TALK THREAD
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
Let's talk about:
Everything you can't tell people in your real life. Things you've done that might compromise your humanity with others, thought that are morally questionable, and anything else you want to talk about.
I constantly see dreams in which I have a sister. This started happening at age 20. They aren't of any sexual nature, there's no cringy little sister fantasies involved or anything else of the sort. We just hang out and enjoy ourselves.
I'm certain I have a twin separated at birth somewhere out there.
>>29445532
Maybe she died when you both were born
>>29445402
I have dreams where i rape other men
>>29445532
Thats pretty strange man. Have you ever wanted a smaller, younger, family member that you have wanted to protect?
Actually, now that I think about it, do you want kids? This might be your subconscious showing you what it would be like to have a baby girl
inb4 i tape hamsters to my bedpost and pull off their limbs one at a time
>>29445683
Are you satisfying a personal sexual feeling? Would a woman fit the man's roll? Or does it feel like it needs to be a man? Is he a full blown man or more of a sissi?
>>29445859
I must ask. Do you get a feeling of stature when you do this? Do you enjoy feeling the complete lack of power that they have as they try and free themselves, and you see there futile efforts and are confident enough to take your time?
Or is there some sexual fulfilling that happens here?
>>29445865
I'm straight, and it's more of a dominance thing than sexual gratification. The men are masculine, but not necessarily attractive. Women occasionally find their way into the dream, but there is much less dominance exerted on them.
>>29445402
I once touched my older cousin's butt under the covers while she was sleeping for about two nights in a row. Got caught and shitted on. Got so much shit for it I thought I was a rapist for about two years.
>>29446094
How did you get caught and what do you mean by "shitted on?" elaborate anon. What was her reaction and was she hot?
>>29445962
>I'm straight
> The men are masculine, but not necessarily attractive
Does it fell like an alpha male stage? As a way to impose your dominance over all of those in the pack? Like a wolf pack, where there is a clear leader, and you feel to be this wolf. But to furthermore solidify your status, you feel that the males should be subjected to the physical act of, for lack of a better word, be your bitch
>>29446094
What body part was it. In the manner that you stated this, it would seem it happened in an instance. But did you linger? Did you leave whatever body part that was making contact to touch her butt for more than 5 seconds?
>>29446256
That's more or less how I interpret it.they're occasionally wet dreams though
>>29446338
So you do wake up to find yourself aroused by the instance that was happening in the dream. I think the sexual dominance has two sides to it. Where one inflates on your mental state of wanting to dominate, and having others be aware to this, where the act of fucking them seals your roll. But at a time, the sexual frustration to take over this man who is clearly not appealing, comes about naturally, where your mind must shift into a state of pure animal sexual instinct, that put the man, in a subconscious level, as making him into a female.
>>29445402
My roommate's fuckbuddy has been flirting with me, I think. I'm not sure if she's just being friendly or not. She also started texting me after getting my number from a mutual friend.
>>29446919
Are you interested in her?
>>29447067
she's about a 6/10, but I would prefer to not become a wizard.
>>29447113
well, just be aware of whats really going on man. Your fucking her out of a chance for sex, the highest pedestal held by the commoner of these threads. But what many of these people seem to be ignorant towards is that having sex with someone implies many things. It means that you, as whoever you are, is willing to be with someone else. Someone who has opinions and ethics by which they live by. You are willing to be completely alone with her, devoting time, energy, and possibly money. And if the excuse that you went thru with the act is boiled down to you just wanting to stick your dick in something warm, I must implore you to microwave a hot-pocket and fuck it.
Having sex with someone implies many thing man. If you believable her to be worth having your name of her list of people she has laid with, which will be right under your roommates name, then do it by all means.
>>29445402
I love my best friend. Like, love love. Known her years now and we've helped each other through some really hard times. She made me hate myself so much less - kept telling me how much I mattered to her, how attractive I was, winging for me. All that jazz.
But she's faithful to her long-distance bf & now she moved back to their town to be with him. We still talk, but it's not the same as being with her. I'm seeing her soon and we're both excited, but I think I'll have to meat her bf which I'm not looking forward to.
>have feelings for her
>think she might for me
>love her beyond any sort of desire to fuck her, so trying to 'steal her' from her bf would destroy me
>even if she cheated on the guy with me or something it would really lessen my respect for one of the few people in the world I value
JUST
>>29447735
Good image, very ridiculous and fun.
Back to the topic at hand my poor desperate friend. It seems there is a real emotional war going on here. A true testament to all those love triangles portrayed in fiction, movies and novels.
Other than the obvious, is there any other barriers you have left out. Is her boyfriend her walking ATM? How long has she known him, and that's their time together like? Months? Years? Decades?
Depending on these answers, we have an answer, which, unsatisfying for you, might mean that you are truly the definition of best friend. Where there is already love, but not in a form that implies sex, or an evolution to your relationship. Where what you have now, will be the best that it can ever get.
>>29447735
I'm in a similar situation but it doesn't bother me at all. I guess because I've learned the hard way that relationships are made by more than love. Just because we love each other doesn't mean we would have an even bearable relationship. And it doesn't mean that we could even continue that love for weeks and months spent together. So I don't think I've lost the world. I'm not sure I've lost anything. For me love doesn't demand or need relationships, no more than music needs its published notation.
I'm just happy we're best friends. We tell each other we love each other and chat constantly. The husband knows and doesn't care. He doesn't know about the phone sex or the pictures exchanged, but we both agree that's only happened when she's gotten way out of line and I shouldn't have followed.
The weird thing is that if I got into a long term relationship, she would die of jealousy. She would have a breakdown and have to call out of work. I can just picture her sobbing like the world ended and apologizing for it "because you should be free". I don't know how I'll handle it.
>>29447885 >>29448003
She's known him a few years more than me, but that's it. Neither of them are wealthy, they're just genuinely in love.
And that's the weird thing - as much as I would be with her romantically in a heartbeat, I am actually okay with never pursuing that avenue. In a genuine, real way, not a beta orbiter way.
It's like that bit in Louis CK's show (pic, link related). I'm really lucky to have a friend like this in this mad world of ours...wanting anything more feels greedy y'know?
I unno. Things could always change in the future. And I'm not miserable - it's more that when she moved away I really felt the weight of how much she meant to me. I didn't realize how important she is to me until she wasn't here all the time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqhQGYwZYB4
>>29445402
Less than a year ago I spent a whole day watching and rewatching the movie Billy Elliott. That day I only ate carrots and drank about 1.5 liters of beer throughout the day.
That night I dreamt I was a carrot-sized Latino with gang tattoos all over my body.
I woke up sweating and screaming when my dream became a nightmare: Jillian Barberie was throwing me into her vagina (which was a HUGE black hole).
I once blew my friends dog while my friend and his younger brother were asleep in the same room. Tried to get him to mount me too. That was years ago though, my first and so far only sexual encounter with an animal. Would probably do it again given the right opportunity or if i met other people into it, but im too lazy to search them out, and hate dogs otherwise so id never own one. No homo.
>>29447735
does she have big tiddies?
>>29448003
>Just because we love each other doesn't mean we would have an even bearable relationship
So you do see the bigger picture. Love as a word is just a manifestation of all those emotion, that false-magic that is a mixture of the feelings that bonds two souls. Love, in a relationship, is prevalent when all the only things that is being expulsed from the connection is fun. The feeling of happiness from existing and experiencing the world together.
But you seem to have fallen into a crack in the floor that the only way out is by someone reaching a hand in and pulling you. Let me ad least be the one that calls the fire department.
Is there a chance, a woman, that is poking at this notion? Is there someone in your life that could make this a reality?
>>29445402
I once killed a cat.
Made a thread, didn't work. Reposting what I wrote.
>Strange feelings on that freightful night in Venice - I bit hard the postcoital mozzarella I was pairing with the second joint of the evening, rounding a corner of the old sanatorium in the island I was living. A fella had jumped out of that very same corner just a couple seconds ago. Jesus, what an apparition! High class scum of the touristic persuasion, I reckon, but for a moment he looked like a ghost coming to take my soul for my sins. Eternal damnation for marijuana! The War on Drugs had moved on a metaphisical level - to keep existing now is to resist every inch of the fall.
>>29448101
Well man, I'd say to find a good space, where you are in contact with her, not loosing her, but that still allows you to stay emotionally stable, not obsessing to be with her, in constant contact. This happens with a lot of guy, but by what I read, you seem to be fine.
Only other thing I can really say what follows; when you do talk to her, make it for a reason. Not just to talk, but you need to talk to her to resolve something. Plan a trip near where she moved out and invite her only, for whatever contrived reason/ Mabey invite other, but dont let the other cock come into the shot. Understand? I hope see get what I'm getting at.
Stay sane man
>>29445402
During my teenage years, I could feel my capacity for empathy decreasing over time (possibly mental condition, partly to do with witnessing domestic disputes/abuse fairly often). One day when I realised I was apparently incapable of feeling empathy, I went out with a friend and tortured an animal to death. Turns out its still there a little, just extremely hard to get to and I can block it out if I need to.
>>29448135
My god man.... I can't imagine the smell. that vagina must be filthy. Disguising. Well, alcohol and unnatural visual stimulation have weird after effects.
>>29447735
Don't do it
My best friend made me lose my long term boyfriend who I was having issues with, he convinced me to leave and date him. Regardless of how you feel about 'stealing' her, if you believe she likes you too, don't push it
My "best friend" doesn't even talk to me anymore.
>>29448147
I must ask out of personal curiosity. Did any of your first sexual awakening have to do with beasts?
I have an unwanted fetish and am scared that it will cause me to get erectial disfunction.
>>29448262
Thanks for the advice, anon. Makes sense to me & I appreciate having someone to actually talk about this to.
As for sanity - we all gotta keep fighting the good fight, right? I do my best every day, one step at a time.
>>29448164
I had stated this some time ago
If you have nothing to truly say, go back to another board that truly enjoys these comments. This one was made to talk, and exchange vies, where as every other thread has an uncut human penis on it.
If your vitamins are in the shape of The Flintstones, this is the cute fuck off
Much like the movie you love, OP, I am on a quest to do as much drugs and in increasing doses as possible (mainly limited by money) but only psychs.
