Life
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
Say your life story here, or really any moment, memory, event you wish to share.
Whatever you want to get off your chest.
>Bonus if greentext
But It doesn't matter a alot
I'm too much of a lazy cunt to post anything but I shall bump your thread anon
Have you ever had something you truly wanted, and essentially thrown it away? I did that. I had what I wanted, and did exactly that. I could have fixed it when I had the chance, I had many chances but then told myself each time that it was already too late. Events did make me believe it was already too late, but I still shouldn't have hesitated. This month, within the last week, it really did become too late. I can't do anything now. I have to let go. I have to. Who can I blame? Myself. That's all. What kind of idiot has what he wants, lets go and then hesitates to try to get it back? What kind of person waits half a year and watches it become impossible? Me.
I can never have a second chance, but I would do anything for one. I've never experienced as much self-loathing as I have this year.
>>29450944
Lad, I've been there too, just waited too long and let it slip away.I still think about it after nearly 3 years
>be me
>life suck
>i'm stuck
>could have died at birth and never have to experience the this shit world
>mfw 26 years old
>chemistry final yesterday
>thought i was doing good
>handed in my exam and left
>got home and went over my notes
>one of my formulas was missing a variable
I have no idea how the fuck this happened, whats worse I didn't write down all the questions so I can't do it again and see if I passed or not. I have to wait for the prof to email me.
>>29451019
I get the feeling I'm going to be holding onto this self-hatred and regret for a long time. If I could blame anything else, I'd be slightly better off. But I can't, because nothing else is responsible at all.
It doesn't take much for me to have to bear witness. But even if that wasn't the case, I could have still had it. I could have never let go. I could have held onto what I care about the most. Now I never will. Forced to get over it without any other options. Effort, willpower, determination, loyalty. None of these can matter towards what I want them to matter towards.
I don't want this
>>29451067
Which formula was it and what variable? May nt be as fucked as you think.
>>29450741
>born okay
>bullied the shit out of
>grew up without social skills
>loneliness took its toll on me
>developed depression and anxiety
>became a shut-in who's failing college
>suicidal
makes sense
>>29451195
Sorry to hear about stuff going to shit for you anon, I use drink to stop myself from getting too far into self loathing, you should try it.
>>29451323
I've tried to avoid needing to. But at this point I would try anything if it helps ease how intense hating myself has gotten
>be born
>be abused a lot
>starve unwillingly sometimes
>tfw poor
>be 15
>leave home
>foster care
>finally be happy
>be 19
>have own apartment
>philosophy and sheeit
>Epictetus helps me be a man
>work to be better every day
Ye
>>29451372
Anything is better than living tortured and having no escape. Stay strong anon.
>be me
>back it up
>holla holla
>bees knees
>11:54 am
>all out
>be introverted even as a small child
>like reading a lot
>be good at taking multiple choice tests
>these factors combine and make me think that I'm way smarter than I actually am
>get to high school after doing fairly well in classes
>suddenly find that I am absolutely not intelligent once I actually have to apply or express ideas
>have to get tutors and shit and can still barely pass my classes (parents are wealthy)
>fail out of shitty state college despite genuinely trying my best
>working manual labor for shit money and living in a shit apartment
>gradually lose friends as they went on to be successful and move out of city
>never see anyone
>never talk to anyone
>social skills have atrophied to the point that I basically freeze up whenever I'm spoken to by someone I don't know really well
>dad calls me a loser or insults me to my face and talks about how he wishes I was more like my younger brother who is about to get his master's and has a great job lined up whenever he sees me
>mom lives far away
>becoming an alcoholic
It's looking grim, lads.
