>go out with some guys I know and one guy's gf
>say barely anything the whole time
>get the typical "Why are you so quiet anon?" which turns to teasing "Anon shut the fuck up, you've been talking all night"
>feel like shit the whole time
>I have no self esteem so anything I say brings down the positive vibe of the group, people can sense depression and avoid it like the plague
>come back home and still feeling like shit
Normies always say you need to socialize more and "put yourself out there". This happens literally every time I try to socialize with groups of people.
Is putting yourself out there just a meme? Has it ever worked for anyone here?
>>29491531
>>go out with some guys I know
You should have sucked them off
>>29491531
if you aren't speaking (or making an effort) you aren't trying to socialize
>>29491531
>Is putting yourself out there just a meme? Has it ever worked for anyone here?
Yes and no. It wont work you're not around people you're comfortable with. Also you need to know if you're exhausted by socializing or if there's negative vibe you cling on it aka you're sensitive to others mood.
Drink beforehand. Instant courage
>>29491575
Great advice, I'll try this next time.
>>29491589
I know anon, but every time I speak up it just doesn't come out right. I get weird looks, everyone goes from being excited to being dead quiet for a few moments. And it's not what I'm saying, it's how I'm saying it. I just come off as unenthusiastic and unconfident, I can't help it.
>>29491593
I don't get exhausted from socializing pretty much ever. If I'm around people I like I can be with them all day and I feel great afterwards, not exhausted at all.
>>29491689
>I don't get exhausted from socializing pretty much ever. If I'm around people I like I can be with them all day and I feel great afterwards, not exhausted at all.
Oh, so you're extrovert. Do you worry about making perfect impact onto others? (like first impression).
>>29491626
I've thought about this. I don't want to become reliant on alcohol or get addicted. I also don't want people to notice I drink to get through social interactions. Might be something to look into though.
>>29491775
Yeah. I get extremely anxious around people I don't know, especially women. If I'm around people I've been with for awhile usually everything is fine.
>>29491824
>Yeah. I get extremely anxious around people I don't know, especially women. If I'm around people I've been with for awhile usually everything is fine.
So you're completely fine being around all-male company and women "triggers" you?
>>29491851
Not really fine with males I don't know, but still better than women.
Yep, women do "trigger" me, I guess. When men and women mix it becomes this competition where guys try to act as cocky and "manly" as possible, and I hate that shit.
>>29491897
>I hate that shit
Do you have competition in general or do you feel that you lack something in comparison with others? Did you have a lot of incidents where girls made fun of you in public?
>>29491940
I don't enjoy competition in general, especially when it's in something I feel unconfident in - socializing. I don't really feel like I lack anything - I'm not insecure about my looks, intelligence or anything like that. No real incidents of being made fun of by girls.
>>29491999
Checked.
Do you feel your own inexperience in socializing first? If you're a little afraid of socializing with strangers but all-good with your own friends then you're completely normal in this. You see the first mistake we make about much more extroverted people that they're not afraid when it's opposite they're afraid of it but they keep going after making mistakes.
>>29491851
Women ruin group dynamics every time unless they are taken or ugly, if they are neither then the men will compete to impress them
>>29492190
>men will compete to impress them
I like the scenario where 3 guys are competing for her while she's interested in a guy who's cold for her.
Putting yourself out there does work, it's just you have to do it for years before you get the results you want, and yes you have to just endure the pain and cringe the whole way
It's a ridiculously painful choice to make, but if you make a habit of leaving your comfort zone, and stick it through to the end, then you will eventually turn into captain social
>>29492126
I noticed recently that confident people do that. They make mistakes but they rebound really well, where as I would just stop making an effort right there. So that's something I'm working on.
I just don't get how some people are so enthusiastic around new people and enjoy themselves so much, I can't do that at all, I just go into autism mode and have no idea what to say.
>>29491689
are you 18 right?
jsut try more I was like you and it's passed as I grew.
>>29492274
I'd add that you have to find personal style - if you're natural comedian use it, dont try to be mysterious and stoic just because "it's trend". People with social skills easily can tell when you're behaving unnatural.