I want to explode my mind.
>>29448373
After reasearching the term sexual awakening and ponder it a bit, i would say yes.
>>29448297
Well man I hope you have a large basement and plastic gloves, because you seem to have the beginning stages of a serial killer. Do you have fun doing this? Is it personal, like jerking off but without the sexual fulfillment, or is it more a dominance thing, rule-ling the small specimen that is in your hands? Or for some third reason that I didn't state
I had always been fascinated by corpses, as long as I can remember. I like more rotten corpses more. I'm not a necrophile, but sometimes I think the only reason for that is that I have a small sex drive.
When I was a kid I saw a documentary on Jack the ripper and would daydream about being a serial killer. How I'd do it, how I'd get rid of evidence. I was like 8 or 9. Grew out of it by the time I was maybe 13. Just recently remembered that during a conversation in a fetish thread.
>>29448496
care to share the confusing experience of unexpected outcome that lead to the first encounter?
>>29448461
It wouldn't be expensive to fry yourself with psychs, not that I know why you'd want to do it.
>>29448378
You can't just state this with no real context. Divulge in the meaning of this statement, talk to me man.
>>29448596
Not actually fry my mind but I do want to continue doing as much as I can. Next up I'll do 1000ug LSD. Planning on getting some more shrooms too and in september I'll get a large shipment of 4-aco-dmt
Still dunno where to get DMT. I guess Ill end up using DN someday soon.
>>29448183
i've just been regulating my mood/emotions with Seroquel and gram doses of caffeine for so long I don't know how I feel about things any more. That sounds like a dramatic complaint but I just mean as a practical matter.
It's nice to have this married woman because I can't date. Noone wants me for now. To the colleagues and others at our prestigious university I'm the risky one, on leave (leave!!) from my phd program. I heard it's because he's mentally ill. Untouchable. To the dirty townies I feel at home with I'm the college boy.
My only hope in that way is to get back and catch some first-year on my genius and mix tapes. But she'll never understand. Much of anything really. But in particular this way of having your morning when you wake up to a war and pills later it was only ever a tense ballet.
>>29448545
What do you really enjoy about them. And I know you know, because the thought overwhelms you whenever is seeps into you thoughts. Do you like the smell, the rotting flesh that is impossible to confuse with any other smell?
Or do you really just fantasize because of this documentary you saw. If not the above, then it could be because it was the first thing you ever saw that truly caught you attention, that enticed you. That slowly grew with you, as a solidified momentum to one of the first emotional stimulating events in your young life. And eventually that stimulating thought became a sort of deep secret that formed itself into a personal taboo
>>29448525
I didn't do the animals torture for any kind of "fun" I just used it as a test to see if I was capable of feeling empathy. My friend who I did it with enjoyed it (he has actual mental disorders).
When I watched my friend doing the torture I didn't feel anything and I only really felt "bad" when I did painful stuff to it, for example burning it with a red hot rod. From what I remember, I only really felt bad because I felt like I was doing this by choice and gained nothing from it.
And I'm not going to lie, I have thought about the pros/cons of being a serial killer and it doesn't sound to bad if I did it for a reason.
>>29448619
I'm not getting turned on by breasts/ass that much anymore, and so it's harder for me to get an erection staring at a nude woman, because of my fetish.
>>29445402
When I'm alone in an elevator, I'll spit and snot rocket all over the buttons.
I write down almost everything someone says to me to read and bring up in later conversations. Then normies are surprised when I remember things.
I've jerked it in a bunch of local parks at night.
>>29448714
do it to perish the unneeded.
>>29448164
Not really. Average,
>>29448325
Yeah. Our Status Quo is thankfully good so I'll sit with that a while I think.
>>29445402
I have feelings for someone I've never actually met in real life, though I have seen many images of him. Which isn't special, many people have.
We were close to each other online for a while, we technically started a relationship with the goal being I'd be able to go visit and be with him for a while sometime this year. He lives with his ex, and I got insecure over how close they were. Spending whole days together, including Christmas Eve where we didn't speak at all, and obviously Christmas Day. In this time, he also got depressed over things, but rather than talk to me about it, he'd talk to his ex who'd then talk to me. It just added to the insecurity. I made the poor decision to give into my insecurity and ended it on the premise that he'd be better off with someone he could trust and someone physically closer to him than I could be. I immediately regretted it, but at the same time I kept trying to hide that. Months passed, still regretting it, still kinda hinting that I cared, but always hesitating to fix it. He hooked up with someone in February and I just had to watch him get closer to someone who was incredibly open about the infatuation. In April he got close to his current boyfriend, and I still just watched and hated myself. This month they got together. That's half a year of hesitation and regret. Now I have absolutely no chance to fix any of it. Just to accept it.
I obviously can't tell anyone in real life this. I'm a giant moron in all regards.
>>29448851
I would but the only problem is that the unneeded make up a large amount of the worlds population and I do not have the power to commit genocide on a global level.
>>29448461
>>29448671
Let me level with you man. You seem to be wanting ad least some form of personal evolution, by the means to forcing your mind to wander new lands, unexplored yet naturally. A real trip to the corners of the unknown psychedelic world.
But I will recommend to tread lightly and carefully. Psychedelics are an unstable ship, that promises to sink at any moment, but you never really see the water get too high to start getting worried. The unfortunate part of this, is that when you do start to worry, it's because it's already too late to do anything about it. You see what has been lost of yourself,and you feel a natural force push you to try and get it back. And you wonder what must be done. You stop taking any stimulants in the lie that you will come back. But you never do
Take it from me my drug loving partner. Drugs are great. Their so great in fact, they will ruin your life. Maybe some other time I'll share my personal life train, showing you around every cabin and the story of every stain, and how it warpped my life forever.
LSD is a beast, and mabey it will forever remain as the middle finger at science that it has been since it's discovery. But know that 1000ug might not make you a lose cannon. It might be the breakfast in bed that is the 50ugh that will send you to the stars and moon. And that is a one way trip man.
I personally have love for LSD in particular, for reasons that I think we share. But she is a woman that walks with a silence gun, and for no particular reason, she will pull the trigger, when she presses it right up against your temple.
>>29448688
>That sounds like a dramatic complaint but I just mean as a practical matter
You're not alone in this voyage. There will be ocean-ports, where we stop and feel something for some instance, but we inevitably get back on the ship, destined for a horizon we cannot see, and won't bother to find.
So what re you really looking for man? Safety? A bunker to hide in that is shared with a comrade of the opposite gender? Are you retreating from the battle? Or trying to find a way thru it, unharmed, with all your blood still inside you?
>>29448697
Not the smell. I've never actually smelled rotting flesh, only burnt flesh. And I find the smells fires leave revolting. I just find them nice to look at. Like a person, but more. While I find rotten corpses more interesting and to have more character, I'm not sure whether I'd want to touch one. If I were to do anything lewd, I think I'd prefer a fresh one. Just to get the feel of it, so to speak.
I've always been interested in gore and corpses. When I was growing up nothing was forbidden to me as long as it was a book or somehow educational. So I'd read medical textbooks and books on mummies sometimes. I even had a little doll whose organs you could remove as though you were preparing it for burial... I had quite a few dolls that were zombies, come to think of it. Even before I could read those images fascinated me. I'd love to be able to touch different kinds of mummies. They say bog bodies feel like leather, but what kind?
I just remember seeing the picture of Mary Kelly and being amazed. A bit messy for my taste, but there was something about it. It was like the dissections and anthropogenic mummies were realism paintings and I had just seen something as free as a Picasso for the first time. But it wasn't the first thing that enticed me. Maybe it was just that feeling you get when you find out something you're going through has a term.
>>29448737
>it's harder for me to get an erection staring
Well... were not preschoolers man. And experience with sex makes it harder to find arousal by the softer mean, like just looking. I think you should only care if you're about to fuck and you don't care.
And if your fetish is the dog, then stop caring so much for the woman, unless you need to. I don't know what happens in your personal life that might grant the need for a woman. But if your fetish seems to be crushing the desires you have towards women, stick with the hairier pussy.
So my real passion in life is making delicious ejuice flavors but I can't tell my family that I vape because I never told them that I smoked. Shit sucks. I'm probably going to start selling ejuice soon. DIY is so fucking fun, it's easy to make juices that taste just as good as the premium juices for dirt cheap.
>>29448798
Well man, you seem to be in a loop, that dammes etiquette of the humanity's society and it's norms.
How were you in high school? What was your average day like? The highlights of that time?
>>29448900
Good advice and good shit but elaborate on the "50ugh breakfast in bed" because I didnt get it pls
You seem wise op. I'd love to trip with you
>>29448851
this man has a point. To be honest, my first thought was "that seems like an expensive hobby, having to buy one of the little shits everytime you felt the need to take one more out". This man sees the big picture here a swell >>29448894
The unfortunate part is that no one gets to decide who is worthy of life and death. Different life experiences and circumstances lead to every individual's decisions. And it's hard to then define them as good and evil., Everyone is in a constant state of living that pushes them to make the best decision for themselves. So this genocide idea will be the most difficult task we can carry out.
.
I have dreams where I get viciously murdered by multiple things
murderers, animals, nature, and myself.
I wake up constantly in the night and I dread going to sleep, so far it's gotten worse and I want to smash my head into the wall due to the frustration am going through.
There was one dream where I was eaten alive by some sick fuck and he ate my throat so I couldn't scream in horror if I wanted too.
>>29449179
I wish it was possible to use logic in every single possible situation and more people actually thought logically and critically. If this were the case, it would be easy to tell "good" from "bad".
>>29448869
Well it goes without saying that you truly let your emotions dig a grave in a wall with your shape. And you seem to then have shoved yourself into it. At some earlier point I would have suggested to cut the man off entirely. At the point where he moved. If the location where he moved was too far to visit in a drive, you should have cut him off. I know it feel impossible, but for your own serenity and emotional stabilization, you should have.