>>29451441
I'm trying, but I feel like I've gotten weaker every day. This month, or rather this week, just made me deteriorate a ton. I hate going to sleep because I can't avoid certain dreams, and I hate waking up to reality.
i was always a little off, sort of a failed normie when i was young, but i completely gave up and just dropped out of society when i was 16. i just played video games in my room by myself for the next 5 years without doing much else other than working some bullshit jobs here and there to afford computer upgrades and games and shit like that. i got sick of doing that at around 22 so i started consuming more and more tv shows and movies. i was miserable and depressed this entire time, kind of just happens when you sit alone all day just watching tv. i had some friends that would hang out sometimes, but i was basically some after thought to them and i never really liked being around them.
through those 'friends' i slowly got more and more into pain killers, they took all my depression and misery away and made me content. eventually i got addicted to them and became a straight up junkie for about 5 years, i graduated to heroin at some point in there, the pills became too expensive so i went to heroin because it was cheaper. every day for 4 years i woke up withdrawling, whatever money i had ran out within the first year of being a dope fiend. i don't know how i used to get money to get my fix, i needed at least $40 a day for 2 bags just to stop the withdrawals.
i overdosed almost 3 years ago and nearly died. woke up in the back of an ambulance. i haven't touched the stuff since that day, been clean for almost 3 years now. i'm back to just sitting in my room watching tv shows now, not doing anything else. still miserable, still depressed. at least i'm not waking up fucking withdrawaling though, i never want to feel that shit again.
>>29451323
Drinking made it worse for me. OxyContin was great for a month but I realized how shitty it is for a person
>>29450741
I don't have any friends and I never really developed my social skills. My parents told me in didn't need friends growing up and mainly discouraged me from making any friends. Plus we moved around a lot and the longest I've ever stayed at one school was 2 years. Had a gf, got really depressed while away at college. First semester went well then it all went downhill from there. Living at home currently and it sucks because my parents don't seem to be the most emotionally stable people.
>>29450741
>But It doesn't matter a alot
> one time I was reading this thread online and someone not only said "alot", but "a alot".
> Traumatized
>>29450741
>born
>whole childhood dad abuse me and mum (10years)
>mum has black eyes again
>im beaten aswell
>me and mum escape to refuge
>i pick up dads traits
>abuse mum
>mum puts me in fostercare
>5 years later still in foster care
>guilty af for everything
>became severely depressed
>living independently from the age of 15
>mfw im tormented by me myself and I
>mfw Im numb robot
>>29451067
Since you showed your work, you should get partial credit at least, if it is "right" using the formula you used.
>jewish parents who hated me
>looked like a school shooter during high school
>still do in college
>have fucked up fetishes
>barely any friends
>still a virgin
>never had a girlfriend
Those are pretty much the most notable things about my life, the rest is boring.Please someone, anyone just date me. I'm willing to be a faggot just so I can have a happy normie relationship.
How do I deal with psychosis?
I am conscious of my own illness and I am only parroting what my doctor told me to say.
It's been 2 months since symptoms have started and I have had brief moments when I lose all connection with reality. I still think people are looking and talking about me whenever I go in public. This has lasted for a very long time.
I do not think this is a brief psychotic state for this has gone on longer than 1 month. I am taking olanzapine to help stop the positive symptoms but I still feel cognitive and negative drawbacks; especially with my mood.
Being consciously aware of my psychotic state whilst I am feeling 'neurotypical', does that negate my chances of a serious mental illness?
I do not believe I am schizophrenic, but who I am to trust my doctor.
Please help me discover what ails me. I am not afraid of having a label; even if it's a serious illness.
I have wondered if this is all trickery in my mind due to Munchausen syndrome or if I am all doing this for attention and I am unaware of the truth.
Psychologists are all puzzled about my mental state and do not know how to class my illness. They call me a complex person.
Thank you for reading, please contribute to this thread by giving your analysis of what I have described in this thread. I will provide more information if required.
>>29451690
Stfu
I noticed and panicked for like a min. Also capitalized It
didn't notice. Am on mobile in upright so that's probably why.
