Share your stories with DPDR
>How long have you had it?
>Cause?
5 years here
I've tried Abilify, Venlafaxine, Oxazepam, Ritalin, Lamictal. All without success.
>>29418966
How does that feel ?
Do you have hallucinations?
>>29419045
Simply put it feels like you're inside a dream, everything looks "off"
Nope no hallucinations, it isn't psychosis even though most shrinks will make you think it is so they can feed you with antipsychotics
How did you approach someone to get help? I think i have similar symptoms (report of the week actually told me about it) but i don't know how to put it into words without people thinking I'm just tired or something.
>>29419156
Does it fuck up your everyday life like work, social life etc?
>>29419277
I would recommend talking to a psychologist, write down some notes beforehand so you'll remember what to say.
>>29418966
I once had like 8 hours of sleep in 4 days. Had to stay awake, but everything kept blurring into dreams.
>>29419285
Yeah it fucked my life up. Its very difficult to concentrate and it fucks with your memory too.
>>29418966
I don't know, man. I somehow learnt to deal with it after a while. It was borderline unbearable after I cooked myself on RC-benzos. I actually have a really good (internet) friend who shares the same affliction and was able to help me through it a little. I've also have moderate to severe HPPD since 2011.
Take care senpai, few understand the struggle. Probably not even us.
>>29419419
Sleep deprivation is known to cause temporary DPDR for some people
>>29418966
IKTF, already had a few mental problems but weed and psychedelics amped up my depersonalization. feel like everything is a dream like a pov within a pov. i sometimes have episodes where it feels like the oncoming effects of an LSD trip. been dealing with this for almost 10 years.
>>29418966
Narcan, or one of it's derivatives, is actually proving to be quite promising.
I had a brief 1-2 minute DPDR episode while on a psilocybin mushroom trip. It was terrifying. Everything took on a very flat looking rotoscope appearance, and I felt like I was just a weird puppet. It felt like i was looking at myself and the scene from outside of my body. It didn't help that my friends were just sitting there silently either. I felt like I was seeing the world for the terrifyingly flat and lifeless thing it really is...luckily I snapped out of it. I will never be doing psychedelic drugs again.
Fuck, I almost wish we could actually establish a robot support group for this shit.
>>29419499
fucking this. i stopped taking psychedelics for this reason. only why to mask the effect is to be high (weed) 24/7 but sometimes getting high and having a DPDR episode gives me a bad trip.
>>29418966
Not sure if this is what I had but I was bretty fugged up for about 8 months after a shroom trip.
My thoughts were always racing, spiraling into some fringe loosely based on the previous thought, everything seemed off/weird to me, and I just saw people as over evolved apes.
There was more to it but thats was just the gist of it.
>>29419564
>I just saw people as over evolved apes.
that pretty much is the case tho
>>29419564
psychedelics bring out DPDR if youre already have a predisposition to mental illness or already are. this movie explains that feel. from what i understand theres no cure, i heard CBT works but i dont believe in that psychobabble.
Sometimes everything doesn't look still. The room looks like a flag slightly waving, or if I stare at a wall it turns to a black hole.
>>29418966
It happens sometimes when I go out in public. My social anxiety fucks off when it happens though.
>>29419615
CBT really isn't psychobabble, I practiced my own variation of it (essentially countering a negative thought with a more positive one) within my own consciousness, quite some term before I knew what it was all about.
this is how i see and feel things because of my DPDR.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWRncNMEhLw
>muh existential crisis
>>29419617
>Not realising you have mild HPPD.
>>29419583
I mean it is, but you're conditioned to it.
Imagine someone is trying to talk to you and it's like the first time you've seen something like that. The only thing going through your mind is they're a furless monkey that evolved to be self aware and communicate with others through language. You somehow take the sounds coming out of their mouth and form a thought with it.
I know i know, it sounds like a bunch of "enlightened" hippy bable, but while you're going through it it completely blows your mind and is almost terrifying
It made doing anything hell and I ended up dropping out of school because of it.
>>29419648
i heard that but it only helps to calm you down, the psychical effects ( the feeling and vision) are for life.
It's so fucking weird I was thinking about making a thread about this today to share experiences with others but didn't think there'd be many more with it.
>how long have you had it?
First time I remember it occurring was when I was about 13 or 14. It was like a veil descended over me and it's never really lifted. I only actually discovered that it was a 'thing' 2 years ago, before that I just thought... I don't know, that I was mentally unstable or something. Something non-specific.
