Suicide
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
What keeps you going, /r9k/?I don't want to do anything.I don't feel pleasure anymore.I only feel pain.
Suicide is the most beta thing you can do. Surely you wouldn't want to be remembered as a cuck.
I'm too much a faggot to try and kill myself, can't get a gun here either otherwise i'd seriously consider it.
What keeps me going?
Good question, i'm not entirely sure, my mom being alive still would be one, can't kill myself while she's alive.
I believe everyone has a certain threshold and when they really have had enough you won't hear them say i'm going to an hero, they just will, so clearly i've got some fight left in me yet, i guess.
Pretty much nothing. By the end of the summer I will lose my living place and I have problems with police. If that turned into worse, I would be more than really fucked. Suicide is the only way
>>29648551
>be remembered
No.
I did have a narcissistic phase and longed for attention and wanted to be remembered, but it was a long time ago.
>/thred
Btw I asked you what keeps you alive.
>>29648563
>my mom being alive
This is a good reason. Keep in touch with people you love and spend time with them.
>>29648743
Do you have friends or parents that can help you?
>>29648484
Mom and cat
After them I'm packing in for a long rest
>>29648792
I live with my dad and if I dont go back to school that I dropped, he will kick me out. I cant go there with my mental state. Im tired of everything and its nothing is worth trying anyways
The possibility of eternal return not being an existential meme that comes with the philosophical territory of Nietzsche. Seriously scary.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eternal_return
>>29648860
If eternal return is true, then really you should kill yourself as quickly as possible to maximize the ratio of childhood to adult years you have to experience for all of eternity
I have a lot of hope, ending my life prematurely would eliminate it. That and I can't help but think of the consequence of committing, the effect it would have on those who were acquainted with me in life. I don't want to be the cause of anyone's tears or grief, though I admit some would probably breathe a sigh of relief upon hearing that I had died.
>>29648484
>I only feel pain.
You still feel something? You got a little bit to go still, anon. Almost there though.
>>29648743
Kind of in a similar place.
>Have loans I'm supposed to be paying off, but I've missed one already and have no money
>Need a job ASAP so I can move out of my parents basement by the fall, but I can't find anything
Should have killed myself the first time my parents kicked me out of the house, my life has been pure nightmare after they let me back. Those manipulative bastards love toying around with me.
>>29648484
My fucking job. 9 bucks an hour, but It isn't bad.
>>29648859
I understand. Have you talked to your father explaining how you feel?
>>29648860
Suicide is not rational, you don't do it because of that or because the universe will collapse one day. Also, if you were this rational >>29648904 is true.
>>29648913
That's true. it's difficult if you know that you will cause pain to someone you love.
>>29648926
I know, probably some months left.
>>29648927
Do you have any friends you can rely on? They may undestand your situation.
>>29649071
Yes. I even got almost locked into a psych ward and got a lot meds prescribed. Its a laughable thing for him, he doesnt understand these things
>just go outside :)
>>29648484
Overdosing didn't work, even when I cut down the street I can't cut deep enough to die because it hurts, don't have a high enough anchor to tie onto so hanging never works out and I can't afford a gun.
>>29649071
>Suicide is not rational
what is rationality to you?
>>29648904
>>29649071
>implying I had a fun childhood
>>29649071
>Do you have any friends you can rely on? They may undestand your situation.
I have a friend, but he lives half way across the country. I literally have nowhere to go, and I don't look forward to being homeless again. Being homeless for three days was fucking terrible.
>>29649132
>just go outside :)
How often do you leave your house?
Do you have friend IRL or online?
>>29649205
Never said that, but if you commit suicide as soon as possible you will experience less pain.
>>29649233
You can still ask him if he is willing to host you.
> he lives half way across the country
you don't have nothing to lose at this point. If it doesn't work, you can still have the other option.
>>29649304
I used to go outside a lot. Everything by little went to shit and now Im always staying home, just have to walk my dog everyday
One friend that lives far away
>>29648484
I feel nothing. In all honesty, the only thing keeping me going is my little brother. I just don't want him to end up like me and i'll do anything to keep him happy.
The idea of drugs, but honestly that's practically just a fantasy right now. I just want to fade away. One of these days, I probably will.
I trade nudes with my boyfriend
He has a nice dick desu senpai
Art.
I'll die when I can't create anymore, or somehow lose interest.
>>29649484
I'm losing interest.
>>29649513
This post terrifies me.
>>29649372
He's living in fema trailer with another person, there's literally zero room for me.