At his point, you are right and I would have to accept with you entirely. Acceptance will liberate you. You can't go chasing the bastard at this point. I mean you could, but then I could call you insane and emotionally attached to the point of restraint. Please remember that this man has never been in your presence, and his aura would be complexly different that the one he portrayed over text.
half of the time, i am uneasy with being sober. i don't drink *that* much (2-3 times a week, sometimes 4, usually alone, although more than seven drinks when i do) or use drugs often (used mdma twice so far, once in february and once a few weeks back). being sober is... boring. sometimes i distract myself enough with vidya or anime or something, but often times, i like feeling... out of it. perhaps less responsible for my actions, or people willing to take more shit because of my incapacitated state, or maybe just caring less.
paradoxically... when i wake up after a night of (heavy) drinking, i feel self hatred and utter shame of whatever i did the night before, thinking that i wouldn't have done x if i wasn't out of it, even though x is a regular thing for me, and not something people would think weird of.
it's becoming problematic enough for me that i think back on previous nights of drinking, think about shit i said (even if it's a week+ back) to people, or texts i sent, or actions i performed, and just feel an insanely deep shame. it's as though this is "another me", someone incapable of respecting social boundaries (to the extent i usually do), and that acts without thinking.
... but i thoroughly love the feeling of not being sober. it's bliss. even something shtitty like alcohol.
>>29448978
I must apologize for my complete misunderstanding. I thought this road was going in a completely different direction, headed to Nevada. But we seem to be arriving in Michigan.
I think this is similar to what is happening to the other lad, where you experienced this stage, confusing stimulation for your brain, and didn't know under what category to place it, but never negative. It seems to be a very unique interest. Do you want to study any profession that might give you the chance to interact with bodies?
>>29449078
Well man I hope that goes well. If you succeed or fail, it will all rest on your shoulder.
>I can't tell my family that I vape because I never told them that I smoked
How old are you? what the reason for this?
>>29449372
I agree, I know. I just find myself wishing I was in a world where we were together, working for a relationship and physically together. One where I wasn't an idiot, but could be with him.
Yeah, the only way forward is to move on and get over it. It just sucks that's the only actual option available. Like how it is to have a fantasy outcome in your head somewhere, but know it's completely impossible to achieve.
>>29445532
>I constantly see dreams in which I have a sister.
>I'm certain I have a twin separated at birth somewhere out there.
Damn that could be a movie plot. Or maybe a dead sister that haunts you and wants to avenge her death.
>>29449092
What I mean to say is that there is no overdosing on LSD. A small quantity or the largest that you can muster makes no difference of how close you are to losing it, completely unhinging from reality. The equivalent is losing your mind complete, going insane. A man who has been taken over by acid is the most mind boggling, eerie scene you will witness in a long time. I knew a man like this. I meet him in October last year. He would sit and talk to the wall, laughing, giggling, screaming and debating with what we hoped was the wall and not some specter we were blind to. It would be below 5 degrees outside, seeming like the coldest we had been in a while. We would start looking for the dazed man and he would be outside, in what I hated to call a Speedo, dicing into the pool.
>I'd love to trip with you
I doubt you like close enough to trip with, but go up to the moon young man, and I'll meet you among the stars.
>>29449258
I think I see an artist.
Is the man you see killing you the same man? If not, do they seem to have the same features, like very large, hairy, muscular, decrepit teeth, or some theme they all carry?
>>29449510
I don't know how to categorize it, either. I'm not good at introspection unless given prompts.
I used to want a profession like that. Something like embalming, even though it seems a bit of a shame to slather someone with makeup. Then I actually considered looking into forensic anthropology. But I barely passed high school. I was so strung out on meds I barely even remember being 16.
Your writing style really does remind me of Hunter S. Thompson's, what little I've read of his work. Your chosen face here fits.
>>29449302
the unfortunate part of this is that good and bad is just a human notion, to label acts and ideas. What one might see as bad, the other sees as a solution to a dilemma. And this also applies to what is best and worst, what should come first and second. So then who is going to be in charge of the cleansing
>>29449258
when it's people they are usually larger than me in terms of weight and height but besides that they all look different, sometimes it will be someone I know in real life but those are rare.
>>29449659
It's the sad thruth, that we as humans must bear. And its fair to not hate the man. He can't control naturally occurring emotions. He can only experience them, condemned to be the only feeling and understanding those internal battles of feeling.
Now it is up to you to keep going, with chin up, eyes on the edge of the world, and doing your best. There is countless people out here, and there is ad least one more that can love you and be with you in mind and body, and satisfy all you wants. Best of hopes.
>>29449809
Say for example we were able to properly categorise who should live and die, we could ask volunteers from the live group to kill the die group with pardon, since they have to be killed. Personally I would do this.
Another alternative is segregating them and letting them kill each other or just die out.
i strongly relate to Beavis and Butthead
>>29449798
The best I could say would be to experience these feeling you have, and leaving categories in the dust. Do what feels natural, following that invisible sting that pulls you closer to that calling of yours, whatever it may be.
>Your writing style really does remind me of Hunter S. Thompson's
Well, thank you. I think he wrote very eloquently, using every word by it's definition, and not it's contemporary definition, and I admire that. It's the same style I'm using to write a couple of books, that I don't plan on publishing, but are more of a creative outlet that I have, to keep myself more sane but still explore my own reach.
>>29449959
> the live group to kill the die group with pardon
But this leaves in question how you can secure that the preferable people to survive, and not have the unwanted ones live? How do you know the ones that you didn't want to live will actually obliterate the ones you wish to live? This leaving you with a heard of crazed degenerates, who now expect to live.
>>29449553
I'm 26, they're staunch Italian catholics and hate all drugs apart from espresso
>>29450076
Well, what would you benefit from them knowing about this? The income they could lend? If it's for any other reason, they can go to hell. Your dong this for a reason, whatever it may be. Don't let anyone get in your way man, those pigs can go fuck themselves. Achieve your dream, succeed and know that you did it for yourself
>>29450042
It's like 3am here, my plan isn't exactly going to be perfect, but I'll change it and sat bombs instead.
>>29449994
I'm trying to start a board game company with some friends. Writing has always been something that feels right and comes naturally.
That's cool, and I can relate with using writing as an outlet. The only things I plan on getting published are for rulebooks, though my true passion is a fantasy story I have. What do you like to write about, OP?
I've pretty much lost every part of me that made me what I considered me. Also my memory is failing.
I can still brown a marshmallow to perfection but that's about it.
>>29449507
>but often times, i like feeling... out of it
I've been there man. It wasn't a state of mind either, it was a stage. There is a certain feeling of blissful beauty that comes over you when you know you are absolutely intoxicated on anything you could get your hands on that day, and others know. They see it in the haze that substitutes your speech, the walk of a man attempting to kill cockroaches, but having to ponder over each individual ones life before acting on death.
I have gone thru my share of narcotics,multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughters, and I must say that... it seems to be more ingrained in our personality than any other phase of us. But, do seek help form an AA or NA group near you if you notice it gets too bad. If you find a cock in your for the promise of booze, its time to make that trip over to the AA.
tbqhwy I believe in certain magickal shit like kinesics and such. Oh yeah also therianthropy (to the extent that someone was a different species in a past life and feel a strong connection) Not the stuff associated with otherkin. That disgusts me. More the spiritual side of things is what I believe.
>>29450203
alright man, well... I hope I don't get fucking blown to bits. Have fun lad, an don't blow yourself up in the process
I really like to manipulate people. I stopped being so generally evil/negative with it. I stopped trying to get what I want. I turned over a new leaf.
I really am a new man. I got out of the basement. I got an apartment. I wage slave, I listen to music and cook for myself and don't do any drugs. but I can't quit the obsession.
I have women over to my house. I seduce them, sex or no sex, to do whatever. I get into their head. I make them do what I want. Any innocent, plain thing. Nothing evil. but I'm obsessed. I love to make them do things. and I don't really feel other things.
>>29450352
i sustain myself plenty and am currently sober as a test of self discipline (half a bottle of whiskey disappeared over the course of hours a few days back and i do not remember feeling any more than somewhat intoxicated), so i'm going to go without for a moment. i'm keeping things on track and in control, and i'm functional as of now.
i just can't shake the feeling of wanting to feel... different, i guess?
i'm ordering a bunch of nootropics soon, oxiracetam (the mild stimulant one), choline (to go with the racetam) and brahmi/bacopa monnieri. i'm hoping it'll make my sober state more interesting, i suppose. and motivate me to do stuff. i want to do a bunch of stuff, but when it comes to it, i always give up before even starting. motivation issues.
>>29450380
If I were to an hero, it would probably be via explosion anyway so it wouldn't be too bad.
i like when girls cut themselves
it's attractive and i like scars and it means they have mental issues which is all kind of good because i can relate to them and their craziness adds excitement and quirks while making them less attractive to other males
i ate a 8 year old's pussy when i was 12
my dad died and im kind of glad because he was annoying
im waiting for my mom to die so i can inherit the house and finally be by myself. maybe i'll get myself a submissive girl to help me with house chores. problem is she is still quite young and women in her family live fucking long.
i want to be powerful and popular
im scared of dying
i am nice not because i want to but because it's the most advantageous way to be for me when it comes to getting what i want out of people
i dont think there's anything wrong with me. everyone is like me to an extent.
>>29450258
Very nice man. Best of hope to you and your project. Legal shit can get really convoluted when you try to make something new and put it out into the world.
>though my true passion is a fantasy story I have
Act on this passion. Don't let it die, withering away in the back of mind, to later in your life, where you find yourself living off of tubes in a hospital listening to the beeping of your heart slowdown every time you think too hard of fart, come back and fill you with regret, of possible dreams and scenarios that it could have taken you to. Live by making yourself happy, fulfilling your desires.
>What do you like to write about, OP?
I see them to be books that I wish were already published, for me to pick up and read. But at the same time I want to write them. I'm sure countless others have written similar books to the ones I was to make, but I would like to see my mind recoil as I dive deeper and deeper into the world of the books, finding myself dreaming amongst the characters.
I'm writing two at the moment, might be starting a third. The first one was a fantasy story, exploring a world as a herd of children under eight in a wold that has no morality, no human ethics. And this particular group is exploring the world alone. They are orphans. So it's just that concept, of no loss of innocence. Of them having to survive constantly, to the point where they have no other state of existence.
