What keeps you going, /r9k/?
The last blue pilled concept I cling to: Hope.
>hope for what
Still trying to figure that one out.
>>29426906
This desu and laziness.
Stagnation.
There is no real reason to live, but there is no reason to kill myself either.
I'm neither happy nor depressed, I don't care/feel anymore.
>>29426926
Sadness is not the defining characteristic of depression. Apathy is. You are depressed.
Unironically, chinese cartoons
>>29426926
Me too. I'm just waiting for either a jackpot moment or the shit to hit the fan.
mac n cheese
mein negger
My instinctual will to live.
I honestly don't know. I'm just here
>>29426946
relatableuguhh~[/spoiler)
>>29426906
hey if i can help provide a little more hope: i was 100% a robot 4 years ago and now i'm in deep mutual love with both of my girlfriends, who are also in love with each other. all i had to do was stop lying to myself and embrace being a degenerate tranny with weird interests and mad autism.
it turns out there's enough people out there that you'll find someone who loves you for exactly what you are sooner or later, but there's no one who can love the walls you put up around your heart
>>29427040
>both of my girlfriends
nigga what? i can't even get one let alone two.
>>29427061
>and embrace being a tranny
His girlfriends have penises
>>29426887
I'm just waiting for a terminal disease so I get fake sympathy from the people around me and then die.
It's the most I dare ask for.
>>29426887
I believe something amazing will happen
>>29427128
Why do I laugh and relate to that kind of talk. It's the same as that deaf mute thing from the catcher in the rye.
why are we so self-destructive ?
>>29427061
He's a tranny, they can pull that shit.
I for one thrive on self hatred and the desire to consume. I spend all my neetbux on food. I had about a hundred a few days ago, spent it all on things I thought would last me then just started blowing on fast food.
Today I blew my last twenty on a hamburger, fries, and shake. I can cram a ridiculous amount of food if I go to burger king and just stack shit from the value menu(its worth it over mcds since they literally smell like garbage to me).
As for self-hatred, I came out of therapy today convinced I need to get used to the sting of failure to be a real writer.
So I started writing the Legend of Chunni mage, its fucking awful. I spent like eight pages just having the guy get teleported and his appearance. Then I look at something decent and I just get baffled.
I have imagination, its just not making it on the page. The hatred burns.
>>29427126
i do but neither of them has a dick. well. they do, but they're silicone
>>29427164
>why are we so self-destructive ?
When you see your life burning around you suddenly you might find yourself laughing at how it burns. Your only joy is seeing everything finally get destroyed, your only release a horrible ending.
I remember one canada anon wishing for the assisted dying so he could have a 'cadillac' of deaths. To some of us death isn't just an ending, its an accomplishment that makes our lives worthwhile because its an end to the suffering.
>>29427164
we're shitty beings, we were made that way
Doesn't mean I don't want to experience being "popular", so i'll take what I can get
Standards are for the privileged
>>29427242
That makes no sense. That would validate why my friend killed himself around 1 year ago. Why would anyone want to end it when it's all we have right now ? True this might just be a passing thing and the soul is eternal etc etc. But everyone knows about philosophy and all the bullshit that say that there is a reason thus, that we have to be here and suffer.
>>29427310
How do you motivate yourself to accomodate others to see you as "popular" ? I think I could be popular if I wanted and went through all the trouble but it ain't worth it in the end, it's just play-doh.
>>29427365
>How do you motivate yourself to accomodate others to see you as "popular" ?
I don't, that's why I'm waiting for that disease to come. It's the most cost effective method of becoming popular that even a shmuck like me can achieve.
Otherwise I'd be dying alone and that doesn't sound like fun at all, I can stand living alone but not dying alone.
>>29426887
I honestly don't know at all, but I think it's what this guy said >>29426906
But I don't think I'll live that long, I have this feeling that I'm going to die soon
>>29427442
Everyone dies alone though, that's the point. It seems to me the very point of every existence. I'm eager to die myself, but I won't force it, it'll come.