>>29649519
That was the intent.
I don't think I'll ever actively "commit" suicide, but I'm seriously considering engineering a situation in which the possibility of me surviving is very low.
>>29649380
Are you currently in touch with him?
>>29649427
You're brother will make you happy
>>29649484
>>29649513
Van Gogh
>>29649522
Do you have someone other than your father and your friend?
>>29648484
Not wanting to give others the satisfaction of seeing me dead.
The beauty and complexity of life always wants me to stay.
I used to get frustrated and bitter when things didn't go my way, a decade of loneliness made me a racist, a misanthropist and a spiteful person, just general hatred for feeling alone, that I'd take out on others.
Gradually I began to see how amazingly beautiful this world was.
How we were created, the vast amount of interactions occurring every single moment, maybe preordained - who knows.
Like I'd walk into a library and I'd think, wow, so many people wrote so many books, they spent their lives researching and developing their ideas so that others could see it as well. And it's just one library of many, some holding books absent from other libraries. Then I'd look at the ground I was walking at and I'd think, wow, so many people walked on this pavement, people who've died, children, people with their own individual stories, and soon future generations. Then I'd browse the internet and I'd think, wow, there are so many tiny little communities all debating and spreading their ideas with each other, human interaction within a machine, something that was non existent only a few decades ago.
Observing nature is pretty helpful too, I used to drive down the PCH and climb down those cliffs just to see the seabirds living in their own little ecosystems, whatnot, seeing how as time passes they recline back into their little caves in the cliff, how they hunt for food. I also love looking at ants and bees, and hummingbird too, hummingbirds are always fun to observe.
You should just stop caring about your status in life, what people think about you, and just enjoy being alive. Actually you should enjoy being alive (have all the basic necessities for being alive), then strive to improve yourself or live with a content life and enjoy what you already have.
>>29649590
In touch, doesnt really matter
I'm in college and trying to build a career. It's sink or swim, really. I'm not some STEMfag who is guaranteed work. If I succeed, I'll be rich, if I fail, then all that would be left for me is flipping burgers (in which case I would rather kill myself than be a wagecuck).
If I do make it someday, I'll come to r9k and tell you guys all about it. If I fail, I'll probably end up on here saying that I'm going to kill myself right before I do it.
Let's see what happens.
Inviting all of you to a discord chat for moderately-friendly folk.
It is a little dead right now, since it is pretty late, but I feel like everyone there is good people and pretty supportive.
i know how you feel op
>>29649769
I have a STEMfag friend who owns a chain of fast food restaurants, he's well off and enjoys his job of managing his establishments, so maybe if you end up failing (I hope you don't), something better might come your way!
>>29649796
https://discord.gg/sAhZF
forgot link
>What keeps you going
The idea of getting my own place and escaping from this hell I call home since I truly believe it's the main reason im so miserable, might get better or worse, since I gave up long ago on silly crap like friends and love there's a chance it will get better. Or it might simply be too late, whatever it is I lose nothing by trying for once in life, 5 more years of suffering at most. This is my last shot at life.
>>29649825
you'll appreciate home once you've experienced being homeless, not trying to guilt trip you or anything, but see the positives (or not, idk), but I hope you get your own place!
>>29649800
Thanks for the consolation, but this is something I really want to succeed in. Hence why I'm alive and still pushing. I originally trained to be an EMT but my chronic illness got so bad that I would be a liability.
I've become obsessed with building my career, just doing this one thing and it's all I can think about every day.
>>29649739
A good reply!
I used to be amazed by the complexity of things - the fact that the universe was literally mathematics, for example. I would surf on the internet to learn something new, travel around to know about people and their culture, I used to read, play the guitar, walk on the mountain.
Eventually I started to lose interest. I started to feel alone, because no one could appriciate things like I used to and no one actually really cared about things I loved. People are concered about aspects of daily life that I don't enjoy. I can't feel a connection with most of them.
I don't enjoy observing things anymore. I literally don't remember when I last left my apartment. I only remembered that I threw up and had headache because I'm no longer used to watch the sunlight.
>>29649745
I think that sharing your life, happiness and sad moments is actually the most important thing. Call your friend.
>>29649769
I agree with >>29649800, you can still succeed even though it's another field.
>>29649796
>tfw you don't have a mic
sorry
>>29649825
If you really want something, you can achieve it. Good luck!