>>29450741
>have amazing childhood
>close friends
>do well in school
>go to college
>middle of college, get in relationship
>she bitches sometimes, but it's peaceful in my little bubble of life
>graduate
>find out my friend since kindergarten was fucking her almost the entire time
>never trust anyone for a year
>regain some faith in humanity from a series of events
>become gay
>have boyfriend
>bitch girlfriend tries to get back together, must have found out I make a lot of money
>invite her over for dinner
>introduce her to boyfriend with smug grin
>she walks out and never tries to contact me again
>all is right in the world now
Don't knock it till you try it.
>>29451725
I feel you can't really be "unaware of the truth" on that. Like you can't really hide thing like that. You'd have a gut feeling.
It may8e I'm wrong and you should ignore what I said, idk.
I'm not a psychologist so all I say is based off personal experience.
I'd say look up whatever you consider your symptoms to be and see if anything pops up that connects. The disconnect with reality I may understand but if you could go deeper into an explanation that'd be cool like what starts it? Is it a sight or is it a thought in your head? Basically whatever starts tht shit.
For me it's doing certain activities like doodling or (since one of my eyes is pretty good) staring at something to see it in a lot of detail like a bench and the way the wood looks or dry skin
>>29451942
>become gay
May I ask why? No judgement, just curious.
>>29451942
Dude that's great how you did that (making it look like you're interested in her and then introducing your boyfriend.)
That sucks that she turned out to be a cock but I am glad you found a nice dood
>>29450741
Oh my, well here we go. Rev up those tissues, because i'm going to get sad.
>3-4 begin to have first memories in kindergarten, didn't know how to socialize with others, but enjoyed my imagination and looking at nature.
>4-5 my step dad enters the picture. The first year him and my mom are in the honeymoon stage so it's fine. Things are ok.
>6 parents start to argue all the time, hours a day they yell and argue, sometimes throwing shit or getting a shove in. This is when there starts to be an issue in my life. Also my stepdad starts to bully me when my mom is not around, telling me I will get in trouble if I tell her.
>9-10 I get kicked out of public school for calling the principal an idiot. I got in trouble playing a detective game at recess, and thought it was stupid to get in trouble for that. Start attending a private school with sheltered kids and mild-moderate autists mostly. The education there wasn't very good.
>12 move to arizona, back into public school. Start out kind of a loner, but have a popular friend so I avoid anything too awful. 7th grade follows and is good, I am friends with everyone. Have a psychotic break over repressed stuff about my family, get put on antipsychotics, they make me fat and a zombie until I get off them. 8th grade rolls around and I start getting picked on, I wasn't willing to distance myself from my unpopular friend who was an easy target. Stuff at home is heating up, I start to crack.
To be continued.
i never have friends. everytime i make a new friend they will ask me for money to help them, and i will give it to them. after that they never contact me again. even if i try to contact them they will never reply. im really craving human interaction, but i know no one wants to be my friend. i just feel misunderstood or maybe im just not supposed to have friends. its not healthy to be lonely. buying everything i could want doesnt make me happy anymore. im turning cynical. suprised i havent harmed others yet. soon maybe. im unsure.
>>29451994
My current boyfriend was a major force in helping me get out of my distrust of humanity, and we developed feelings for each other. He's also undeniably hot as fuck.
>>29452068
Do you want to talk about it?
Or at least type stuff out? I'm no therapist but I'll listen/read.
Lazy so no gt. One time when I was 7, my friends and I went to a neighborhood that was still being built. During the contraction workers lunch break my friends and I went into one of the half finished houses and we dumped out all their water from the bottles kek.
