how close have you been to killing yourself
>>29749183
Took 5 grams of paracetamol but puked quickly after because im a pussy
>>29749183
Took a gun to my head and pulled the tigger to only figure out the primer on the bullet was absolute shit. Took a nap afterwards.
Put belt around door handle, put my head inside the loop then realized that I can't do it.
>>29749183
i think the closest i've been was a few months ago when i almost walked into traffic. first time i stopped myself. second time a day or two later i was actually going for it before i could think and change my mind and someone else grabbed and stopped me.
I was standing next to railroad and waiting for a train (wanted to lie down at the last moment). Had written my suicide note and everything. Pussied out the when train was pretty close and I should have lied on the tracks. That was on January 17th. Nothing is better and I also know that I don't have the balls to kill myself so yeah I am pretty fucked.
>>29749183
>I want to kill myself
>friend committed suicide and I saw how terrible suicide funerals are
There's no way I can do that to everyone. I've been to a cancer victim friend's funeral, but they saw it coming so it wasn't AS bad. Suicide funerals are the worst type, my friend's mom never got over it
>>29749183
had head through noose and was about to kick chair over but i pussied out
>>29749183
I took over 20 benzos, the goal was to do 40 but id been taking them to get through the days anxiety; I've also tried to OD on ketamine, but my tolerance was too high and I slowly stopped K-holing and I've stood on the edge of my balcony several times but I've been too pussy to jump.
>>29749183
this is one of the most appealing pictures i have ever seen
>>29749183
Disgusting. Is that who I think it is?
Lying in a bathtub with my wrists cut. Made the dumb decision of saying sending a "goodbye" text to a friend first. It's hard to fight off EMTs when you're borderline passing out from bloodloss.
>>29749569
Can you expand on what happened on the funeral?
I should have died several times already
>drank about 12 beers and a bottle of whiskey when I was 16 and slept outside somewhere
>took a huge amount of fentanyl at age 17 and just didn't fucking die
>and I once took 50 benzos when I was really fucking drunk last tuesday and was just high for about 3 days
I think I might've fucked my brain with the benzos+alcohol though because I don't know whats real and what I've dreamt anymore.
i put a belt around my neck and hung it on a shelf bar to see if it would hold my weight. it didn't and i have to think of something else that i have access to
I don't want to let you guys down, but it's only been thought experiments for me.
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>29750123
of course
such a great photograph
the pulse of bpd when you think of her composing it
>>29750123
>>29751747
Wait, who is it?Eliza?
>>29749183
The police confiscated my guns because of pictures with the barrel in my mouth
The next time I had stabbed my neck repeatedly with a knife trying to cut those veins, but I couldn't find them
I would never "try" to kill myself. You either do it or don't do it. THERE IS NO TRY! Trying to kill yourself is just a normie cry for attention. Nothing screams attention faggot quite like a guy cutting himself or taking some pills and waking up in an ER. If you really wanna kill yourself there are plenty of ways to do it effectively for free. If you're alive and say things like "yeah, the rope broke", "eh, my family stopped me", etc; you're just a faggot!
>>29750123
Nah. She's some random roastie who posted here some months ago. I'd link you, but desustorage died, sadly.
>>29751835
it's desuarchive now
>>29751821
Sir, I can tell you are a gentleman of distinction.
>>29751871
Holy fuck, I feel dumb now, thanks. I couldn't find the original thread though, but if you look at the pic you'll see spots in her face which Eliza doesn't have. Also, the oldest post from the archives has a tumblr filename: https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/15897186/#15897629
>>29751997
Well if nothing else it has a tumblr filename in the original posting and you could probably find the source like that.
>>29752056
I tried, but the reverse search didn't return anything. Anyway, your question was answered.
>>29749183
I took 29mg of xanax after drinking the good part of 10 hours on the anniversary of my best and only friend dying and layed down on my moms couch to join him.
Woke up 20+ hours later by my mom slapping me and yelling at me to wake up in a panic. Woke up and couldn't walk at all for another 50 hours or so without stumbling and falling.