The other is much harder to explain
>>29450294
>I can still brown a marshmallow to perfection but that's about it.
Well you can't be too frustrated. You have abilities I can't dream of doing.
Why is your memory failing lad? Drugs? Family hand-me down? And I'm assuming its connected to the losing of yourself.
>>29450354
Is there a reason for this hate? Just the thought that something different exists, defying what you believe angers you?
What has edged you to spiritual reasoning, instead of logical or scientific explanations?
>>29450411
Well I think this is as much of a human as an animalistic clash of emotions as it gets. The knowledge that you have complete control over her, in the purest way is a sort of domination that few men have, and others dream about. But I see this being much deeper than it seems. When did you really notice being a prevalent tendency of yours?
>>29450418
The feeling to be alternative to the normal human has overwhelmed you as a person. The need to be in a constant state in which you seem to be the only in fills you with pleasure.
What re you currently doing with your life? Do you have a steady job that you've been in for a little too long? Whats the story here man
>>29450658
Yeah, I don't put much effort into trying to remember things, though I figure that's probably something most people don't nyway. But it's probably connected to me not really caring as much anymore. Well my memory started getting crappier before that but the apathy I feel has made it worse. desu I don't know for sure. It's not even plain apathy itself but more exhaustion that leads to me being too tired for the little drive I have to get me anywhere. I dunno
I feel like I'm slowly losing it, I've slowly been caring less and less about seemingly important things and any significant goals I had are quickly dropping from my mind lately and seem barely achievable. Although I generally hate social interaction with peers that are not related to me and never talk to them, unless I am supposed to work with them, I have also been starting to hate talking to close relatives now, even though I am alright with them. This has all been happening for several months now.
Also, I almost constantly have a sense of dissatisfaction with myself and am surprised when I actually do something well, and I generally feel incompetent, like a natural feeling that I will fail at whatever I'm doing or do it badly. I don't want to do anything that will be judged by other people, like work.
What is happening?
>>29445402
When I was younger I had the choice to get someone raped or let them be. I chose the former. I was only 8 years old. I don't know why I did it. I'm sorry to the person who got it done to them.
>>29450470
Relating to others is a huge bridge that connects us with those we want to have relationships with. It's only natural.
everything else. well. In all honestly that is just the way you feel about the external world, so that's fine. If you want any feedback from me, let me know and I'll look into it some more
I got my degree, but my marks were terrible. So any job I get is going to be lower paid than when I used to work at a supermarket 5 years ago. I feel like I wasted 4 years of my fucking life.
Also, I was one of those prodigy children whose marks slowly slipped throughout my life. FUCK EVERYTHING.
>>29450814
currently neet, i attempted CS at university level but failed, just waiting for the year to run out and start a new degree at a lower level (university of applied sciences)
life is in order, just the fact that i am inherently drawn to substances, i suppose
no trauma, no story, no repressed shit or anything, i'm fine all other regards i can think of
>>29450844
I'm slowly coming out of, what now I can call, stage of my life. It's the strangest feeling to have someone tell you about the death of their mother, and have no natural reaction. To manually think of what the appropriate reaction should be. Yea that's a bitch to live thru. Ironically, it doesn't seem to matter, creating a mobius strip of a man.
So what are you'r plans now? Whats next?
>>29450594
Thanks. One of my friends is older than the rest of us so he seems to know how that stuff works. He also works in a morgue, amusingly enough.
I'm not. I'm working on finishing the skeleton of the world and characters. I need names, places, and the basic idea of how things work as stepping stones before I can run. Regret like that, unable to do anything about it, is my worst nightmare.
I think some of the best writing anymore comes from people making what they want to enjoy. It's how I'm doing my story and how my friends and I are making tabletop games. And there are no original stories, just the presentation. GoT is a war of the roses fanfiction, the Divine Comedy is a bible self-insert fanfiction, and my friends like to say everything is a Dune fanfiction.
The only way to get the best story, I agree, is to immerse your own mind in the world. I think of my story near constantly, one of my quieter trains of thought. I used to write surrealist short stories, but found myself unable to write the same after I stopped being overly medicated.
That first story sounds brilliant. What kind of world do they wander in? Uninhabited, alien, post-apocalyptic, or just in the wilderness in our world? I'm rather curious about the other.
>>29451028
Maybe kms. Only reason not to is being a little bitch and the book I have been awaiting for a while coming out in February. But I'm nt really as excited as I used to me.
So, I guess, idk...day by day until I off myself or am offed. I don't have any plans, really. *shrug*
>>29450868
In your younger years, aimed specifically in middleschool, how were you? Where you successful in class, with many friends. Or were you bullied and generally unwanted? For that matter, how was highschool? I want to see what I have to work with here. The more pieces to the puzzle, the better
>>29450884
o you care to divulge in what happened? Where you forced to make the choice? Were you in what felt to be danger or some equivalent? Maybe with some more information, who ever the victim was can know that you are apologizing
>>29450981
That's amazing. I've never meet anyone that didn't have some twisted facet of their person, or doubts. Well I'm glad to see you commented on the thread, letting us know your doing well. Nice to meet you, I'm insane and twisted in ever form I am aware of and unaware of. A walking abomination of all those things that horrifies and wowes old people, worried about all the drugs and illegal acts that I cause while the sun is down. Crazy bastards, for such prejudice I now have to set release a snake and a mouse in their car. Fucking apes
>>29451047
>the Divine Comedy is a bible self-insert fanfiction
If we ever meet were going to get along just fine.
So is whats the point where you started to feel the will to make the book? For me it wasn't any particular point, but when the idea fully formed. I had wanted to make a book of a similar caliber for a while, but one night, after some regrettable actions I had taken that day, the idea pretty much made itself.
>found myself unable to write the same after I stopped being overly medicated
The over medicating is upsetting. Art, in whatever form it comes, should be taken how it comes. When its an outlet for emotion, that is when it is best to capture that raw feeling in some way. I'm sorry for what happened. What happens now? Are you still being over medicated?
>>29451159
alright, well man, I don't really know what to say. In the other talk thread there was s kid that was needing me to give him motivation. But no one can give you true motivation. It must come from within. Like the need to breathe. That is what fuels greatness. You must find a reason to live, a motive. If not, you will end up with a bullet in your head, and your finger coiled on the trigger.
>>29451264
I used to live in this group home with 6 other kids. I was the only white one. The three oldest ones used to be the "bosses" of everything. They used to come into us younger kid's rooms and wake us up by punching us in the head repeatedly and flipping our mattresses. One of the older kids had a friend that would stay the night on occasion. For some reason one night, the older kids decided to beat him up and humiliate him. They asked me what to do with him next and I said; Rape him in any way possible. So, they did. Ass rape, mouth rape, etc. I remember seeing the kid crying at one point during the act.
The entire time I felt a sick sense of excitement and guilt. I don't know why I said that or felt that. But if you are reading this I am sorry.
>>29451365
i have some twisted issues, although likely comparatively minor. i have by this point mastered the art of being happy; accepting things as they are. it's a balanced feedback loop, what goes up most come down, and vice versa, perhaps too.
the issues i do face are typical adolescent issues (as is fitting with my age) such as self image, identity and self knowledge. i think before i act and as such weed out most sources of dysphoria. the only thing that i have trouble with is women, but i have that relatively sorted and only need self control not to fuck that up... which is what i'm working on now.
i'm not broken at all, au contraire, i'm fairly typical and i'm alright with that. i spend my time doing stuff i enjoy to some degree, including two browser games that suck up a ton of my time. it's a great pastime, boredom prevention and keeps the mind busy.
>>29451177
2 friends in middleschool, no other friends and was generally unwanted in both highschool and middleschool. Tried to be positive and happy, but was just labelled as annoying and rejected, no one really bullied me though.
4 friends, give or take, in highschool. 3 of them are actual good, trusty dudes, and now no friends.
The effort and work in both schools were a drag, teachers were uncaring and apathetic, even though I gave most of them my best effort, some of them were assholes. I generally hated school and schoolwork, but loved reading about all sorts of facts and things.
Parents were always there for me, but constantly pressuring me into doing only schoolwork and "smart activities that smart people do". Fun things and hanging out with friends was looked down upon by them. I knew it was for the best, but still pisses me off sometimes and feel like I missed out a bit.
>>29451579
> I felt a sick sense of excitement and guilt
Well, you adleast admit the situation and don't souly fall back on just your age. All we can hope for now is that he hasn't killed himself or became a male whore, amusing that was his first sexual encounter.
>>29451601
Well, I hope you come out of your adolescence in one peace. Those are vicious times. Some people come out limping, and they are the lucky ones. Some of us lose our humanity there, the trust for anyone else.
>>29451668
Yes, who knows how many times they fucked him in his boi pucci previously
I've put whey protein on my ballsack and had my male dog lick it off.
I've dated a dude before for like a month because I was on tons of opiates which made me emotional, despite me being straight.
I lie about being a non-virgin, even to the point of embarrassing myself and ruining my social life by saying I lost it to a prostitute.
I have a severe attraction to my cousin (not actually blood related in any way) who's two years older than me.
I've ripped pages out of the back of a bible to smoke a joint before despite me being christian and being against defiling the bible.
Just rattle my spoons up senpai
>>29451626
I think we found our culprit. Naturally feeling what exited you, but being reprimanded for it. Instead, being egged into doing what wasn't appealing to you. Those school years are made to form your criteria of what you do for fun in the next coming years. As such, now, in this stage of life, there is a subconscious confusing on what you really want to do, bringing you to a dead stop. You poor bastard. The only thing to do now is for forcing yourself to do something socially known as fun. So, go to a bar and start talking to someone. Go to a some form of social event and go with your natural feeling. This should jump start some emotions you aren't feeling.
You haven't totally lost it man, you just need to bet back on track. These emotions manifest out of the lack of inner feelings that clearly make themselves present in others.
