Man it fucking sucks to be a bipolar robot. You guys have no idea how brutal this disorder is.
>>29443626
>taking antipsychotics over mood stabilizers for bipolar
why
>>29443626
Try having just overwhelming chronic depression without the random burst of mania you cuck
>>29443680
because summer
originalo
i'm actually starting to feel goo...nope i feel like shit, fuck you all.
>>29443680
im on depakote, thats just a random picture
>>29443702
Mania landed me in jail and destroyed every chance of normal life I had
>>29443680
>tfw taking antipsychotics AND a mood stabilizer and I STILL get depressive episodes
JUST
>>29443702
You're thinking of hypomania. That's where you have more energy than usual, are more talkative, more productive- it's extremely under reported because the people who get it like it so fucking much.
Take my mania for example:
>don't sleep for several days to a week or more, and no fucking naps or microsleeps, just no fucking sleep or rest, constantly moving and fidgeting and doing shit
>talking a mile a minute, can't slow down, can't control the content of the conversation or my thoughts, just unfiltered, antisocial, paranoid, delusional garbage nonstop
>can't eat
>usually binge drink to try and self-medicate/come down from the mania, but it never fucking works and on an empty stomach just makes me sick
>extremely, excessively violent, will go to extreme lengths to get some innocent person alone and attack them
>not safe around people I know, will attack them as well
>if I completely isolate myself I take out the aggression on myself, have torn out nails, smashed my head until it was bloody, etc.
>extreme paranoia and delusions, won't even go into how bad it gets but needless to say it's completely fucking nuts
Now imagine having to deal with that every month or so for a decade, with no idea of what's happening to you, and no idea of how to treat it. Misdiagnosed by countless doctors thinking that you have antisocial personality disorder or psychotic depression, put on meds that make you worse, until you finally meet a competent psychiatrist that instantly recognizes your symptoms and gets you on the right medication. Think of how fucking relieved you would be to start taking a pill that made the mania greatly reduced and eventually entirely stopped. Just fucking imagine the relief, the first month that goes by without going completely fucking nuts.
Now picture how fucking infuriating it is to hear uneducated bastards saying how great mania is.
I have bipolar, normies seem to just think I'm lazy or weird. I don't think anyone without someone the mental illness effects really understands it.
>>29443883
OP here
have you tried lamictal or antidepressants for the depressive episodes?
>>29444014
I went on lamictal for two years, it worked like a fucking charm but I built up such a strong tolerance to it that even the highest possible dose did nothing. I haven't taken it since.
Antidepressants are notorious for triggering manic episodes/making them worse, that's pretty basic psychiatry. The first several shrinks that I saw tried putting me on SSRIs and it make me so bad I wound up in a mental institution for several weeks. I'm taking wellbutrin now, which is a stimulant, not a conventional antidepressant, and while it gives me more energy it does nothing for the suicidal and homicidal ideations or extreme lack of motivation...
mind if I ask what meds you're taking, OP?
>>29444139
Im only on depakote
SSRIs put me in a mixed state and I hate them.
Antipsychotics are fucking terrible. Last time I tried zyprexa I got akathisia and couldn't stop moving around like a retard.
I got suicidal toughts everyday, I don't talk to psychiatrists anymore. They can't fix that shit.
>>29444139
Did lamictal work for the depression those 2 years? I might as well try it
>>29444350
I've been taking abilify for nearly two years and it makes an enormous difference with my paranoia, delusions, hallucinations and intensity of intrusive thoughts. Granted I'm on a moderate dose and have a much, much better tolerance for it than most people do, but antipsychotics definitely have their place.