>>29752451
surprised you survived that
too bad she didn't let you sleep in. you would've woken up all refreshed
>>29752658
I was too. I was pissed when the xanax wore off and i had the ability to be mad.
>tried to hang myself in a park when I was homeless but someone saw me and called the cops
>ended up trying to fight them and got tazed
>no charges filed but spent a month in pshyc ward
>overdosed on heroin trying to kill myself
>all that happened was I nodded put and vomited all over myself.
>half a gram of heroin won't even kill me.
I've been clean for 6 months now and I've never wanted to kill myself more. I'm working a shitty job tjat pays my rent but I run out of money for food towards the end off the week every week. I'm tired....
>inb4 junkie scum
I know
>>29752746
Well I love you anon.
:3
>>29749183
holy shit, eliza? has she finally cracked?
>>29751821
That is what I wish I could tell people who try to stop suicidal thoughts! It seems impossible to get out of that hole.
>>29753422
That's not her. Hopefully she's getting her shit together.
>>29752746
use the internet to learn about survival and move somewhere away from the city
>in high school
>been fighting with severe depression
>one day it's really bad
>bring my pocketknife to school because I always did
>just gets worse throughout the day
>find bathroom that almost nobody ever uses, because it's far from everything else
>slash my throat in it during lunch
>picked a really bad time to do it because somebody else walks in
>health teacher (her office was near the bathroom) hears the girl freak out and comes running with a first aid kit
>patches me up enough to keep me going until the paramedics show up
I've thought about it a lot since then. That was about ten years ago. When it gets really bad, I go to the park, drink, smoke, and stare out over the lake. I feel like the edge got taken off me, though. It still hurts, but I'm more just tired and burnt out than outright suicidal anymore.
>>29749183
i took a lot of tramadol to die
i could barely breath or stay awake but i guess it wasn't enough cos i just sat on my toilet for 6 hours then had a shower and carried on living
i tried to hang myself with a bedsheetluckily my mom doesnt know about this or she'd definitely have me committed
>>29753752
I know what you mean. My mom's really overprotective too. She wasn't even supposed to be able to conceive.
>tie rope around ceiling fan
>put noose around neck
>step off bed, start choking
>ceiling fan breaks and i fall face first into the ground
Can't even suicide right.
>>29749183
overdosed on suboxone a few weeks ago
>>29753659
>I feel like the edge got taken off me, though. It still hurts, but I'm more just tired and burnt out than outright suicidal anymore.
Same. I could kill myself if I had to but the desire to end the pain isn't as immediate as it used to be.
I wonder if this is the reason for that:
https://www.quora.com/Does-depression-decrease-ones-intelligence-IQ
>You can think of depression as a disease that starts where something is making you unhappy. Your brain goes into overdrive, trying to fix the problem. It gets really stressed out. All that stress kills neurons and reduces neurogenesis, so it's natural to expect some cognitive deficit. Eventually to protect itself from all the stress, an emotional numbness sets in and the emotion level is dramatically reduced -- patients often don't feel like doing much of anything. The whole process is not great for the brain.
>>29753938
That sounds about right. Explains why I've felt like I'm getting stupider, too. I forget a lot of things and have trouble keeping a train of thought going, lately. The only time I really feel anything anymore is when somebody hugs me. It's very rare, mostly my grandpa. But whenever someone hugs me I get warm and I cry and it feels really nice.
>>29749183
i killed mysmellf, that was pretty closeit means i wiped my bottom and took a shower
>>29753873
That's a total fail. It's impossible to die from buprenorphine overdose alone and that stuff has naloxone too.
