What's the most you've ever gotten away with stealing?
>Be me
>Grocery shopping at Woolworths (Australian Walmart)
>Going through self-checkout
>Need to withdraw $800 for month's rent (landlord only takes cash cause it's an under the table deal)
>Punch into checkout to withdraw the money
>It spits out a huge stack of $50s and an error pops up on screen
>Register was out of cash. It says to call an attendant.
>Make snap decision to pocket the 50s before attendant gets there
>Point to the screen and tell her to read the error
>She tells me to take the receipt to the front desk
>Front desk withdraws $800 from the register and hands it to me, no questions asked
>I walk far away and count how much it originally spat out
>Stole $600 from Woolworths, never got caught.
>be me
>pick up small plastic thing of water flavoring
>pretend to put it back but keep it in my hand
>felt like all of the employees were watching me when i was leaving
never again
I did have to start getting groceries at a different store though, never had the heart to go back there.
>went to winco
>they have grain dispensers
>Fill a bag with Quinoa
>mark the millet number down
>mfw got Quinoa for 50 cents a pound
>be me, 5 yr old with grandma at the shop
>she doesnt want to buy me chewing gum, so I decide to take one and put it in my pocket anyway
>I feel like the guard knows what I did
>scared shitless
>get out of the shop without any problems tho
>tfw I only eat one piece and throw away the whole pack 1h later
>go to Compare Foods
>switch out the XL eggs into a Medium egg carton
>walk into convenience store
>pick up gum amongst other things
>make it halfway home before I realized I didn't pay for the gum
>give it away to the homeless man on my street
Because I'm not a fucking nigger.
In highschool me and my friend ere into yoyoing as a hobby. We stole thousands of dollars worth of merchandise and sold it to their very forum and other sites. Store was called yoyonation and we successfully stole enough to shut it down. Not many can say they did that while still dumbass school kids
I stole a girls virginityfrom her boyfriend, she cheated on him with me, she constantly told him she wasn't ready for sex yet then fucked me when he went away one weekend, I was his and her flatmate but moved out after doing the deed, they broke up and now she's a whore
>go grocery shopping
>put all my food ($100+) in reusable bags
>walk out
>do this 5-10 times in my 3rd uni year
Being poor is exciting.
Not really my own story, I just work in retail, but for anyone interested, the quickest way to make out with some decent cash at any store that takes returns is to just search the parking lot or floor of the store for receipts, find said items on receipt inside store, take them up to customer service and get paid for them.
As you can imagine, they will catch on pretty quickly, and all it takes to get proof of your scam is a quick check of the cameras that show you either picking up receipts or taking items off the shelf. I would suggest not hitting the same place more than once or twice.
But, yeah I've literally seen people do this with expensive items like bicycles and electronics, and make off with 2 or 300 dollars.
>go into the bathroom with a pack of gum in the basket, along with other shit
>open the pack of gum it and take out the gum
>throw away the packaging and walk out of the bathroom
I haven't done this yet, but I think it is the perfect crime.
Enjoy getting caught when the missing cash is noticed and someone checks the security camera
>>29558333
You a fucker. Seriously, screw you.
>>29558396
It was years ago now but that is exactly why I never went back to the store.
>>29558333
Waste of trips, waste of air.
Kill yourself, normie.
>>29557922
Maybe $500 worth of football cards over a year from Shopko when I was 14-15
Sometimes I meet guys on OKcupid and steal stuff from their homes when we go there.
The most money I've stole at once was 2500 out of one of those fire proof safe boxes but I've taken tons of 100s, 50s, 20s, from wallets or whatever.
Sometimes I take stuff like a laptop or vidya games and one time I stole a guys puppy and he thought it got out and ran away.
>>29558726
You do not belong on this board.
>>29559130
There are a lot worst things in life that you are going to have to deal with so you shouldn't waste your energy crying about people on your animu hieroglyphics board.
>chilling in High School
>go to buy something from a vending machine
>it eats my dollar
>start mashing coin return
>coins start spilling out of the machine
>it doesn't stop
>leave with $15 in quarters
>>29557922
>Self Serve at Woolies
Mah nigga.
Self serve is so easy to get away with. Wait until it's mega busy and then "accidentally" forget to scan things, or "accidentally" leave that carton of coke on the floor, and then grab all your shit and gtfo.
Been doing it for a long time now.
My friend unloads shit at my local walmart and hooks me up with free shit all the time
>>29559337
The anti theft scanners will go off when you walk out, no?
>>29557922
your heart u qt ;)
>>29557922
>be me
>go to humblebundle.com
>get a dozen games for $10
What a steal!nice try, FBI
>>29559278
>It can't even meme right.
>>29559355
Those only activate when a product outfitted with the magnetic device passes through them. In the US, that is generally electronics, DVDs, or vidya and very little else. Food never is.
eBay fraud where I made over $25k
>>29559431
I always assumed it had something to do with the barcode being deactivated when scanned.
>>29559447
explain lad
>>29559458
No, friend. That doesn't make any sense if you use your brain. Barcodes can't magically activate sensors unless they are scanned, and scanning them wouldn't change their physical composure. That would require a computer (with a ton of RAM, storage memory, and processing power) to constantly be scanning and evaluating barcodes which it sees through scanners for past purchase history and then by timestamp and an arbitrary leave timeframe, because UPC codes aren't unique to every individual item, just to each different product.
Not really stealing, but exploiting a mistake.
>be about 2 years ago
>ammo is scarce, so often stop by Walmarts to see if they have any of my calibers in stock
>one night, got off work, purusing the ammo locker
>they have two 500 round cases of 5.56 marked for the price of a single 20 round box
>a 500 round case of this brand in that caliber is worth roughly $190 - but it's marked for $11
>it's later at night, so no one in sporting goods
>spend 45 minutes (I shit you not) trying to get someone with a key to the locker
>Neither my roommate nor I own a rifle in 5.56
>finally someone shows up to open it, luckily it's an older lady that has no idea that the tags were obviously a mistake
>get to cashier, pay cash, leave
This is where it gets fun.
