Who /cheated death/ here?
>got locked in a freezer as a toddler and nearly suffocated
>nearly drowned in pool twice as a kid
>almost got hit head on going 80 mph
>nearly died from alcohol poisoning
>>29470524
>ate chipotle once
>>29470524
Only a few times I think.
>fell into the pool when I was about 3 or 4, somehow managed to magically get myself out. Still not convinced there wasn't some other force at play.
>an out-of-control car that drove onto the footpath/sidewalk and hit a sign missed me and my friend by about 5 metres
>had a number of near-misses riding my motorbike
>car drove pretty fast from an alley and hit a dog in front of me
>if I left home a few secs earlier I would've got hit
>>29470524
>almost got on a train that went on to derail with half the people on board dying, but decided to play a bit more vidya and catch a later train
>>29470524
>food I'm allergic to
>grandparents make me clean the plate
>lay on couch rasping, choking, pass out
>I lived
>Be two years old at a family party
>Older kids leave the front door open
>We're on the fourth floor
>Crawl outside
>Stairway railing is missing some poles
>Crawl through the railing
>FALL FOUR FUCKING STORIES
The first floor neighbor was a carpenter and there was a big pile of sawdust at the bottom of the stairwell that I landed on. He found me in the sawdust and brought me upstairs to my mom, who promptly fainted. I was completely unscathed apart from a small scar on my forehead. My whole family and extended family regard it as an act of God.
>>29470524
>walking down sidewalk next to busy highway with a friend
>tossing an old baseball back and forth
>he fumbles and it rolls into street
>car runs over it
>fires the ball absurdly fast right in front of our faces
>>29470524
>Going 140 on the highway
>car changes lanes and clips the corner of my bumper
>spin out, flip multiple times
>climb out of torn up wreckage
>was 7 feet away from the edge of a 40ft cliff
>never bought a sports car again
>get out of shower
>plug something in
>get zapped because hands were wet
How close was I to death lads?
>>29471556
Risk Level: Wew
>Almost drowned in a pool when I was 2
>chewed car keys and shoved in a plug when I was one ( no idea of it can actually kill) but brother pulled me away
>>29470524
>was being chased by ghost
>I got away
>shot in the face with a .38 Hp
>a year later and no perm damage except a bit numb
>>29471556
You died. This is your Hell.
>>29471667
Believable 2bh
>>29470998
Did you push the dog?
devilish
>>29470524
>shocked over 20 times one of them was on my head and left a permanent mark
>fathers was driving fast when he was young and i was 2 years old and a truck popped out of nowhere, car stops an inch away from truck
drowned to the point of unconsciousness under the surface for some minutes
what is dead may never die
>>29471200
jesus protected u with sawdust
carpenderbro felt the hand of god
and now you fap to hentai and trannys and fail college classes
god works in mysterious ways
Falling hammer narrowly missed me, made a dent in the floor.
Almost drowned in a pond when I was 6, I was already laying on the edge of the pond when my mother found me though
Prolly every day with the way I eat
I got zapped as a kid by touching an open socket once, nearly drowned some time ago, and also nearly choked on at least a dozen things.
Doesn't feel like I've cheated death though.
>>29470524
I don't know
I survived cancer when I was 9 years old
apart from that, not much.
>>29471847
>and now you fap to hentai and trannys and fail college classes
Yeah. Don't forget the fact that I'm also slowly killing myself by overeating junk food on a regular basis :(
I almost got my belly pierced by a long spike fence after being chasing a cat that climbed to a roof.
Luckily when I slipped the spike miss me and caught my sweater instead.
Till this day I wonder why god didn't kill me if my life was going to be shit.
>>29470524
>swimming lesson
>thought I was gonna be alright considering as a younger kid I've always been fine
>we line up to do a lap of the pool to see how well we swim
>jump in
>sink
>thrash around
>some kid reaches into the pool to help me out
>choke up water and get the fuck out
>move to the kiddie pool
>swimming instructor didn't even bat an eyelid
how fucking dickish do you have to be to not even try to help a kid swimmer from drowning geez
>>29470524
>be 14
>on vacation, Washington D.C.
>just had dinner at a grill/bar place
>parents are cocked
>waiting to cross the street to get back to the house we rented for the week
>dad gets impatient and makes us all run during a break in traffic
>mfw we only had like 3 seconds to cross the road or gg
>I trip in the middle of the road
>car swerves around me and hits lamp post
>car horns blaring everywhere
>get up and go to my family on the other side of the road
>dad beats the shit out of me right then and there for causing the wreck
>dude in the car looked like he wanted in
>>29472296
That's what you get for being a fucking clutz. You think a father wants a son that can't walk 5 feet without tripping over something? I would have beat you too.
>>29471481
/o/utist here
What car niqqa
>>29472470
98' 240sx
Damn shame, it was beautiful as fuck. Only got about half of its worth from the insurance because it was old.
>>29472533
Well shit, here I was about to pick on your choice to call a econobox a 'sports car', and then you pull that wonderful rabbit out of the hat.
Sorry for your loss man, that's bullshit how your insurance wouldn't pay it out. Those are just fantastic cars. And holy shit you actually survived a rollover in a S-chassis, that's pretty incredible on its own.
>>29471200
Jesus was a carpenter. TRULY THE HAND OF GOD!
