For robots that used to be suicidal:
what changed?
>>29457943
I found God at the corner of 1st and amistad
>>29457976
Where the west, was all but won.
>>29457943
got a job
got a tan
went on a cruise and ate good food/had good sex
saw my ex working at a diner in the black hood
>>29457943
nothing still suicidal
Hard psychedelics. No acid.
Stopped obsessing over what women think of me.
I stopped believing that I should be better and accepted my emptiness and mediocrity.
This is going to be a shit answer but
Listened too the following albums after browsing /mu/
1) In The Aeroplane Over the Sea
2)The Glow pt. 2
3) Merriweather post Pavillion
4) Holy Ghost
I dunno one day I told myself if music can get THIS good I wanna experience it before I die
Also I realized that I didn't wanna get swallowed by the void
This was all around December-March of this year so it was recent
I began enjoying my eternal misery in a gallows humor sort of way.
>>29457943
Better job.
Got friends.
Done eccies.
Smoked weed.
>>29457943
Whenever I'm blue, I just kill someone or listen to Toto Africa.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTQbiNvZqaY
>>29457976
Thanks for bringing me back to high school buddy.
Fuck I want to die.
>>29458058
Pretty much this. Just learned to accept it like I accept the sky is blue. Trying to fight it is always a losing battle.
Had real organic sex re gularly for the first time at age 27
That was about 3 years ago
Still apathy tho
>>29458111
Could you kill me pls? No torture.
>>29458147
No torture? Way to take all the fun out of killing... :(
>>29458175
I just figure that my life was torture enough for me.
>>29458191
How so?
I'm sure your life ain't that bad
>>29457943
I realized there are a lot of ways that I can help people, since I'm pretty knowledgeable in a lot of different things. If I killed myself, I would be letting other people suffer more and I figure I would want someone to help me, so I can't just give up.
>>29457943
>For robots that used to be suicidal:
>what changed?
Hormones! :3
>>29458210
It's actually not. I just don't feel like living anymore.
>>29458252
Living is fun, infinitely so.
You're just bored, try something different ;)
>>29457943
When I was entirely certain that I was going to die, and my body was entirely numb, and everything lost color and got darker, and I couldn't hear a thing or move my body - at the last second when I was partially accepting of the end - like a light switch, something inside had changed. I suddenly refused to die so pathetically. I refuse to die without knowing joy, without being loved, without losing my v-card, without ever having experienced any of the things I wanted and dreamed of. I figured I've survived this long, so much longer than I wanted to, that it just isn't worth it to die now and leave this earth empty-handed. At that moment, I could feel a subtle heat at my fingertips and on a little on my face. I kept trying to gather that heat, rubbing my hands on my face just to feel something. All of my senses were returning slowly - I was dehydrated as fuck. It took about half an hour before I could gain the strength to stand again.
It's been two years since that experience, and I had finally found a job, and got a girlfriend... who broke up with me recently... now part of me wants to give up on life again but I'm ignoring the pain and trying to fight this influx of negative, hateful, bitter thoughts and fantasies that are coming back, wanting to drag me back down.
>>29457943
They're dead.
>>29457943
Time passed.
Nothing changed. Just... time.
I miss times when I was suicidal tho. Now I dont want to live but my pain isnt big enough to kill myself.
I feel nothing and Im empty. Feeling suicidal would be a nice change.
>>29457943
Years, months and days, all it took for me was time, alcohol made it a lot worse as did drinking too much coffee + caffeine pills.
>>29458372
What's wrong with caffeine pills?
>>29457943
Perspective shifting through a course of psychedelics, anti-depressants and mindfulness.
I'm peaceful, not scared of death, given up entirely. Losing all hope is freedom.
>>29457943
I just accepted my inferiority and shut myself away
~Hikikimori
The solution is to (in the moments of horrified confrontation with the real "realness" and facts of existence and death) then take to planning your life. Then you can allow your natural, semi-blind, falling into action to hum along achieving YOUR real goals and desires, instead of the goals and desires of "Das Man" (society, friends, instincts, perents, etc).
got even number and realized suicide takes too much effort
>>29457943
Gonna die sooner or later. Doesn't matter. Nothing matters.