>cause?
No idea. I've always been quite a thoughtful person and spend either a lot of time in my head or a lot of time trying to escape from it via visual stimulus/distraction.
Does anybody else with derealisation get a sense that the world around you is constructed out of 2D cardboard-cutouts? Especially when in cities, everything appears so flat. Sometimes it feels like when I walk through them I'm physically floating around, and so often I'll walk somewhere and by the time I reach my destination, I'll have very little memory of the actual journey.
Sometimes I look down at my hands and I'm like "WHOA", because it's like being inside an FPS with somebody else piloting my body, whilst I interpret my actual self as residing in a spot in the centre of my forehead. Where do you guys interpret yourself as a being? Being idk about the rest of you, but whilst I don't fear or feel anxiety about it, at the same time this body just feels like a suit I'm wearing.
Anybody else obsessed with rain as well? In a world where everything feels so flat and fake, rain is one of the few things that feels real to me. It was raining the other day and I stepped outside and just walked about in it without a coat or an umbrella, just a dress and shoes. I walked about until my hair was plastered to my scalp and shoulders and I was drenched in life. I love turning my head up to the sky, closing my eyes and letting the rain hit my face. Rain is so real.
>>29419675
>>29419564
Also I should mention my mom is schizophrenic and I think a few of the family members on her side have had nervous breakdowns, that probably had something to do with it.
I smoked a joint once and became so disconnected I thought I was in a nightmare so I cut my arm with a knife to wake myself up. It was reality though. I wandered out my house at 3am, covered in blood with my brain absolutely fried. Ive never felt such abject terror in my whole life. Its a good job nobody saw me that night or I wouldve been hospitalized.
DPDR visualised
Can we look at depersonalization as a proof that free will dosent exists
>>29419652
Damn this is actually quite accurate.
Derealistion is weird because it's like you're viewing everything in HD whilst it simultaneously exists in a fog.
>>29419675
So you're constantly tripping balls in other words? There's not much one can do on this ride other than observe, but hey, there's always an escape button if things are boiling over... Or is there?
I have been awake for a whole day now and some very unusual things are happening to me I feel like everything around me is falling apart i think i am having a mental breakdown or something and really i am quite scared about what is going to happen i don;t even know how to explain this essentially i feel like i am going insane
>>29419785
your description is spot on, how i feel. it feels like an HD POV inside of a POV but with foggyness and mild confusion.
>>29419766
>>29419702
>sometimes I look down at my hands and I'm like "WHOA", because it's like being inside an FPS with somebody else piloting my body, whilst I interpret my actual self as residing in a spot in the centre of my forehead. Where do you guys interpret yourself as a being? Being idk about the rest of you, but whilst I don't fear or feel anxiety about it, at the same time this body just feels like a suit I'm wearing.
Goddamn..... damn.....
>>29419788
No, it's not really like that. You're not really 'visually hallucinating' in a sense, everything you're seeing is still something that physically exists within your reality, it's just it looks flat, fake, somehow, highly detailed and yet somehow blurry at the same time.
hmm strange I guess I've never experienced depersonlization unless it's been a side effect from weed or from tripping
>>29419156
desu this sounds pleasant
my friend who struggled with depersonalization said he didn't 'feel' as much
as someone with intense anxiety and panic attacks and self consciousness, i wouldn't mind depersonalization
>>29419788
>always tripping balls
For lack of a better term, yes. It kind of made me open my eyes to a lot of things in the world because it lasted for about 8 months. Although it was also utterly terrifying at the time though. My mind was just racing 24/7 with constant anxiety.
>escape button
Not sure if it's what you're referring to but yes, I almost killed myself at one point during it.
>>29419794
Go to bed ya dingus
For fellow derealisation sufferers, do you agree or not that the visual interference is akin to that of the dolly zoom? Video related.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-Ub8fUejYQ
>>29419921
Agreed this is pretty accurate
>>29419156
I don't have this shit and everything always looks off to me
After a little while thinking about this I thought I'd try and explain how I felt to a close friend. It turns out that this is next to impossible to explain, and the words coming out of your mouth do not do it justice.
I guess the biggest thing for me is that I feel like my arms aren't mine, like I'm just a floating head. I can still feel pain in them and use them normally but I feel extremely detached from them.It's like everything around you is pictures or videos, and you can't build a proper connection with them.