I'm just sad that all this waiting is a bit shit for now.
>Why would anyone want to end it when it's all we have right now ? True this might just be a passing thing and the soul is eternal etc etc. But everyone knows about philosophy and all the bullshit that say that there is a reason thus, that we have to be here and suffer.
That sounds more like a 'you' thing. I don't know many who think like that, even among christians.
>that would validate suicide
you don't need to validate shit. Death sucks in any form for most people because they are healthy at the very least, but if you are suffering, and I mean like your life is just agony all the time, it wears you down. I've read plenty of stories of people who hung on for years getting treatment just because they didn't want to believe suicide was the answer, that they could get better. Society in general agrees, but that doesn't mean that people can't make that choice even if its only them.
>I'm just sad that all this waiting is a bit shit for now.
damn that killed my mood
It's a pain to live, but also a pain to die. I inconvenience people by being alive, and I'll inconvenience them in death as well.
I don't really care at this point. Nothing really matters.
I'm just in this state of perpetual limbo where I'm unable to go up or down, left or right.
I do have a couple friends, but I feel like I inconvenience them the most. They have to put up with me. Even though they say they don't mind the breakdowns, the laziness, the unwillingness, I know it bothers them.
I think it's time for me to disappear once again from the lives of people I thought would pull me up and set me on my feet.
>>29426945
why do they say depressed people kill themselves then?
>>29427762
Because they're indifferent to life, so they think death will grant them access to something greater.
I can't die before the one piece manga is finished.
>>29427551
> I'm eager to die myself, but I won't force it, it'll come.
How would you like to go out?
>Everyone dies alone
I supposed that's true but I hope that at least then we'd be too preoccupied with dying to worry about the loneliness and to be honest I'm scared of dying but the idea of people actually caring about me is too alluring.
Yeah waiting is shit, when there's nothing to preoccupy yourself with. Especially when you see others having fun with things you'll never understand the appeal of.
I want to see how the movie ends.
so far, this part of the film is really shitty.
>>29426887
anime
videogames
the tiny seed of hope that one day i will find a way to work from home and be able to support myself with out having to suffer that horrible normie infested place called "outside" for 8 hours a day
I don't know.
Probably just like this anon >>29426906
>>29426887
I don't really know, but I know I can't die before seeing the Kaiju cinematic universe and that King Kong vs Godzilla movie
>>29427868
> How would you like to go out?
I'd like something where it's painful enough that you see you go but are aware of it. Not some drug that blinds you to what is going on. I want to live death. I guess in ancient times I would have like to die by the blade. Now, I don't know, there isn't even a death that wouldn't be shameful by today's standards. Also I don't want to hang since that's too sudden and I guess you don't appreciate the suffering, you're just struggling until the end. I don't know.
>>29427720
> damn that killed my mood
sorry. That's the kind of thing I say and why I don't have any close friend. People are friend with me until I say this kind of bullshit.
>>29426887
I honestly don't know. Fucking with people, drinking enormous amounts, and being a belligerent shithead is all I keep doing now. I feel nothing but hate and rage in this endless abyss, sludge seeping flowing through my veins and every sinew. Everything is so numb but the things that get me excited make the average person recoil. I want to die, but I am not suicidal. Very few people are going to understand this. I have so much rage that it burns a hole in the core of my mind everyday and I want it to stop, but I revel in it like an animal in filth. I feel the waves of numbing sensations across my skin, but the surges of hate surge through my blood. It feels so unreal that it overwhelms my mind.
>>29426887
I still love my family and if I killed myself they would never recover.
>>29427762
Apparently planning a suicide gives them a newfound sense of purpose and they cling to that sense of purpose. Sudden elevated mood in a depressed person is a warning sign for a planned suicide.
>>29428133
That's funny, because they don't love you
I don't want to kill myself, but i want to just die peacefully in my sleep one night. What does that make m?
>>29428153
Wow you're right anon thanks for showing me the light with this insightful post, now I can finally off myself.
