Imagine what would happen if you continued your passion and somehow managed to not kill yourself
Tell me your passions Anon. Is it music, acting, writing, what is it?
>>29444881
> Fapping
> doing drugs
How do i do?
>>29444881
My passion is science, especially organic chemistry. Unfortunately, I have severe BPD and dissociative anxiety issues due to abuse at school when I was a child. My psychotic symptoms are under control now with medication, but I still have difficulty with school work in general. I'm on a waiting list to see a real therapist, though, so hopefully I'll be able to achieve my dreams some day.
>>29445224
What medication are you taking anon? I seem to have the same problems you have if not similar.
>>29445466
I was on Abilify for a while when I was having really serious delusions. I weaned off of that 2 years ago and now I'm on a medium dose of Zoloft and it seems to help because a lot of the psychotic symptoms are tied to my anxiety/depression. Feel good to be more sane than ever before.
>>29445556
How do you feel about other people in general? Do you still feel constant bitterness and disappointment towards others?
>>29444881
It's music.
Throughout the years, decades even, music is what always kept me going. Music was there to block out the noise of my parents fighting, music was there to keep me company when I ate lunch by myself at school, music is also how I managed to make some friends and even get a gf. Music made the few good times even better, when I used to smoke weed or eat shrooms, the only thing I wanted t do was pop in some earphones and listen to some music.
The problem is that the second that I sit down to learn how to read sheet music, learn about musical theory, and try to play the piano or boot up FL Studio I immediately get both bored and frustrated. It feels like I'm 13 or 14 years old again trying to learn algebra for the first time.
The odd thing is that when I was a kid and even a young teen I would play a bunch of different instruments but from ages 16 to now (I'm 30) I never picked another instrument since then.
Maybe I just need ADD meds.
>>29445596
No, actually. Therapy is really helping me with that. I'm doing CBT to control my over-reactivity and it's giving me a much more realistic view of other people.
>>29445659
What do you mean more realistic view? And yea I think I've heard of CBT before for treating BPD
I don't have passions.
>cars
>video games
>television series
>circumcised so can't enjoy masturbation/escorts
I literally never have anything to talk about with other people because I don't know anything about what normal people like. Literally this life is pointless.
My biggest passion is quantum and relativistic mechanics. there is nothing i want more in life than to find out what gravity is
>>29445669
I don't split as much as I used to; people aren't total shit or gleaming gold anymore. I used to be extremely paranoid about strangers as well, but that's improved so much I can't even believe it.
>Imagine what would happen if you continued your passion and somehow managed to not kill yourself
It's music and, unless someone who would want to manage the business side of it, I wouldn't come very far with it because I literally can't talk with anyone.
I have no passions. The closest thing I had to a passion were video games, I got rid of them and got a gym membership thinking I would become Chad. Of course, it doesn't work if your face looks like Quasimodo. I gave up on the only thing I thought I loved for nothing. Now I'm just a 20 year old virgin who can't go to sleep without praying to never wake up again. Sure, looking at the bright side I'm physically fit now, but honestly I don't give a fuck. I still work out just because I got nothing else to do.
If I don't kill myself, then I'll most likely end up finishing my university career, getting a high paying job, and keep hating on my mediocre and dull life. At least I'll get to bang expensive prostitutes. Prostitution is legal in my country, so I could get me one right now if I wanted, except I know I'll regret spending about $ 200 for a few minutes of pleasure.
I would rather be the 20 year old fat slob who wears a fedora, plays video games all day, and feeds on tendies. I mean, at least I can bet they're happier in their own world than I am in my shitty reality.
no passions here. The only thing that stops me from suicide is music and tea/coffee
playing the saxophone is my only passion
>>29445224
>BPD
Are you a girl
Anyhow, if I manage to continue my passion somehow, I hope I'll be dead by the time I will reach the point of no return.
I've had no real passions until I passed an autistic age of 15 and started writing things which were on my mind. My teacher started looking at them and said "hey, that's actually somewhat well written". I was writing for some time, but as basically no one gave a shit, I turned into photography. Three years in and I managed to achieve something in that field, made some actual money out of it, had my own exhibitions etc. Basically I turned into an artfag, and you know what? It's not as bad as one might assume. A little worse considering that I was held captive in the basement had my views broken, and after that I had to go out and start living somehow.
