No matter what, I can't stop thinking like a hopeless romantic, and I figure that this has made me significantly more miserable in my life.
I'm just uninterested in the kind of casual pursuing that I see people talking about, and it just seems pointless to me. Though, I think I would be much happier if I could think in that same way, if I wasn't holding out for an incredibly rare ideal and thus would actually have the motivation to search for a girlfriend just for the sake of having a romantic relationship and gaining experiences, learning how better to deal with people, and not being quite so consumed with loneliness and self-loathing. I am not at all a desirable person, but even if there ever is any sliver of a chance with a girl, I let it fall away in sudden apathy and I feel my manner towards her harden up when I talk to her even just briefly and realize that I just can't relate to her.
The only "girlfriend" I ever had, when I was ten or eleven years old, asked me to kiss her, and I awkwardly, politely refused to even kiss her on the cheek even though I wanted to because it just felt inherently wrong, like I felt that we should wait until we were older because I wanted to know if she would be the right person. Even that young I was thinking that way, and at eighteen I've still never kissed a girl.
Not that eighteen isn't still very young, and I don't regret it because I still would be glad to wait for the right girl, but I can't conceive of having any chance now. I feel further and further away from other people every day, and I only feel myself becoming more and more entrenched in my ideals and expectations and increasingly ridiculous standards.
I know that feel, OP.
I've started to become confused as to the distinction between "settling" and "not being with the perfect person that doesn't exist". I'm not sure where my standards even sit at this point. I just want love in my life -- I hate this "you have to learn to love yourself first!" shit. I am a human, a social being and I am fucking lonely.
>>29604369
Whats the source for this manga famalan?
I also am holding out for a soulmate, despite my lack of belief in destiny and fate. Romanticism is clearly not how the world works and the people that don't get it just drive that point home. Tell me to change though, and I'll lose respect in you.
Source on the OP pic though? I want to read it.
THIS
H
I
S
!!!!!!
i've never seen my life put into words so perfectly. this is exactly it. this this this this this. thank you thank you thank you OP
rip 2 us :(
>>29604369
>>29604568
I found it. Its called China girl.
Take the redpill, op. Women can't love.
>>29604601
Thank you very much anon.
originarigato
>>29604536
>>29604568
>Source on manga in OP pic
China Girl. Only nine chapters, I just gone done reading through it in something like an hour or two. I expected it to be crap and thought I was only going to skim through the first chapter to see a cute Chinese girl, but I ended up getting sucked in and read through it and it was actually very emotional. I highly recommend it.
>>29604568
>I also am holding out for a soulmate, despite my lack of belief in destiny and fate. Romanticism is clearly not how the world works and the people that don't get it just drive that point home. Tell me to change though, and I'll lose respect in you.
I identify with this feeling strongly.
>>29604638
You know, I've probably been internalizing the things I've read on /r9k/ since I was fourteen or fifteen and I still have this mindset. I just can't stop daydreaming about this romantic ideal, no matter how much I try to convince myself every single day that I am wasting my time thinking about love and that it is impossible for someone like me especially.
>Atheist
>Pray to god for someone to enter my life and give me love anyway
who here /hypocritically lonely/?
>>29604777
Apparently the author died before he could finish it. Kinda my like my relationship....
>>29604960
>Apparently the author died before he could finish it.
Huh, no way.
That explains why it's so brief I guess, I would have liked a long series with this premise, because Chinaboo. Having downloaded and simultaneously read through the raws while reading the English for clarification of difficult sentences, I also thought it was really cool and linguistically interesting seeing the Japanizations of Chinese words when Xianglan would speak them in the story.
>>29605129
Also, dumping more good parts.
This video was the nail in the coffin. I've simply come to accept that I'll probably die alone. But that's ok. There are all sorts of relationships to have. Family, friends, or a pet, and perhaps various lovers in life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jltM5qYn25w
But I could never dedicate my heart to another woman solely. For if she were to break it, I would surely die. Right after going on a RAMPAGE.
>>29605232
This entire comic reminded me of Chikan Otoko for some reason. Probably several reasons actually, one being because the protagonist gets into really awkward situations constantly while trying to get close to this girl.
>>29605258
That is a very good video. Very coherently and briefly expresses the kinds of things I've been considering for a while. Most of those romantic ideas in the video I am not trapped in fortunately: I have no interest in marriage or sex, I idealize practicality, and I idealize being mutually flawed (e.g. we would both be ugly, or bitter, or socially isolated, etc. so that we would be able to better relate), but the part at 1:16 - 1:24 I more or less find myself idealizing and daydreaming about much of the time.