>>29426983
>Tfw Psychology major
>Tfw the magic is gone
>Tfw it is all biological
I cannot express how much I agree with you.
I want my country to be invaded so I can join partisan forces and die an honourable death. I've been working out for years just to do that. I have no friends, but I have a waifu and country to fight for.
![aesthetic_zyzz[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/VSu2fJV.jpg "aesthetic_zyzz[1].jpg")
To hopefully one day look close to this,and get married to a beautiful Asian women
>>29426887
Because the age of heroes is coming again. Don't you want to be a part of the next great epoch of mankind?
>>29426887
my parents and some close friends, if not for them I would have ended it a while ago
>>29426887
Sadly it's my contempt for normalcy these days. That and I have pretty much no obligations at all. I've had a job before but not right now.
I'm going to move out soon, (but locally), and do something else. As long as I maintain a job I can pretty much do whatever I want for the rest of my life. But it comes at the price of being this attitudinally fucked at 26 and being a virgin who's never had a gf a day in his life.
But at least I realize that I'm luckier than a whole lot of people.
mainly naive hope
>for girls
>for adrenaline
>for money in my steam wallet to appear because of a calculation error
>>29426906
Don't make that mistake. You can find something better within yourself than hope. If you're even the least bit like me, (and why wouldn't you be we're both on this fuckin board) I can pretty much assure you hope is only going to hurt you and even potentially stop you from actually doing things. You shouldn't keep holding on to hopeful concepts in my opinion, you should find another way to keep going.
But if it gets you through and you really think that's good enough, I wouldn't stop you.
>>29426887
The fear that keeps me from pulling the trigger. I long for the day when it doesn't stop me.
>>29427804
>so they think death will grant them access to something greater
Says who you delusional weirdo. Are you simple? There's no way you can know on a case to case basis and some people just want to disappear into nothingness.
>>29427173
Keep at it anon. I expect to see your work at my local bookstore soon. Don't fucking fail me cunt, i'll be waiting
>>29428494
I want to be the next baron von sternberg and be blessed by the dhalai llama and conquer mongolia
>>29426887
The day I can die with a smile.
I used to have actual dreams and hopes when I was younger but as time wore they all died as my life worsened. Now i just wanna die with a smile some day.
That is all I literally want. Just to die with a goddamn smile. that is all I am asking for now i been reduced to little. Chances are though I am not even gonna get that if my previous experiences are anything to go by.
So now i guess its just I wanna be left alone because only when I am alone do I feel oddly happy and relieved.
>>29428613
Depends on what your alternative is.
The dream of owning my own business and making it successful.
>>29428720
Sure, why the fuck not? You think all the heroes from history were supernatural? They just had balls and took a chance.
>>29426887
You know anon I'm not even sure if anything does anymore just existing day by day waiting to die
>>29427840
Prepared to live eternal huh?
The reason i hang on is out of spite. I'll struggle for as long as i want and fuck what anyone says. I'll cycle against that cunt of a headwind because fuck it i still gotta get to the destination and i want to be stronger. I want to move and rage and hate and love. I want to know the feeling of sitting in a coffee store talking to the barista during a slump. Fuck the struggle, i'll live and then my final wish for death is to be put under a sapling so i can have some final gift to this fucked up world. Never settle for anything less anon, robots. Because if you settle your not doing what you want to do.
>>29426887
Cyborg here
My curse and my blessing is that I don't have an ex girlfriend living in my current city. Otherwise I'd have developed some kind of pathology by now.
As everything's going out of control, what keeps me going is some weird kind of hope I get when I smoke while looking at some ugly buildings. In the sense that: "I'm not the first nor the last".
I was feeling like starting my own thread, but honestly... energy's running out and I want to have enough to kindle that last cigar, as I drink a rusty nail and observe that rising sun over niigata bridge one last time.
>tfw virgin gf
>tfw she's legitimately upset i'm not a virgin
Feels bad man, a succubus stole my virginity, the fucking slut. Sorry M.
The fact that I know that there is more to this world than what the media bombards us with everyday, and the fact that there's good out there.
