I need to learn how to talk to people... Im too nervous to try and approach anyone in real life.. I even get nervous on here when its clearly anonymous.... I dont know what to do
>>29605765
what makes you nervous? being able to identify the exact feelings/fears that are interfering with your progress is the first step to improving.
>>29605765
fuck off
>>29605802
ur a goodperson
>>29605802
I think just...being rejected... on any level. Im not really sure. I just want someone to like me...
Im just constantly trying to not piss anyone off
>>29605940
stop giving a fuck about what people think
piss people off
do you
be true
nobody gives a fuck about how nervous you are and neither should you. stop setting yourself up for failure and focus on the important shit in life.
it's all in your head
>>29605765
Just go up and talk to people bro. It works for me everytime
Keep up to date on small talk stuff like weather, politics. Also you can't go wrong with compliments. People eat that shit up.
>>29606016
but I... whenever I see this groupo of people I tink I should just and talk to them. But it feels like my feet have magnets, and I cant actually move. So I just stand there, staring at them, like a freak....
>>29605940
i was like you and i still resort to trying to please people when i feel most nervous but one thing you can do is start to assert yourself more. it doesn't have to be in an obnoxious way although you may feel obnoxious at first.
assuming that you do interact with someone in real life, you can start here.
when someone says something that you know is wrong, politely correct them.
when someone says they like something and you don't, say it.
you need practice with not trying to please people all the time. you will always be in fear if you feel the need to be liked by everyone all the time and you will never be able to deal with normal interactions where people disagree and have little arguments all the time. you can never please everyone anyway.
if you're able to go out to stores or restaurants, you can practice here too.
they serve you the wrong food or they cook it wrong, send it back.
you've been charged the wrong amount for something, request that they refund the money you're owed.
someone cuts ahead of you in line, speak up and let them know that you were there ahead of them.
these things are actually still difficult for me and sometimes i can't do them but i used to not leave my house at all, so improvement is improvement.
don't know where you're at now but assuming that you can't speak to people when you're out, you can try another approach if you're nervous about anonymous posting.
it may sound weird but try some silly or stupid trolling. no need to be mean but learning not to take yourself so seriously can be helpful. it can also help you have a sense of humor about social things and you will sometimes get crap for shitposting which is a very, very gentle introduction to rejection. you will see how little it matters that people don't like what you have to say.
maybe you're ahead of my suggestions but if approaching someone for a conversation is too intimidating, you start with what you are capable of and you slowly push the boundaries.
>>29606108
I force myself to watch a lot of stuff on youtube about politics and current event, just so I can have some topic to talk with people... but when I'm there I cant remember any of it. It always boils down to this feeling of... just going home. Escaping. Is there nothing I could read or watch that could help?
>>29606216
(cont.)
this isn't directly learning to make conversation but the purpose is to gain some confidence so that you can do it in the future. it sounds like you're really afraid of people not liking you and you need to see that it isn't as important or as threatening as you feel like it is now.
we will all be rejected at some point as long as we're actually living our lives but the point is that you tried, you were true to your own thoughts and feelings. this will help you understand yourself and feel more comfortable with who you are so you don't need to silently wish for everyone else's approval to the point that you can't even approach someone and speak to them.
>>29606190
Oh you're fucked kid i can't help you anymore you're a freak.
>>29606253
>assuming that you do interact with someone in real life
They only person I've ever interacted with is the people at the cash register. I made this rule that I can't leave a store without talking to someone. Its usually the register lady. I read her name tag and greet her by name. I hope that way she remembers me and we can one day somehow talk.... She never has remembered me....
>they serve you the wrong food or they cook it wrong, send it back.
I feel like this is to advanced for me... I just take whatever I get... Just grateful I got something, anything to eat.
>someone cuts ahead of you in line, speak up
This takes balls I clearly don't have
>try some silly or stupid trolling.
I'll try this, but I can see myself not getting too far. At the first response I get I'll stop posting...
>the purpose is to gain some confidence so that you can do it in the future
this is just what I want. I need to be... human. I need to do that which everyone else seems to be able to do... I might just be, in its definition, retarded. I just can't keep up wit h others. They are so good at talking, so fluid.... and I can't keep someones attention....
thank you so much for your time. I wish I could call you something better than anon. Your really nice and I really appreciate your time
Don't worry, the desire will pass and you'll settle into life as a passive husk.
>>29605970
thank you. Really, I hope it dosen't sound like Im being a dick, just... thank you for the advice. It will take me some time, since all I do is care what people think about me, but I hope it gets better..
>>29606432
it's absolutely no problem, anon. i'm glad i took the time because it sounds like you really want to improve.
i know these things sound very difficult (and they will be, especially the first time) but you have to try or it will never get better.
i can tell you that i used to be so nervous when i posted online that sometimes my heart would start beating really hard and i'd have trouble breathing. it was worst when someone disagreed with me or said something mean but even positive interactions were like that sometimes. now i shitpost whenever i feel like it to blow off steam and i don't take everything so seriously. and i don't constantly feel like i'm having a heart attack anymore.
believe it or not, it's transferred over into real life interactions too. exposing yourself to intimidating situations and seeing that you can handle them (even if they make you feel upset at first and even if they're not 100% successful) will build your confidence.
there might be ups and downs but all effort will motivate you to keep going and regardless of how it feels, no social interaction is going to kill you (unless you piss off a serial killer, of course).
the reason you can't keep up is most likely because you don't have much practice. socializing is a skill and it comes easier for some people than others. prolonged isolation makes it much harder, too. maybe you actually even are autistic (though if no one has ever suggested that before, probably not). you can still go after what you want. if you fail after trying consistently, then you can give up and assume that you'll never be successful but until then you don't know that for sure.
i wish you luck anon and i hope you have the courage to give it your best shot.
>>29605970
This is terrible advice because I do this and I'm an asshole and people hate me
>>29606432
try going to a therapist, i just started this and we have discussed things to help me battle my anxiety and depression. if you cannot afford one i suggest posting on various internet forums for advice or help.
my advice to you is exposure therapy:
continue going outside and trying to get out of your comfort zone, you will see progress! don't go back to old habits of staying inside, this is what i did. most importantly drink lots of water and try to eat good while getting some exercise everyday! jump rope for 10 minutes,, do some push ups until you cant do anymore do some situps and then do some more push ups. also remember to thoroughly stretch your entire body every day.
i believe in u anon u will make it just like me
>>29606655
also check my double dubs and read some philosophy!! it will change how you think about different things and people might find that interesting also some people like to have deep conversations and philosophy will help you form your own thoughts and opinions while helping you become yourself
i recommend the great greek philosophers: plato, socrates, and aristotle
the germans: immanuel kant and friedrich nietzche
danish guy: soren kierkegaard
also the book "the stranger" by albert camus is really good as well as "crime and punishment" by fyodor dostyvesky
p.s. my spelling is off because its late here and also I didn't cover even a fraction of good philosophers so do more research if you don't find any of those intresting
>>29606605
>no social interaction is going to kill you
I don't expect you to respond, but I just wanted to say that it kind of is my fear that my .... awkwardness will make someone think im being rude or something... and they end up kicking my ass
>i hope you have the courage to give it your best shot
Me too. Thank you anon, Ill take some screen shots so I dont have to ask again for advice
>>29606655
thank you anon. I'll try and get in shape and all that... I havent tried in a while. Im very skinny now... like 130lbs.... i dont really eat too much.
I'll really give it all I got with the exposure therapy. Im going to college right now, and that is a whole new level of disaster
>>29605765
In real life, smile and ask questions.
On here, what the fuck man you can just say whatever it doesn't matter
