I think this might be one of my biggest fuck ups yet, /r9k/.
>dad buys this long ass sausage for dinner
>mom slices it up and cooks it with rice, it's good, whatever
>the next morning she's down because her sister's in the hospital because of leukemia or melanoma or something, i don't know the details
>try to cheer her up by being funny
>take out what's left of the sausage and grunt at her in the kitchen
>tap her on the forehead with it and ask if she likes my sausage while laughing
>she gives me a horrified look and bursts into tears and hasn't come out of the bedroom all day
>dad did that showy thing chads do where they shove you and puff up their chests when i asked what i did wrong
I was just trying to fucking cheer her up. Am i in the wrong here, or is it just typical normie reactions?
I'm cringing so hard right now. Well done OP. Top tier bait
>>29545624
It's not fucking bait, asshole. Not everyone has the top tier social skills normalfags like you get.
>>29545577
Please post pics of the sausage so I can laugh even harder
>>29545644
Alright, hold on. I was considering eating it, but i figured someone would ask for a picture.
>>29545577
That doesn't sound too autistic t.b.h
>>29545577
Doesn't sound like you did much wrong OP. Just play dumb and ask what the problem is. Btw how old are you? Age matters in this context.
>>29545635
Your fucking fault for talking to other humans.
>>29545686
Hes clearly too old for this to be appropriate.
>do you like my sausage
O im laffin
Also >>29545644 yes please post immediately
top sausage m8
Sorry for the wait. My dad shut off internet, have to post from phone. Sausage was longer than this when I hit her, I got hungry and ate some.
>>29545822
this is so sad senpai, 'm so sorry
Kill your parents. It's the only solution.
>>29545577
>dad did that showy thing chads do where they shove you and puff up their chests
sounds cringeworthy
>>29545822you fucking madman op, brilliant
>>29545822
Wow that looks more like a penis than most sausages do. And wtf your dad shut off the internet coz of this??
>>29545822
Your done for pal
>>29545822
how old are you cos this story either autism or underage
>>29545885
Because I refused to admit I did anything wrong. She is still pouting in the bedroom. Fucking normies.
>>29545879
It is. Its that thing where they pretend to jump forward to make you flinch. Anyone know what I am talking about?
>>29545906
23. Autism.
>>29545635
Dude judging from your story you don't even have basement tier social skills
>>29545577
>her sister
So your aunt? Do you have no relationship with her at all?
>>29545944
Her half sister. I do not consider her my relative.
>>29545921
Did you honestly expect her to burst out laughing that her son made a blowjob joke to her? Even if her sister wasn't dying, that's still pretty cringy.
>giving your adult, autisctic child shit for saying retarded shit.
normies are garbage-tier people.
>>29545967
We make weird jokes like that often. Stuff like 'that's what she said', like from that show the office. I thought she would find it funny.
>>29545975
They really are
>>29545961
That makes sense. My bad.
>>29545961
Yeah you're a bit of a sociopath
>>29545987
ah, I see. In my family, sex is almost never brought up in conversation, so I just had a hard time picturing that in my head.
If it's your families way of interacting, she should at least be able to understand that you tried to cheer her up.
>>29546016
But he's right. You dont have to hate her but a half sister is not a proper part of the family.
>>29545577
Your father sounds abusive, does he hit your mother as well? Is he the reason your aunt got cancer?
what are you looking for by making this thread, OP? Advice? Sympathy? Personal army? What?
>>29546438
He does not hit anyone
>>29546470
Just sharing a story because some greentext is better than "fembot" or fag threads
>>29546438
>is he the reason your aunt got cancer
Honestly though he's probably not abusive, just at a guess. Sounds to me like OP has a pretty normal family and he's the odd autist out. I could be wrong of course but that's how it's looking.
>>29545577
>physically threatening your autistic son
dad is garbage
>>29546489
You said he shoved you, stop enabling him
>>29546489
This is now an autistic green text story thread, post what you got faggots, I'll be posting mine in a moment
Hahaha good story that never happened, OP! Very entertaining!