>mom is an alcoholic whore who had 4 kids with 4 different guys
>16 and sitting in my room
>hear her on the phone talking to someone saying she's "sick of raising kids" and it's "her time now"
>actually witnessed her scheming with her first daughter on collecting child support from her dad who they both haven't seen in 40 years
>just so mom could pay for her grand daughter's wedding
i cut off contact 2 years ago
i hope she dies
I was born into a wealthy family. My parents pushed me into doing a lot of sports when I was young and I didn't like any of them and it hurt my self confidence. They were just trying to help. My mom was serious about my education and tutored me outside of elementary school so that I could always read and multiply and divide and factor much better than my peers. Her efforts paid off and I was consistently highly ranked and respected in my challenging college prep high school later in life.
Middle school was absolute hell and I hated it so much I forced myself to forget most of it. All I remember is boners, runescape, acne, dandruff, and not having any friends.
High school went a bit better, I made some friends. It was a very small charter school, so I had been around everyone so long that I was finally getting comfortable with them, even if I still wasn't one of the kool kids.
I got a girlfriend in 11th grade and we had a lot of sex. She just sort of fell into my lap on a field trip and for some reason she liked me. She took the initiative and then we were dating a fucking.
Senior year she cheated on me and sent me into the downward spiral that landed me here. I was very naive and bright eyed at the time; I actually believed I was going to marry this girl. It ripped my heart out and completely changed who I was. I was cold. After riding the cock carousel for a while (multiple, multiple guys) she decided she fucked up and wanted me back. I led her on and manipulated her for sex over the summer. She deserved it.
Cont.
I've felt some things you goys wouldn't believe. And I am only 21. I'm going to have to get on my pc to type this up.
>>29452202
That summer I got a text from a mystery number making fun of my name. After texting this mystery person for a while I eventually found out that it was a really cute underclassman that one of my friends had given my number to. Once again, the girl falls into my lap, and I just follow things along.
The difference this time is that I was still a cruel heartless cynical bastard who only wanted a hole to hide my dick in. I led her on with promises of dating her eventually, all the while exploiting her for sex. She was a virgin, a true virgin, she had never even kissed a guy. I took her first kiss, and her virginity from her before we were ever eventually dating. But she adored me. She would have done anything for me, that's why it worked. Later, she showed me some diary entries from this time, where she talked to herself about how much she liked me and maybe if she showed me her boobs like I wanted, I would like her too.
In my life, that time is my biggest regret, and the worst thing I've ever done to another human being.
Cont.
>>29452031
Part 2
>14 move back to new jersey with my biological dad, start attending highschool in a wealthy area. The people there are some of the shittiest I have ever seen, and my confidence is down from the previous year. Get bullied relentlessly. My one friend is a sociopath who steal from everyone, feels no remorse, and hustles drugs. I hang out with him even though I know he is a very low quality human being, usually as little as possible, just when I get stir crazy or want to smoke weed.
>15 transfer to another highschool in south jersey with my mom and step dad. The school district is kind of poor and less judgemental. I read up online about how to socialize better, and how to make it so I don't get picked on or end up super low status. I do it, it works, people respect me, the only bully I have bullies a lot of people and I even find a way to disarm him and become friends. Something is wrong though, I don't feel present. I start getting panic attacks. I don't hang out with anyone outside of school even though I have the oppurtunity, it's almost like I don't desire it anymore. I smoke weed in the evening to chill, it's nice and I get to enjoy things and get a little bit of a break. My grades are good, but I start getting panic attacks from the school environment, I drop out.
>16 NEET who smokes, but I eventually get my G.E.D and get into college. I also meet older friends online and start running drugs from the deep web small scale to get a little extra for myself. Fall into further drug use of course.
>17 in college, but using a lot of drugs. My sister passes, I psychosis on drugs and assualt my parents and go to the ward for 5 weeks. I also meet the person of my dreams online, a pretty trap from argentina who is interesting, likes anime, and has an intelligence about her. I get out of the ward and fall into neetdom and alcohol. I end up having her over for a month.
to be continued.
