was conscient
> ate a little , cleaned my bed , drank some water and called my folks, told them i was fine(parents tought I was drunk ,lol)
>fell asleep
> woke up, i think it was the third day or something, I really can't remember much,.
>recovered slowly
Somehow, i really think I died that day and now I am in a hellish replica of my former world
.
>>29772405
The time after a suicide attempt is truly the worst thing ever
I've been there OP. It's okay, you'll be fine in a couple weeks.
>>29769379
how do people get their hands on this stuff? I struggle to get weed, all I want is some some comfy prescription drugs to black out with
>>29772489
I really hope so. Thanks for the the only reinsuring aswer. Schizophrenia is the last thing I need right now.
>>29772510
My mum has cancer amd didn't need it that's how I got it. You can try reasearch chemicals for some strong benzos
>>29772510
>>29772618
Or the deep web of course
>>29772299
If you don't care about your health then jump in front of a train, jeeze
>>29772661
That takes too much balls to actually do. Slowly poisoning myself is easier
>>29772645
I have no idea how I would go about doing this.
>>29772739
Googling it won't alert the cops or else they would have been at my home long ago. Or make friends with drug connections
>>29769379
You just gave yourself depersonalisation by the sounds of it. It's a very common mental illness and it can be caused by all sorts of stuff, from anxiety to drug use. I've had it for about two years now. It's not so bad. Wait a few days and if it doesn't go away you should go see a doctor about it
>>29772847
I might just do that. How is it in the long run?
>>29772912
not recommended
>>29772912
it just feels normal. Sometimes I have a moment of clarity and I realise I'm not actually dreaming. Which can be weird but yeah, you get used to it. You tend to feel less anxious in social situations which is pretty much the only good thing about it.
>>29773067
Well that's really reassuring
>>29773134
you obviously know dick all about depersonalization
>>29773163
Well what is there to know then?
Sorry to hear that, OP. You should've done a little bit more research on this subject. Here's a lethal dosage chart:
http://lostallhope.com/suicide-methods/drug-poisoning/drug-mlds
I think these are all in mg per kg, so get your weight in kilograms and multiply it by whatever the number on the chart is. As you can see, Lorazepam is one of the highest doses on the chart. It has a pretty good safety record and it's caused very few deaths.
When I go out, I think I'm going to take a lot of morphine. You can actually extract your own morphine for very cheap by buying some poppy seeds on Amazon, dumping them in a bottle, shaking it up for 3-5 minutes, and then drinking just the water. I'm not sure how much morphine is in each pound of seeds, but I'm sure you can look it up. Quite a few people have died from drinking this "tea", and usually it's completely unintentional. The tea just wound up being way more powerful than they thought and it made them peacefully fall into a slumber while it cut off their breathing. I'd reason that if you can kill yourself without even intending to, it's gotta be pretty easy to do when you DO want to. You could add some benzos to the mix too, to boost your chance of success up a bit.
Hopefully we'll see one another in the afterlife pretty soon, brother.
>>29773482
I calculated and took over the deadly dose of fentanyl already so it's not the first time I tried to commit suicide.
>>29773482
>>29773609
The benzos were taken in a drunken haze rather than in a planned suicide attempt