>>29457943
I found anime.
>>29457943
I survived, turns out hell doesn't last forever
>>29458212
sick narcissism
>>29457943
went to afghanistan.
basically, getting away from everything for a year helped me a lot.
>>29460229
How many civilians did you brutally murder?
>>29457943
I started drinking very heavily. That was two years ago.
I fucking survive because my family took me to the hospital, but then no one supported me, thinking that I was fine again and that mental help wasn't necessary. Fuck it, I'll be gone someday anyway
>>29460255
none. I got to watch a lot of sand niggers getting blown up via drone feed though. probably ~150 total while I was there. maybe that cheered me up.
I started making things for myself.
Then I realized that I love my work more than I hate anyone else. It's difficult and sometimes there are lapses in that framework but
It's working. And at least when I do die, I'll leave behind a pile of shit I made. That's it.
I tried sodoku in grade nine. Im older and have a much different view on the world. I still want to die sometimes but I figure there's a lot I still want to see but most of all I feel humanity is tending towards its final truths. I have good health and I'm only nineteen I figure I'll be around in the year 2070-80, shit is gonna be crazy. Or it will be fucked and I'll kms. Either way being a live is absolutely too insane to throw away.
>>29460322
Gawd bless our superhero soldiers!
>>29458346
Kek underrated original post
I realized that killing myself would mean that they won, and I won't give the bastards the satisfaction.
>>29460357
>humanity is tending towards its final truths
http://transhumanity.net/about/
>>29457943
Nothing, I just decided suicide is the cowards way out... It's constantly on my mind, I just ignore it
>>29460132
sick jelly
>>29457943
Life is pretty much worse than where I was and I'm only 20.
What changed is that I realized I could easily see what life has to give until I'm 30. By then women will mainly look for beta providers and I imagine I'll have realized small things I wanted to complete by then. Like travel somewhere, have Kamachi finish Index, play a load of video games.
Looks and reaction time degrade while people grow more jaded with responsibilities piling up. If I meet the love of my life before then I'll struggle. If not I'll decide then.
Thinking along the lines of kms, hunting in dangerous environment etc. Take the risks, produce adrenaline.
I've never actually wanted to kill myself, but I have felt sad about never getting pussy. I don't want STI's but honestly i'd rather have one than die a virgin
I realized that although the world is shitty, there's going to be some amazing things coming down the line, mostly science/tech related, the possibility of which to me make it worth living if only just to witness in my lifetime.
Already VR is becoming more of a thing, and shit like cybernetics is already out there. Imagining what life will be like with the sort of tech they'll have in 20, 30 years? I dunno, to me that was enough to not want to just end it now.
>>29457943
About 3-4 years ago was the lowest point in my life. I weighed over 250lbs, just got kicked out of uni, lost my obese gf, and was a friendless loser.
Then I discovered I could lose 75lbs in 6 months eating jackinthebox every day on keto and caffeine/ephedrine pills so I did.
My mother was kind enough to not let me stop college and got me into a cc. There I began to study for a business associates to enter the job force.
Then I got inspired to do science again. I did pretty good, even did a pretty challenging internship and won an award for my cc at convention that no cc had ever gotten. As such, the mentor gave me a shining letter of rec and now Im interning at a prestigious school working 3+ projects for like 4 postgrads, and will transfer to a nice school to boot.
At some point I snagged the qt3.14 virgin japanese gf (shes yan af so it balanced out). Im not suicidal anymore (Im pretty sure).
Drugs also played a huge role. Antidepressants make it worst for me. Stimulants worked because the source of my depression was my lack of achievement and my lack of achievement was from my depression.
I broke the cycle by using the drugs to boost myself to the point where I could work hard and achieve some shit. I feel like I could stop, but then again why should I risk falling apart at Stanford?
Im no expert but feel free to email me. Everyone could use a friend. Ive actually not had one for the past two years (except the gf, shes always listening to my joys/pains)
>>29461841
Ugh. Mobile...