>>29452229
I went to college. I hated it. It took me 7 years to make friends at my tiny high school, now I'm at a massive state university that none of my graduating class went with me to. I was there for two and a half years and I didn't make a single friend. Crippling depression, I attempted suicide once. The girl from earlier is my girlfriend at this point. Her companionship probably kept me alive. She had slowly been softening my heart and I was starting to actually fall in love with her, but she was moving in the opposite direction. I would still have angry outbursts and treat her like shit, partially due to the depression, partially due to just being a shitty person in general. Starting my third year into college, she got accepted to where I was at, and for one semester we attended college together. She would often sleep with me in my single bedroom apartment. The loving embrace of the opposite sex is the most therapeutic thing in the world. I was badly in love with her and it was at this time I began to notice that she no longer loved me. After I flunked out that semester our relationship was discontinued.
Now she won't even talk to me, and I have no friends. She went to being the best friend I could ask for to a stranger.
Now I'm living with my parents working at a gimme job they gave me at their company. I have no friends and the days of girls conveniently falling into my lap is over. I am falling into drug and alcohol abuse and I am suicidally depressed. That's about it I guess.
I miss her so bad it hurts, despite the fact it's been coming on a year now.
>>29451725
Ganser Syndrome
I've had sexual encounters with 2 girls of the same age as myself when I was 5. No penetration though.
>>29452225
Tell us, please.
Originalforsure
>>29452255
> 17 cont. She dosen't like me that much at first. I am a mess at this point, not thinking clearly, messed up on drugs and drink. I somehow get her to love me with my silver tongue. We lay in bed holding eachother and such. Best nights of my life, her body fit against mine perfectly. I tend to think people are ugly, but she wasn't flawed in any major way, I loved her face and body. Slim, small waist, big but, B cups, big eyes, everything. Also someone I could relate to, we could have intellectual conversations and the like. Really beautiful moment, I was so in ruins that I mustered up very little for her though, it was a shame honestly. She goes back to argentina and comes to her senses when she looks at where my life is.
>18 drinking and drugs, things are a haze. I sometimes would get fucked up and wander around the bad parts of philadelphia in the middle of the night, I felt like I got a rush from doing that. I lived with some fucked up people and had a knife pulled on me and dropped charges and forgave them. Just a mess.
>19 go to rehab, get sober, go back home, stay sober
>20 start using drugs and drinking occasionally, but it never really escalated from there. Can't handle college and mess up.
>20/21 start trade school, just about finish it. Leave with a week left (I can make it up). Back to neetdom, don't know what to do. Don't feel like there are any oppurtunities for me, and I feel like my health is beat up, somehow I am cognitively on the ball and have gotten better socially and such despite that. Wish things would have been different, feel sad. Have trouble meditating and excercising and doing the things I am supposed to, tend to do unhealthy things for the quick boost and waste time online. Don't expect things to get better, it's ok if nothing else happens in my life and I just scrape and avoid work.
>>29451725
Also, stop being a fucking sheep with the doctor. Consider what he says, back it up yourself with your own words in your head, read more about his labels and others that you may (or may not) feel applicable to yourself. Moreover, don't take olanzapine. Shit's nasty as fuck despite being the one of the best of anti-psychs out there at the moment. You're better off just calling it quits--talk to your doctor if you want--and train yourself to be submissive to the whims of your thoughts and hallucinations. You can discern right from wrong.
Congratulations.
>uncle and cousin was an alcoholic
>grandfather and aunt were smokers
>father and aunt obese
I am bred for my addictive personality traits. I am charming and a compulsive liar. I do not get high grades in my classes, although I generally test and write essays well enough to pass.
I despise homework. Someone I can't recall the name of said, "If my boss gave me four hours of work to take home, I would tell him to fuck off."
However, I am trying to make something positive of it and not be totally defined by genetics. My dream is to compose and direct church music, and also to become a Freemason, like my grandfather. This is all I have of my story so far.