>>29492292
>They make mistakes but they rebound really well, where as I would just stop making an effort right there
What kind of thoughts goes through your head when you've made mistake?
>>29492190
Agreed with you my dude, women always fuck things up for me.
>>29492219
I hate it. Those 4 guys would be bros having a good time otherwise, then one woman gets involved and everything turns to shit.
>>29492274
That's what I'm always thinking, but every time I fail I just don't feel like trying again. But it's probably worth it. Other choice is to just accept being a KV for life and fuck that.
>>29492356
>but every time I fail I just don't feel like trying again.
I know how you feel, I've been trying to think of ways of just desensitising myself to cringe but it is ridiculously hard and I haven't got nearly enough practice in
>>29492356
>>29492396
It really depends if you have some people who encourage you to continue your struggle.
>>29492295
I'm 20, hoping I'll grow out of it as well, still got time. Sucks that it comes so natural to some people though desu.
>>29492311
People tend to dislike the stoic types and dismiss them as boring, that's what I've observed. Some girls like it though.
>>29492343
That I've messed up and I need to shut up. Immediately feel like I'm being judged, making people uncomfortable. Feels bad man. Ruminating after the event and cringing as well. The more I make mistakes the more I want to protect myself from the feelings I get when I make them and I do this essentially by not talking. I know it's wrong but I can't control it.
>>29491824
A lot of folks drink to socialize, most people can't tell you did if you drank anything less than 3 beers/shots/doses
>>29492438
If you're aware of these thoughts that means you're improving. It might sound like a paradox but people are more bothered by you dwelling on past mistakes and not talking rather than actually doing mistakes and rebounding from them. By the way - what's the hatred about girls mingling in your company? Are you intimidated by them?
>>29492396
The only way to do it is prolonged exposure.
There are good times and bad times but eventually you should stop caring. You can probably think of at least one similar examply from your life. Everyone is unconfident at something when they're starting it and that's the main reason why most people don't get very far with any one thing. Once you make it out of the beginning stages and gain some confidence, that's when it starts to get fun.
Everyone goes through what we're going through. The difference is that when people started having these feelings, mostly in their early teens, they deal with them way better than we do, and they get over them fairly quickly.
>>29492431
I don't really have any close people. Just my "friends" who invite me out seemingly only so I can be that one guy in the group who they can make fun of for being quiet when there's an awkward silence. Sucks desu.
I did my research on how to behave in social situations. Mostly researched seduction and how to make girls attracted. I recently got a girlfriend I met at a party.
I can't type how to do this in a post. It took at least two years of worrying about nothing but this. But don't just be yourself, that's retarded.
32 here.
I gave up hanging out with Normies but luckily I realized there are plenty of odd fish out there.
>>29492560
Yeah, I've realized that. People tend to focus on themselves more and if someone's being quiet and awkward-looking that makes them uncomfortable themselves. Moving on after a mistake and not caring is defo the better option, it's just hard to do sometimes.
Yeah, I'm definitely intimidated by women. I've not had much interaction with women since I hit puberty (I'm a KV). I'm decent looking though, I've had a few girls crushing on me and even one tell me she's in love with me (unironically). I actually only find them intimidating in group settings, otherwise I really don't mind them anymore than I do guys. Like I said, in groups it always seems like the guys are trying to put on a show for the girls and I can't be a part of that, making me feel dumb.
>>29492638
I'm not really worried about making girls attracted (>>29492725), making friends and being relaxed around people in general is more the issue for me. And girls being involved makes things way more complicated, and not because I want to hook up with them.
>>29492680
Where do I find these odd fish senpai? I've met a couple and I'm thankful for that, but it seems like most people are completely identical normies, at least on a surface level.
>>29492725
>it's just hard to do sometimes
That's just lack of experience. No one can avoid it completely. Just be somewhat positive about rebounding or make small challenge about it.
>Like I said, in groups it always seems like the guys are trying to put on a show for the girls and I can't be a part of that, making me feel dumb
Hmm, this is strange as you dont actually "hate" them but you want to win the spotlight but dont know how. Do you like attention from females?