>post photo of receipt and boxes (tastefully redacted) on /k/
>everyone tells me to hold onto them until next panic buying event
>roommate posts same images on a gun forum and is instantly flooded with 10 pages of posts calling him a thief and a liar and how they're morally superior to him
>he gets banned.
>one of the whitenights is apparently privy to the Walmart receipts info and finds out which store it was that I got it from and contacts police regarding a possible bait and switch
>I'm shitting bricks
>make a call through a local pay phone to the manager at the Walmart basically playing dumb and asking to make sure purchase was legit
>he has me read UPC code and confirms that it was rung up correctly
>tells me that they cannot legally obligate me to return the ammo, but if I'd like to, I could
>lied and said I probably would to clear my conscience
>haven't been back since.
>I sell one case through the equivalent of craigslist for guns within a day
>sell the other to my roommate's father
Spent $23 and made nearly $300.
>>29559458
The barcode is scanned so they know how much it is
>>29557922
Broke into a firework stand near house, and stole over 15k worth of fireworks with friends. We only cleared about half of the place, once we were home safe with all the fireworks, I called my cousins who went in to get the rest of the fireworks. They had a huge van, and filled that bitch up. They took about 10k worth of fireworks. Best 4th of July I will probably ever have. We played war with the fireworks for like 5 weeks every single night. Shit was so cash. We also took the cash register, there wasn't any money in it. lol.
remember passing by the firework stand the next day after we cleared it and the place was full of cops and the owners were outside crying and sad. Sucks for them, they lost a shit load of money.
I stole my life back from death.
>>29559458
In the early days of eBay, I'd put up posts of laptops for sale,sell it, get money to PayPal, & delete the sale & account. Never got caught, until my last sale
>>29559844
What happened your last sale
I used to work at Best Buy for a couple months last year doing customer service /returns. My bosses were cunts and treated my like shit from day one. One day some fat old cunt was returning some piece of shit broken technology but was after the 30 days that we are supposed to take it back but my cuck boss let her have her money back in store credit. When she wasn't looking I swapped out the store credit card that had about 50 bucks on it for a blank one.
>tfw you quit a week later and used it to buy a vidya game off the online store
>tfw the fat cunt probably came in a few months later and threw a fit
I regularly steal game codes on Ebay. You're not allowed to sell codes there so they will give you a refund 100% of the time. The last thing I stole was some Hyrule Warriors DLC from some chump
>>29559518
Sheeit
I'll be remembering this next time I go grocery shopping. Mr. Shekelstein is out of his mind charging me that much for shit I need to live anyways
>>29557922
Always wondered how little fucks the people at the store gave since I went there almost all the time during the day, but back in 9th grade me and my freinds would bring each of our bookbags every other Saturday and steal as much candy and other junk food as we could every other weekend at around midnight at a Price Chopper around us since we were devilish fucks back.
Some guy actually chased us one time and we escaped, I went back the next day to pick up stuff for dinner and no one even talked to me about it there, in fact, the same nigga was at the store the next timedtimed we did it and he didn't do a damn thing.
Can a wagecuck here answer me with how one man could care that little about his job?
>>29560696
Sorry for errors btw. Just venting shit out here.
>>29559355
They only put the alarms on expensive shit or alcoholic beverages dude.
>>29560696
Less pay and less hours, reducing their income tends to give people a 'fuck it' attitude. Why should anyone care about a small time job? If its somrthing like a doctor then yeah, you give a fuck
>>29560809
We were probably fucking up that store's profits bad though. We'd litteraly just push food off of entire shelves and put it in our bags. Dude never got fired either.
>>29560892
Yeah he wont get fired because he cant really prevent such a thing. Even if he could, he could fend it off by saying he was afraid they might attack him or some shit.
Stealing from huge supermarkets doesnt affect their profit and loss so much. These stores have a budget to account for lost stolen items in the thousands.
Cant really hurt a billion dollar company by petty theft unless it was mass executed.
>at the shops having bought some shit
>walking back to the car
>see the armoured van parked at the bank
>there is a guy in the bank
>the other guy that is supposed to sit in the van is around the corner throwing up
>impulse hits me
>grab one of the socks i'd just bought
>cut holes in it and throw it over my head
>lock my car and walk a small loop to make it look like i came from the other direction on security cameras
>hop into armoured car
>keys are in the ignition and a pistol is on the passenger seat
>drive the fucker
>see an emergency orange box by my feet
>assuming that it's the gps tracker, i shoot it a few times
>get to the foothills (it's practically forest)
>decide to ditch the van
>check the back
>it's practically empty apart from a few bags of coins
>look around for shit to steal
>there is a "so fresh hits of 2008" cd in the glove box
>decide that it'll have to do
>grab it and torch the van just in case
hardly worth it desu
>Self check out machine
>Place charges 5 cents for bags
>Whenever it asks me how many bags I want, I put in 0.
>I take one bag
DEVILISH
>>29559337
I'm not a nigga, but fucking hell broccoli is $7/kg. I scan it up as bananas whilst no one is looking
20k tax evasion, I just filled in 0 in every field in my tax report. That's it. Not sure if it counts because it was the government trying to steal from me, and I just didn't agree
>>29562624
That's because broccoli is light as shit
>>29557922
I stole my cousin's Articuno pokemon card once like 15 years ago.
>>29558264
> i'm not a nigger
> Literally considering homeless people as human garbage cans
Yeah, you're worse.
>walk around at 3am and check if car doors are open
>get electronic gadgets to sell or even a fucking wallet sometimes
>>29563104
>tax is theft
Grow up.