When I was a teen I was extremely rapid cycling bipolar and would change emotions nonstop laughing and sobbing uncontrollably and screaming and punching breakwalls and shit. I tried my best to control it but it kept getting worse and worse. Eventually when i was like 16 I was switching emotions every hour and then it got down to like every 3 seconds and I was just in full blown psychosis. I used to cut for at least 5 hours a day just carving into the same spot over and over and over like a heroin junkie trying to use the extreme amount of endorphins to numb my mind and it partially worked but always made me feel worse after, but kept me alive during my really bad moments. I put a pistol in my mouth every day sometimes multiple times a day. I always felt so horrible for my one friend and my family and stuff. That they didnt deserve to feel the pain I felt even if it was just a small part of it and id feel even worse that I couldnt kill myself for their sake. I also used to drink pretty hardcore too and would do a bottle of 90+ proof liquor every day or so. I got hospitalized at one point. I havent done anything with my life and its been 12 years since then. My life ended when I became mentally ill around 11. I was able to push it and got about 4 horrendous years more of life. Im hoping to get disability soon or if not, I guess im just going to sit here for another 6 months and try again. Im not actively suicidal anymore but its in my thoughts on a daily basis. I still usually wake up and cry and cry myself to sleep. I dont think i will ever have anything in life because im just too mentally ill. No matter what I do or how hard I try, its always there and ruins everything.
>>29753938
I've felt like I've been getting progressively stupider every month and I'm only 19. Is there still hope?
>>29754044
yeah there's still a pope. the last one died but the cardinals elected a new one, they've been doing that for like 2000 years man.
I've held loaded guns to my head a couple times, two times I walked out into the woods with enough flubromazolam to overdose on, and one time I started to wander away from my house with all my prescription meds and a knife, but my mom stopped me. I think there's a very good chance I would've done it that last time if she hadn't stopped me, I was really, really fucked up at that point.
I've come closer to dying from overdose a few times (flubromazolam at least twice, heroin once), and from DT seizures that were my own fault.
>>29753700
The only way tramadol could ever kill you was if you had a fatal seizure.
>>29754044
At that age I started to feel stupid, foggy and distracted. I'm 21 now and feel pretty much totally worthless to do any job there is. I guess only hope is to start doing normie things.
>>29753700
nothing in the world is sexier than that lady parading around a crowded convention showing everyone her embarrassingly nerdy underwear.
>>29754044
The human brain's pretty elastic which means it can recover from trauma. For example, people who lose their hearing get better vision as their brain realigns itself to compensate for the loss and vice versa.
Especially at your age, I'd say there is definitely hope.
>>29753752
A girl at the psych ward tried to do that when I was there. All the blood vessels in her face popped.
>>29749183
99% chance it will happen before sept 8
100% chance it happens after
And i'm not sad
>>29754190
yeah obviously there is a verifiable pope, but i think he's a little older than 19, anon.
>>29754201
So, she died right?
>>29754245
No, she got caught, and then was on 24/7 suicide watch. She also tried to escape twice, and got caught both times.
>>29754245
no, he's alive. unless you're talking about benedict, he died about 3 years ago. it's francis now.
I killed myself. I am speaking from the grave.
>>29754407
this thread isn't for you if you went through with it. you're the biggest normie in here, even after death you're looking to reach out and socialize with people. >>>/soc/
I overdosed on random medication 2 years back, I took around 20 pills and woke up with tremors and crazy eyes and was pissed because I was alive. Then I did it again around 2 months later with more pills and still woke up alive and felt like shit. Eventually gave up after two tries. Also once I felt shitty and tied a noose from some scarf and once I put my head through the scarf I chickened out.
>>29754563
no i think they have a conclave and they let out white smoke if the election is successful. i haven't heard of the scarf thing.
>>29749183
Anyone else get a boner from this picture?
>>29749300
Dude, same.
Except, you should try and tie a knot in the one end of the belt, then close a door on it, next time.
Then you just bend your knees and you're out.
(thats what I tried -pussied out)
>>29755795
>>29749300
Can you guys seriously not just buy rope? I mean if you're going to chose one of the shittiest methods to do it, at least don't half ass it.
>>29754563
Take some time to learn what you're overdosing on. Sounds like you took some serotonergic medication, like an anti-depressant. Most of those aren't gonna kill you. I've gotten serotonin syndrome and it feels kinda good, actually. I became really manic and started hallucinating all these cool colors everywhere.