I drew a little after that, mainly to try to express what's happened to me, but as expected, no shits were given.
If I have to be killed by that, come at me. It'll be an honour.
Sadly, my passion and my talent are extremely different things. I'd love to do stand up shows. I want to make people laugh. I wanna do original shit that you don't see coming, you know?
>>29446074
>unless someone who would want to manage the business side of it
Those are called "managers" in industry terms.
3d animation. I would legit be pixar tier by now with all the time I have wasted.
Every time i sit down to do anymore that thlught fills my head and i get depresso.
>>29445716
>I don't know anything about what normal people like.
cars and television series senpai, like you said.
Cars especially, normies are actually borderline autistic when it comes to cars. Like we'll be walking down the road and suddenly they're OMG BRO DID YOU SEE THAT 2016 MAZDA GTX 1080 WITH MODDED DECARBUNATORS DRIVE BY JUST NOW THAT WAS SICK
and I'm just like "was that the grey car or the darker grey car?"
Normies have all car models and brands memorized like rainman, they'll launch into a monologue about their car that sucks all the air out of the room and don't see that you're struggling to stay conscious from how bored you are not-listening to them.
>>29444881
I play silver flute. Very gud.
>>29444881
i fucking love music
everything about it
i play instruments in orchestras
i make electronic music
i play rhythm games
its pretty great
I like history. I like studying random historical subjects. I like having a wide, expansive, though not terribly in-depth knowledge of global events and the past. Though I know a little about a lot, I also know a lot about a few subjects, like the Civil War. If I could publish a historical book, fiction or non-fiction concerning the Civil War I would feel accomplished in life. Even if it isn't too successful
>>29444881
>Music
I make electronic stuff, I still play guitar and piano sometimes but I feel like the range of sounds provided by digital instruments is much wider and let's me experiment much more.
However I'm so fucking indecisive I can't do anything relevant.
Like, if I find some new stuff I like I instantly want to make something that sounds like it.
If I manage to write down a nice melody I'm afraid I'm gonna fuck it up if I go on with the arrangement.
I have ~300 FL studio projects, of which less than 10 are complete tracks. And they have nothing in common, I can't post a 100 bpm cloud rap instrumental and then a 170 bpm makina-inspired track. Fuck.
Golf. I fucking love golf! I golf almost every day. I've played 36 holes this week so far. I'm pretty good, but not quite "amazing". I'm not attractive enough to be a touring pro, or social enough to be a local pro. Maybe if I could get even better it wouldn't matter, but I doubt it. Also the fees to qualify for the lpga are over $6000 and even if I could afford it, they probably wouldn't want me :( if I continued I could probably improve even more and prove everybody wrong, but it really just doesn't seem worth it
I'm fascinated with "weird fiction" and 19th century ghost stories. It started with HP Lovecraft in middle-school and from there I just got into more and more obscure authors. I've tried my hand at writing and submitting short stories myself but so far the two I've finished were rejected from places I contacted. I was told they showed promise but were ultimately too abstract so I guess I just need to focus on making it more easily understandable/palatable.
i'm jelly of you robots who can play instruments.
>>29447814
>I have ~300 FL studio projects, of which less than 10 are complete tracks. And they have nothing in common, I can't post a 100 bpm cloud rap instrumental and then a 170 bpm makina-inspired track. Fuck.
That's good senpai. Nothing makes me sadder than knowing and seeing talented and creative musicians who still struggle because they limit themselves to literally just one or two genres.
That's why Rick Rubin is one of my idols even though he doesn't actually -make- music, he still produced some of the best music from nearly every possible genre you could think of.
>>29447952
If you want honest and immediate feedback you could post in /x/ or even
I used to be a really good pool player, gambled a lot and made really good cash, played in every pro am tournament i could drive too, my practice partner was a German professional world champ.
I haven't played for 10 years and have been severely depressed for longer than that, I'd love to play if someone put a table in my place but i cant go back out there and play.
I love computer hacking, I've never actually broken into a megacorp or hacked the gibson or whatever but I love the people in the torrent community and the intellectual challenge of cracking copy protection on games movies and particularly books.
books are another passion of mine, been collecting textfiles since 1990, reading takes me to another place, and being able to talk with other people about my favorite reads is really nice.
it's a shame that corps dont want a good hacker cracker, they want businesslike whitewashed drones with connections and shit, my anxiety is holding me back so much and it hurts