>find $50 dollar bill on ground at school
>tell mom
>she gets mad, gives me the whole "That could be some kids lunch money for the next two weeks" spiel
>tells me to take it to the office
>tell her I did but I really didn't
>free $50
>>29558387
I saw something like that once
>was in elementary school
>went to meijer with mom
>have to go to bathroom
>go into stall to piss
>bunch of wrappers from packs of yugioh cards on the floor
>>29563104
Of all the crimes, that's the worst one next to drug trafficking. You gon get BTFO by the IRS, son.
>>29557922
a jockstrap and a speedo
>>29558061
U N H O L Y
octagonal
>>29560696
Minumum wage, minimum effort.
>>29563810
So much this.
Your employer made the choice to pay you the lowest wage they could legally get away with.
That certainly does not buy loyalty.
>>29557922
Stole a scooter from kmart when I was young after assembling it in the store I rode it out like I came in with it.
> 14 or 15 years old
> At school, next to friend
> He can't stop bragging about his 50 bucks
> "I"m going to buy this" "I'm going to buy that"
> Nigger is beginning to piss me off
> Like 10 minutes later, look down to get a book from my bag
> 50 bucks on the floor
> Take it, say nothing
> Turns out friend went to walmart and only found out about his missing money when dealing with the cashier
> Got the embarrassment of his life
> Ask me the next day if I've seen his money
> Lie
>>29559355
As someone who stole my whole child life I find it interesting just how many people think this is how it works, like the thing is gunna know you didn't scan that barcode, do people think scanning the barcode switches it to a "this has been purchased" thing or something. Like said above its only expensive shit that its for expensive things will have magnetic stickers and such on/in them that the gates pick up.
When I was in High School, I drove this dude to the shopping centre so that he could steal shit. I remember he walked into a chemist's shop, found a $100 bottle of cologne, slipped it into his underwear and just walked out.
Right after that, he walked into Big W, found a pair of shoes he wanted, he put them on and just walked out of the store.
I have stolen about 50,00$ from govt and tax system :)
After my third court appearance for theft (and receiving no convictions whatsoever) I calmed down on the theft, but here's one of my many stories:
>Be 19
>Driving with lesbo friend
>Stumble across a church
>Letscheckthisplaceout.jpg
>Seems pretty secure
>Notice (obscured by bush) that someone left the window open ajar
>Squeeze my skelly little self in
>Open the side-door of the church to let my fat dyke friend in
>Start searching for shit to deal
>Manage to steal a photocopier, a hifi system and a few other odds and sods
>See huge speakers (that ministers must use for their sermons)
>Try and persuade into taking those too
>She's sketched out and advises against it
>Load of the boot full of stolen goods
>Flee the scene
>Go to cash converters
>Get paid $$$
>Probably buy weed (can't remember)
I've got more, tonnes more if anybodies interested (I used to do it practically every day).
>>29564225
I ripped off centrelink for about 6 months when I was working.
Told them I was getting minimal hours in order to keep receiving full welfare benefits.
>Never get caught/court.
>Find $40 on a table in the library during my last year of high school
>Normies see and tell me I should take it to the office
>Tell them I'll pocket $20 and give the other $20 to the office since it's only fair
>Leave library
>Put $40 in my locker
Heh nothin personel normans
as a store security, beginners. as in we people are faking weights not scaning drinks in packages
ladies plz
the most make-up you have stolen
>>29557922
Can anyone itt please give me tips on how to steal electronics and the best place to steal them as well?
>>29564417
nigger
kill yourself
so pasta
>>29564621
alu foil
clippers
start running(get fast, muscle your legs)
luck
>>29557922
they have cameras and probably know where the money went.
Live in shitty boring town where being not rich brings cop-hate race irrelevant. A cop once gave me a summons for a crime that never happened and went to court where they just shit canned it and acted like it was my fault of course nothing happens to the PD. After living there a month find out all the local wagies are helping other poorfags steal from the supermarket go down the self checkout and take your time scanning one bag while the 17 yo who watches those aisles grabs your cart and stuffs rest of the items in bags for yo-150 worth of groceries for 20 dollars on food stamps. The fast food places charge you ridiculously low 5 dollars for enough food for 4-5 people. Chain liquor store charges hooch prices for premium liquor. Though all races live there the majority is white who have all been fucked with for being not rich and instead of chimping out kinda got together and decided to fuck with the corporate stores. Independently owned stores didn't get stolen from and would cut the fucked with people a break-especially mechanics. Also cops paid for every meal except for two ancient grubby diners. Got their food fucked with too.
Is this a sort of beta uprising? The beginnings of one? Or a more effective answer to police harassment?
>>29564417
tell us more
I don't know what is so interesting about thieves but they are interesting
>Male nurse
>Work in a shithole hospital
>Hospital routinely has us fake paperwork to show compliance with narcotics regulation
>Actually just keep all of the meds in a plastic tub in a locked room
>Routinely pocket blister packs of meds
>Make a stockpile of stomach/antibiotic/pain medications
>Probably several grand in meds overall
>>29564673
Regardless of what you just tried to write, it's at least evident that you really did grow up in a bad town.
>>29564628
You're a fucking retard.
Q me on any specifics regarding the incident.
The only hindrance in answering them would be my memory recall (drug abuse).
>>29564417
I was about to ask how you'd sell the shit, but cash converters definitely would be a good way. They must deal in more stolen goods than legit stuff. They're really just a legal fence, aren't they.
Between police cuts and pawn shops everywhere, it must be easier than ever to be a thief.
>>29564601
What the fuck are you trying to say?
Utter gibberish.
>>29564741
I don't know why I didn't think of this one earlier.
The stories just are legitimately interesting, this one especially:
(inb4 "so pasta")
>Enter the now defunct "Game" vidya store in Australia.