>>29546563
I sure as fuck do not enable him, the last time he shoved me I punched him in his shoulder, where he had pulled a nerve a week before. He likes to act badass.
>>29546572
Let's see it
>>29546593
Normalfags just cannot comprehend anything outside their little bubble.
>>29546572
>be me, 24 years old, live in my own apartment (my mom pays for it, wanted me out of the house)
>run out of ramen and pizza rolls after about a month of careful rationing
>decide to make the perilous journey to Walmart to get some more
>only like a 10 minute walk, don't have a car or lisence
>finally get there and bask in the coolness of the AC
>go to the freezer section, grab my shit and get ready to go
>at the check out line, cute cashier giggles when she sees me
>thought she was flirting at the time, but now looking back on it she was probably just laughing at me
>give her my stuff and she asks "did you find everything okay"
>decide to flirt back, maybe I can get a cute gf who will help me get my life on track
>the very thought fills me with so much joy
>say "a-almost everything........ I d- I didn't know they kept the fair ladies behind the register..."
>she bursts out laughing and give me my receipt without addressing what I had said
>go back home, eat half of what I bought that night to drown the grief.
I seriously don't get what's wrong with what OP did, is everyone in this thread just trying to prank him or something?
Tapping a relative on the side of their face with a fucking sausage isn't autistic it's the kind of shit normies would do to each other all the time.
If anything OP's dad sounds like the autistic one.
>>29545577
>>dad did that showy thing chads do where they shove you and puff up their chests
what did he mean by this?
>>29546710
I think its what I said that's the bad part, it was probably creepy or something.
>>29546717
He shoved me, stood up tall, and sort of jumped forward at me, trying to make me flinch.
>>29546710
I was kinda thinking that too, but I think the autism comes from context? Like his family is probably not the kind who are comfortable me enough with each other to joke like that and likely never have been, OP was probably a huge fucking weirdo about it, his mom was probably feeling really emotional, yadda yadda, other normie bullshit. All and all OP should have known better obviously but he's not as autistic as one may think.
>>29546758
what kind of expression was on his face?
I literally can't imagine this scenario
>>29546707
1. That was a corny ass line.
2. NEver hit on people who are serving you while they're at work--the dynamic there is ENTIRELY in your favor and they will not feel secure.
3. No GF or woman is gonna "get your life on track." That's not how Gf's work. If you think being single is hard, try living life while factoring in teh needs, desires, and daily ups and downs of TWO people who are different in many ways, despite having a few things in common.
>>29546651
More like being a normie means I can see how full of shit you are because stories like this don't happen to anybody.
Unless you can prove it happened, you are, forever, a fucking fraud and a liar. OP is always a faggot.
>>29546071
>half sister is not a proper part of the family
Why not? One of her parents is OP's grandparent. She is a blood relative.
>>29546805
Okay Chad chadenstien, your normie experience trumps me obviously.
I just thought I was being smooth, okay? A girl had NEVER acknowledged me positively like that before (or so I thought the laugh was positive) and I thought I had a fucking chance, okay?
>house sitting for neighbor
>RP with my brother in their living room
>I play the rich landlord, Mortimer
>My brother is the thug
>We aggressively dry hump all over their house
>No one ever caught us but my neighbors don't even wave anymore
>>29545577
your mom probably think you're into her. your dads a douche, and you're an autist. what a family, she's probably upset at what a low life loser you are and how you can just make blowjob jokes in her time of need. laughter is not always the best medicine, and just because she makes "thats what she said" jokes doesn't mean she wants you to imitate your penis with a sausage in her face. you are fucking dead, kiddo
>>29546869
>dry hump all over the house
Do you mean dry humping the house, like humping couches and stuff, or humping one another? Either way, why, and what does that have to do with being rich and a thug respectively?
>>29546853
Hey why are you getting upset? This guy is trying to help you rid yourself of misconceptions and false expectations.
>>29546940
i meant dry humping each other
no one else does this?
>>29546954
Answer the rest of the question, why?