I've also been seeing a very, very good psychologist for almost a year. He specializes in behavioral therapy for OCD, and has been giving me exposure and response prevention therapy. We've made so much progress, OP, I'm doing so much better it's fucking stupid. I've wasted years of my life, if I had started doing this therapy a decade ago my life would be completely different. But I'm doing it now, and it's really, honestly, truly helping. We aren't stopping with just the exposure therapy, either- after it's ran its course we're going to probably do acceptance therapy or some shit and really get to the root of my issues. It's one of the best feelings in the world to be able to open up to someone that can understand what you're going through and genuinely wants to help you get better. I really hope that one day you find a good person to talk to, professional or no. Support can make a huge difference.sorry if I sound like a sappy hippy asshole, I just came back from therapy and the progress that I've made has been so apparent I'm just in a really fucking good mood.
>>29444382
It worked remarkably well. I went from being institutionalized and completely incapable of interacting with other people to holding down a job, finding my own place and reestablishing my independence. It was the difference between that and homelessness. I highly recommend trying it out, just start slowly and be wary of side effects.
>>29444516
Its great to know there's a way to get better. Ive been feeling like Im in a fight which I cant win for a long time. I also have ocd but Im so obsessed with my moods now that I forget to do my stupid rituals
>>29444673
There was a youtube channel that my therapist recommended to me today, the guy's name is Mark Freeman. I haven't checked out his videos yet so I can't vouch for how good his shit is, but apparently his channel has a lot of information on OCD, including stuff about exposure therapy, and can help if you're feeling isolated and looking for some information or support on the disorder.
Keep fighting, man. No one can help you if you give up on yourself.
This is probably too personal so don't feel obligated to answer, but would you mind sharing what kind of rituals you do? I feel so fucking self conscious about mine and sometimes it helps to hear what other people are going through.
im have severe migraines more days than not and i have chronic vertigo so bad i can't walk striaght. i spend most of the day in bed.
i would trade this for bipolar disorder.
>>29444759
I haven't really done any rituals in a long time but maybe its because im in depression and dont care what happens to my life. All of the rituals I do are to avoid bad things happening. Its stupid and I know they're nonsence but I do them anyway.
When I was younger I used to take two steps in the stairways and always finish with the left foot.
When Im in doubt to something or not to do it I sometimes look at cars plates and if they have the number 22 or 13 its a sure sign not to do it or if they have 71 or 43 its a sure sign to do it.
I always wear the same pants when I fap.
If im in front of the computer and Im not sure wether to do or not to do something I google a random number and then look at the image results and try to see the signs in the images. Damn, im fucked up
>>29444759
My ocd is basically looking at signs if some decision in my life is right or wrong but it gets really annoying when i start googling random numbers and looking for specific numbers just because i cant decide which socks to wear. Not sure if that makes any sence
>>29444981
>All of the rituals I do are to avoid bad things happening. Its stupid and I know they're nonsence but I do them anyway.
That's like the definition of the disorder. DESU senpai I'd trade with you if I could.
>get homicidal and necrophilic intrusive thoughts
>EXTREMELY strong urges to act on them, cannot stress how fucking hard it is to repress the compulsion
>only way that I stop myself is obsessively going over in my head what the repercussions would be for acting on it
>visualizing myself getting caught fucking a dead body, going to jail, going to court, all the families of the deceased being there and jeering at me and judging me and me getting aroused from seeing photos of the evidence and the fucking shame, getting beaten up and bullied in prison and eventually put in solitary for trying to attack everyone, dying horribly, alone and full of disease from sleeping with corpses, either by execution or an inmate killing me
>do all of this while carrying out a normal conversation or doing my work or whatever
>also if I'm carrying a knife or a box cutter or some kind of weapon I'll obsessively pick at my skin until I have bleeding sores to try and relieve the tension of having a weapon so close
>covered in scars from doing this
Doesn't matter how depressed I am, I have to do this shit, night and day, to keep myself in check. I live in constant fucking fear of acting out- I've done shit in the past when I was manic so the fear is completely justified...
>>29445079
Makes perfect sense m8. Are there any numbers that are really significant to you? I know a guy on here is obsessed with a couple of digits.
>>29445174
71,11,17,43 are what i consider positive numbers
13,22,2 - negative
When did you start noticing something was off?