>Start scoping browsing as inconspicuously as I can
>Early 2012, ps3 controllers are still worth a lot of money, $99 R.R.P
>Casually start loading up my backpack with 4-5 controllers
>Didn't notice the security-stickers on them
>Go to exit store
>Beep-beep-beep
>Ohfuck.jpg
>Bolts.jpg
>Hide in surf store
>Get discovered by seccys, bail
>Get fucking TACKLED by undercover-cop eating at the open-plan cafe I was running thru
>The rest of the security attend to subdue me
>Pretend to give up my guns, the whole time I'm scheming about how I'm gonna get out of this
>A lady guard and a male guard (older) escort me towards the security office
>Ask for my name while travelling down the escalators
>Politely tell them to get fucked, just not in so many words
>Don't appreciate my attitude, remark that it'll become apparent shortly
>Notlikely.jpg
>Make a break for it as I'm nearing the office
>More security swarm
>Approach the electronic-sliding doors
>They take the longest 2-3 seconds of my fucking life to open
>Finally open
>Presented with a family incl. a child / pram in front of me
>Security locking-in at super fast sped3.
>Almost manage to jump/fling over metal railing to the safety of the carpark
>Fucking security catches me mid-air
>Holding onto my backpack for dear life
>Squirm out of there, leaving behind my backpack (still full of controllers), and my much-prized beanie.
>Adrenaline-pelt the fuck out of there to a nearby neighbourhood.
>Security gave up a mile ago
>Observing a police patrol-car cruising and begin to sketch out a little
>It's all good
>Phew
>Catch a train home
Don't ask me why they never took the fucking backpack off me to begin with, because I can't logically answer that.
Excuse my use of past/present text as well thanks.
>>29565352
Yeah, this is where I used to take all of my PS3 controllers (see above >>29565512) for quite some time.
There was this one dude I dealt which who was the fucking coolest, he never asked any questions about where I got them from and always gave me top dollar for merchandise.
Some older codger eventually cracked wise to it though, and started requesting receipts and bullshit.
So I just went to the cashies around the corner instead. Too easy.
This is literally my thread, for the first time in my life. I've got tonnes more stories.
>>29565352
Keep going, I like to hear shit like this.
>>29565663
>>29565613
Meant to reply to this, I'm not yet awake, sorry.
>>29557922
some weird guy i went to school with collected warhammer and i always thought it looked fun painting stuff. he brought his big case to school with all of his space marines inside to play with them at break.
one day he left them inside the classroom at the end of the day and i was the only one there. i took them home with me and painted a bunch of them for the night then brought them back and put them in the same place he left them the next day. he still dosent know who painted all of his figures
Reading this thread as a 26 year old makes me realise how behind losers like us really are in terms of knowing what to do with ourselves. How you people feel in this thread was how i felt as well when i was 19-22. Now im 26 i now know what I would've and should've done when I was 22 or younger but that means shit all because im not at that age anymore
Ill see myself outDd
>>29565613
He probably didn't catch on and suspect you. He likely knew all along. Police probably had a talk with him a few days before and made him check everyone for receipts. And the police, in England, are known to send undercover kids into shops to test the staff to check ID and all that so the owner wouldn't risk it.
>>29565682
I thought you were going to be a piece of shit but I like your story
Good job anon
>>29565663
Here's a quickie, I've got munchies to procure.
>Still 19
>At casino
>Think I know how to play electronic roulette
>I really don't
>Lose $100+
>No money leftover
>Leave disgruntled
>Attend local shopping mall
>Still pissed off
>Call my friend to advise him of what I'm going to do
>He strongly advises against it
>Fuckit.jpg
>Walk into Dick Smith electronics store
>Television(s) placed strategically by the store-exit
>Worker preoccupied with business
>Causally up $400 television
>Attempt to jump stroll out
>"Excuse me mate", the worker remarks politely
>Its_Go_Time.gif
>Bail
>Even the fucking mall-exit is right there
>Employee pathetically tries to pursue me
>Super-adrenaline speed & strength on my side
>"STOP", he pleas
>"Suck my balls!" I say in my sincerest Cartman impression.
>Bolt through the carpark
>Leave the douchebag long behind
>Hideout in alleyway
>Call my friend to rescue me in automobile
>He obliges
>Sell the TV to his grandmother for $150
>$50 profit
Any questions?
>>29565795
Also, the store shut down less than 6 months later.
In my own mind I'd like to believe I had something to do with it.
DS-electronics stores have shut down entirely now, hey Ausfags?
Take that, Dick.
>>29557922
Extort your landlord and make it $400. Fucking tax dodging drain on society.
>>29558280
congrats on ruining the lives of a mom and pop's store. fucking subhuman.
>>29558387
just take the pack of gum. pussy. There's literally no reason not to.
>>29559690
that's fucking shitty dude. Don't hit up small time stores like that. You destroyed a family's dreams.
>>29557922
That's awesome man, good shit.
>>29559690
Thats why you shoot niggers when you see them in your store, no matter how young.
>worked at a shit job doing maintenance for hotel rooms
>last day of work for me (was resigning), massive party of about 40 people are leaving
>go into the rooms before the cleaners come and steal all the tips that were left behind + any food/valuables
>netted about $400 from tips + about 40 chocolate bars
>>29563319
>$50 dollar bill
Did you find it next to an atm machine too? Fucking autist.
>>29564601
stfu nigger, no one can understand your ghetto-tongue
>Was about 6 years old
>Dad doesn't let me try the beer he's drinking
>There's a store like a couple of meters from my family's apartment
>go outside
>A truck is unloading products for the store
>There are beer cans
>Go through a Moral crisis thinking if mom and dad would kill me
>Say "fuck it" after standing there like a retard and walking in circles for about 2 minutes
>Steal one beer can
>Run for the fucking hills (actually just run like 50 meters from the truck)
>Drink a bit from the can
>Disgusting.jpg
>Throw the beer can on the ground after drinking like 30ml of it.
Nothing special, but still.