>>29749183
I held a butchers knife over my wrist when I was 8, and was about ready to slam it down until I heard my older sister get home from school.
Honestly forgot why I was pushed to it, but it kind of fucks me up thinking what if. Hell, it could be the catalyst that made me a robot. Should I talk to a shrink about this"?
>>29755820
Hanging from like a ceiling rafter or something only works if you're heavy. For skinny folks, it's a lot easier to do it from a doorknob. So I've heard, anyways.
>>29755831
It feels good? Seriously? Did you need to go to a hospital?
>tfw spent birthday money on pills to overdose on in grade 9 and drank with parents booze and then fell asleep listening to in the air tonight and thought I would get reincarnated
>>29755852
That doesn't mean you can't use rope.
>>29755865
No, I just waited it out. Maybe I exaggerated a little, it's not really pleasant or unpleasant, it's just kind of weird and different.
>>29755898
How did you get it? SSRI overdose? If you weren't seizing and shit that doesn't sound like a particularly severe case.
>>29749864
>trying to OD on two of the least toxic drugs possible
>>29751821
It's harder than you think.
>one night, slip into the shed.
>put your note on the counter, obviously a suicide note
>grab a belt, tie a knot and slip it in the top of the door
>put your head in the hole
>spend the next few hours trying to bend your knees long enough that you pass out
>mentally tell yourself "It's not so hard!", "Do you not want to die or something?"
>get tired and finally fucking give up
>take your damn note and leave
wash and repeat
it takes a lot to push you to that point
i'm making sure next time I try I won't leave.
>>29755947
*leave the room
faggots
>>29755907
I took some stimulant and a lot of 5-htp. I didn't think the stimulant could cause serotonin syndrome, but I guess it did. It felt pretty strong though. I was vomiting and seeing weird orbs of color everywhere. I have some bipolar genes, so serotonin makes me hypomanic too. I was really talkative and smiling ear-to-ear for a couple days.
I love getting this result on an online test. I didn't even think I said anything bad.
>>29755977
My main fears with Serotonin syndrome are about Trazodone or lithium interacting with recreational drugs. I don't take my lithium, but I do sometimes use the trazodone to sleep. Currently taking a week or a bit longer off from the traz so I can try tripping on LSD again.
>>29752658
>surprised you survived that
You can survive multiple grams of Xanax, 29 mg is pussy shit.
>>29756093
I hate how everyone thinks it's impossible to OD on any benzodiazepines because most of them are that way. I've almost died from flubromazolam multiple times, and people think I'm bullshitting because it's a benzo (or an analogue at least), but it and clonazolam can drop people like it's nothing.
>>29749864
what exactly is a k hole.
i'e been way too high on ket and couldn't move my body, does that count? didn't have any enlightened thoughts other than being really high and thinking everything was super sparkly and great feeling.
attempted to strangle myself with my belt when I was 12-13. held on until I heard buzzing in my ears and everything got blurry but I chickened out in the end.
I always think it's a little funny that despite being severely depressed I've never tried to kill myself since then.
>>29756127
I didn't say "any benzodiazepines" you stupid fucking cunt I said Xanax and I actually researched it beforehand as well.
i got hit by a car when i was drunk on a holiday trip with my college
i had so much alcohol in my system that there was barely any damage, and i got straight back up once the car hit me down
i had a really deep think about my mortality in the taxi back to the hotel i was staying at
>>29756127
klonopin, really?
my doctor never told me not to drink while on them so i went a couple years binge drinking and taking 2-3mg (my recommended dose)
>>29756087
trazoDONT
fuck that shit
Close. Had a loaded revolver to my head just last week. Too fucking scared of the pain, and I feel too fucking bad about doing that to my family, even though they would be better off without me.