The best way I can say it for people to understand is like when you're reading a book and suddenly you realise that you read a whole paragraph without any of it sinking in. Like your brain decided to do other stuff. Well it's like that but for everything.
>>29420131
Oh I just want to make it clear that I'm talking about depersonalisation here.
>>29419838
I wasn't suggesting the visuals. I was referring to the fact that on psychedelic influence a person tends to overanalyze their surrounding reality... Which sometimes leads to panic, frustration and worry. If one can't overcome those realizations, however accurate they might or might not be... then that's on them, I suppose.
>>29420131
i identify so much with this especially with the memory thing
>>29419156
>Simply put it feels like you're inside a dream, everything looks "off"
>tfw I might've had Depersonalization my entire life
fml, will the ride ever end?
>>29418966
>How long have you had it?
On and off at first, then at around 20 it became permanent. I've had it for around four and a half years now.
i thought i was the only one who had this
>>29418966
Holy shit. I didn't even know this was a thing. I thought that my memory and thinking was getting fuzzy as I got older, and that it happened to everyone.
I got DP as I was 14/15, now I am 21. I am male.
I know the most details about that day. It was a sunny day, I walked towards my home, coming from school. I don't know why, but I felt sick, as if you are one minute before getting fever. Went to the living room, lied on the couch lying on my left shoulder, looking at the window, closing my eyes and falling asleep. After I woke up 2 hours later I was flashed because of my senses which felt numb. I thought it is because I really have feaver, so I didn't care that much, but I could not shake them off, they were just not familiar - a fever does not feel like that. After two days I realized that this is some other type of illness. Two years went pass, I did my research, it was DP. Went to the psyc, got Risperidon (very bad stuff, zombiedrug), Zeldox(temporary boost of your mood, nothing special) and some other meds, but nothing worked. Year after year it become worse till the "Max point" - I call that the maximum DP feeling.
Every sense is numb, your vision is like looking through an milky glass, your hearing is weird. I kinda lost my self to it. The fact that there is no real cure did make it even worse. But having DP has also his advantages: being nearly stress immune for example. Being an observator rather than somebody who is linked by his feelings.
Having a girlfriend since 3 weeks (know her since 4 years, she is like my other half). She is very helpful. Touching, kissing, staring into her eyes - intense moments - sometimes, for a brief second when I am with my gf, looking at the stars or cuddling in silence while listening to the sounds of the street, I feel like the perma DP is getting weaker -> with that I get a strong goose bump, take a deep breath and it wents to it's normal state.
If you have any other questions, go on. Sorry for my english / missing vocabulary.
>>29421061
Yeah I felt that way for 6 years. Since I was 12. Only I got it from smoking weed.
Don't give up bro. I'm 21 now and I've been feeling normal for the past 3 years now. My feelings are back and everything is real again.
I can't help you with how I got rid of it, all I can tell you is that one day I got literally a moment of clarity, the next day again and I started focusing real hard on those moments not to get away. After a year of this it lasted for 20 minutes and the day after that I woke up completely normal.
I don't know why.
But I can tell you not to give up bro. I've also had the same gf for the past 7 years now and I can't describe how good it feels to be able to say "I love you" and actually feel it.
>>29421248
Thanks for your words. There is one weird thing. I smoked 6-7 times weed and for the time where I was stoned the symptomes were not there. I struggled not to get addicted to weed because of that. There was the downside that in the aftermath it made it worse than before.
I pray for you and your health.
My life is shitty (and maybe that's why I developed symptoms in the first place, as a psychological defense mechanism against an uncomfortable reality) so I don't really mind my depersonalization.
Weed exacerbates it GREATLY, which is why I enjoy the drug so much as it completely takes me out of my own skin.
>everything is XBOX HUEG. I can look down at my layers of covers and they look like the many tiered layers of a fucking canyon that sharply slant down to deep, deep ass fucking ravines
>whose hands are these? Looking at my arms looks like I'm looking at the appendages of some strange, otherworldly creature. It doesn't feel like I control them, either
>whose room is this? This isn't my room. How did I get here? I feel like a LITERAL fucking alien in some sort of housing habitat in my own room.
>you never know what is going to happen. I feel like the boogie man or a tentacle monster could jump out of my closet or under my bed because THIS WORLD IS DIFFERENT-it feels like I've slipped into an alien dimension
I'll probably develop permanent, debilitating DP with my weed usage but I honestly can't bring myself to do anything else.
