>Cashier tells me to have a nice day
>Dont
Who /D E V I L I S H/ here?
>Reply to /D E V I L I S H/ thread
>Can't remember anything devilish I might have done
>post anyway
>>29765387
You sly motherfucker
>friend asks me if I want to hang out
>Tell him I'm busy
>I'm not busy
>see pic related
>do it anyway
>>29765387
>girl says i just think she's a piece of meat
>say i don't
>reflecting later, i actually do
>customer asks me to look in the back
>go to the back, but don't look
>"sorry we're all out"
>supposed to take three breaks a day
>only take one
>girl asks if i want a ride home
>say no
>actually do
HAHAHAHAHahhAHHAHAH
>Get invited to hang out with old friends from school
>"Yeah sure, hopefully I won't sleep in lol"
>Woken up by alarm the next day
>Turn it off
>Go back to sleep until midday.
>>29765537
This one was a rollercoaster, thanks anon.
>>29765387
>Earphones broke
>Normie brother has the exact same pair
>Swap my broken ones for his working ones when no one's home
>He flipped his shit about his broken earphones but never found out what I did
Fucking faggot, this is revenge for when you stole my manga and gave it to your friend.
>>29765698
You really need to be brutally stabbed to death by a gang of niggers and then shot just enough so that you bleed to death slowly and painfully for including that last sentence. No one gives a fuck about you and your faggot brother's sexual tension.
>>29765727
If I get stabbed to death how can I be shot just enough to die slowly?
>girl asks me if i want to meet her
>tell her im busy playing the mirrors edge beta
>hate the beta anyway
>>29765387
>grandma gives check
>>don't spend it all in one place
>spend it all on one loan payment
/devilish/
>>29765387
>at work
>put reams of toilet paper down loo
>fully blocked
>loudly complain to all
>quietly convince manager + 3 coworkers that super quiet guy is perpetrator
I don't like super quiet guy, he has one of those frizzy clown punch faces.
>told people I voted Britain out
>didn't vote at all
>>29765387
Hi I'm Thomas lawless murder victim and robot here to say I am alive and well
>>29765960
>being a workerbee
>>29765960
>>causing turmoil at work
normie get out
>>29765698
Have done this to my lil bro too
/devilish/
>took a day off work due to heavy pms
>I'm a dude
>got asked directions to Starbucks
>gave directions to tourist information centre
>tourist asks me where are the toilets
>tell him where are the WC
>signalled I was turning left in my car
>actually went left
>told not to dry the dog off in the microwave
>do it anyway
>gas station guy tells me to check my backseat
>don't
>end up stabbed
>wife tells me to cook dinner
>I microwave leftover chicken
>Muslim family asks me to take their picture at Niagra Falls
>tell them to apologise for 9/11
>they do
>throw the father's phone in the water
>random guy asks if I have a spare smoke
>I tell him I have plenty, thanks and walk away
>>29766339
>Lol
>I'm not really
>got arrested and agreed i understood my rights
>I didn't understand
>cut my wrists multiple times
>I'm not even suicidal, life's pretty good
>doctor asks if i'm depressed
>i say i'm not
>i actually am
>>29765387
>relatives ask if I want a gf
>say I don't
>I actually do
>>29766448
>>29766704
>>29766828
>>29766435
Best devils itt imo
>sibling opens bedroom door during the night
>tell her to close it repeatedly
>she pretends to sleep
>continue until she goes to mom who closes the door
>/devlish/ as fuck
>check out lady asks if I have a savers card
>I said no
>I have a savers card
>on road trip with family
>coffee freak uncle stops at starbucks
>asks if I want anything
>say no because fuck starbucks
>see delicious brownie thing, ask for it
>he looks at me like he heard
>he orders, doesn't say it
>after he has already paid, he asks again if I want anything
>say no
>brother needed a kidney donor
>I sell one of mine to an annonymous bidder on the dark web
>>29765698
>I did this to a guy I knew because we both had the same kind ofaudio-technicas
>>29766526
This one made me laugh just imagining you being such an unforgiving dick to some normal touristy family.
>mom finds my weed stash
>makes me promise to never smoke again
>tfw had my finger crossed
>>29765754
That's a good point...But I don't care.
>get taken out to eat
>go pee
>hear somebody pooping in one of the stalls
>turn off the lights on my way out
>>29767207
Why didn't she just close your door?