>>29451740
i can't help but notice the spelling error in your filename, sir
my girlfriend called me retarded and left me
my job fired me because i drink too much
my family is making me go to a 6 month long, christian work based rehabilitation program
all i want to do is drink and smoke and fuck women and watch movies
>>29451907
my god... your right.... I must have been riding the wave pretty hard for that to happen. I need to take less stimulants when I'm typing
>>29451985
with that correction in place, i bid you a good night, for the sun has long risen here
>>29451601 is out
I keep having dreams where i marry and fuck kids
like every night this week
and i like them
also i have insomnia right now
>>29451985
you're
Ay lmao originaaal
I am a really bad compulsive liar. I'm working on it though. Stems from an extremely severe fear of being perceived as boring, but I always regret it immediately afterwards.
I really should be working on some math problems so I can get into grad school but instead I'm on 4chan because it helps me cope with feeling lonely. God damn it.
Fear and loathing is an awesome movie! Anyway, about me. I used to love this person named Sam but he cucked me for this fat bitch with a manly face :( :( :( :( :( sometimes I pray he will brutally break her heart or humiliate her somehow, but that's just my fantasy. I also dream up ways I could kill her or pray that she unexpectedly dies. I don't even care if I never get him back, I just want them to suffer
>>29451783
>Just rattle my spoons up senpai
I'm not here to condemn you for past actions. I am here to give feed back, to give my opinion on current actions that need an answers too. Someone else can take up the job of calling you a natural freak, having a special place in hell, a spiked butt plug carved from Satan's crusty cum. That is someone else's job. If you need any sort of opinion from me, let me know, and I'd be glad to do so.
I've started huffing poppers pretty much every time I jerk off and it's the best feeling in the world. I'm kind of scared my heart is going to stop or i'm going to go blind or something but I just can't get over that rush mang.
>>29452047
thank you man, have a day that no one will believe truly happened to a person of the same species.
>>29452076
fucking tit shit, I'm giving my mental state away to you ragging lunatics.
>>29445402
I legitimately don't know how to be social. People (my family) will try to talk to me but I don't know how to have a conversation. If I try thinking of something to say beforehand, I trip over my words and can't say it. And all I can think to say sounds like robotic autism anyway. But now I even have problems talking online too, when I'm not anonymous.
Please send help, I'm very lonely and it's driving me deeper into depression
>>29451897
really?
never really thought of doing that. I always saw social interactions like concerts and bars as somewhat degenerate though. Could be just my parents way of thinking that I got from them.
>>29452069
Has this just began? You have never experienced anything like this before, in any point in your life?
Does it feel like love when your marrying them? Or is it a raw feeling of sexual perversion?
>>29452276
respond to my shit about my dog licking my balls pls wise opie
>>29445402
I don't give a flying FUCK about what women think of me anymore. It all started to coalesce a couple months ago. The way I see it, if women are going to fucking judge me for being short, or having a boyish face, or having not spent a 1+ year in the gym, so fucking be it. I accept fate, and will no longer fight reality to my own discomfort. I treat them normally, but I always keep my mind away from matters of romance or aex amongst them. I keep my distance mentally and physically. If this is fate, then fuck it man. Let it ride
Anime, booze, friends, vidya. There's more to life. Then it's death. If this is how it must be, then I'm never going to feel sorry for myself for not being born a certain way.
Would knowing how to fight make me more confident and assertive? I'm tired of being a submissive little bitch who can't stand up for myself because I'm afraid people will attack me physically and I'd get my ass kicked. I've heard boxing works wonders but there's the concern about potential brain damage. I just don't want to be scared of people anymore.
>>29452097
So, I'm guessing your a female, and you don't visit this site too often, do you? I know this isn't really relevant, but I just needed to make that assumption. Now, onto the predicament at hand.
You seem to hold what others think of you very highly don't you? You love the attention of others when they know that you have control over a man, a guy, who is devoted to you, chasing you and openly wanting you.
And you can't face that someone that once gave you a feeling satisfaction on a human level now gives it to someone else. You feel cheated from that feeling, and condemn him for having given it to you and then taking it.
I suggest you get your mind off him, and look for a better guy. You said he went with some cow, so he clearly isn't that smart. Shoot for something better. Aim at the sun, and then a little higher. That's the only way that things will go well, if not better .
>>29452163
Well, unfortunatly you will keep doing this until you die from an overdoese. They will find you half naked, spilling from the mouth, in shitten floor, dick still hard. You need to stop yourself, you need to have inner will power man. I you don't, I hope you're watching something good, and I'll see you in hell
>>29452429
Try kickboxing. You won't get brain damage.
>>29452242
I did something when I found myself in a similar but not as savagely cornered situation. I started bingeing stand up comedy shows on youtube. And I wasn't trying to learn the jokes, but instead I studies their mannerisms, the confidence they had speaking to hundreds, if not thousands of people. The air they had to them, the confidence, I soaked it all in. many times falling asleep to them and waking up hours later when the videos kept going and I was watching some weird shit form japan television. That helped me immensely, forged a small part of my youth actually. This might help you too man.
>>29452594
I don't quite think so. You're talking about things like Muay Thai, right? From what I've seen they still punch/kick to the head.
>>29452276
RESPOND TO MY POST ABOUT MY EX'S MANLY NEW GF YOU FUCK
>>29452313
You didn't mention any dog licking your balls. You just talked about children
>>29449087
Not sure what you mean, but HS went okay, mostly because I was oblivious to how autistic I was. Mostly went to school, did my work, graduated 3rd in the class. Highlights include doing good on tests, DJing parties, and winning a city frisbee tournament. Never had a gf then or now because never learned how to talk to girls.
>>29445402
>extremely shitty life but still manage to grow up into pseudo normalfag dudebro
>never fell in love before, 24 years old, only had some superficial things with women, because luckily i am neither ugly nor good looking
>have a single female friend, basically best friend, never had feelings for her, known her since 12
>because of some circumstances, some months ago she leaves for a long time and comes back
>realize after a while i actually do have feelings for her, can't believe that shit like love actually exists
>meet her today, prepared to say what i feel
>in those years we have known each other, she never liked someone either just like i did, and today, of all days that we spent together, and that lie before us, fucking today she tells me she fell in love with someone at her university, minutes before i wanted to tell her what i feel
Destiny sure is one of the biggest sick ironic funny motherfuck i have ever met.
>>29452261
Just do it. They are quite the degenerate places, full of sad unsatisfied human, rummaging for hope in a place that was made for it to consume itself. But the don't cost too much money to get to and it's more of a gym, prepping you for the Olympics. You will be fine man, just don't let the feeling that you aren't worth the time overcome you. You are human, worth the amount you give yourself.
>>29452330
>>29452429
>>29452701
>>29452710
I will be right back. Give me 5 minutes. If they close the thread I am sorry, I'll open a new one in a while.
>>29452645
Kickboxing is essentially Muay Thai without the elbows and a different scoring system. Don't be afraid. Even in the tougher, more physical dojos/gyms they won't hit you until you've learned to defend yourself somewhat, and even then they won't hit you very hard. If you want to transition from a frightened individual to a much more confident and capable one, learn how to fight. You will not learn how to fight without the danger of being struck in the face from time to time. That is, in part, where the confidence will start to come from.
>>29452276
I really like the dreams
i'm always fucking them but i'm so happy when i'm married to them <3
yeah it's recent i guess
>>29451517
Not a fan of Guy Bitching About Medieval Florentine politics? I mean the Divine Comedy? How do you feel about classical literature? The golden calves of the written word?
I just see things in books and shows that I dislike and decided to do other things. One of the main characters is a pacifist because I was bored of how killing always seems to be the answer in a lot of fantasy. It's more of a Slavic setting than anything because I got bored of northern and western Europe being the general default in fantasy. And other stuff in general. The story isn't against violence in particular, but just things like that. I also like making up mythology and figured it could help a fantasy story to have fake religious texts written up. It's very self-indulgent.
I've never really had an idea come to me entirely at once. Sounds like Athena leaping out of Zeus' head. Mine usually just grow slow, like mold. Not that mold is bad.
I'm probably undermedicated now, if anything. Just the smallest dose of antidepressant and antianxiety, probably mostly a placebo by now. I got a ton of bad side effects from the meds and got fucked up by a lot of bad shrinks, so I haven't even gone to my psychiatrist in years. We just talk about how my meds are still okay over the phone. Some of the horror stories I could tell you about modern psychiatric shit, man. And I'm in a better place in life, anyway.
I don't think I'm gay because I have no interest in women sexually. I love them in every other way. I adore guys sexually but don't often enjoy much else from them.
>>29452330
You seem to have a pretty tight grasp of the circumstances you were born into. And I don't refer to your physical aspect. But don't let that stop you from being better, you mustn't let the thought that at the point you begin to better yourself physically or socially, will in some way be for them. You must not believe your own lie, that not carrying about certain aspects of your life will make you win somehow. It's a mental form of defense, and agitated one, furious with discontent over the acceptance of the opposite sex. To en extent, however, this can be good. However you must learn how to wield this weapon, this gun you have acquired, before you shoot yourself in the foot.
The other general acceptance you have towards the state of life you have been is the closest to a miracle you will experience in your life. The best of miracles, the one that will manifest in countless times thru-out your life. Don't let it consume you, the righteous feeling of not caring , the god like feeling that you feel from having taken the power away from women. Be careful, your toying with what could condemn you to losing your humanity and grip on the natural world and it's workings
>>29445402
>Let's talk about:
>Everything you can't tell people in your real life. Things you've done that might compromise your humanity with others, thought that are morally questionable, and anything else you want to talk about.
sometimes, i listen to Beyonce when i'm alone and think nobody is around
I'm not a ped but I love to read about the psychology of offenders and victims. I just have curiosity into humanity's dark corners
>>29452429
Knowing you can't be physically overwhelmed by others can help a lot. But why the constant fear? What do you feel you're doing to cause this feeling in others?
>>29452701
Do you get pure enjoyment from knowing your fucking with people without them knowing, and will probably never know. That only you know and don't need anyone else to be aware?
Why the noting of conversations do? Do you just feel an innate feeling that they should be documented, to later look over and ponder?
>>29452097
god dammit I just noticed. The response I gave wasen't meant for you. it was for
>>29452110
God damn, I think I'm really loosing it
>>29453566
>But why the constant fear?