>>29561409
Blatant falsehood but made me kek regardless
>>29558280
>On September 1st, 2011, it was announced that YoYoNation employees had found that over ten thousand dollars worth of merchandise had been stolen from them over the course of the past summer. This merchandise was gradually being sold on various forums by members using the names 'tombstone' and 'jensen hartford.'
Wew
I steal a bic lighter every time i go to a convenient store or gas station.
>hand them money for something else i bought
>they look to the register
>quick slight of hand
I have probably 100 lighters that I'll never use
>>29559521
And the best thing about this is you didn't actively do anything wrong just take advantage of a mistake
>>29560696
Same guy here btw.
>>29557922
There was something I else I did in my highschool days during summer back in 2011. My parents and little sister were gone on vacation for a couple weeks during that time with me and my brother staying at our respective friends' houses. We were riding to the mall one day one day on our bikes and these chads in a car were leaning their car towards us since there was no sidewalks on the street and shouting at us. We found out where themain chad lived, and at around 2 in the morning that night, we went to his house, found out his car was unlocked and stole around $150 and a pair of headphones out of it.
>be me
>9 year old boy in a small village
>two gas stations on opposite sides of village
>but only around two blocks apart from each other
>walk into gas station on the way to school
>really want candy
>don't have money
>grab a pack of mambas and crab walk to the bathroom like an autistic retard
>put mambas in backpack
>leave
>heart's racing
>i'm guiltybut it feels so good
>get away with it and enjoy mambas
>confidence boosted
>continue doing this every day for months, switching between gas stations
>start stealing more and more candy until i'm literally emptying out entire cases of mambas as well as the secondary cases under the opened case
>give them to kids at school and become known as the candy man
>the candy man always delivers before the first bell
>one day i walk into one of the gas stations feeling invincible as fuck
>don't feel particularly saucy so only take one bag of skittles
>open the door to walk out
>"hey anon, what do you got there?"
>store clerk confronts me
>ohfuck.iso
>"o-ooo-oh i-iii-it's noth-thing"
>it's over
>"c'mere kid, i've been watching you this whole time"
>it's fucking over
>call the police
>interrogate me
>say some guy on runescape threatened to kill my mom if i didn't steal the candy
>police officer obviously doesn't believe me but doesn't get angry because he's talking to a nine year old
>call my parents and tell them of the debacle
>mfw i got caught on my mom's birthday and the day after mother's day
>>29559521
277$ is like 200 after taxes. Better than nuffin, but not worth the struggle.
>>29557922
>be farmers market cashier
>realize how easy it is to steal cash from the registers
>void any amount of money from current transaction and remember it
>front display on register is broken so customer can't see this
>take money at end of day, drawers come outo even
>take probably $500 over a year, up to $40 a day
feel kind of guilty now to be honest
>11 years old
>wanted one of the newer generation tamagotchis
>I knew my parents and sister would mock me for wanting a tamagotchi at that age so I just saved every leftover money from groceries I could, and every good boy credit I got
>sneak out of the house when my parents aren't noticing and go on a 20 minute walk to the closest toyshop
>when I get there I find out the store had closed
>curse out at god and decided I'll just steal It the next time I go shopping with parents
>at the supermarket
>pick up the tamagotchi, and head to the clothes section pick up a sweater and go to a dressing room
>sneak the tamagotchi into my jacket and tie the elastic band at end of my jacket really tight just so It wouldn't fall of my belly and I wouldn't look suspicious
>walk out the cashier and head home
>nobody ever finds out
There was also the time I stole a couple of GBA games and pokemon cards by sneaking then into the front leg pockets of my baggie jeans, and also got away with that easilly.
3k in a burglary
statute of limitations is up btw
>Back in university
>Rent an apartment with 3 other university students
>One summer the whole building goes into major renovations with barely 2 months warning
>They're replacing all the plumbing in the whole building, so the kitchen, the toilet and the showers are all out of order until August
>Because they're drilling holes in the walls and the fact that there's literally no documentation as to how the electrical wiring have been done there's probably going to be power cuts that can last over a weekend if they fuck up on a Friday
>Landlady offers tenants half rent over the summer when the renovations are ongoing
>By some miracle offered a summer job in a nearby town and they ask me to do the job on-site
>I didn't want to lose the apartment as rent was well below market averages and I knew that I wouldn't need all of my things, so I leave some of my things there over the summer
>Find a better apartment during the summer with even more under market price rent so come September I tell the landlady I'll just be moving my things out
>Tells me she'll refund my rent for the period because I didn't even live there during the renovations
>Her husband ends up refunding me full rent rather than just the half rent that I actually paid
>Never mention this and two years later they don't seem to have noticed this yet or just ignored it
thingswentbetterthanexpected.jpg
>>29557922
Used to bring two dollars for bus far both ways and ride to the mall the next town over.
I'd always wear a hoody with a razor blade in one pocket, but I didn't need either. I'd go to a bookstore and ask for a bag to keep the hoody in.
I'd always take at least 2 books from that store to start the day then I'd hop from store to store.
Last day I did this I wound up with a huge stash of stuff wrapped up in that hoody. I had just left a spencers with a big poster down my pant leg and pulled it out in a shoe store. Old lady saw me doing this. Thought nothing of it.
So I hit up an FYE with about 200$ worth of stuff already in my bag and decide to take a poster and a dvd box set. Peeled what turned out to be a decoy alarm sticker off and headed for the door.
Alarm goes off. I freeze.
>mfw pretty girl at the counter takes my huge bag of loot
>mfw she rolls it around on the deactivator until she finds the tag
>"you should probably head home, don't get caught with this much stuff" *smile*
I take her advice and start heading for the bus, hear somebody calling from behind me. It's a cop and a girl with a spencers shirt.
Cop says she thinks I stole the poster hanging out of my bag from spencers.
"Nah, I got this from FYE" (the best lies are true)
"Oh, sorry. Have a nice day."
"Will do. :D"
(My friends had caught the last bus without me, parents didn't know where I was) I realize I'm stranded and panic.