[email protected]
My dad killed himself and I saw how it affected me and his friends and family. The thought of his final moments staring out on his back lawn all alone and then shooting himself will haunt me for the rest of my life. I can do that to the people in my life, dog.
Even before he died my general affect took an upswing and I didn't have those thoughts, but my he didn't do it til he was 50 so who knows if my shit will come crashing down in the next 3 decades.
>>29459838
Shut up, doomguy
>>29457943
I stopped caring about dating women, anxiety stopped and the pressure to not offend women disappeared to. I extended this notion trying not to people please and instead focus one myself.
I found I actually didn't know much about myself prob because I was to busy trying to please others for their attention. I started trying new activities and going new places.
I am working on self acceptance at the moment to have it as a solid point to build self esteem and confidence before even bothering to interact with other people again
I still get low point but no were near as bad now
Its better to let time finish me off.
>picked up a hobby
>figured out what was making me feel like shit
>did this all in fear that meds would fuck me up
>started being more social
>went out more
>gained more confidence
>it gets better robots believe me
>>29457943
If you don't actually kill yourself you just get better at living. Better than other people, stronger, and more ambitious.
>>29458366
> I feel nothing and Im empty
Surprise mo-fucker, you're still at depression, just more mild.
My family are the only ones that love me. Went on a nightwalk without telling them one timeand they kept texting where I was. I don't want to let them down. Also I have two dogs that needs me to take care of them
I forcibly stopped caring completely about what people or society thinks of me, while also maintaining a bare minimum of "fitting in" (like, shitting my pants in public or stabbing anyone), and forced myself to endure several years of working really hard to escape my situation. I ended up succeeding in life pretty well, and fucking an absolute ton of girls.
The disparity between how I used to feel every day and how I feel now is insane. Every day of my life feels like the moment when you effortlessly destroy something that used to be way above your level in some video game, after revisiting it at a higher level.
Well, I was crying last night. Also cried two or so times in the last week. So I'm not doing great by any measure.
But I am somewhat better than I once was. I realized that we make a big deal of stuff while animals just live. Our society kind of poisons us, intentionally or not, with all this bullshit expectations, most of them pretty stupid. Like dating or having kids. Things that just don't apply to some people and they shouldn't give a shit about.
The reason why u losers think about suicide so often is probably because your lives are negative and meaningless. Just be productive, stay busy and do things u enjoy doing, beta faggots
>>29457943
got laid and found out my cock was above average
>>29457943
i let fate reaffirm my existence by playing Russian roulette every few years or so.
I discovered anime, watched Evangelion, and realised there's stuff still worth living for. Months later, I was still experiencing pain and with nothing worth living for in the forseeable future, I got depressed and suicidal again, which I pulled myself out of using my anger at the world for making my life this way and my desire to change it / exact revenge. Now I'm pissed and muttering about degenerates and authoritarian statism 24/7, but I can calm myself down temporarily by thinking about my waifus and how much I love capitalism.
I figured out I don't actually have the willpower to kill myself quickly, and started doing it slowly with booze
>>29462704
KEK AND TEAR, KEK AND TEAR!!!!
I stopped caring.
Every time I got depressed or upset I said to myself: "DOES THIS FUCKING MATTER?"
No. Nothing matters. Not a fucking thing. I stopped worrying about a career, getting laid, stressing about buying enough shit to see if it made me happy or what other people thought of me.
I don't even fucking try anything that isn't something that I want to do except for my job. And when I'm at work, I've perfected the art of zoning out to a degree where time really just fucking flies by. Because I do not give a shit anymore.
Since then I've lost about 75 pounds, gotten laid a lot more than I ever have before, built a fucking hydroponics system, read a billion books, travelled and taken up amateur blacksmithing.
I gave up and it fucking saved me in more ways than I can even imagine.
It doesn't matter.
>>29457943
Acid and the pharmaceutical Jew
I became a pretty cute trap, now I'm going to get paid to jerk off on camera.
>Alcohol
>Weed
>Speed
nigga im having the time of my life
>>29465626
How do you even manage to get weed
>>29465626
Compared to adderall, how is speed?
a Zoloft prescription
My mom died.
I realized I would be shitting all over if I killed myself.