>>29426906
I-i actually think that the singularity might happen in my life time... but I am probably completely wrong, but the change that has ocurred in my lifetime is suspicious
>>29426887
I'm barely going at all, the only reason I'm in Uni is because of my mom, the only reason I haven't killed myself is the thought of her, my dad and my brother finding my dead body.
I don't know what to do about my constant lack of motivation, my fatigue and my complete and utter apathy toward myself. I want to make myself better but I never feel compelled to.
>>29426887
I turned 18 like a week ago, so I can lie to myself and pretend I'll change and not end up as a 30 year old kissless virgin.
>>29428855
Also, those little funny moments that make you start smiling in the middle of a crowd
I've been abused by my family, peers, society for my entire life. I'm broken, they ruined me, I'm friendless, incapable of love and cynical.
But some reason god, chance, whatever put music inside my head, music that just flows out. Instead of people laughing at me I can get cheers and claps... and I don't know, I've seen them become enamored by me when I play, but I'm still so distrustful, I feel almost scared because I'm around these people but they call me a prodigy etc
My reason for living was to make music, I have no gf, no friends, live away from my family, I work then make music all day, if I'm not making music I start to remember and the anger comes out
I'm suffering but I need to for this
>>29426887
i don't know op i wish i had the answer but i simply dont know i guess im still looking for my purpose but someday i hope to find it
>>29428955
would you mine sharing some of that music
>>29428775
Do it you fuck. Think it out, how many employees will you have? What colour will the walls be? What is your business model and why does it. Matter? What is your demographic? What is your product and how will you deliver it? Where do you want your business? What tax measures will you take? Will you do the paperwork or will you hire an accountant? Will you have time outside work to recuperate your energy for more days and weeks and years of toil, sweat and tears? Make it real anon, make it so fucking real that your business is no longer a fad or a dream. DO IT FAGGOT, DO IT WORM, BECOME YOUR DREAM DICKWAD. We'll be waiting for you to post about your successes, your posts are pending in the good feels threads. Rise gentle anon, rise
>>29429020
https://soundcloud.com/etotheipi
I'm running out of steam tbhfamalam
NEET, dropout, work shitty job with low pay and no upward mobility. Failure at everything I've attempted. Worthless, and probably ugly
It's time to shuffle off this mortal coil. Wish me luck in the netherworld, r9k
I'm too cowardly to drive into the woods and kill myself via carbon monoxide poisoning in my car. I keep thinking that something will happen to turn my life around. I sure as fuck can't count on saving myself.
>>29428902
Uni isn't the be all and end all. Its just an investment and your parents only want the best for you. So do something, anything to show them your making a good investment in life.
>>29429022
I'm working on becoming a CPA right now. I want to start my own firm someday. I'm trying to convince my only friend to join with me and it will probably be the two of us at first. I don't care where we do business as long as its not where we currently live.
>>29429063
Why the fuck not man? you have the power
>>29429085
Good. You're doing it. We love you anon, make something of yourself
>>29429062
Good luck anon I'll probably be out either this fall or the next
>>29429078
I don't know what else to do, I have the people skills of a retarded deep sea clam and never had a job where I didn't work with my dad.
>>29428955
i like the one song you made leaving it behind i felt a small teardrop coming down my cheek thank you
couldnt put my mom through that and really something inside me doesn't want this to end like that, so i figure Ill just go out there and learn skills and try and fail rather than just give up and fail. If I get bored of something Ill just go learn something else. The key is to build your confidence up. That feeling of fear and despair really is a slow spiral of death. The thought patterns you develop are just shit and it gets worse the longer you don't check yourself.
I'm sure some of you have some kind of talent or skill that you could translate into something. Or you've seen jobs or activities that you thought looked interesting and wanted to try but never did. Personally, my battle in my early 20s was getting excited about something but really I should have been going out there and trying everything that I thought could benefit me in some way. Depressing thoughts never really stop but you have to find your way of moving past it.
music, art, visions of success, family and friends, lifes pointlessness.