>>29450741
>live well till 9
>upper permanent teeth start growing in extremely fucked up
>develop OCD cos can't control it, and social anxiety
>never smile or talk to anyone
>surgeries & braces later, still virgin after HS graduation
>never make friends or fuck in college
>be homeless, live in abandoned ventilation room in student housing, dumpster dive for food
>achieve nothing, still no diploma 2 years after i was supposed to graduate
>no job
>move back home
>drink myself to death
>develop alcoholic polyneuropathy
>near-cripple with severe depression and panic attacks
like a girl i tried to fuck who had a bf once said, "life is unfair"
>tfw always post in threads like this but never get replies and never know if anybody reads my story
>>29452523
I read them all. I feel awkward replying. They feel personal.
>>29452387
It's going to take a while. I might try vignettes but that would not bring justice to it. Besides I suck at writing slice of life stories, much too involved for me.
basic life story
>have extreme anger issues (probably mild autism)
>can't control it until I'm in high school
>everyone hated me because I spent the last ten years being a fucking autistic weirdo, never make any friends
>never learn how to be social
>hope to change that when I go to college
>still have no friends, even more alone
>depression worsens, never attend class, fail out
>currently sitting in my room waiting for something to kill me
and that's what's up. I broke down crying playing video games a couple hours ago
>>29452523
Be glad you're not me >>29452310
I wonder how people feel about me making this post too >>29452444
>>29452637
As long as I understand the main idea ur good man. It's not like you need to be a poet. Write it in w/e style you see fit (if we can't read it then it's kinda pointless tho)
>>29452614
Not the person you're replying to but thank you for reading my story
>>29452614
>>29452731
same to the guy who read them all
>Be born
>Be an very well behaved child until school starts.
>I get along really well with adults, sperg out around other kids.
>Start reading in Kindergarten
>Reading at a middle school level by first grade, college level by middle school.
>Fucking love reading.
>Spend all my time at the library. Parents are almost never home, which wasn't a problem, except that when they were home, they were really overbearing and critical. Can count the number of enjoyable things that have happened between my parents and I on 2 hands.
>Have no friends.
>Discover the internet really early on.
>Get super into Runescape.
>Parents get a divorce, re-marry new people before a year has passed. The new couples hate each other after a few months.
>Middle school, discover 4chan.
>Still reading like crazy, both then and today.
>Lots of acquaintances,but no friends during middle school, high school, or college.
>Get super into the occult in early highschool. I've abandoned Runescape by then.
>Figure out how to pick locks.
>Get a girlfriend, but it only lasted 4 months. Still a virgin.
>Was an acne-covered hyper-introvert with a creepy vibe and a deeply-ingrained disdain for normalfags.
>Still am, minus the acne.
>Start burglarizing houses, smoking weed, and dropping acid. Alone.
>Nobody knows, because nobody cares.
>Get a shitty job late in highschool.
>Move out literally the day I graduate; I was having screaming arguments with my parents whenever they were home over things as petty as grades and lack of friends. Can't imagine what they'd do if they found out about everything else I did.
>Living in a shitty apartment, go to community college. Sustain myself with burglary, and brief jobs here and there. I started off using lock picks, because le edgy Oblivion thieves, but these days just use crowbars and bricks.
>Graduate from community college, spend about a year loafing around and stealing shit. Having a degree seems to have changed nothing.
Cont., albeit briefly.
>>29452948
>Decided to start making more money. I've done research on fraud before, looking deeper into it, because I've always been a good liar.
>Kinda at this transitory point in my life, see this thread, post in it.
That's about it. AMA about burglary, I guess.
>>29452992
People work hard for their possessions, and some have sentimental value that can't be replaced. They earned that stuff. Why do you think you're entitled to it? That's not cool
>>29452992
Best and cheapest way to pick a lock? I have to listen for the tumblers, right?