>>29765947
Underrated post
niggers
>fucking my dog in the kitchen
>whisper in his ear that I just came
>I didn't cum
>>29767378
You care enough to post ;?)
>>29767379
I'm stealing this one
Fucking normies can shit into the abyss
>>29767379
haha you showed that normie! I need to start doing this
>>29765387
>its a /b/-tier thread episode
>>29766448
You are literally Hitler.
>>29767379
lmao get fucked normie scum
>call in sick to work
>tell stupid Manager I have a bad case of stigmata
>>29767462
>good threads
>/r9k/
Pick one.
>>29765416
You goddamn maniac.
>get a call from work asking if I want the day off
>need the money
>take the day off anyway
>Go to grocery store
>Break the safety seals on vitamins, medications, and other pharmaceuticals
>put them back
Heh...
>>29766397
>ask for directions to starbucks
>already know where it is
>>29767381
Idk. Maybe she likes it open but I can't sleep with all that light coming from the hallway. Also she was probably too lazy even though it was her frikin fault for leaving it open after coming back from pissing. Yet she got up and walked to my mom's room.
>play the joker
>pretend to become a madman during filming
>really don't
>mfw
>go to church with new gf and her parents
>I'm an atheist
>song says "tell me what you want what you really really want"
>I don't
>>29767379
topkek/10 well done anon
>go to crowded beach
>feed pigeons laxatives
>>29767647
Lol cheers anon
>>29765861
>Hate the beta anyway
She said the same thing about you, anon.
>>29767996
A B S O L U T E L Y S A V A G E
I swear to God I hate the robot
>go to a gas station bathroom
>piss on the roll of toilet paper
>stuff the sink drains with toilet paper and let it run
/devilish/
>>29765537
He said /devilish/ not /fuckingfaggot/
>give prison guard wrong name and number during visiting hours
>sit with complete fucking strangers for 10 minutes until real anon prisoner arrives
>doctor asks if I've had my prostate checked?
>no
>I had my prostate checked last week and the week before that
>I attend AA meetings once a fortnight
>I'm not an alcoholic
shitpost/10
The absolute best thread on this board.
>bus ticket says, please keep this ticket on you at all times
>origami that shit into a plane and fly that motherfucker down the middle of the bus from back seats
>Need to poop
>Go to public bathroom
>Shit on the floor instead
/DEVILISH/
>>29768714
>The absolute best thread on this board.
Exactly how new are you?
>>29768746
Lol you swine!
>instructions say 40s in microwave
>put it in for 50s
>>29768714
Well fuck off then
>>29768955
Oh shit niggah, you risky motherfucker!
>>29768948
>Pick up shit with bare hands
>Wipe it on a stall wall
>Draw a smug pepe
>With "Normies get out!" written under it
Who here /turdterrorism/?
>>29768813
Angsty teen poetry new
>met girl online
>she ask me if I want some nudes
>say no because Im not a lonely desperate retard
>I'm a lonely desperate retard
AHHAHAHAHAHAH I laughed for days
>Take a shit
>Pretend to wipe>I wasn't pretending, I actually wiped. HAHA FOOLED YOU
>>29769019
Fuck niggah I'm like an Isis banksy of the turdterrorism world
>>29769092
We fight for our robot brothers friend. Once we mark enough territory with our poo poo's, normies will vacate.
Conquering normie spaces one shit at a time :^)
>>29769092
pretty good kid, but I can do better...
>Shit in every urinal in middle school bathroom
>Frame my art teacher because he said I wasn't putting enough effort into my art
>School buys it, gets labeled as a sex offender, never to teach again
I mean really though, what kind of shitty teacher tells a student their art sucks even when they are trying their best? Fuck normos.
>>29769143
Right on brother, I'll eat to that
>>29765861
piss .. b
>>29767996
S U P R E M E
U E
P M E M E
R E
E
M
E
>>29767680
>Keep telling mom she's gonna freak
>She doesn't
>>29765387
>HOLY SHIT, TURN ON CNN
>www.cnn.com
>>29767450
>>29767456
>>29767476
>thinking normies shit in public
>cashier tells me to take care
>>29766526
I laughed pretty hard at this one.
