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>be complete shut in
>dont have any firends
>estranged with family
>spend most of time recording and listening to music
>decide to be brave and go to ambient concert at some cemetery
>while in line see strange girl in this cheap thrift store dress
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9-NOIalUYU
>song related
>get immediately scared of her and look away
>find some secluded area in cemetery to sit down away from all the hipsters
>place gets surprisingly really crowded
>look up and in the wave of all people i see her
>maybe this means something
>get closer to her and sit down here
>ask her for a light and initiate small talk
>we start talking about the mighty boosh and how experiencing things alone are bit more unique
>shes a loner
>moved from a different area and doesn't have any friends either
>shes a drifter
>eventually i start to sperg out bc this is too good to be true
>start sounding pretentious and boring
>cant help it what is wrong is with me
>she then becomes less enthustiastic with me and moves a bit more farther
>devasted
>after set she gets up and goes somewhere
>im all alone now again with the swarm of faceless hipsters
>after the show while walking with the entire crowd i then see her right next to me
>maybe she changed her mind
>we talk about the show or at least i mean i did
>stupid
>i say how im going to some party with a bunch of people i don't know
>she says has fun
>"y-you too"
>realize how autistic that sounded so i make it worse
>"have fun with whatever else you're doing i mean"
>im pretty sure i said it condescending
>i then see we're gonna take different walking paths
>"well i guess i'll c'ya"
>she ignores me and instantly walks away

What is wrong with me? Why am I such an obnoxious pretentious twat. Why can't I just completely give up on trying and find peace in solitude.