Happen to meet some kids about my age, show them the skullcandy earbuds I'd stolen, get a ride. Got caught 3 years later on another trip.
>>29559521
Typical Americans. How the fuck are you running out of bullets and why would you ever need 1,000 rounds of assault rifle ammunition?
>>29567069
To assault and mass kill 1000 innocent children and minorities of course.
>>29567069
Gun nuts who stockpile ammo like that all tend to dream about some kind of zombie apocalypse-esque collapse of society where they'll get to use that ammo to actually shoot people. Genuinely makes you scared for people who live nearby people like that in case they decide to start shooting people before the outbreak starts.
Stole a few cars, took to chop shop. No warrants out for me, never was even questioned by police. I got away with it completely.
>be on school trip
>10th or 9th grade I think
>in room with 3 mates
>next to our room is a vending machine
>23:00, I decide to go and buy myself a drink
>when I insert the money, the machine suddenly goes bananas and starts spitting out bottles of everything
>I call roommates to witness this wonder
>for 20 minutes we do nothing but collecting bottles
>end up with about 50 bottles of bevarage split between us
>mfw paid only 2 dollars
I stole 300 bucks worth of food from the school cafeteria my sophomore year in high school
>>29563314
>taxation isn't theft
Grow up.
>in target
>see a bionicale toy I want
>open box
>it was just a bunch of metal balls
>steal them anyway
Take that normals
>>29557922
i'd say atleast 1k when i was young , but my asian parents found out and I've got beaten like a carpet
>>29567414
Based east asians. Pakis or other shitskins would have praised you for robbing infidels.
>>29567054
Oh, that same year around christmas timr I managed to steal a brand new (they were a new thing) psp complete with battery and charger from a circuit city or something.
Had to make 3 trips and hide parts under a car in the lot.
>>29567436
vietnamese living in europe haha
also stole a lot of ink pens back then maybe 10 if you add them up
>>29567478
Absolute fucking madman.
Original4lyfe
I knew a guy who snuck into a construction site with a friend and stole about 4 grand worth of copper. Sounded pretty fun.
>>29567530
did he also become a reporter like in the nightcrowler ?
>>29558333
you're scum for not leaving a note for the boyfriend.
>>29558726
I had a girl I met on tinder do something similar to me.
Her apartment may or may not have been ransacked by a few burglars a week later.
Let's hope you and I meet someday.
Hundreds of dollars in bus fares
>walk onto the bus, tap my travel card on the reader
>it beeps and says the card is out of money, act surprised and say I just loaded it this morning
>bus driver says "That's okay, it can take up to 24 hours. You want a transfer?" 100% of the time
>>29563183
>homeless people
I've met enough homeless people to know that they've dug the hole they're in. Every time I ask one to tell me how they got there, they either won't tell me or say something like drugs or one even said the housing market. To some of them, they think they've done absolutely nothing wrong and it's the world's fault they're in that situation. Now, I'm not saying they're all unredeemable trash, but with a little effort, it's feasible to escape that kind of poverty, but what's the point when you don't even try?
>check the price for some gameboy games at the walmart price checker machine
>some of the games are ringing up as 0.00
>take them all and "buy" them at the self check out
>one was a barbie game (lol) but one of them was DnD: Eye of the Beholder.
I also used to put a pack of MTG cards into each pocket every time I was at Walmart. Probably have several hundreds worth of magic cards, but they got ruined by rat poop and urine because our house is a dump. It's a real shame.
>in some gamestop with 2 friends
>friend needed a wii controller or something
>looking at everything on the shelves
>in no hurry
>by the used ds games
>tiny ds cartridge is in mania cd rom case
>looks like they can fall out
>find one that did on the shelf
>cory in the house the game
>pretend to browse and grab it
>grab phone out of pocket
>replace with game
>walk out
Pretty easy. Stealing things out of the school lunch line was fun in hs too.
Probably got upwards of 500$ of stuff over the 4 years.
>pizza in cardboard boxes
>open it in line
>shove 10 cookies in
>close it
>cashiers have to open your box when you checkout because some fuck got caught using my strat
>switch back to using pockets of hoodie
>easy desu
>>29567647
>welfare
You're the reason we can't have nice things.
>>29567662
Manilla*
>>29567647
I have something like 3500 yugioh cards that I gained that way.
No joke, I'd steal 2 booster boxes at a time sometimes, a pack or two here and there, the shonen jump magazine cards from bookstores. Huge collection, some of these cards are worth 40 bucks by themselves. Entire stash is worth ~a grand
>>29567662
>cory in the house the game
Why would you even want that?
>>29567677
My post said nothing about welfare so wtf are you talking about?
>>29567714
Because he's Cory Cory Cory in tha houuuse
>>29567714
The meme novelty pretty much.
I don't even own a ds.
Even if I did I have no intention of playing the game.
I just like stealing things. Thrilling
>>29559930
So I can buy Wii Shop Points, and then get a refund?
>>29563352
>meijer
>my midwest nigga
I work at a gas station and whenever I work the cooler I just grab a drink and drink it the entire time I'm in there then I just throw it away with the rest of the trash when I finish.
>be me at age 14 (female)
>at backpacking summer camp in Colorado
>6 hour drive coming back from place where we were backpacking for a week
>me and my close friend decide to steal a ton of candy & snacks from grocery store on the way back
>put $70 worth of shit in our backpacks
>get back in van with the camp counselors and other kids
>some of the kids notice but the counselors are fucking oblivious
>we stop at another grocery store
>my friend wants to steal drinks for the other kids
>I think it's really pushing it to steal from 2 stores in a row but go along with it
>put a ton of drinks in our bags
>female counselor notices my friend is acting suspicious and asks to see what's in her bag while still in store
>she refuses
>female counselor goes to talk to male counselor
>me and my friend run out of the store
>window of van is open
>I think of an idea to just throw the bag through the window into the back seat
>that way when they get back they won't force us to show them what's in it right away
>we awkwardly stand there waiting for the counselors and other kids to get back to the van
>we get into the van
>the male counselor says "Can I see the receipts for all the stuff you got guys?"
