Over and over again I have said that there is no way out of the present impasse. If we were wide awake we would be instantly struck by the horrors which surround us. . . We would drop our tools, quit our jobs, deny our obligations, pay no taxes, observe no laws, and so on. Could the man or woman who is thoroughly awakened possibly do the crazy things which are now expected of him or her every moment of the day
Why not end it. What is still so precious to keep us here...We constantly talk about suicide and depression. Why don't we just fucking die off
Death is not the end, anon. This world is only one place you will be in your infinite existence. Try to enjoy it while you are here.
>>29514807
there is nothing at the end of the tunnel. The life I exist in is meaningless, without direction. I have tried over and over again to be better, and I have achieved some degree of success. But then... they tear it all down. Everything. There is nothing left. Not even the ashes. And I cant control them. No matter how many times I try. It never happens. It never stays. And this is my only existence. What a fucking joke.
So why cant I laugh
>>29514851
You are here to learn how to endure adversity.
>>29514753
well at leas fuck some shit up before you go.
>>29514946
for what. what am I preparing for. what else is there. there is only one life. and im learning to deal with something i will use only now.
>>29514985
ive been thinking of different ways. there is a police station not far from my house. i dont know what i have to do so they shot me down like a slave. it needs to be something so bad they have no choice. try burning the building down. i guess thats pretty easy. glass coka cola bottles. gasoline, shirt. and just keep tossing them until they come out or something. but i dont want to be on the news. i was just gonna jump off a building, headfirst so its fast. i dont want to wake up in a fucking hospital bed
>>29514946
Why endure adversity instead of escape it?
Seems like the only person that benefits is the adversary
Problems are meant to be solved. Not to be perpetuated and "endured" in some kind of sadomasochistic ritual that benefits no one unless you employ mental gymnastics based in uncertainties
>>29514753
because we are the only ones who seem to know the truth and there will one day come a time where people are going to start looking for answers, it is your job to awaken them.
>>29515050
Life never ends. It only changes form. What you learn here is important.
>>29515094
that doesn't sound like fucking shit up to me.
you should probably just go on living because if you're not fucked up enough to fuck shit up, you're normal enough to fix your life and feel better.
>>29515103
awaken who. who the fucking shit is going to ask me anything. how to keep getting up. how there will always be a force stonger than you that can always destroy you, even when it dosent want to. why would they ever need anything from me. do you have any idea the shit that happens every day. the feeling that your going to make it, on your own. that last time went really badly and you didnt think you would pull thru, but this time is for sure. only to end up back at zero, just more tired. less will to stand up
>>29515146
i just dont want to be published onto anything. the only time my name is said is because they are looking for volunteers to clean peaces of me off walls and pavement. if i did anything worth noting, they would have me on the paper or something. I can destroy some building, maybe set some presents in mailboxes to be shipped. but i dont want that
>>29515094
>>29514753
Anon, if you were wide awake, you'd accept that you cant change the world, you can only change the way you feel about it. Youre only responsible for yourself, and some people take that too far. I think you could try seeing what your perceptiveness does when you focus on positive things.
>>29515231
>cont
Eh, youre even making me think darkly. There are good people out there, but they're waiting for you to catch up, not the other way around.
>>29515231
but i sont want ot change the world. i want to change my life. i have tried so many times to make this better for me. for me. no one else. just so that the pain can ease up. but its futile. it never sticks. even when i get it right, something happens that is out of my control. my perception has nothing to do with it. its very routed in reality. and what am i supposed to be seeing? what good is there to this.
>>29515340
When you think a certain way, over and over, you reinforce the neural pathways that hold and move those thoughts. Instead of changing your life, change how you feel about it.
And Your negativity probably rubs off on people you interact with, which leaves you with more negative experiences.
Its going to take a lot of work at first, but your brain will adapt and change.
Youre not supposed to be seeing anything, I was suggesting you try deliberately seeing things mindfully.
>>29515444
i never been mean to anyone else. im alway polite, not over the top, but what a normal person should be like. the days i cant fucking take being a clown anymore and im not smiling, people do notice. so back goes the smile. dont talk to me about work. every day is the same horse shit. and i know whats going to happen and i keep trying and pushing and going. but then. it happens. exactly as i expected without a flaw. just destroys everything. fucking everything
>>29515616
what happens anon?
>>29515649
keep this thread alive, will return in 15-20 minutes
>>29515616
Be honest with people, anon.
>>29515714
this.
if you don't let people know you're in pain, you will never be comforted.
if you pretend to be someone else, you will never feel like someone likes you for who you are.
there is no reason to hide if you're already considering suicide.
>>29515649
others in my life derail my life plans. im trying to leave the place im living in. but they keep fucking up all my plans. i was trying to get a job for the longest time. i finally got it. i wanted to save up ten thousand dollars before i left so i could stand on my own while i found a job. almost reached thirteen thousand. then someone take out all the cash in my account. a family member. never gave it back. shit like this happens every time i try to be better, make some progress. but every time ive made some goal, reached a checkpoint the throw it all tho shit. i cant keepo doing this. im going no where. this has been happening for three years now. im fucking losing it. i just dont want it anymore. i dont wnt anything. im not asking anything from anyone. just want release from this shit
The world around me is more comparable to Lord of the Rings than Berserk in terms of how awful/wonderful it is. Once it looks like Berserk is when I'll start making plans.
>>29515738
Anon, why didnt you call your bank and the police? Why havent you done that YET?
>>29515901
just an example of one that was more recent. they usually dont have to do with money.
because they have records of me that would not only discredit my word, but even if i proved that what they did to me actually happened, they have justifications that they have used in the past that have worked towards their favor. i dont know how to explain the situation in text. its so stupidly complicated and long, its not worth typing. its not going to change any facts
>>29515947
Sounds like you might be suffering from delusions of persecution.... psychotic symptoms can happen sometimes with severe depression or anxiety.
>>29515968or he might actually be being persecutedyou never know
>>29515968
its not a delusion. they are facts that have happened. ive been arrested, transported to another institution, rehabed, rehabed again, and just... its hard to come back from that. no matter what i do i can never be seen as trying to be genuine. i just want to leave, start new, but they dont let me leave. i can stay here because i have no say in anything.
>>29516038
can't you just run away to a different city and get a shit job to start out with?
if it was a family member that fucked you over, you need to get away from them.