>>29649796
It is mostly text chat. If we ever have a call going, which is rare, I for one do not mind people just leaving their mic off and answering in chat. Whatever you feel like friend
I like to try to make other people laugh because I can't feel happy myself it nice to know that I can help people cheer up hang in there
Camus "explained" it to me that it is the most beta thing to do. Seriously read this op
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Myth_of_Sisyphus
>>29649135
The mistake a lot of people make with a cutting suicide is thinking that they have to make one hard, long slash. You can cut several times in one spot to make it deeper. It doesn't hurt that bad. If you're worried about it hurting, then you don't seriously want to die. Who cares about pain when it's the only obstacle to ending your misery?
>>29651537
I started reading one year ago and then stopped. He's opinion - opinion, nothing more - about suicide is not going to change my mind. I do not care how people will judge you, it's not important, only pain is. I'm more concerned about the sorrow I will cause to my mother.
>>29651677
>Who cares about pain when it's the only obstacle to ending your misery
why would you feel horrible sensations when you can eaily use more efficient methods that avoid pain?
>>29651883
oh, I can't write
reading it*
his*
judge me*
>>29651677
>cutting suicide
You have to be extremelyedgyto do this when you can just get a rope and a ladder or a pistol and blow your head full of lead.
>>29648484
>tfw life is actually getting better
>tfw meds and therapy are helping
>>29651883
The thing is you just have to live and strangely comfort yourself in the pain. I don't know how bad your life is, mine definitely wasn't the best but also wasn't the absolute worst (no violence or abuse). You have a huge freedom to do everything you want and can, suicide means there is nothing but nit the conforting nothingness just nothing. You can go by foot to alaska or tibet or just I don't know go live in a forest alone.
It really depends on your life and thigs that want to makw you kill yourself.
I wanted to kill myself because I a virgin robot and no appealing future. I dont want to work and be around college people who mock me but if things will be untolerable I'll just wander off and live /out/
Suicide wont make the misery dissapear you will just suffer until the very end with ml sense of relieve. You can have the relieve only alive.
>>29648484
I thought the same thing but then I drank most of a bottle of vodka and took a bunch of speed in a last ditch effort not to kms. So far it seems to have worked! I think I can feel things again. One way or the other I've definitely quit worrying about what random acquaintances think of me or about living up to other people's expectations. It might be temporary though.
>>29649135
You can use barbiturates if you want it to work. Or hanging but be very careful it is secure enough that random movements won't dislodge anything.
>>29651537
It's actually the most Alpha thing.
The only way to win is not to play.
>>29651921
Really? Did they help you?
>>29651977
Thanks, anon. I appreciate your post.
>if things will be untolerable I'll just wander off and live
I've dreamt to live in uninhabitated countries since I was a child. I've been thinking about it in the last months, but it's not an option for me. I have some painful chronic diseases (not lethal) and I need medicines. Btw I have a very weak immune system, I would die anyway out there.
>You can have the relieve only alive.
It's true. The point is that I don't believe in it anymore. To me, feeling nothing seems better than suffering. But I understand what you mean, thank you.
>>29652066
Thank you, but I already have some good methods.
>>29652202
It's not alpha or beta, it's just the end.
mom and dad.
Honesty I can't wait for them to die so I can finally hang myself.
>>29652307
>Did they help you?
Meds stopped making me feel numb
Therapy helped with my anxiety
Doing DBT now for my borderline
>>29648484
Working out.
I don't want to talk to people. People don't want to talk to me. I have no real interest in what i study, but i continue to do it anyways. It feels like i'm getting nowhere in life, but when i wake up and my muscles ache from having giving it my all the day before, i feel more motivated than i ever have.
oh, and osu!
>>29652337
>I can't wait for them to die
Ermm, if my mother died I would commit suicide shortly after, but I don't wish her to die...
>>29652341
Good to know, thank you! usually people say meds are ineffective and so does therapy. It's always nice to hear some positive examples.
>>29652307
You're welcome I know how difficult this feeling is.
Hope you'll get out of it.
(Maybe stack all the medicines you need for a year or so and do it for a while and see how does it work for you, definitely do this before attempting suicide)
Being scared.
I fucking love being scared.
one of the best feelings i know.
Love nightmares.
Love dark alleyways where there is a chance of getting stabbed.
>>29652452
Ok, I'll try. Thank you for support!
>>29652461
being scares is your reason to live? what kind of bait is this? ahah
My fear of death.
I don't give a shit about my family and I've already played/watched/listened to/read most stuff I'm interested in.