>my friend stammers "...uhhhh.. what are you talking about"
>I decide I have to say something
>"we don't have receipts because we didn't buy anything" (technically true)
>male counselor probably knows we're lying/shit doesn't add up but goes along with it
>for the rest of the ride back none of us are allowed to go into stores we stop at anymore kek
>we get away with it
6 months later me and that same friend stole $700 worth of clothes and jewelry from various stores in downtown Boulder and didn't get caught that time either
Feels good man
>>29557922
Some kid I went to school with in the 8th grade was pressured into doing a bunch of people's homework for them (I.e. He was being a massive pussy)
So, while he was being threatened with violence, he decided to actually buck up, but in a very strategic way;
As he was doing their homework, he would basically start to lift weights and go to the mma gym that my uncle owned and literally vent out all of his frustration through beating the shit out of me and everybody else.
His autistic rage was fucking terrifying. Whenever he was hit and bloodied, his pure anger and contempt he felt for the people forcing him to do their homework would fuel him through the pain and result in him getting the upper hand, though at the cost of receiving tons of bruises and bloodied noses.
I fucking respected him. He was a fucking champ. He refused to back down to Chad, and his sheer spirit alone uplifted him whenever he ran for miles, or kicked the shit out of me in the ring.
So he does this for 3 years, and he gets significantly bigger. The chads and stacies that are taking advantage of him notice this, but their arrogance blinded them.
It kept them so far in the dark, in fact, that they failed to see the look of anticipation and happiness on his face as the "day" loomed closer.
At this point me and him were close friends, and it pained me to see such a beast having to submit to these people. But everytime he helped solidify their chances of getting into a good school, all he'd do was remind me to wait for the "day".
And when that "day" came, holy shit did it come.
It was on that day after school when me and him were walking to the gym when the chads showed up, demanding him why he had "fucked them over" by basically turning in shitty thesis papers for all of their subjects, and pretty much failing them in multiple subjects.
The kid only smiled and dropped his backpack to the ground.
As he started to look over them, they truly saw for the first time what they created
>>29558207
>>tfw I only eat one piece and throw away the whole pack 1h later
Why though?
I love self serve checkouts.
>input expensive fruit and veg as cheaper fruit and veg
>>29568030
<part 2>
All the anger in their faces washed away as he smiled at them.
For a split second, I actually thought they were going to run.
But no, instead, they held on to the last vestiges of arrogance they had in their hearts and rushed at him.
Before I could even help him, I saw them dropping to the ground, one by one by one.
It was brutal.
And he was smiling the whole time.
As they fell, they all began to beg for forgiveness, and one of them even started to cry, stating that he "didn't want to die"
Regardless, he took each one of them, and essentially told them to hand over eveything. Their clothes. Their money. Everything.
They quickly did so, and as they ran away crying, I saw in his face the greatest look of triumph I had ever seen.
I guess that happens when you steal a persons dignity and future.
That was years ago, and he still has all of their stuff hidden away in the attic of his house as a reminder.
>>29568030
>>29568131
More like what you wish you would have done to the kids who made you do their homework. Nice fanfic. Shoulda learned ninjutsu.
Where to even start? I steal slabs of softdrinks, fruit, veg and the fruit and nut dispenser stuff all the time. The slabs are free and everything else is put through at the minimum. They implemented staff authorization requirements for the dispenser items and I was basically caught putting them through as a cheaper item. I had these sugar strawberries and had them through as berry zest. The lady was sus but I got away with it.
I also swap Target/Kmarts homebrand hair and jewellery onto cheaper packaging. I'd also get 4pks of one colour and a 4pk of another and switch 2 of each on the one pack to get the variety. I did this with underwear recently to.. oh and now that I think with some pyjamas because I wanted a small top and a medium bottom. They literally have to write off the stock!
My biggest steals would be for a game company I worked for. I'd steal Club Nintendo cards from inside cases and redeem them to have cool collectors stuff sent to my house. I'd also steal brand new/freshly traded games in knowing the stocktake had just been done. That would make it to hard for them to track. Sometimes I'd steal a second hand case with a new disc so its even harder for anyone to work out.
From beauty stores I'd hang a bag off my arm and walk out. Usually I'll pay for something small to easily make my way through the checkout to avoid suspicion.
Once I did steal some makeup by hiding it in the pockets of a dressing gown I was happy to pay for. That made me far to anxious though.
>>29568131
Did you really type this all out and think
>this is good
>everyone will believe this
How many times has that fantasy played out in your head faggot?
Do my homework bitch
>>29568131
Epic, screencap my post too when you upload to r/4chan.
Ill give you reddit gold
>>29568296
>>29568320
>>29568331
Well memed m'sirs
>>29568306
I forgot my mail scams. I'm basically Morello from Orange is The New Black. I get untracked items resent or refunded and claim things were stolen off my door step. Its all mostly makeup lol. Few hundred dollars worth of Kylie Lipsticks and stuff from the UK
>>29568030
>>29568131
You forgot about the part where he pulled out his blade and cut a kid in half after teleporting behind him.
>>29568296
>>29568320
>>29568331
>Reads through a clearly fake post entirely
>responds to it instead of ignoring it
Why are people as stupid as you allowed to exist?
>>29557922
Stole a few thousand dollars worth of medical gear when I was in the Navy. Took an entire med bag worth about $3000 with everything in it when I got out. Stole a ton of IV bags, muscle relaxers, trauma shears, you name it I probably have one.