>>29445174
Ive done shit when I was manic too. I felt so invincible and like nothing can actually hurt me which escalated to me thinking I was some kind of god and then I tought I was Ra and am supose to make pyramids so people can live at peace again. It took me a while to figure it was just a delusion
What you people think will happen if you just had the things of a normal life?
Like enough money, which is probably a problem now.
Don't you think you would feel defrauded ever being called an illness?
>>29445268
When I was four fucking years old, man. I had nightmares every night about torturing and murdering my family, and I had a fixation on dead human bodies even though I only ever seen animal's corpses. I was completely obsessed and the intrusive thoughts came at me all the fucking time. When I was in kindergarten I remember playing house with other kids and my idea of being the mother was pretending to kill the family and fuck with their corpses. When the teacher brought my parents in to talk about it they acted clueless and insisted that she must be mistaken. It got worse and worse as I got older, until it reached its peak when I was a teenager.... I had my first depressive episode when I was 16. It hit me really, really fucking hard- was in bed almost nonstop for three solid months. Didn't shower, barely ate, didn't talk to anyone. When I came out of it I had a manic episode. I was sitting at the table having dinner with my family and the intrusive thoughts were the worst they'd ever been, I knew that if I didn't get out of there I was going to take my steak knife and kill all of them. I went up to my bedroom and blacked out. When I woke up the entire place was destroyed, furniture was broken, I was missing several nails, head was bleeding badly, and it was obvious I had been crying hysterically. I was so scared I didn't tell anyone, tried to clean it up the best I could... I had no idea what was going on but it was obvious to me that something was very, very wrong, and that my thoughts weren't something normal or completely justified but some sort of illness.
>>29445387
My major delusion was that I was I the director of some sort of cosmic play, and that every person I interacted with was just an actor, that they were all in on the show that was my life and that reality was completely obscured from me, that I'd never know what was really going on because I was too fucked in the head. It wasn't until I got on Lithium that I recognized how insane it was.
How did this bipolar nonsense even become a thing? It was just invented in like the 90s or something.
>>29445580
original bait is required to post with an image
> 'Mental illness'
Self diagnosed tumblr faggits
>>29445618
nice of you to bump the thread though
I'm not full on bipolar, but I do have some kind of mood disorder. I don't get full on mania, but I do get hypomanic, and sometimes get some weird states that are closer to things I've heard said about borderline personality disorder. I'm on Wellbutrin for depression, gabapentin as a mood stabilizer, and Seroquel mostly as an anxiolytic, but really it's just to help me sleep. I'm prescribed lithium, but I don't ever take it.
>>29445652
And just to be clear, this isn't self diagnosis, this was worked out by psychiatrists.
>>29445651
Legit just fuckin end yourself you self absorbed fag
>>29445599
I'm being serious. We didn't have all these stupid disorders in the 70s and 80s.
Now everyone seems to think they need a pill for everything.
>>29445671
Except we did, and they used more and stronger pills back then than they ever would today. If you're trolling, you're doing a really bad job, because you just look like a generic idiot.
>>29445667
>>29445671
I am required to accompany this image with text
>>29445498
People who haven't experienced what we have can't really understand it and its just a made up bullshit for them like
>>29445618
>>29445667
Its sad that science hasnt developed well enough to understand why our brains are malfunctioning
Bipolar II reporting. Been hypomanic 3-4 times in my life. It's like instantly being transformed into Chad Thundercock overnight and then you fucking lose it and start thinking about killing yourself when you flip back over to depression. Right after the flip is worst for me, then it generally gets slowly better but I still spend years at a time in horrible deep depression. There are definitely major downsides to hypomania and I generally end up almost dying from a stupid impulse or I end up doing things that shame the fuck out of me in retrospect once I come back to my senses.
The psychomotor retardation from the depression is horrible. I become almost catatonic at my worst. I've spent weeks in bed barely moving and at times I can struggle to form simple sentences (although my social anxiety probably has something to do with that too).
I'm jealous of people who are on the manic/hypomanic side of things more often. It seems like it would at least be a life, even if you do dumb, psychotic shit.