Guys I've been talking to a girl and I messaged her today on the messenger app it says she's active and she still hasn't replied I want to kill myself, does this mean she's ignoring me?
>>29429178
Then don't work in a person centred job. Pick something that just needs your skills and knowledge or you could work on your interpersonal skills, how do you think psycho's function normally? They learn how to imitate is how they do it. Its just a skill anon. Ask your dad if he has work for you or if he has mates that would be interested in giving you a go. Expand past your comfort zone and expand your network. You gotta start somewhere anon, you're just starting from a more difficult position than others. Like starting a race from the bottom of a hill while others start halfway up. You've just got to run harder and fuck them all, fuck everyone that gives up and slows, you'll shoot past them. Be stronger than yesterday, even if the amount is infitisimally smaller than you want, be stronger
>>29429303
Ignore her back. Then go out and find a real life girl.
>>29429336
I can't shes a fembot and I really like her.. I messed something up I always fuck things up
Cocaine, the internet, and Miuna.
The belief that I can eventually make enough money to travel to the Caribbean. That and cocaine.
I'm an artfag, and as much as it sucks to be poor and lonely sometimes, I have to admit it when its not bad, its good.
Wake up whenever I want and do the one thing I actually care about anymore...
Maybe something cool will happen to me eventually and maybe not. At least its something that keeps me sticking around so that I might find out.
>>29429388
Depression is caused by living in the past, anxiety by living in the future. Learn from the past and make plans for the future
You haven't fucked up anon, its just that your feelings may be unrequited. This happens man and blaming yourself won't work. Move on my man, to greener pastures and a happier life
>>29429423
I like the skelly jelly
>>29429475
Should I still try with her then or just let her go..
Too much of a pussy to do it in a way that makes it obvious that it was a suicide. I've been trying to figure out how to have an "accident" but honestly I'm just too lazy at this point. I'm "content" to continue living as a failure until I meet my end when the rest of the world decides I should meet it.
Just waiting to get into med school. If that doesn't work out I'll just kill myself I guess.
>>29429106
Thanks bro. I just have to get rid of my shit and I'll be good to go.
>>29429056
I like it (take that with a grain of salt, I have shit taste). Thanks for sharing anon.
New Naruto episodes every Thursday
>>29426887
I got a legendary in Clash Royale so I guess I can live another day.
>>29429309
Some of the stuff you said won't work due to technicalities(my dad has no one really in the business) but I think maybe I can stay in uni, I'm still working on my undergrad, when I get into stuff actually involving my major maybe I'll change my mind on it all.
>Be stronger than yesterday, even if the amount is infitisimally smaller than you want, be stronger
I appreciate this and I want to live by it but I don't know if I trust myself to even do that.
>>29426887
Every day I get a little closer to becoming a cyborg chad, so I'm working towards that. Once I get a bit more /fit/ and start college I'm going on a pussy rampage.
It's an uphill battle but the long-term challenge of self improvement is a good distraction from the awfulness of life.
>>29429388
What did you do anon?
Maybe she'll read it
>>29429528
Just let it go. See what happens? But don't get sad if nothing happens. Just make sure you have someone to talk to bud.
>>29429650
We went out on a date.. I don't think I did anything wrong I acted like myself but maybe i was too autistic but she sperged out a little too.. I don't understand what happened she felt perfect for me
shitposting on /sp/
>>29429629
Don't trust yourself to do it. Be as consistent as you can be about it. Trust is finite, you need to make this your path and if you stray from it then check yourself, wall back onto it and then keep going ahead. You've got it in you, i just know it man.
>>29429668
>mfw She felt like my only friend and potential gf
>>29429763
Things don't always work for the best. But don't base your existence and life on a girl.
>>29429857
But she feels like The girl anon.. I'm so pathetic I know you're right but it just hurts this has happened too much
>>29429901
We love you anon. You'll will live through this pain
Well, my family and job are important to me, and I guess I don't want to be the guest of honor at a failed suicide. My life is still a howling waste of anxiety and untreatable depression, but a lot of people count on me. So I keep clumping along.