>be born
>be faggot neckbear all life
>die from heart attack after 5th hour of masturbation
>mmmuh life
I'm not conservative at all. I don't know how to be and because of that it's ruined my friendships. My roommate already thinks low of me, and my roommate's brother. Tonight we were watching movies and I could hear through their comments that they were calling me a tool and shit. Which is true 100%. Right now I just regurgitate information that I've already heard and talk about "freedom" and shit. I'm in debt despite not going into college for long, I have no license and no car. I'm 22 too. I'm lazy as hell, and that only adds to my self-loathing.
But as much as I'm frustrated about it, I'm even frustrated that I'm not doing anything about it.
>>29453081
Definitely a pick gun. Electric ones work better, but they're super expensive; I just roll with manual.
If that's not your thing, remember that the picking itself is only of secondary importance. The mist vital thing for picking a lock one pin at a time is to apply just the right amount of tension. This will make everything else much easier.
Also, get really small lock picks, for small locks. Abnormally small locks can catch you off guard.
>>29453076
I don't steal from low-income neighborhoods. Or well-defined houses. If you're at least somewhat well off, yet do nothing to secure your wealth, you dont deserve it. People never ask to pay, taxes, but they do it anyway. Ultimately, if I'm capable of taking what they own, I own it, because I'm more able to exert authority over it than they are.
>inb4 edgy.
I'm not pretending to have these morals. I don't hold them to be contrarian.
>>29453287
*Well-secured.
I was thinking of something else when I typed that.
>be born
>parents divorce when I'm 4
>lots of moving
>not many friends
>end up in a shitty school
>spend life doing nothing
>play lots of vidya
>discover masturbation
>become addicted to it cause can't get laid
>get a bunch of retarded useless hobbies such as playing guitar
>start smoking at 13
>discover 4chan at 13 years old
>become addicted to it
>world view twists
>become a weeb
>lose all social life
>loneliness drives me crazy
>guy gives me weed one day
>suddenly hits me
>"woah gotta change"
>become his best friend
>he also had no gf or sex ever
>make a huge effort
>keep improving for two years of hard work
>finally get a gf
>still crazy
>still wanna die
>drink every day
>14
>mom is over protective won't let me do anything, afraid I'll do drugs
>get drunk to spite her
>becomes a habit
>15
>get depressed
>contemplate suicide all the time
>it's really fucking obvious somethings wrong
>shut my mom out
>16
>still drinking like a sailor
>liver probably dusty
>mom snaps
>get gf
>she's great
>mom tells me I'm why she's in therapy, I'm why she can't sleep, I make her want to throw up. verbatim
>start smoking
>tobaccy, both wacky and otherwise
>no longer depressed, just a stoner faggot
>realize I'm a worthless stoner faggot, get depressed
>stop drinking and smoking
>constant headaches
>fuckin kill me someone
>fight with girlfriend
>cut
cool
>>29453287
there's a chance I know you
Houston Texas?
>>29453612
Try dropping acid
>>29452523
you can tell me anon
>>29453692
Nope.
Not gonna specify, but I live in the Northwest USA.
Out of curiosity, what's my doppelganger in Houston like?
>>29453710
That's what I did when I was that age, Psychosis'd and almost got hurt, it sucked.
>>29453710
will do friendo
I've been wanting to for a while but I'm a broke nigga
what should I do while I'm on a trip?
>>29453453
Damn, that's depressing.
>>29453730
similar story, best friends brother.
good kid but made some bad decisions
prolly fucked up like we all are.
he started smoking n got hooked, had to pay for it somehow. his mom found out n kicked him out. haven't heard from him since although I see he plays xbox all the time
last thing I heard he ran up to Dallas(north of Houston)
>>29453803
Sounds like a guy I could understand.
Have you posted a story yet?
>>29453842
yeah I posted mine up a lil bit further
>>29453842
the closest greentext one
ends with cool
>>29453949
I'll go through and read all those. Which one's yours?
Also, check out this shade of blue.
>>29453751
Listen to music. Also makes sure to do it well in the day. doing stuff outside in the sunlight on acid is incredible and always gave me the best visuals. Just remember though, you'll be pretty spacey the day after.
