Deep down who I am is a very apathetic and quiet person. I have to pretend like I'm not and force myself to socialize with people day by day.
If I completely gave up and embraced the real me who's depressed and disinterested with the rest of the world what will happen?
litte info about me
>5'10 210lbs
>Mexican descent
>>29395650
Would fuck Kimber James?
>>29395650
You end up alone, people will forget about you, you realize that even though you socialized they never really cared about you
>>29395650
What would happen? You would start fapping to traps with feminine penis if you don't already, then after that you would make a profile on Grindr and become some bears fuck toy
>>29395650
You would crave feminine cock and boipucci
>>29395699
nice dubs
and yea i kinda figured this out already. even when i'm with people i still feel overwhelmingly alone.
Is there peace in this though, anon?
>>29395691
Why are you shilling this name everywhere on this board?
>>29395650
>If I completely gave up and embraced the real me who's depressed and disinterested with the rest of the world what will happen?
You would descend even deeper into depression, that's all. Your ability to force yourself to do stuff is keeping you afloat.
>>29395712
>tfw so disillusioned by women it turns me gay
>tfw have bear body and couldn't be a femtrap like I want to be even if I tried
>tfw even old men pass you up and only ugly beta nerds in their 20s msg you
I want off this ride
>>29395758
But it's pointless. No matter how many times I go out there and try to live I'm just faking it and not ever finding anything but just humiliation and alienation
>>29395745
If you can handle the loneliness and the inevitable depression you can find peace in solitude
>>29395650
>>29395745
I used to be like you and actually did the switch because socializing drained me so much. It really isn't bad at all, if you're really apathetic and don't care about being lonely like you said. Also, since you're some big mexican people will be more likely to think you're just depressed for avoiding people compared to a lanky white guy or something who people will just think is some fucking weirdo
>>29395865
If you become more depressed you may find it a struggle to eat or get out of bed instead of socializing. Basically trading your bad problems for worse problems.
Ex shut-in here.
Becoming a hikikomori is comfortable and akin to some kind of peace. Obviously it's bad for the soul and for your personal development, but it may be the only option for some people.
You'll probably wake up five years later like out of a sleep; realizing that nothing has happened except that you aged five years. I had massive anxiety attacks once I did.
Getting back into life didn't feel as climatic as I thought it would. Everyone had given up on me and didn't support me like they did when I was just turning 20. Sometimes I think of my hiatus as me just waiting until I was old enough. I hated teenagers and young adults and I hated being one.
>>29395650
Thank you for wording something which I couldn't do myself. I am in the same situation.
Every day I'm leaving to work in an internship and pretending to be normal and talking to people (working as a nurse). I hate myself and I wouldn't mind dying in my sleep. Thinking about having to live makes me anxious and I get a strong feeling of despair. I do not know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I am in a status quo which seems to last indefinitely, forever. There is nothing in life that I would look forward to, I could have anything, but I don't want any of it.
I have thought about stopping to force myself, but since I will not die, it will only make things worse.
>>29396356
>realizing that nothing has happened except that you aged five years. I had massive anxiety attacks once I did.
I know that feeling, very well. Did you also feel immense regret, but which eventually faded once you realized that you can't and won't fix anything?
>>29396003
>you may find it a struggle to eat or get out of bed
Not OP but I already struggle with this. It's just that I don't want my family to think somethings wrong with me. Otherwise I would probably eat once every 3 or 4 days and barely leave my bed.
>>29396499
I did feel regret. A lot of it. I couldn't sleep at night because I perpetually wanted to punch things.
It all faded after a few months as I learned to suppress my emotions again. I actually want those feelings back since they gave me knowledge into what I wanted to do.
My life since then have all been about trying to remember what I felt I needed to do and doing those things. Even though I don't "feel" like doing them anymore because of suppressed emotions.
It's all over guys. This is it. There is no one to blame. We were the zebras, antelope, baby elephants that were ripped open and eaten by the lions in this life.
Death is our only hope.
>>29396356
>Obviously it's bad for your personal development
>nothing has happened except that you aged five years
But that only happens if you let it happen. It's very easy to self teach with the internet.
>>29396695
Good luck with that. Only a minority of people can work or study from home. And if you can you're not even a depressed NEET anymore.
>>29396841
I've been an autodidact since day one so my three years of hikki were the best time of my life.
>>29396629
You can't. Your body will detoriate and you will start to suffer. You won't die, since your family will take drastic measures and you'll be force fed. All those things will only make it worse and the path of least resistance and pain is to eat.
>>29396661
None of us are fortunate enough to die a painless and unresonsible death.