Being bullied while growing up and never doing masculine things like team sports I guess. My parents aren't assertive either so there's influence there though I don't want to use that as an excuse. I live in Australia too so I'd say the men here have to prove they're hard by "Out-alpha-ing" the other. I can't explain myself worth a shit but ultimately I've just always been afraid of people, especially ones with strong wills or bad tempers.
>>29452710
You poor bastard, it must have hit you like a boxing glove to the manhood. If that isn't a sign that we, as humans are exited creature for a lie told to us thru teachers and stories fabricated by bests that too were lied to about love and understanding, I don't know what is.
So what is your plan now? What do you feel like comes next?
>>29452466
Its not the attention I liked. It was how our personalities clicked and how smart he was, I was perfectly fine just doing my thing and letting him do his thing, I think he may have been leading me on though. Its not like he wouldn't have known I would start liking him again, even though I told him I would keep my distance out of respect and give him space, its not like he ever went out of his way to tell me to move on or that he wasn't taking it seriously. As far as I knew, he still liked me and I felt pretty seriously because it was new. Maybe I was just naive, I tried to be real and admit to myself he was out fucking other girls but I just told myself after that that he would still come back. What is the word, um delusional? Yes I think. I was just going to wait for him to get it out of his system and be his perfect girl and he would notice and I run into his arms and we get married and then we would drive off into the sunset in a flying car. I have been trying to move on, though nobody else is him. No one even comes close. I have been meeting people who I assume I would be more likely to get along with than anyone else and either they have some deep flaw that makes me not want to be their friend or they decide they're too cool for me and phase me out. I just wanted this one person, this one guy who I thought felt the same way, we had the same sense of humour, we liked to watch movies in his dark creepy basement and get high and go on creepy walks and play music together and send each other memes and write long paragraphs about our dreams and thoughts on random shit. The only thing was he was really scared of communication because I think he thought I would only get mad at him, so he wouldn't want to discuss things when I just wanted to sort it out right away and have it all out on the table. Every disagreement went like this, I think even that is how we ended. Sorry for the one long paragraphs I am drunk and engrish
>>29453009
Has anything happened recently that could have sparked this strange new routine? Anything at all? These things don't come naturally man. There was something that happened. It didn't have to be anything to fantastically drastic. It would have been a movie or a clip, a book maybe, or a simple talk you had with someone.
>>29453783
A lot of good May Thai camps Down Under, Anon. Pick one. They'll look after you, and your life will change forever.
I can't connect to people. I can't let anyone see what I'm thinking because they'll judge me and hurt me. No one knows what I really think about things; nobody knows how I feel about the world. I hate showing emotion to others and physical contact makes me uncomfortable.
I'm also incredibly lonely and feel like waste. I wish I could stop feeling or walk through a door into instant death. I will never sleep next to someone. I will never tell a girl how I feel or discuss issues with someone who values my opinions. I'll never hold hands.
I can't tell anyone this. It would be like trying to show someone my bone marrow. I feel pathetic and selfish and petty and not interesting at all.
I have hobbies, but people would laugh if I discussed them. I have seen cool things, but nobody cares. I've been to many places and done lots of stuff, but it doesn't matter since it doesn't matter to anyone else. I hate other people. I wish they cared about me.
I want everything to end.
>>29453177
>How do you feel about classical literature?
They can get very intense with the right mix of stimulants. Always feeling surreal, great reads.
>I just see things in books and shows that I dislike and decided to do other things.
That's poetic art my friend. Always do something new, different, breaking thru the tunnel and taking the scenic route, and doing what feels best to your ethics, stance on the loss of novelty,
>I'ver really had an idea come to me entirely at once
It seems i did give that notion, now reading it again. The final soul of it comes from a long time of collecting puzzle pieces of the concepts the book will have, and finally, as some unexpected time, in the most unexpected setting.
>I'm probably under medicated now
Well in all honestly I rather have you underestimated than doped and with the mental capacity of the average sponge.
>And I'm in a better place in life, anyway.
Thats amazing man, I hope the best for you. If you ever want to talk, I'm around, reading, resting, stimulated inches from meeting the god I've ignored for years, and when asked where I think I'm going, I will beg for the pit of hell, where my people reside.
My manipulative ex girlfriend was batshit crazy but one time she convinced me I raped her and I still don't know whether or not that was true because of all of her gaslighting
>tfw she's the reason I've become a robot
>>29453458
Beyonce has a butt that won't stop. Very sexy jungle feaver
>>29453485
So it's the psycology behind the depravity of the average man, and who is truly is behind closed doors?
We share this notion, to know what they are afraid to admit. But mine doesn't focus on children, but on death, fear, the submissive, the dominant, the weird and the depraved.
Any reason you have the curiosity focused on children?
When I was around 15 (18 now) I downloaded Grindr and hooked up with an older dude, we only made out but it was so fucking scary and looking back on it it was probably the dumbest shit I've done. Dude was 45, it's the only gay experience I've ever had and I'm pretty much a really masculine dude, my biggest fear is probably someone finding out about this.
Two years I fell madly in love with my best friend. Like, top tier soulmate/oneitis shit. I talked with him about it, and he confirmed that he's straight and therefore not interested, but was really understanding. A month or so later I told him I'd gotten over it, but really I was still head over heels. We went on vacations together, hung out basically constantly, and the whole time I couldn't stop staring at him when he wasn't looking. I started to feel like a huge fuckin creep. It escalated to the point where when we were travelling somewhere I'd do shit like smell his boxers while he was in the shower, and I definitely had the impulse to try to set up a hidden camera in the bathroom (thank god I resisted it). But I honestly couldn't see any future for myself that didn't involve him.
After we both went away to college I really did get over him, and we're still best friends today. But never in my life have I cared about a person the way I cared about him. I guess I'm just kinda worried I won't ever feel that passionate about a person again. And simultaneously I feel so shitty for being such a creep to my best friend in the world.
>>29454459
When I was 14/15 I used to hang out on gay forums a lot. Sent nudes to a lot of older guys just cuz I thought it was how gay kids were supposed to act. I feel you dude, the world is a shitty place for gay teenagers.
>>29453783
Yea I thought something of the same caliber must have happened to condemn you to the un-trust you have in your strength and general power to hold your ground towards others. Physically becoming able to overwhelm anyone from the general cesspool of people you deal with will increase the feeling of safety to an extent, but it won't help in many other ways. You will feel a certain loss of fear, but you need to gain some personal worth that projects security. Being physically fit however might facilitate this step.
>>29454511
Yeah, I don't even know where I'm at right now. Not sure if I pretended my way out of gayness or if there's still a little in me, I live in Mexico and everyone's so fucking homophobic lol.
>>29453989
>I told him I would keep my distance out of respect and give him space
Don't ever tell a man this, because they will go into a strange state, where they toy with the girl, feeling the power they have over her.
>What is the word, um delusional?
Yes I think is right. You hit the nail right on the head there. I hope writing this out got you to see what you were doing. When we are in action we rarely stop and see the whole picture, and to what lengths we are pushing ourselves. To what we kneel down to, and where we go to achieve something.
>and I run into his arms and we get married and then we would drive off into the sunset in a flying car.
Naive is as close as were getting to defining this thought you had here. The flying car is more possible to happen than everything going as smoothly, with all the bullshit that had already happened.
Well, that last bit was as cute stories get I believe. It sort of reminds me of the first american girlfriend I had. It was too innocent, to cute, where we satisfied each other at every front. We loved just existing near each other. Everything was going well, for a long time actually. But at some point, the inevitable happened. To be absolutely honest, I can't remember. I'm sure it was something horrible that I did, burning something she didn't want me to burn, like a note or her dog, or meeting her with a head full of acid and divulging on my personal thought on the physical structure of the vagina or something of that caliber.
What I can tell you is something you already know, but ay be stuck on this man for natural reasons. That you were comfortable and sure of the feeling he invoked you with. But there are others like him, and better. You just need to stop focusing on him, and look back on the crowd. Once you start to focus on he crowd, you will naturally highlighting the best choices. You'll be fine. If you need to talk again, I'll be around
>>29454317
Calm down there Debbie downer, there's a reason for these feeling you know. Lets get some things straight here and sort this check list.
Give me your average weight, age, and height
How often do you shower?
Do you take care of your face? Meaning, do you cut your hair once every month or so?
What do you usually do in your day, when you have nothing to really do? What do you watch online?
What are these hobbies?
Give me something to work with here man
>>29454379
>she convinced me I raped her and I still don't know whether or not that was true
Is she still around? Is she currently affecting you in some way or another? You know, other than making you a robot?
>>29454533
One could argue that nothing projects more security in a hand-to-hand combat situation than possessing the ability to render multiple assailants unconscious and dart out of range before they've even hit the floor. This is achievable if a practitioner is dedicated to training.
>>29454477
I think you acted in s range of acceptable actions that didn't affect him. like doing the camera thing. But you will meet someone that fulfills that glass of emotion that he caused you, probably causing the glass to overfill. Don't stress too much over it, and be glad it happened. It was an experience that showed you what you were willing to do when you were in range of that which you were romantically stimulated over. I hope that good someone comes along soon lad.
>>29454978
well yea I'm sure that being fluent in combat surpass looking like skin colored balloons tied to the skinniest man alive. But he wants a quick form of confidence. And like you said, the other form would be thru training, and that could take months, if not years. Two to thee solid months of dedicated gym will give him the immediate result he need. From there he had Jackie Chan it all he wants. This will solidify him as not feeling lower than the alpha male of the pack, ad least physically. Soon after, the mind set will follow, knowing it's going to take a real freak of a man to take him down.
I need to go to bed (note that I didn't post in this thread earlier), but I want to tell you, OP, that I appreciate your willingness to chat with robots, and wish the best for you
>>29455086
You are correct. Even with aptitude proficiency in the martial takes years, and it is for that very reason that it is recommended to begin training immediately! The longer training is put off, the longer it will take to become proficient. Strength, conditioning and fitness are all synonymous with practice, and whatever is lacking can be worked upon simultaneously.
>Major Thompson fan here, by the way.
>>29455360
Well, having experienced what I have, of both the good and bad, it would go against my morals and living ethics that I constructed from those same experiences to not make these sorts of threads, were debate and general opinion is prevalent, with personal situations looming over every post, is necessary for the average user. We need a palace to speak our minds, our pasts, and most importantly, our fuck ups. Those which we were unaware of, but cause under some force, sometimes not of our own.