>>29453981
>>29453967
Nevermind the question.
>>29453986
I'll prolly hit my guy up soon, spend my remaining money n watch spongebob or something
>middle of suburbia, can't go out midday tripping
>>29453986
is it at all safe to drive while on acid?
I don't have much trouble if I'm not plastered and it's kinda fun
>>29451603
IKTF, comrade.
>>29452667
I am a long time lurker, but I have no idea to directly copy my text from word. The capatcha says that non-ascii text is not allowed
>still writing
I only have episodic recollections from my childhood. Like the smell of my baby blanket or eating home brand biscuits in my old home. I do remember some of the events that occurred. Circa 1999 my father was diagnosed with Leukemia so we moved into my Grandmother's house in the regional capital so my dad had access to specialized treatment. Looking back on the time (I was four years old) I lacked a developed theory of mind so things just seemed to happen. I did enjoy the finer parts of life such as watching documentaries on paleontology, buying new fish with my mother for my mini-aquarium and gardening with my Grandmother (which I do not remember). It was also around this time my mother was pregnant with my younger sister. It wasn't really a good time for my family, as my mother to this day still loathes her immediate family because the of her upbringing with them and that we we;re all worried about my father. At the time it didn't seem like he was going to make it. Luckily my dad's younger stepbrother came all the way from Eastern Europe to give my father a bone marrow transplant which literally saved his life.
I've started staring blankly like I'm looking far away while memories of bullying and abuse flood into my head. people laughing gets to me too. is this 'triggering' that sjw's talk about? society stigmatizes autistic people way more than gays and women, probably only ugly transsexuals get it nearly as bad
now I expect the eventual discomfort and rejection and straight up just treat people like I'm disinterested or don't even notice they're there. it's like autism induces an uncanny valley effect on people.
>Do well in school without ever trying
>Leeching off my parents without ever working
>Just browse 4chan and play video games all day like a neet because it is easy and I don't need to do anything else
>Move out, incapable of doing well in university because of years of sabotaging myself
>Job prospects non-existent because shit degree and no experience
>Pull further into myself and develop fear of talking to people or going outside
>Go through four years of university completely poor and miserable and alone
>Uni ends this week and I am about to have to start paying back the massive amount of loans I took out to avoid having to work/interact with other human beings
That's where we leave off.
The future is bleak but it can't be worse than the past or the present, I hope.
>>29454022
That's sucks. Tripping at night is still fun. You should definitely go outside at some point when you do. Maybe an hour or two into the trip. Its incredible to transition from indoor into outdoor. What me and my friend did was noodle around in his driveway for an hour or two in the cool summer night. Also remember that there are many different kinds of acid basically. Some are more feely and some are more visual.
>>29454093
I would definitely not recommend that.
>>29454160
thanks for the heads up.
I'll prolly do it late night n listen to the astronaut by wax fang, open a window and instead of a cool breeze it'll start hailing and flash flooding at the same time while a cloud of mosquitos fly into my house. Houston is a weird place
>be popular smart kid until 7th grade
>everyone starts puberty except me
>get bullied a shitload
>stop talking to everyone
>threatened to kill one of my teachers because he would fuck with me every day in class
>didn't get expelled bc I was a good student otherwise
>little brother 3 years younger then me hits puberty before me
>immediate and extended family make fun of me
>shut them out completely too
>finally hit puberty in 10th grade
>grow vertically super fast leaving me as an acne covered lanklet. Only person in my family to get acne of course.
>social development greatly hindered from the years I shut everyone out, especially with girls
>constantly feel lingering alienation from people from the psychological scars left from my past since people always would treat me like a little boy even though I was mid teens
I'm in uni now. The only reason I haven't an heroed is bc I got pretty good at programming during the time I shut everyone out and I think there's a chance I can do something significant at some point.