>Almost drowned when I was 8
>En route to school at 16, police cruiser slid off an icy turn on a hilly road, went airborne, and almost crashed right into the front windshield and killed me and my dad. Imagine how fucking minced I would've been if I left the house a few seconds off.
>>29471922
It was probably some easy mode cancer if you're still alive
>>29470524
not really cheating death but i've cheated serious injury before
was riding down a hill as a kid and because i didn't know how to pedal i just put my feet in the air. nearly smashed my leg into a metal pole as i was going down one day but i realized what was about to happen and swerved my bike to the side and fell into the grass instead
>picked up a shell with a blue ringed octopus inside
>on a deserted beach 15 min walk down rocky terrain
>completely inaccessible via roads
STRAYA
>be fat kid
>eat mexican food with family
>heart attack wakes me up
>stumbling to parents bedroom door
>about to knock
>something tells me not to
>go lie down on the couch in pain
>pass out
>wake up
I wish I had died then.
I stopped breathing in the womb. Luckily my mom was getting her vitals taken at the hospital a month before I was due.
Doctors have no idea why. I just stopped breathing
Probably cause I looked ahead at my future and gave up
>>29470937
>5 meters
Yea, you really cheated death there bud. Some Final Destination shit.
>>29470524
> nearly choked to death on a mutant large grape fruit that I swallowed whole
>7 years old
>get diagnosed with itp
>dad forgets to give me medicine one night, wakes me up at 2 AM to give them to me
>i open my mouth to take them and blood pours out of my mouth
>would have literally drowned in blood if my dad hadn't been a useless fuck and forgotten the meds
sometimes i wish i had just died in my sleep that night, young and happy
>>29472533
>not understanding actual cash value
Insurance pleb
>>29470524
> -10
> ice fishing
> go away from hut to pee
>fall through ice
> under lake
> get out
> alive
> walk through snow
> find dad
> fine.
> go home
> new cloths
> back out ice fishing that afternoon.
> upper mid-west master race.
>got hit by a car walking to school one morning
>guy ran an intersection when I had the little walking man flashing
>he drove off
>lots of cars around, no one bothered getting out to see if I was okay
>not hurt too badly, but some pretty bad bruising the day after
>decide to just go home and sleep because I'm closer there than school
>call in saying I was hit by a car and won't be coming in
>no one at the school does anything, my parents never even find out
>go to class the next day, teacher make some offhand comment implying I was a passenger in a fender bender or something
>don't bother correcting her
Maybe it wasn't cheating death but gosh did I ever feel dead in high school, it was like I barely existed to anyone
Lived on a planet with non whites for 22 years
>>29474161
>giving up hope in the womb
Damn nigga, that is some hardcore shit
>>29470524
>Alcohol poisoning.
Lad I'm here to inform you that wew.
>>29474192
Shut up faggot, if I'd left school a few seconds earlier it would've hit me
What's with all you dumbasses that can't swim
Stop being black and learn already
>at friends pool
>his parents are druggie alcohols so not watching us.
>decide to put water wings on feet so I could walk on water.
>jump in and get flipped upsidedown, cant move or swim.
>feel like im going to pass out but manage to finally grab side of pool and pull myself to fresh air.
>didnt tell mom when i got home.
good thing I didnt run then jump.
Got a few stories.
>15, rural Ontario (Canada), 1:00AM, 2008-ish
>cycling from one small town to another with 24 bottles of beer in my bag
>going slightly downhill, epic view of multiple night-lit towns on horizon
>talking on phone
>mad distracted
>no helmet
>some fucking convertible with no lights hits me out of nowhere on a diagonal
>flip the handlebars
>lightly skim the hood of the car
>my backpack goes through the fucking windshield
>I flatten longways against it
>screaming_bitch.mp3
>drunk driver asks if I'm alright with his bitch still screaming/crying
>gives me like $40 out of pocket
>bike still works
>friend still on the line
>carry on
>not even a bruise the next day
Only 10 of those beers smashed.
Another time
>16
>visiting grandparents in Moscow, Russia
>brought my PS2 from home
>surprised it even fucking works, hooked up to TV and power just fine
>granparents introduce me to their friends' granddaughter (my age)
>playing GTA San Andreas late at night with some Russian qt
>getting touchy feely
>get into grandpa's liquor cabinet
>drink close to a liter of brandy
>alcohol poisoning
>get injections in my ass from pissed off paramedic
>apparently that fails so rushed to hospital
>I don't even know what happened to the girl I was so drunk
>never talk to her again
Finally
>be drunk enough to black out
>attempt to take shortcut through somewhat shallow swamp in a forested area at night
>friends abandon me
>knee to thigh deep water
>extremely squishy
>7 foot cattails and reeds make navigation impossible
>I make it 2 hours later
>get home to my friend's basement before they do
>they took the main road, too
>lost my shoes tho
>fuck up my friend's couch by lying on it and firing up the 360 for some Skyrim
>thought I'd get praised for being a badass
>get yelled at because bog water completely seeped through friend's sleeping couch
>mfw I Shrekt his basement
>>29474784
>all of these stories involve you and alcohol
i think perhaps you have a problem
>>29470524
>crossing street
>some faggot in a 'compensating for my small dick' raised F-350 blows right through stop sign
>jump to curb
>dickless wonder drives on
>mfw the only thing I gave a fuck about was the weed in my pocket
>>29474811
He's russian, what do you expect?