>>29546953
I'm upset because he's obviously a fucking tumblr normie
>>29546978
No, you're upset because you hear shit you don't want to hear and you preffered the comfort of believing that you had the slightest of a chance.
It's okay if you want to feel that way, but lying to yourself is something harmful to everyone. self-delusions destroys people from the inside.
It's okay, dude, everyone faces rejection, even the normies. The difference is that normies keep trying and learn their game from trial and error. If you constantly beat on yourself after each rejection, you'll learn nothing.
>>29546954
Not all over someone's house
Seriously, what does that have to do with being a landlord and a thug??
>>29546940
We humped each other, the rich man owned the house and the thug was renting, I start by knocking on the door while the thug is inside, ask him for the rent,, he says he doesn't have it and that I have to fight him for it
Then we just start getting raunchy in and around their house
>>29547057
I'm a single child so maybe I don't get the relationship between siblings... but that just sounds odd desu
>>29545635
>you have to have top tier social skills to not realize that it's weird and inappropriate to tap your sad mom in the face with a sausage and ask her if she likes it
This is why I keep coming back to this fucking board.
>>29547025
>defending normies
That whore at Walmart was probably nothing but a whore who didn't deserve me anyway, I don't even know why I WANTED to flirt with her used goods ass anyway.
>>29547057
Kay so you have a gay incestuous relationship with your brother wherein you role play sex scenarios in the homes of basically strangers.
SPEAKING OF INCEST, maybe OP did that because of a subconscious desire to slap his mom in the face with his cock
>>29547111
And now you just play the sour grapes card. Fucking classy, my bro.
>>29547175
My mom's kind of hot, yeah, but I've never had any desire to fuck her.
>>29547203
It's not sour grapes, it's used goods trash roastie cunt. Feel free to eat chads spunk from all the used up roast beef cunts you want, but I've learned my lesson.
>>29547111
Trips confirm, Walmart girl was a wicked woman, anon was wise.
>>29547231
>I think my moms hot and a made a reference to her enjoying having my cock on her face, but rest assured none of this indicates any desire to fuck her
>>29545987
>like from that show the office
>he thinks that's where "that's what she said" comes from
you should rush your dad with the sausage while screaming "daddy would you like some sausage"
sausage that fool good
>>29547236
So you come here relating a story where, in your mind, you had the semblance of a chance at meeting a nice girl, Then, as you tell your story, you express that the mere idea of getting acquainted with that girl filled you with joy, but you interpreted one of her gestures as laughing at you and it made you sad.
Then you come here, tell the story in a way that seems to invite sympathy and an anon advise you, for the future, that hitting on cashiers hardly ever works for anyone because the context is, usually, really awkward for flirting unless you are ungodly attractive and happen to be that girl's type. He also explains that you expecting a woman to fix your issues is a dangerous delusion that WILL lead you to self-destruction or, even worse, in the chance you eventually succeed in attracting a girl's affection, this attitude will push her away because you will put your well being on her shoulder, putting tremendous pressure on her from the get-go. All of this is perfectly sound advice based in COMMON FUCKING SENSE!
Then you go and get super fucking buttfucked at him because he didn't pat you on the shoulder, give you a hug and ofer you a handjob for being such a miserable victim of circumstances. Stop bullshitting me, him and yourself with that "I-it's not like I wanted that used up roastie or anything, baka" attitude already and just swallow the fucking pill. nobody tries to make you feel bad about yourself here except yourself.
>>29547381
That's where we got it from.
>>29547341
Very funny.
>>29547399
Fuck off, normie. Nobody gives a plum fuck what you think.
>>29547418
>plum fuck
What
>>29547418
well are you going to just take shit from chad the dad or are you going to sausage him?
>>29547442
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Plum%20Fuck
>>29547399
>I MUST DEFEND THIS WOMAN WHO IVE NEVER MET!!!
White knighting at its finest, I'm sure that used goods trash whore will be happy to chew your balls any day of the week.
>>29547474
He's definitely not a chad. He's just as much of a loser as i am, he doesn't have a job, so i might be less of a loser than him. Freud would probably have a field day with this thread.