>>29429735
You're one smooth talking bastard, I really want to do it and I will, first thing tomorrow I'll run for the first time in months and I'll study a bit harder than I have been and try my best to do it a tiny bit better the next day and maybe this will all go somewhere and more stuff will be added on. but right now I guess you got me doing something, thanks anon.
>>29429723
>I read this thinking it was me
>me and my robot never even got to date
Best advice I can give, keep trying until you realise on your own that it's not going to work.
You don't need us putting ideas in your head
Might as well live and see what happens. Even still I'm sure I'll pull the trigger before I hit 40.
>>29429977
I asked her out again but she hasn't replied... Did she even see as a date?
I'll just wait a year for things to get better.
But insomnia really isn't helping tho.
>>29429922
Thank you anono
>>29426887
I want to see how The Walking Dead will end.
The will to strive for better things
>>29430110
The show or the comic or both?
I have a list of books that I think I should read before I die. Perhaps I'll find something in one of them that convinces me to live.
>>29426887
I like to think that some people care about me, even if they don't.
honestly the only thing keeping me going at this point is my dog. I still live with my mom but I got a part time job so I could feed my dog and get him toys and stuff.
I'm really lonely, will never have a bf due to being l i t e r a l l y retarded. My mom is ashamed of me. I dropped out of school and don't really have any chance at an education. My job isn't very good.
But my dog thinks I'm awesome.
Love, obligation, and guilt.
>>29426887
The fact that mandatory employment and old age will probably be abolished within my lifetime.
>>29426887
Virtual reality tbo
fear of death
I'd rather live forever and be miserable than die
>>29430381
This. Vive price drop can't come soon enough.
>>29430540
Soon, comrade... soon...WAIFU AGE IS UPON US
>>29430382
You'll just die of boredom.
If I die, my parents will get rid of my cat. Really, my cat is the only thing keeping me going at this point. When he dies, it'll probably do me in for good. Yes, I know I'm pathetic, but it's the truth.
>>29427727
I get this completely man. People can't really pull you up on your feet though. Other than maybe helping you get a job or encouraging you in whatever passion you decide on.
Try to think it through before pushing people out of your life. You may end up regretting it later. When you have low self confidence, it's easy to see yourself in a negative light even when other people aren't.
>>29431517
>People can't really pull you up on your feet though. Other than maybe pulling you up on your feet
Retard.
Hatred for the disgusting selfish fuckups in my life and the knowledge that One day ill be the one to "fix" this fucked up society
>>29431674
How's being 13 treating you?
>>29431538
What I'm saying is that if he shows initiative then maybe someone will help. That's not someone else pulling you up on your feet. It's pulling yourself up and potentially getting help staying there.
>>29429604
and then that ends
booze, tobacco, vidya and hookers.
>>29426887
It's easier to keep going than to figure out a way to stop
>>29426887
Im too much of a pussy to end it. I was thinking about buying some booze at the store, get drunk as fuck and jump from my apartment. I hope the booze give me the extra courage that I need to take the leap.
I don't know. My interests hardly bring me any joy anymore and I can't manage to stick to anything for more than a moment because nothing is exciting or stimulating.
I torture myself with the situations I put myself in hoping things will get better, but they never do. I wallow in anger, bitterness and sadness because those things are comfortable to me and I've built my personality around negative emotions. I can't manage to feel any amount of happiness or hope or pleasure from anything. I just can't, like those sorts of feelings aren't available to me and I shouldn't have them. To feel those seems disingenuous and wrong.
I have very little family and few friends and wouldn't mind not waking up the next day every time I sleep. The only thing that's keeping me from overdosing or eating a bullet or anything is my inherent will to live.
Honestly I just wish I'd never been born at all. I've never really enjoyed life much.
>>29426887
posting smug wojak desubakasenpai
>>29426887
Life keeps me going
I live. That is all.
>>29429952
All good my man. Have a good life
The only reason I still live today is because of my best friend. Without her in my life. I would have killed myself two days ago. She is there for me when no one else is.