>>29568424
>giving him you's
>>29568458
Same applies to you, dumb fuck
>be me 9 years old
>into legos and shit
>everytime you buy a lego product you get points on the lego website by redeeming the code thats in the package
>go to a store with mom
>tell her "im going to look at the legos"
>start opening the packages and writing up the codes while mom buys food and stuff
>mfw free lego points and the kids who buy them cant redeem the codes
>>29557922
As a custodian, I found $60 in a room I was cleaning.
That's about all, and yeah pretty mundane. But at the time I was broke as fuck in college and that meant food for 2-3 weeks.
>>29558061
I do this same thing at Smith's.
The dark chocolate covered almonds are so fucking good, but they're like $10/pound, but the milk chocolate peanuts are $2.50/pound, so I just write the bin number for that.
>tfw munching on thievery
>delicious fucking thievery
>>29568458
Im meta trolling, its fun.
Or are you 2x meta trolling (hemce im now 3x meta trolling)
>>29568557
Simple minds are easily entertained, so that really fails to surprise me
>>29557922
>Buying one pack of skittles at vending machine
>Machine drops two packs
>Mfw when I pocket both and walk away
>>29568576
Anyone with a non simple mind would post on 4chan in the first place
>>29567934
Used to work at Walmart and we did this shit all the time.
No cameras in the coolers and freezers, and managers usually didn't check up on the departments much because it's cold and Walmart managers don't give a fuck.
Ice cream, any drink, we'd bring back other snacks on our "overstock" carts, etc.
In the meat department we'd price the meat for a half pound or whatever of some shit cut, and take home decent steaks for $0.50.
I also worked with a guy who'd bring back entire shopping carts of stuff, bag it up in the cooler, and then walk out with it at the end of his shift. He'd make off with $400+ worth of shit multiple times a week, I'm surprised he was never caught.
>>29567950
You know that you didn't have to mention you were female, right?
>>29568557
R O A C H S
>>29568692
You know you didn't have to reply to the stupid slag, right?
The machine in the grocery store was giving people random amounts of change for a week. People stopped caring after a while.
Not so much theft as involuntary gambling. but I think I ended up with a net gain.
>>29558726
>one time I stole a guys puppy
Seriously? Who the fuck does this shit?
>>29568480
Sounds an awful lot like how my granddad stole a submachinegun (picture related) when he was discharged from the army after WW2. Rumor has it that he stored it in oil so it's still usable and somebody in the family apparently still has it without a license. Over here people normally aren't allowed to own fully automatic weapons without a special permit from the ministry of interior, and they rarely give those to anyone except historic gun collectors.
>>29568638
I guess that makes you the stupidest of the stupid
Congratulations.
>>29568557
>hey dudes, am I fitting in yet? XD
>>29565795
Was the tv big?
>>29557922
>be me
>LEGO store downtown
>steal pieces from the build a minifig and/or pick a brick everytime i go there (either for purchases or just to see if they have anything new)
>mfw
I shoplifted cough syrup a couple times as a teenager, never got caught. That's about it.
>>29568683
Doesn't that just tell you how much money the company makes and how little they pay the staff. The company doesn't care if one guy steals that much because they're still making a fortune off paying minimum wage.
Probably my own game collection. My brother sold a bunch of them, then used the money for drugs. Shit was marked up to ridiculous prices because they were in good condition and some were rare. So I took them back, and changed my locks.
>>29567934
I do this too, but it's a local convenience store and the boss allows employees one drink per shift for free. I also took home pretty much everything I was supposed to throw out. Mostly sodas and chips that didn't sell, like Pepsi Throwback and some of the weirder Pringles flavors.
>>29569103
Reasonably, but it had a convenient carry-handle on it for ease of theft. I think it might've been a $300 one on sale, come to think of it.
>>29560696
>how one man could care that little about his job?
Yeah sure
>work at retail job
>co-worker catches girl stealing pregnancy tests
>mother of girl calls corporate and names employee that harassed her daughter
>district manager contacts our store and tells the manager the employee is going to be fired for the complaint
>turns out the coworker named in the call was on vacation during the incident and wasn't even in the same state
>mother returns to store with (pregnant) daughter and again points out co-worker as the one that caught her in the aisle
>co-worker and manager reveal that she wasn't working and that the daughter is lying through her teeth, they both leave without any apology for almost making someone lose their job
Do you think a person gives a fuck about putting their job on the line to stop some dumb kid from stealing candy when most retail businesses won't even allow employees to question customers for theft unless they actually see them concealing product?
>order cheap item on ebay
>receive item
>after 40 days or so I open a ticket saying I never received it
>chink seller too scared to lose rep so I either get a full refund or they send another
>At store with mom when i was around 10
>Picked up novelty handegg with local sports team on it
>Mom calls me over to the aisle she was in
>Go talk to her and forget it was in my hand
>We leave while im still holding it
>Get about 100ft from the store when I realize i was still holding it
>Run back to the store and put it back
>Leave
Whew lad that was close.
But no I don't steal like you pathetic fucks
>>29571174
i do this from time to time.
i always get these comments how they feel "hurt"
They probably abuse the shit out of factory workers so fuck sellers.
>>29571213
Good boy. Honesty, loyalty, respect for boundaries and rules are what holds our society together.
>be me
>in negro neighbourhood
>hang around til they leave
>steal one of their cars
>drive it just past the end of the roads
>here them shouting "AYYY YO WTF MAH NIGGA BITCHASS WHITE BBOI GEDDYO ASS OVAH HERE"
mfw
man i wish i was a badass
>tfw had respect for the law as a kid and never grew out of it
so much opportunity, wasted
>be me
>in new york for school trip
>have hour to wander around
>go to h&m feeling ballsy
>me and other robot pretend to be looking at clothes
>casualy start unscrewing mannequin hand
>shove hand in robots bag
>walk out of store
>tell other chorus fags
>they don't believe go to show
>manaquinn gone
>maximumluls.jpg
>later show hand to fags
>luls all around
>feels good man
>other robot gets all the credit
>feels bad man
and so concludes my tale