>>29461841
>Then I discovered I could lose 75lbs in 6 months eating jackinthebox every day on keto and caffeine/ephedrine pills so I did.
Keto + EC is a godsend for depressed fatties.
>>29458266
I'm not that guy but I the way I see it, if I try something new expecting it to suck, it WILL suck. And there's nothing I currently want to do, so anything I try is going to be shit.
>>29460322
You might be the one guy in this thread that actually should kill himself. Congrats.
>>29461457
Oh don't worry, life will get you... eventually. You can't win.
please answer to these polls robots
http://www.strawpoll.me/10556515
http://www.strawpoll.me/10548967
http://www.strawpoll.me/10546379
heres the associated thread
>>29465110
>>29457943
i started meditating
i now meditate everyday
http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=107
I came to terms with that fact that I lead my life to the way it was, and I could just as easily make it better.The secret was watching half an episode of JoJo for every 50 minutes of work
>>29466242
Sounds like you just have a negative outlook.
Why so negative, Anon?
>>29466333
I don't get the idea of meditation. How is thinking about nothing supposed to make you happier? There doesn't even seem to be some magical trick to it, it's just breathe steadily and think about nothing for a few minutes a day and then go about the rest of the day thinking about how everything is shit.
I started photography and seriously got into watching films, made life worthwhile and fun
>>29466486
Because everything is boring. Things got good once I started watching anime in 2013, and even better when I started playing retro vidya in 2014, but in the past year even those have become boring. What's the point in constantly searching for something fun when it's just going to eventually stop being fun?
It just seems like life is an endless quest to find ways of distracting ourselves from the fact that our existence is meaningless.
I got out of school, stopped literally sleeping all day and listening to depressing music all night.
Life still isn't good but I'm not suicidal
>>29466509
>thinking about nothing
thats not really it
feel the breath and concentrate on it
either at nose chest or belly
when the mind wanders , and it will , come back to the breath
repeat many times
?????????????
profit
try a guided meditation they explain it alot better than me and it might help you
>>29466592
Why does thinking about breathing make you happy? I just don't see how they're connected.
>>29457943
i could never get the courage together so i just...exist.
i have a full time job now and i think about it literally every second of every day but i know i'll never do it
>>29466601
>>29466509
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLjelIPg3ys
>>29466601
not thinking feeling
>Why does thinking about breathing make you happy?
it doesn't make me happy , but it has lessened my anxiety , insomnia , constant negative thoughts
mostly it is relaxing
>>29466668
Hmm, OK. I guess it's not for me. I'm plenty relaxed (usually), I just don't see the point in doing anything.
Had a near death experience. Death itself may be pleasant but the moments leading up to it is terrifying.
>>29466560
Meaning is subjective buddy :)
Life is short, so spend your time having fun and bringing enjoyment/meaning to it.
And how can you know something's boring without trying it first?
>>29457943
I realized that nothing matters
and i shouldn't worry about shit
just do what i want without worrying
Eventually we're all gonna die and in about a billion years the planet is going to shit, that is of course in the case we don't blow each other with nukes or we run out of useful antibiotics first among other shit
so yeah
JUST LIVE THE DREAM
>>29467255
you are not worried of loseing job and being a homeless?
Started smoking weed and got a girlfriend. Also got a haircut. Also found out i have a bigger dick than my friend, which is cool.
>>29466769
>>29467013
The problem is I spend more time searching for things I can enjoy than I do actually enjoying them.
I'm at university and the opportunities for enjoying myself should be endless, but I checked out all of the clubs and societies and not a single one even remotely interests me.
>>29457943
I stopped being a bitch nigga, that's it.
>>29467286
>implying not caring about anything means you don't do shit
You need money for most of the shit we use, that's just the way it works you can't change it
But in the case i became homeless it's not like im just gonna wait till i die of starvation
It's not like there's only ONE job
maybe i should clarify, you shouldn't care about anything but yourself
Who's been with you since the beginning and will be till the end?
You, therefore who's your best friend
you again it's not that hard mate
>>29465519
Thank you for posting this.
I was feeling like shit but somehow this post calmed me down entirely.