>>29756127
benzos are active across a very broad spectrum of magnitudes from like micrograms to mg. some of the research ones are infamous for taking a seemingly harmless dose, and rolling for a week, but they all seem to have low toxicity even for outrageous doses. like you wont die, but maybe end up in a coma. just my observations
used a wire to strangle myself from my bed (its one of those double bed,one over the other one sorry for my bad english btw)so it was me hanging at a very low height but almost sit on floor (it was just to strangle) i started to feel very drowsey and think about other things....seconds later i have this strange feeling like dreaming and something bad happening to me but cant figure out what's happening
i "wake up" and im convulsing with my hands on my neck trying to get off the wire,as i can i stand up (it was very hard since my legs were kinda numb and shaking) and take it off
>>29754636
I'm too high for this shit lmao
>>29756143
You get so detached from everything that you lose all sense of being on a drug, or even recognizing that you exist. You're way too far gone to even recognize the room you're in. Usually you're curled up in a ball with your eyes closed. It's an interesting state to be in, to say the least.
A shrink once told me I wasn't in serious danger until "ideation" which is planning a specific method. She then asked if I had ever reached that stage. I knew if I said yes she was required to call cops and have me locked up. That would have fucked up my life, made me more bummed, and increased the likelihood of an attempt. So basically you can't talk to shrinks.
>>29756380
Is it a fun thing?
>>29756147
Holy shit do you not understand that I was talking in general and not attacking you? Are you seriously that fucking paranoid?
>>29756201
Klonopin is clonazepam. Clonazolam is a research chemical which is dozens of times stronger.
>>29756232
Why?
>>29756324
People have died from sub 10 milligram doses of flubromazolam.
Why do normies love to keep unhappy people alive? Worst case scenario is 24-hour suicide watch, where you're stuck in a room with absolutely nothing in it, pumped with medication until you feel dead already. Why do they pretend to care? If they really did they'd just let you do it.
>>29756232
i had the best experience tripping on trazodone.
i was already out of it after being admitted to the psych ward. and was told by another patient to complain about insomnia to get trazodone scripts. took two of mine at once and couldn't recognise anything and got lost on the ward trying to find my room. once i managed to lay down, best sleep i'd ever had.
>>29756423
What the fuck is up with people getting crazy results from meds which never did anything for me? It's true with trazodone, clonidine, and gabapentin.
>>29756411
Some people start to panic, because it's so different from anything you've ever experienced, but many others find it's deeply spiritual and meaningful. I don't think it's "fun" persay, it's more "different".
>>29749234
Lol dude that's nothing ... 10 tylenols dude? You could take that and not even notice anything different.
>>29756455
if it's any consolation no amount of mdma will get me high and xanax/klonopin don't do shit for me.
>>29756460
Per Se means "in it's self". You're using it incorrectly.
>>29756455
I once babysat a friend who took a shit ton of another friend's clonidine, and he was a walking zombie. Talking to people who weren't there, a thousand-yard stare, and the only times he'd hear me he would reply incoherently
>>29749183
lmao i'd kill myself too if my teeth were that yellow
>>29756513
>prescriptivists
>>29756506
I didn't feel anything from MDMA either. I'm going to try it again, but I really think it was good stuff and I just felt nothing.
>>29756415
>Why?
mainly side effects. why would you want to sleep or trip with a dry mouth and a raging hard on? only drug i couldnt figure out how to feel about. if you dont experience or are unphased by any of the side effects, more power to you.
>>29756551
edgy xD
(i'd kill myself if i had a mustache like that)
>>29756579
It hasn't ever given me real dry mouth, that's Seroquel's job. The trazoboner can be annoying though.
>>29756572
i got high my first time....and not since then, maybe a little buzz.
i never take it more than once every 3 months and i take large doses of what i think is good stuff, better than the stuff available on the street or that my friends have had, and usually bump up appropriately.
just don't think i'm happy enough for it.
ghb is great but if i take a little bit too much when i bump up i get really manic, not dangerous just "psycho bitch"
Drank a bottle of Jack Daniel's and everything in my medicine cabinet.. pussied out and called friend before the end.
I ran from the cops when they came with the ambulance, for like 1/2 a block then gave up
>>29756642
do you still talk to the friend?