I'll be on these boards for a while. And I don't mean tonigh specifically, but in the future weeks and months. I hope that I can give my opinion and hopefully help the poor sous, lost in here, unaware of the door that has a lock that was forget to be locked, but were promised no escape.
>>29445532
There is...
another...
Sky-....
walker...
>>29455417
Well yes, practice will slow thought and turn a fight into slurry of reactions of self defense.
>Hunter S. Thompson fan here, if it hasn't made itself obvious by now.
>>29445402
>tfw you're now a regular on LiveJasmin and camgirls always say "Welcome back again anon"
One even said to me "You're a bit quiet today anon" when I hadn't said anything for a while.
I quite like it, feeling welcomed there, and I don't even spend any money there with most of the models I visit, but I feel part of something there.
Really obscure feel.
inserted various objects into my anus
watched p0rn of people below age of legal consent
>>29455795
sounds comfy t b h
wish i had something like that
I sympathize with the ejuice dude from earlier I'm in the same boat, I mix ejuice and sell it illegally (It's illegal in Australia). I sell it to mates who also sell it to their mates.
You can't buy nicotine in the liquid in Australia and the liquid without nicotine is super expensive in Australia. I make a killing selling really flavorful liquid @ 100mils for 12 bucks to a lot of people. Can't tell anyone, it's not legal :/
>>29455795
Must be the strange feeling of being recognized to some degree by what you assumed were individuals who didn't know anyone, and see hundreds of usernames a day.
Do you like the feeling?
I want to ask my boyfriend to marry me.
We just graduated highschool and we're going into the same college. I enjoy my time with him and he enjoys me too, money isn't an issue with him, he knows what he's going to do in life, he's a really nice, straight forward guy, he works out, and he has such a great influence on me in general. My life and psyche has gotten significantly better since he stepped in
I want to ask him but I know it's silly. I'm thinking of waiting til after summer vacation and after things get rolling. We talk about the future a lot so I think he's for it too. But man that kind of rejection kills relationships
i had a gay incestuous extrerimental fling with my cousin when we were little
I think my face is very ugly. I don't want to go back to school because of this. I don't want to start a career. I don't want to get a job. I am very specific on the jobs i apply to (warehouse, night time mailman) and for the past few months i've had no luck.
If i tell anyone this (and i've subtly hinted at it by saying i'm shy), they'll tell me i look good and i'm not ugly. But that doesn't fix me feeling like i'm ugly, it's like they're just ignoring me. I was bullied for my face since i was 12. I've never had a girlfriend. I used to be charming and make people laugh, but that withered away over the years.
Now i'm an insecure mess who numbs himself from life by focusing on his hobbies.
>>29455799
I hope you didn't tear anything man, or woman if you identify as that now. And when you say various, I assume it because you liked the feeling and kept going. Do you still try putting foreign object into yourself? Or was it a phase?
>watched p0rn of people below age of legal consent
Did you pay for it? Or was it accidental? What the story here, divulge a little, give me some context man, woman, baby, whatever.
>>29456061
>extrerimerital
>when we were little
have you considered that conservative politics might not be good for your mental health?
>>29456038
You really ought to wait until after college to get married, a lot can change in that period. How long have you been dating already?
But seriously... Wait a few years, you're too young to get married at that age
>>29456034
SOunds rough man. I did something similar here in Florida. We made so much green, it was ludicrous. I don't know if sharing my personal story matters to anyone, since I'm here to give others the conclusions that came about from life experiences. I'll leave that for another thread maybe.
I hope you or any of your' boys get caught.
The idea of not existing has stopped bothering me and I cannot feel empathy for the effects it would have on my family. Yet I'm still here
>>29456036
Honestly I really do
For me at least it shows that when I talk, it obviously leaves a lasting impression on the girl, and they remember me over other people for that if nothing else.
It's a nice feeling to feel part of something, even something like camgirl chat rooms.
>>29456124
Almost 2 years now. I thought that too, but I'm very nervous about him going into college and meeting new people, he's pretty good looking and I feel threatened because I know that with the type of classes he's going to be taking he might meet someone who has similar interests career wise
>>29456170
So you have reached a the Dead-Sea of emotions? What are you feeling that evoked the want to stop existing this life? More importantly what edged to this state, where the natural human emotions seem to have been numbed, by the amounts of bullshit you have been putting up with I imagine.
I've seen every American Girl movie. Just watched the most recent one last night. It was very rough around the edges. But the premise was pretty nice. I liked the whole "sister trying to rescue her brother" idea.
Anyways, my great grandma lived to be 98 years old. Last night was exactly 100 years since her birth. She was so sweet to me. She'd just hold my hand and not even have to say anything. But I didn't really want to think about her today. Because I feel ashamed knowing I'll never be anything more than a loser. She deserved better than me and so did the rest of my family. They deserved more than some loser that will never have his own family, a good career, and can't even be a fun person to be around. People scare me except in movies so I'm not good with them at all. My social skills are pathetic. The shame of being a failed human is with me every day.
Can animals feel like a failed animal? Is a sloth able to hate itself? Probably not, sloths are too based.
>>29451579
Jesus. In that one minute you scarred that young man for life.
>>29456304
Well, if you are aware enough of the current social and personal situation you exist in you can still change it. I'm guessing your relatively young, so you still have time to mold yourself into what you truly wish to be. What would be your ideal life style? What would you dress like, how dedicated would you be to your body, would you eat better? What would you be doing that you aren't right now?
>>29445402
I used to dry hump my little brother when we were younger. I'll sometimes think about it and wonder if he remembers
I honest-to-God hate retarded people. I don't mean like slightly autistic or socially awkward, I mean the type of retard that can't take care of themselves. I hate their screaming, their shitting everywhere, their arm-flapping bullshit, and how mentally deficient they are. I especially hate looking at their malformed faces, misshapen skulls and how anyone can stand being around them. They're just so, stupid, so mentally incapable of anything, I hate the fact that we as a species keep them alive solely for a moral standpoint. The worse part is how it's allowed for them to breed with one another, and a regular person, even if 75% of the time the baby miscarriages or just ends up dying due to its fucked up genes. This is probably motivated by self-hatred, but I just want to punch one in the face, small children too.
>>29456291
I've grown up with mentally unstable parents. Hitting the real world I've run into many fuckheads who clearly couldn't control themselves which has just led to many bad encounters/expierences. I could go on about shit I've felt with in school/workforce/home but I am a point where I don't see a end goal and the only thing keeping me moving is mindless hobbies
>>29456428
I remember you. You've posted this several times across threads.
It seems it really haunts you dude..
If he doesn't bring it up, evn as a joke, probably he wont remember. Either that or he wants to forget about him.
Leave the past behind.
>>29445402
When i was in primary school there was a teacher who had little patience with kids an she often screamed etc.so one day i said to my parents that she had beaten me.It was a scandal in my small town,i am 21 now,and my parents still think she actually did it.I also tried to stole another's kid project in middle school.I was a huge liar as a kid,a lot less now,not because i think it's wrong but simply because as an adult i understand that it is risky and i could get caught.
>>29456436
That's funny. I was talking about this with my boyfriend earlier. We were randomly talking about kids and he brought up how he doesn't want kids when he's too young and not too old either because he can't stand the thought of the higher possibility of having an autist as a kid when people have kids in their 40's. He was saying how he'd rather kill himself than have to take care of a retard for the rest of his life and I felt slightly bad saying that I agreed with him but it's true, no one wants that.
>>29456436
They are human beings after all. You can't take away their rights.
>>29456458
>It seems to really haunt you dude..
I've actually never posted this on 4chan before, so nice to know that someone else has done the same thing
>>29454449
I feel like it's the darkest action one can take. It scares me
>>29456075
How are you body wise? If you really care so much about your outer appearance, that should naturally be up in your list of things you care about. You will always find yourself to be ugly to some extent. That you aren't good looking enough to be for anyone. But this is a natural flaw of self judgment that every human wants. It roots from the facet that every one has a different opinion on different aspects of life. When we try to fit everyone criteria at once, you will find yourself failing over and over again.
Aim for a personal goal of how you want to look in a realistic tone. Clean up your skin, work out, brush your teeth daily, shower ad least once a day, and see if you don't notice a change for yourself. Not for any other person to gratify you, but for your own mental state. You will notice it changing as you progress.
>>29456470
>villains who got away with it
>>29456477
They're human by definition, but should not exsist. I only partially agree with the notion of eugenics and fully agree with genetically engineering humans because they get rid of errors. A mentally retarded human being is not supposed to live to adulthood, more and more problems happen if they pass on their genes.
>>29456438
What do you expect from the future for yourself? Do you expect any changes? Or have you become so accustomed to the degenerates you must live with, the sea of morons and inept creatures that you see them more as pebbles in your shoes.
So what does the future hold for you? You might not have motives, but where will you be in five years?
>>29449682
Beyond: Two Souls is in a similar vein
I'm really inhibited socially, almost to the point of total paralysis. I haven't really any friends because of it. I know you can't have a relationship without putting yourself forth but I worry about repercussions constantly, saying or doing the wrong thing. I guess it stems from me trying to control, gauge how they're going to react and get them to feel a certain way. I don't know, I do know my social life isn't what it could be and a change of tact would probably be well advised.
We just don't know, doc
>>29456470
Good conclusion. But in my personal life, lying is acceptable in almost every situacion. The golden rule is to never involve other people in the lie. Not meaning that they dont happen in the sotry. Sometimes I use them as a factor of truth, but almost everything else about the story will be a lie, making me the only one who knows whats really going on. I only lie when it's convenient and could make the situation better for me in one form or another.
So almost always.
>>29456510
Well obviously that's up for debate. There could be worse things than taking a still innocent human, who is still a virgin to the depravities of the human existence, and force them to experience to partake in something they can't even fully conceive. Only a handful of things can surpass this, but they do exist.