>>29465519
I realise that nothing matters but that just makes me more depressed. I hate doing nothing but I don't see the point in doing anything.
>>29460229
Das ist sehr gut!
>>29457943
My cousin killed herself and I realized how much of a retard suicide makes you.
>>29467321
Did your girlfriend tell you that? Sorry, couldn't resist.
I had a few attempts and saw how much it wrecked my family, so I guess I'm just alive for their sake. So I became completely hollow on the inside.
I've been depressed for at least a decade and I'm still just as depressed as ever, but I realised that absolutely nobody in the world gives a shit about depression and that it's never going to go away. So I found it's just easier to float through life without any sort of thoughts at all.
I realized that simply killing yourself is a coward's way out and will purely leave grief.
Instead you should aim at dying while doing something you like. You like skydiving? Sabotage your own chute.
You like driving fast? "lose control" of your vehicle and drive into a ditch.
You like being a NEET? Set your house on fire in the middle of the night and did from the toxic fumes.
>>29468615
I never get the "cowards way out", thing. People who say that are literally admitting that life is something you merely put up with, not enjoy.
i was feeling suicidal earlier this morning because >womemes but then my friends sent me a link to a livestream of a protest in my town.
watching people chimp out and vandalize the state building when the governor isn't even in town was enough to make me sorta forget about why i wanted to off myselfit's because i realized i don't actually have female friends, despite what I had been telling myself the last year. just another realization in a long chain of realizing that something i found happiness in was just bullshit
>>29468656
You're not meant to 'enjoy' life, you're meant to reproduce and in most cases take care of the spawn until they mature.
The rest is up to you. In this society you will not make it if you are an autistic robot. (we are the problem, not society)
I don't want to be remembered as a loser who killed himself with a helium tank, I want to be remembered as the guy who died doing something he loved.
>>29468687
>people chimp out and vandalize the state building
Why?
>>29468780
governor was a corrupt shithead and stole money or something, people in general have just been uneasy for the last week or so
who is this girl? what's going on in this con with that background?
>>29457943
I want to passionately love that eldritch abomination with my penis.
>>29457943
I started taking zoloft.
>>29468768
>you're meant to reproduce and in most cases take care of the spawn until they mature.
Why? Seems pretty pointless to me. I used to want to be a dad but recently I've been thinking that I can't in good conscience bring somebody into this world. Don't get me wrong, dying seems worse than living, but never having been born seems like the best of the bunch.
>I want to be remembered as the guy who died doing something he loved.
Why? You'll be dead anyway, and in a couple decades after that nobody will remember you. But hey, to each their own. I don't love doing anything.
I haven't yet, I'm just wondering if there's anyone else here who's gotten less depressed and then realized that even when they mostly felt okay they still had strong impulses to kill themselves anyway? Even when things are going my way and I don't feel too shitty, I still just love the idea of crashing and burning and then killing myself so fucking much.
>>29468768
Your ego is far too large. You have to remember how insignificant you really are and that nobody will remember you.
>>29457943
I chose apathy over depression.
>>29457943
I used to wait for the world to change, but it never did. Never will.
So I decided to change it myself and forge my own world.
Engineering is a hell of a drug.
>>29457943
>started laughing at my failure of a life rather than getting miserable over it
>escapism
>money
I'm still depressed but I don't want to die anymore
>>29468997
>engineering
Good luck changing the world building them spaghetti bridges, friend.
>>29469046
Oh no no no, biomedical & robotics engineering.
Being human is an archaic practice for plebeians and cuckolds.
>>29469078
>mfw I'll never be a NEET cyborg anytime soon
>>29457943
I started lifting weights and its really as simple as that.
After about 2 years of eating properly and lifting regularly I started seeing some major improvements in my self-esteem and also in the way people would respond to me, I become more confident and charismatic in social situations. This indirectly changed my life in a positive manner, I got girls i never thought would be attracted to me, my acne cleared up and I got a high level management position for having a "dominant" presence as my boss puts it.
I went from being a lanklet neet to being a self made man in 3 years and its literally just from taking some initiative in my life and having some pride in my appearance.
>>29463495
Nice edups pic