>Steam mods workshop
>tell someone that his mod is a must-have
>you can actually play the game without it
>>29767379
lol, you fucking asshole
>bullied relentlessly throughout childhood/teenage years
>volunteer with an organization that tutors/ babysits elementary school kids
>secretly pick on the autistic kids when noone's looking and encourage the older black kids to beat up on this 8 year old proto robot
>forced him to have numerous panic attacks
>was never caught
>>29767549
>told I can only pick one
>pick both anyway
:^)
>work starts at 9:00
>show up at 8:45
>wear the same suit two days in a row
>eat the last cookie in the break room
I'm one of those wagecucks they warned you about
Wew
>>29769549
You better check yourself before you riggedy riggedy reck yourself
You beautiful disaster
>Hate mosquitoes
>Let them suck my blood though
>>29769474
Fucking sick cunt
>Order seafood
>I'm actually allergic
Fucking normies
>>29767549
this is one of the only good threads that appears on r9k
>>29765387
>"Would you like that for here or to go?"
>"To go please."
>Sit down and eat food in the restaurant.
>>29767721
>go to atheist friends BBQ with mommy gf
>I'm (religion)
being devilish is truly the sport of all great men
>Browse r9k and call myself a robot
>Im actually a failed normie
>Went to Pool party yesterday that had girls in bikinis
>Today I post on /r9k/ about how I hate normies
>Tell people on r9k to go back to reddi t
>Been browsing reddi t every day for years
>>29769893
>tell people to go back to that site
>compare it to hell itself
>always make out like I am disgusted with it
>actually I couldn't give less of a fuck about it, and these days it seems to more often than not have the right idea compared to this place
>literally a saint
>make up a elaborate /devilish/ post
doesn't greentext in a devilish thread
break the aesthetic and unnerve some anons
>submit a post withou
>see anon get defeated in argument
>type "BTFO" to make him feel even worse
>see a giant wall of text post
>reply with "What did he mean by this?" without reading it
>>29765387
>captcha asks me to prove that I'm not a robot
>i actually am
>>29770020
GET OUT! GET OUT! YOU DON'T BELONG HERE DEVIL
LEAVE THIS BOARD NOW
>>29770020
GET THE FUUUCKK OUTTTT
>>29770020
you've made a powerful enemy today
>come to 4chan
>use Catalog
>post cropped porn
>never give anyone the artist name or image source
>see someone in thread asking for source
>immediately know what they're talking about and that they can't get the result through reverse image search
>don't give it to them
>someone posts a well thought out post responding to my previous post
>don't read it
>>29770020
Fiend wearing human flesh.
>have countless gigabytes of furry/scat/debauched porn saved to derail perfectly innocent threads
>post the first image to hold the thread hostage/derail but never post the rest
>sometimes I do post them just to keep people on their toes
>>29770197
Do you have the Exodia Subway set?Do you have the pony version of said set?
>>29765387
>feminists starts to bitch irl
>go full /r9k/ and /pol/ on her
>it works because i have wide shoulders and deep voice and i was talking pretty loud, so normies just agreed with me outta fear depise still denying reality in their heads
>doesn't make a thread about that
>>29765387
>get told I need to socialize more
>play phone games all day
Hahaha look who's laughing now normalfags
>>29770226
>1 KB image size
GET OUT
>>29770226
>go full /r9k/ and /pol/ on her
having a powerlevel this high
being this much of an edgelord
>>29767996
YOU FUCKIN SAVAGE
>>29770226
>not putting (...) in the filename
>>29770223
I really don't. I lied. I lie on the internet because the reality of my life is much less interesting than I make it seem even to anonymous people who will never meet me or know me. I'm so used to lying that telling the truth without embellishment is alien to me. I am thoroughly mediocre at everything I do, and the most I have is a 45 page comic of a man transforming into a horse.
When I made that post I didn't expect anyone to seriously ask for anything
>>29770197
>ask anon for scat porn
>he's too scared to deliver
>>29768078
Absolutely disgusting
Normies don't use the sink or the toiled papper, you only annoying fellow nerds
>>29770287
Well, I regret asking now.
>vocal Trump supporter
>not even registered to vote
>>29765387
>say I usually don't do this
>proceed to break em off wit a lil preview of the remix anyway
>every time
>rainy heavily
>root through saved screencaps of scores from scamming guys on Okcupid
>find a code for 20$ at Dominos
>order a pizza
>in the delivery note, mention I may take awhile getting to door
>make delivery guy stand in rain
>don't tip
>>29767379
I did this to an old man once when I was a kid