>>29547418
Yeah ok, just accept that you are a giant fucking hypocrite and keep calling me names like the passive weakling that you are.
>>29547488
>I LIKE TO PROJECT ON THE INTERNET!
How you could interpret that I was defending this stranger girl in any of my posts is a mystery to me.
>>29547496
sausage him ffs
get one of those nunchuck sausages and ninja turtle his ass
>>29547523
>YOU CANT FLIRT WITH USED UP TRASH WHORES! ITS UNFAIR BECAUSE THE DYNAMIC IS SO IN YOUR FAVOR
>I-I WASNT WHITE KNIGHTING
Do normies even into logic?
>>29547572
I really don't think they could if they wanted to.
>>29545577
>dad did that showy thing chads do where they shove you and puff up their chests when i asked what i did wrong
what?
>>29547599
I've explained this like four times in the thread.
He shoved me back, and stood as tall as he could. He then balled his firsts, bared his teeth, and lunged forward as if he was going to hit me. He did not hit me, and his purpose was to make me flinch.
>>29547599
He's explained elsewhere but not very well. Basically his dad is an autist who tried to intimidate his own son with a flashy display of false machismo because his son made a rude joke.
>>29545921
>hit my mum on the head with a sausage will she was thinking about her sister with cancer
>fucking normies
this board is the highest form of comedy
>>29547572
>>YOU CANT FLIRT WITH USED UP TRASH WHORES! ITS UNFAIR BECAUSE THE DYNAMIC IS SO IN YOUR FAVOR
And there you go, again projecting shit on me that I never even said.
It's useless discussing with you fucking retards because you will just read the words I clearly lay down for you to read and just transform them in your head into whatever you want to see coming out of my mouth.
come to think of it, your biggest problem isn't even that you are a failure, it's just that you are, really, a fucking idiot. Probably, also, the cause of why you're such a loser. Someone as stupid as you could never succeed in anything.
>>29547629
>come to a board where losers congregate and call them losers
yeah you're such a badass
>>29547620
Ok, it just sounded like some ritualistic nonsense in the original wording
>>29547622
It's the gift that keeps on giving anon
>>29547620
Which is exactly why this story never happened, NOBODY reacts like this to an awkward joke. at most, the situation would have been awkward and cringeworthy and nobody would have wanted to talk about it again, but to assume, in the first place, that a dying mom would feel legit TERROR from her autistic as fuck son doing a stupid fucking joke while his father reverts into a clueless 8 years old imitating shit from a movie is beyond fucking naive.
>>29547650
It's ironic considering the fact that, in my original post aimed at him, I never, once, patronized him or tried to make him feel bad, originally, I asked why he got angry at him for trying to help by relating common sense to him.
There was NOTHING to get angry at from his post, the line WAS corny and using pick-up lines period is, usually, awkward as fuck because it never sounds natural. The rest is just explaining why it's not a good idea to delude yourself in general.
Seriously, the very fact that people got angry at this shit is beyond me. there was NO fucking reasons to get angry at what he said.
>>29547679
You're probably right, but I'm inclined to think about poes law here.
>>29545577
>>29545822
holy shit anon
good dubs btw
>>29545577
Her sister is dying, and you're jumping around making goofy jokes. Learn to respect people's need to feel sad and mourn their losses. There's a difference between being supportive, and trivializing their emotions.
>>29547892
Read the thread. Its only a half sister.
Hi iam from r/4chan, Great post OP! Expecting more funny greentext from this thread.
>>29545822
holy shit. she probably thought you slapped her with your dong and told your father that you molested her
>>29547399
I feel so sad for you. You seem like a nice person and the other guy is just shitting on you for no reason. You deserve better than this shithole board. Please leave, for your own sanity.
>>29548128
She doesn't, though. Quit talking out of your ass.
I don't get these stories at all.
I make stupid jokes and swear with parents all the time. My dad makes crap jokes all the time too. My mum eithers laughs or rolls her eyes.
What kind of shitty strict family life do you have? Seriously wtf.
>>29545577
THIS is one of the situations where a reserved personality has its advantages.