>>29492780
>Where do I find these odd fish senpai? I've met a couple and I'm thankful for that, but it seems like most people are completely identical normies, at least on a surface level.
I found mine when I got into open source software and, much later, into psychedelics.
>>29492782
>lack of experience
Agreed. Just need to stick with it it seems.
>attention from females
Yeah, I definitely like it. A lot of times when I start remembering and cringing about something dumb I've done I'll start thinking about some time I got a compliment or someone said they liked me or whatever and I'll instantly feel better. So yeah, I do enjoy it and it's really important to me. May be why I'm so uptight around women - their validation means too much to me. Not really for reasons of wanting to have sex with them either, I just want validation.
>>29492903
It might sound weird but does your mother gives/gave you attention? Maybe you're trying to compensate it as you're not "sexually" dominant with women but when their praise and compliment from them.
>>29491531
>lift weights
>become confident
>=
>less autistic
>no longer being a kissless virgin
Worked for me lads, getting /fit/ literally changed my entire life around. Even got a management level position in a logistics firm because the boss said i had a dominant" presence".
Feelsgood.jpg
>>29492978
She gave me too much actually. She was never controlling but always loved me way too much, even for a mother. Never lets me do anything around the house e.g. help with cooking or cleaning, books all my appointments and goes to shit like doctors with me even though I'm a grown ass man, calls me like 5 times a day. I'd say definitely more "caring" than a typical mom.
She also did weird shit like show me porn when I was a little kid, don't know if that would matter at all.
>>29493050
I do lift actually, people I lift with are the ones I went out with. Pic related is me. Anyway that's great for you anon, don't know if getting more swole will help me out at all.
>>29491531
>Is putting yourself out there just a meme? Has it ever worked for anyone here?
1. Put yourself out there
2. Just be yourself
3.
>>29491689
Hi anon. Please don't fall for the alcoholism trap. I was just like you. I could never enjoy my time with friends because I was always too quiet and shy. Then I began drinking and it all seemed to be cured for about a year or two. But alcohol is horribly addictive, so I began to drink at university, at home, at work, etc. Just because it made me think that with it, I could be a sociable, normal person. That is what your brain thinks when you are on alcohol. Without alcohol, you will feel more anxious and shy than ever before. First the mental withdrawal starts, then comes the physical withdrawal. Please anon, don't become an alcohol. If you are miserable with your life right now, multiply that by 20 and that is alcoholism. Don't fuck yourself. Just be patient, work hard, and I truly believe that good things will come to you.
The same thing happens every time I go out, its always a girl that says it but then again I guess its so obvious I am a social retard. Worst part for me is no matter how much I drink and how many benzos I pop, I still cannot socialize with women. I've heard it all man " why are you so quiet anon? " " your friend is really quiet" "why don't you talk more jeeze" "are you always this quiet?" . Not sure if people are mean or its my fault for being such an autist.
>>29492725
I have the same problem. I seriously feel like I can easily get a gf if I could just talk to the girl alone, but you put me in a group setting and I completely shut down. Every fucking time a female enters a group it all goes to shit. I have seen this since early high school when my own "friends" would try to one up me when a girl would enter our group, then once she left they would go back to being cool with me.
>>29493823
Thanks anon, I've been seriously considering it for a time but reading this I really think it would be a dumb choice. I might just drink at parties (if I ever go) or whatever just to be a little more sociable, but actually drinking before events that don't involve drinking/being with drunk people, then drinking is out of the question.
>>29493890
It's not your fault anon, it really isn't. If anything it's those people being autistic. Those questions make things so unnecessarily awkward, it boggles my mind why people even bother asking. Sociable people aren't any less autistic than us, a lot of times they're actually way worse. The difference is that they're just more confident and don't care as much when they mess up.
>>29494063
Thanks for taking the advice, man. I! Jist trying to warn you. It seems that 90% of alcoholics suffer from some form of social anxiety, so if you drink, please be careful. You may be at a much higher risk for alcoholism.