>>29456659
Well you can't learn if you don't ever take that first step, you will never reach that goal that you hold. To one day be in a relationship. You need live training, with real humans. Are you ready to make that change man? To go out and speak to another person? Well, your going to have to be if you want to have a better life. You need to gain that trust and confidence. I know at the moment interacting with other humans might seem ridiculous and ill advised, but you must do it. Brace for the emotional gut-punch that you receive the ifrst time you try and speak to someone. Id say to start small, real small. When you go to the supermarket, and your checking you, read the name of the clerk, say hi to her, ask her how her day has been and then call her by her name. It dosen't have to be like this everytime, but you will naturally feel yourself making small conversations. And speak up. No one wants to hear yuou mumble. It's fucking annoying. Do these two things, practice, and get back to me lad. Best of luck
>>29456419
I appreciate the reply and get where you're coming from. As a human, I'm more or less doing what I want, as far as my limited abilities go. But I really wish I wasn't human. Maybe that I was an angel. That I could help people without being seen or having to hold complicated conversations. I guess I have a hero complex yet I'm a very weak and fragile person.
>>29456195
Must be an ego booster? Well lad, your dong better than most of us that are on these boards. Keep it up, and stay away from the cheese puffs.
>>29456842
>Maybe that I was an angel
The emotions that I felt were almost foreign to me as I read this line. My natural existence had lead to to the same core concept many times, but it was never something as light as and angel. It was always something more savage, grimmer, charged with personal survival and living in a constant form of escape, while having gaps of the greatest freedom conceivable. Conciseness as another being would be better, but angel never crossed my mind. I always pictured a chameleon, or an eagles. Something with the ability to no longer be present when it wishes. But I think that's because I live, spearheaded with the point of personal happiness at the forefront. I guess that says what hasen't been said about me.
>>29456961
>But I think that's because I live, spearheaded with the point of personal happiness at the forefront.
If you don't mind me asking, how has that worked out for you? Have you attained a semblance of your hopes and dreams by chasing after them with unfettered focus?
>>29457150
Well, life naturally puts up many filters of humanity that will stop your search for personal pure happiness. Were I live constantly to satisfy an urge, the close one and the only that seems to by flying at me, somewhere in between two clouds. It is strange however to do some other things in this state of mind that I have embedded myself in, quite comfortably in what I believe to be all aspects of my life. I dress in a way that I truly feel comfortable and naturally fell into, putting on what calls my name. Unfortunately, that is not common here in the U.S., not as much as they would like to imagine that they are. So this does make it harder to blend in with crowds, and having people immediately prejudging me before I get a word out. There's a lot of layers to this, having a foot both in a pool of a wish come true, where I am who I really am, inside and out, and a sort of condemnation, being closed off by groups for those same decisions. But at the end of the day, I have never experienced such personal satisfaction in my life. This the state of importance that I have placed personal happiness over almost everything else goes thru many layers of my life, and I can see the parallel it drives with the average man that hold family, friends, money or glory over their own happiness. But with any flaws that it comes with, I wouldn't change what I have now for anything else.
>>29456038
Bad idea. Trust me on this.
>>29456170
I feel ya.
>>29456659
People say that in order to "come out of your shell," you have to "be yourself." That's not really all there is to it. Like you said, it's about control. Inhibition is armor. A shell is armor. In order to "put yourself out there," so to speak, you have to be willing to make yourself vulnerable. As in possible to hurt.
Tact is helpful, but it's not going to change the fact that you have to be willing to be hurt to get out there, and that most people will hurt you just to get a quick high.
>>29456304
Actually watching every American Girl movie is an impressive level of dedication.
>>29457282
You seem to really like who you are and feel good about the direction your life is in. That may be as close to happiness as most can hope to achieve. You also come off as a kind person. It's getting late here so I'm going to go, it was nice talking to you.
>>29457373
Thank you. My favorite is McKenna Shoots For The Stars. Not that I'd recommend it to anyone who doesn't like family movies.
>>29457569
Take it easy man, have a good night. I'll always be around, when I'm have enough control to type
Can't see my long distance girlfriend until around december and it's rough having to wait that long without any physical interaction at all.
>>29456517
I'm skinnyfat and insecure about my body too. This is why i don't like summer, and i haven't gone swimming in years. I've been thinking about going to the gym though.
I take care of myself as best as i can, i shower, brush my teeth, pick my eyesbrows, cut my nails.
I don't really know how to start a life for myself.
>>29458079
For far away from your average weight based on age? When I was 13-14 I was probably the fattest I ever was in life. I was almost 200lbs. I was a humanoid guinea pig for fucks sake. But then at some point in the middle of my sophomore year, weight made itself prevalent, the importance and the effect it had in life. So, I decided I didn't want to be fat anymore. And in 3 to 4 months I lost around 40 lbs. That was the first triumph I had that was aimed towards becoming what I wanted to one day, unhinged from emotional strains, or any form of string that would hold me back. I went a little sociopathic for a couple of years, testing different body types, social identity, and tests that would strain my body in every way I could think of. I now stand as what remains of a piece of marble stone the size of a tower, and there is nothing left to chip away. I am no simply painting it, but what is there is solid, grounded, and in my eyes, the best sculpture I could make, with the chisel life gave me.
So whatever you want to be, you can do it man. But you have to want it more than anything, parallel to living.
>>29457927
If you are going to see her in December, I hope you can hold onto that love man, because your right. Love distance relationships are one of the hardest testaments of love that exists for the human emotion.
There is nothing more to say that you must trust her, and attempt to keep yourself busy, taking new hobbies, writing a book, working out, swimming, tailoring clothes, volunteering at some zoo or old people retirement home or anything you can think of that will keep you busy for hours
I've been there, but the difference is that I never went back. We innevatibly broke up. She made it worse because I told her I needed to skype her over some very serious matters. I guess she took it in a different tone than I wanted her to, but when she picked up, the third thing she said was she was going to wait for me to get back to give me her virginity. That was a very awkward call to make, but I had to do it. For the both of our sanity's sake.
>>29458608
That's pretty impressive dude. I want to reach the point of painting too. Right now i feel like a blob of a human who has neither body nor social life, just working on my crafts, but hobbies are not enough to fullfill a life.
It's part of the reason why i don't want to go back to uni, because i'm fine with having a dead end job aslong as i can keep programming games.
Anyway thanks for replying and i wish you good luck on your writing, i've always wanted to know a writer.
>>29458873
Well man, maybe you will know one day see my name on a shelf at some Walgreens, next to the female erotic novels and Men's Health. If you love programming games, you're halfway there lad. But be aware of what you want to be. If you were to mold yourself from a mold, would you be the same as how you stand right now? What would be different? If there is some changes, which I imagine there would be, what is stopping you from achieving it? Braking your comfortable routine? No man, hold your personal worth higher than your immediate commodity. Don't be weak for fucks sake. This could change your life.
Do what you feel right, what you really want, and you will find pure delight at the end of the road
So, ladies and gentlemen, I have less than an hour before they come and take me for some time. We have also reached a reply amount of 234 and 126 images. Those are some good numbers that I don't think we had gotten before on theses Talk Threads.
If anyone has any last confession it's time before we run out of space. If you want my personal feedback let me know. If not, im sure someone else will step up to the plate. There is salways someone who can help. It's just a matter of wether they want to ake themselves know, and take on the challenge. If this is the last post made on the thread, I hope everything goes well you souls, almost lost into oblivion. I'll try my best to give you my twisted experiences thru text, and in a manner that applies to you.
Stay sane lads
Slept with twins, the male and the female.
>>29446094
(For anyone interested)
>>29446161
Apparently, she had woken up the first night and told her sister after the second day. The third night they basically stayed awake and when I was about to do it again they caught me and told my aunt. They hated me and called me a pervert for a long time. My cousin was very dissapointed but not exactly outraged which made me feel even worse. I'm in good terms with them now, though. That was about 7 years ago.
As for hotness, she's a qt, for sure.
>>29446302
I definitely lingered. I used my hand, nothing else.
>>29445402
I used to bully my smaller cousin and got a sick pleasure from it. I pushed her down and always made her cry and it felt so powerful. I feel like shit and will always feel like shit for doing this and having actually enjoyed it.
For some reason, whenever I've brought this up to her she always seems to see it as rough child-play instead of outright bullying.
>I am attracted to my straight friend of the same sex and she hates gays
>I masturbate to YouTube videos of fat people gaining weight and touching their bellies
>my friend discussed offering Her bf to me to lose my virginity 3 years ago, I didn't bc he thought it was gross
>I stalked a girl I had a crush on online and irl and I still love her even though I had a class with her 2 years ago and didn't say anything
>I am a hoarder
>I unitonically wear autism shoes and am wearing ones with Velcro as I type
>I fantasize about killing my bullies and molesting their corpses
I used to avoid suicide ideation by the fear of pain/discomfort, but now it seems like I'm up to face some pain to put this life to an end.
I can't stop thinking about stealing my mom's codeine pills and take it all with some benzos, alcohol and promethazine.
I have fantasies almost daily about killing people within my immediate vicinity. I'll be walking down the street and I size people up and imagine what I would do if I were to try and kill them. I used to hunt a lot when I was young, around 12 - 18 and always loved the feeling of taking a life. My sexual tendencies are also quite violent and sadistic.
>>29445402
1) I feel no strong emotions one way or another. Nothing in this world gives me pleasure, and nothing short of absolutely crushing defeat or physical pain can bother me. This means that, on the rare occasion that I feel colossal depression or loneliness (beyond the usual baseline) I experience a kind of savage pleasure in my misery.
2) I can't imagine enjoying anyone's company enough to keep in constant contact with them. For this reason, I think I'll never be able to have a girlfriend -- or good friends, for that matter. In fact, I'm perfectly content with being alone, to the extent where people will think I've moved away when I stay inside for an exceptionally long time. I feel like this goes beyond the usual introversion, but that's probably because I'm only familiar with the tumblr "I draw strength from solitude, I don't need to go out every weekend" type.
Anyway, there's not a single human on this earth whose company I crave. At any given time, place or situation, I would invariably prefer to be alone.
we could talk about the defining traits of robotdom
>>29457892
you can contribute suggestions to improve our polls or comment on the results and you can vote yourself i you havent already
>>29454017
It's probably because im a pedophile
How can I find a girl I saw on the bus on the internet?