>>29427160
on the same boat senpai
>>29426887
>What keeps you going
the possibility of one day finding true love
>>29428133
This.
My suicide would break my entire family since I'm the only one that is on the right path to a good life. They made shit decisions and me accomplishing my goals makes them hopeful of my success.
Without me, their lives would probably be shattered as everyone else is just a 40+ year old wagecuck.
I promised a robot friend that I wont commit sepuku
As soon as he offs himself im following
>>29426926
this
I'm also watch Sol anime shows and listen to 60s jazz records all day every day
fun
>>29429062
>NEET
>work shitty job
Do you even know what NEET means?
I received everything I wanted (a degree, a girlfriend, and am currently in Japan). Now my goal is to get a job, turn my gf into my wife, and actually live in this country.
Of course, if anything gets in the way to any of my goals, I'll probably become a recluse and give up on life.
>>29426946
the only thing
Adderal. Now I can just draw for fourteen hours a day and not give a shit about anything else and feel accomplished at all times.
>>29426887
Self-delusion and insanely detailed daydreams.
>>29433786
He probably wrote it wrong and meant to say he was a NEET
Nothing. I realized after waking up today, that absolutely nothing is keeping me going. I wasn't sure before
stubbornness.
i refuse to lay down and accept that i was born to live like this,
i struggle to do better constantly, bitterly cursing everything in my way. because ill be damned if i let life get the last laugh yet.
>>29435431
>eat pizza delivery
No, not eating delivery pizza, but eating the concept of pizza being transported through space.
That's pretty dank tbqhmffom
>>29426887
assorted delusions and the drive to fight those delusions, equally
>>29428955
Same with me Anon, I was so depressed that I was sitting in my room and crying for hours without moving/making noise for a long time until I started making music.
I like your music and your artwork is nice too.
>>29426887
I wanna marry Anri Okita one day
But that thought is too ridiculous to become reality. ..
>>29426887
I love my parents too much to commit suicide, despite how restricted my life has been thanks to them. I don't want to live, but dying seems like such a hassle, I just want to disappear and vanish from everyone's memories.
video game, the only somewhat enjoyment I get.
>Psych asks me this every time
>I don't have an answer
My mum is extremely emotional, she's sort of in a hard spot herself and the other night I was talking to her about her work and how they're fucking around, while I was walking off I heard her mutter something under her breath about killing herself. She also lost a son at birth, even now 23 years later she still cries on his birthday.
I feel like I'm reaching my breaking point though and I'm not sure that will really matter when the time comes, I haven't masturbated to completion in over two months and I'vestarted beating and whipping myself again.Lately I wind up laying in bed for an hour or two every night thinking about nothing but killing myself. I imagine a million different situations about where I'd do it, how I'd do it, what I'd leave in a note if I decided to leave one, and sometimes how I think my parents would react. If I'm not constantly distracted during the day, then I'll start thinking about killing myself almost to the point of having panic attacks.
>>29426906
>I cling to: Hope.
>>hope for what
>Still trying to figure that one out.
I'd like to point out that the notion of hope being blue-pilled is pissing me off. Seriously, stop pretending you are greater than life, life is all you can ever know or experience in your current state. Holding onto it is the only "logical" consequence, because we simnply cannot assume outside of uor reality. That is the reason I live and am not killing myself.
>>29426887
Today I was bored while in public so I browsed the area for good buildings to jump from. I found a nice one but its probably too private to get into.
>>29428214
>>Tfw the magic is gone
>>Tfw it is all bio
You are simply pessimistic, What makes you assume, that the human perception of things and the analysis of them is ever complete. Do we really understand how a mind works? I think, the more you try to describe the experience of life in terms of science, the further away from understanding it you actually get... So, you cannot really be sure if you are free or not.
Money and career. SE-Asia is going to be my last battlefield for finding GF.
>>29428214
>believing psychology classes
lol you only exist to peddle unnecessary anti depressants like candy for pharma corps