>>29445697
Never heard of these things back then. But they also kept the real loonies locked up as they should be.
>>29445671
I agree with you man
Everyone suddenly needs to be pumped full of meds and shit.
Its fuckin dumb, my mother used to work as a psychiatric nurse, she said that most of the people who came in there were not mentally ill, and they were using up time that could be spent trying to help people who actually need it.
>>29445671
if the pill helps them, why not?
and bipolar was around long before the 70's, they just called it manic depression. It was first described in medical documents in the 1850's
>>29443626
manic depressive is a bitch too
>>29445737
>It's like instantly being transformed into Chad Thundercock overnight
I've gotten that so hard sometimes. I felt amazing, everything flowed easily, I was able to make rooms full of people laugh casually, and everything is just so easy. Then everything crashed down, and I realized that night that I couldn't leave the next day like I was planning to, because if I had I probably would've tried to kill myself.
>>29445671
You'll meet someone having a manic episode one day and then you'll know how ignorant you sound right now.
>>29445752
Want to know how I can tell you know absolutely nothing about the history of psychiatry?
>>29445793
I have a relative that supposedly has bipolar, but I never see it in him. I think he's just putting on an act for whatever reason. He acts perfectly normal when he's with me, but family insists he has something wrong.
>>29445805
I dont really care, and no i dont im just saying that most of the fags that walk into the clinic are self diagnosed, self obsessed cunts.
>>29445842
Maybe he's on fucking meds?
>>29445845
Nice save.
>>29445805
Actually, that's completely true in modern day society. Some people need it, many don't. Many are placed on drugs that have powerful side effects and can cause withdrawal symptoms. Sometimes more drugs are prescribed to treat the side effects. If they don't work, more drugs are added. It's not the answer for many of the people who don't have a serious genetic mental illness and just need to learn some coping skills.
>>29445842
You can still act pretty normal while depressed. That's one half of the disorder, you're not always bouncing off the walls.
>mfw when the people who say depression is a meme get depression
>>29445889
My point was about how he said "suddenly". Psychiatry has always thrown huge amounts of meds at everyone who walks through the door. Over prescription is way too complicated to debate on 4chan, I don't know enough about the statistics to make an actual point, and honestly I really doubt you do either. You're basically speaking out of your ass in defense of a position you've chosen to take, which is fine, but don't pretend you're informed enough for it to be worth anyone else's time.
>>29445949
>tfw a perfectly reasonable posts shuts down a troll and kills one of the only good threads on the board right now
I won't let this die that easily
>>29446548
>tfw my posts always end threads because I yell at someone, and no one else wants to post afterwards
Apparently I'm that much of a threadkiller
>this thread
I think I may have been misdiagnosed tbqh. My manic episodes involve absolute reckless disregard for my own well being (drinking excessively, shooting up heroin with strangers, getting overly confident with women to the point of narcissistic, etc) but never these overly dramatic episodes of completely irrational behavior you niggas are describing. I always have to rationalize it to myself, convince myself that even if I die tonight then I'll still have lived more than if I had stayed an introverted depressed fag.
I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder but to complain about it and say "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HARD IT IS! :((((" is the bitchiest, most pathetic thing you can do.
Man up and live with it, share your feels, but don't bitch about how hard you have it compared to others.
Have some self respect you fucking pussy.
t. suicidal robot riding out a long depressive episode.
>>29446899
The things you're describing are probably enough to get a diagnosis. Also, I do pretty much the same shit. I've been to the psych ward three times for suicidality and detox, and honestly I don't really regret going. I now have life experiences most other people never will.
>>29446639
nah m8 the thread just ran its course. everyone on the board right now who has bipolar has posted about their illness or doesn't want to with the exception of this guy >>29446899
mania comes in different flavors, it's not as extreme for some people. that's what bipolar type 2 is for.
>>29446940
>tfw type 2 and no one thinks I actually have bipolar disorder because it isn't type 1
>>29446978
I believe you anon.
originalblox