>>29418966
You ever have a brain injury? Ive had these derealization and dajavu episodes episudes for years and I found out these were seizures. They started after a concussion.
>>29423117
Are you having one now?
>>29419675
What a beautifully worded post. I wish I could write like this. You described the feeling perfectly.
>>29419670
fuck this is exactly what it is, thank you
I'm not sure if I have it, but everything has seemed really off for a while now. It may have been because I smoked weed for a year straight last year or because I watch too much TV, but everything is different. I can't stop spacing out and when people talk to me I have no idea what they're saying more than half the time. I feel like a damn alien from another planet, or that I'm stuck in a nightmare I can't wake up from. The worst part is knowing that my perception of reality is off and trusting anything around me as the "truth" or "real" is damn near impossible. It's really been driving me insane lately, especially since my memory is completely fucked.
I've been drinking to cope but it is getting out of hand nowadays so I'm quitting for a bit.
Is there medication that helps with this? I've already had a couple mental breakdowns, I can't take this anymore
I think used to get it a lot as a kid and now whenever I have no responsibilities to take up my time (e.g. school or university)
If I have too much free time and my sleep schedule is messed up it feels like there isn't any difference between the things I experience during my day-to-day life and my dreams. I get this feeling like I'm just watching stuff happen through my eyes and I'm not really in control of any of it. Maybe that's why I don't have any goals in life.
Is that what derealization is?
Why would you take drugs for it? I can't imagine them making anything better
Honestly, it feels more real than whats percieved as feeling normal.
nothings real, were all already dead. :^]
I have had mini episodes of depersonalization since i was 6 or so. i thought it was like some kind of daydreaming but in reality it scared me, the weird third person sensation or the bizarre sort of disgust and hyperfocus on the physicality of being in a meat suit or not feeling like i was in control of my body. its scariest when driving. thankfully mine only last a few seconds to a min or two i suppose i could be having longer episodes and not realizing it but i doubt it.
i cant imagine getting things done if this were a more common occurrence for me.
I've considered some, but not all of my actions are not mine. Sometimes I will do something and I will stop and think, "That was not me who just did that."
I see a therapist for MDD and Anxiety, but haven't brought it up to him.
>things used to matter
>realize things don't matter
>become depersonalized
>can't understand why they think things don't matter
this is the optimal state because you can now do anything and not give a shit about it. this is what schizoids also feel like 24/7
>>29418966
Do you guys ever feel like "you" whatever you are, is like a good metre away from your face? I try to explain this feel and nobody ever gets it.
Not diagnosed with anything, waiting on a neurologist appointment that's coming in a few weeks.
>>29426740
like "you" are removed from where you sense your body to be? then yes.
>>29418966
I developed a panic disorder over the last six months and ever since then ive just been having episodes of derealization and short term memory loss. My minds all fucked up now I cant go a day without fearing the possibility of a panic attack.
>>29426794
Yeah but it feels like a really solid, define able distance for some reason.
>>29426897
the distance feel solid as in tangible or solid as in fixed?
>>29426962
Tangible, like right now I'm SURE I am 1 inch behind my face.
>>29419876
had it happen to me like 2 times in my life, was not that enjoyable of an experience
cant imagine what it'd be like to feel that all the time
had dp for 6-7 years, but honestly it's been so long i'm not sure if i even have it anymore, i've forgotten what life used to feel like tbhwy
>>29418966
Had it a couple times when i was in middle school.Usually when iwas really tired.
had it on and of after smoking weed about 6 years ago.
didnt smoke for 4 years because of that. Smoked again Feb of 2015. and it came back for what i thought was a couple months. It seemed to be gone by the time summer rolled around. Then came back full force around November.
After awhile im not even sure if its there. It comes in and out in certain situations day to day. Depression and stress really amplify it (as they do with most things).
I can say its gone again for the most part, BUT after the dust as settled from all these separate events over the past 7 years. One thing seems for sure. A piece of my emotion was chipped away every time it happened. I dont really have the derealization anymore but i feel emotionless. I still laugh here and there, but something is definitely missing that used to be there. It could just be me growing up though, but i refuse to believe its that.
>>29427477
I feel you
5 years into it, I'm not sure I even have it anymore or if life just always felt like this
>>29419921
oh thats what it is? I always thought I was just haveing acid flashbacks or someshit
yea i get that randomly, lasts about a minute or 2, amusing but it doesnt stay around luckily because that would be annoying