This close
Brain damage didn't sound too appealing
>>29756656
Yeah I owed him big time
>>29756673
Ouch. Yeah, helium is pretty much over as a method. Too bad it's a valuable resource.
>>29749183
One time, I had a rope tied into a noose attached to a locked door with a plastic bag over my head, but the concept of never hearing music again, at the time, really dissuaded me from going through with it.
Another time, I just dumped a bunch of various pills into one, gargantuan pile and took them all. After a long, agonizing night of preventing myself from vomiting and feeling like absolute shit, I wake up, alive, with the worst hangover of my life and end up taking a week off work to recover.
There have been several other attempts, usually involving fucktons of pills, but none have been quite as close or as severe as the attempts above.
freshman year of college, wasn't going to class so i cut my neck with dull scissors to punish myself (why yes i was a little baby faggot, thanks for asking). one time i cut really hard and blood started spilling down my chest. i watched it flow for a while, staining my boxers, then i passed out in bed. woke up later not dead. didn't do it anymore. ended up failing out, probably because i didn't follow through on the scissor punishment.
second attempt at college, failed out again, was there for a week after failing out before i went home. took 12 valium, a couple painkillers (forget which type), ritalin and adderall. stayed up 2 days & nights in my room trying to do a perfect backflip onto my bed. at one point i was lying in bed trying to remember my entire school schedule each semester starting in 6th grade. i was concentrating, really trying to remember, and then i looked over at the clock and i had been doing it for 8 hours straight. after the 2nd day i went out and got wasted on half a beer. wasn't trying to kill myself, just wanted to see what it was like.
>>29756937
pics of neck please.
>>29749183
I was driving down the highway and there was a barrier. I was going about 75 and swerved towards it cuz i was mad but then i swerved backwards not to hit it. I figured id be pretty fucked up if i didnt die so i chickened out at last moment
>>29749569
>>29750183
Not the guy you were talking to, but my best friend killed himself and I can say the same. The funeral was the worst thing I've ever been to. It was the saddest and most heartbreaking thing I'd ever seen.
His mother was a mess, his father refused to talk, his girlfriend was absolutely inconsolable. She had to go outside every fifteen minutes and you could hear her wailing in pain. Peers from school were pale and really quiet, occasionally flashing a smile my way and his mom's way.
People were whispering things like "why" and "I never saw this coming" and "he was so gifted, he had so much going for him".
It's like one big why. Its terrible fampai. It's absolutely terrible.
>>29756979
if you say so. this happened in fall of 2000.
>>29757157
Thats what they fucking get, nobody kills themselves unless the people around them make them want to do it. Hopefully that woke them the fuck up and they stop acting like assholes
>>29757198
noice.
also that looks like a normie neck, why ya so down anon?
>>29757157
been to two suicide funerals (one was just a wake).
they weren't overly sad.
although i've never been to a "normal" funeral, so i guess i don't have much to compare to.
>tied rope to ceiling
>put head in loop
>knocked down chair
>its finally happening
>wow not breathing is really scary
>tied the knot wrong and im a fat fuck
>comes undone after like a minute
>too much pussy to try again
Couldn't even kill myself right>inb4 only attention whoring normalfags try and fail
I know, but im not an attention whore about it. I've only told the good people of 4chani dont talk to anyone else though so it doesn't really count
>>29757278
thanks anon, what a noice neck compliment! i'm fine, thanks for asking. just used to hit myself a lot especially in the head for the purposes of "come on faggot what are you doing." i realize this is what severely autistic people do.
>>29749183
i hanged myself when i was 19 but the cord snapped because i was too fat
I want to do it, clearly i don't or i would, mother still alive, can't do that to her so even if i was going to do it i can't as she is still alive, also fuck getting brain damage or something from failing to hang my fat ass.
>>29757157
This is why I want to run into the woods and never come back. Even when I die, they at least won't know for sure that I intentionally hurt myself.
tried to drown myself in a county jail toilet so i could turn into the antichrist, it didn't work i think
