I won't judge you. Tell me your about your pain, regret, shame, frustration let me have it.
>>29393388
I wish I could have a girlfriend. Unfortunately, I was born in a very insular era and area. It's rural, so there's barely any places for a soon to be 19 year old to 'go out and be himself'. It sucks pretty badly since I'm susceptible to falling into pits of depression and depravity every now and then. These ups and downs are painful, and I feel like it's only going to get worse and worse from here on out... Fuckin' hell, man...
>>29393388
Nice dubs.
I have the growing conviction that it'd solve all my problems if I violently beat people that do me wrong.
I began weight loss and strength training to improve my career prospects, but I'm totally enamoured with my swelling arms and more defined frame, and thoughts of turning it to use violently hurting people that threaten me.
>>29393388
i dont have the ambition required to fulfill my parents expectations of me. cant help but feel like im a massive burden on them and whenever I try to find some kind of enjoyment in life through things like videogames im disappointing them. I want to isolate myself from my family and move somewhere else so I dont have to deal with this but I dont have the money to do that
>>29393388
I'm suicidal filled, but pregnant, so everyone (read: paid people) says I can't kill myself.
My ex is a somatic covert narcissist, and he constantly debases me.
This chick who's aspie, a mom, and an abuse survivor, just went off on me this morning because I made a joke about killing myself ("can I turn in my existence card yet and just check out?" Or something stupid), and now she hates me, says I'm being passive aggressive, that once I chose to have my child I got no more choice to kill myself and that I need to do away with that childish nonsense. Bitch lives with her abusive dad. She JUST got her child back from cps.
I fucking am all alone, no one understands me or relates to me because of the shit I've been through. I'm a pariah and an outcast and i fucking want to die.
I didn't predict that my kid could be from rape, or that my ex would get mad at me for simply being pregnant. It took him a month or so to get mad. I didn't get to make a choice.
I can't get enough help. I am not ok.
I can't make friends or new relationships because I'm so scared and confused and can't handle another person hating me.
I fucking need help, and nothing is working anymore.
Why can't I just kill myself? Why can't someone give me cyanide or a gun? Why do I have to be happy or ok when no one can help me do it? I've put off killING myself EVERYDAY, LITERALLY, for a year. I am fucking exhausted, and I still have not found someone to truly help me. I've survived mostly on my own.
Reeeeeeeeeee killme
My feels have hardened me into stone.
I haven't cried in a decade and a half,I don't feel anything but anger.
I haven't enjoyed myself once this year. I wake up so I can sleep later. I have everything I need but I don't feel enjoyment from anything
>>29393647
>roasties being btfo
Truly the best feel there is.
>>29393388
I regret coming to university, hate my degree and wish I had developed my only passions, music and cooking at an earlier age.
I've completely lost touch with being a musician and I took an interest in cooking far too late, to the point it won't be a professional career option.
>>29393647
>waaaahhhhh i had sex with a man and the other man i was having sex with is angry with me :((((((((
>im so le depressed i want to die
Another roastie whore BTFO, go post your pretend problems somewhere else slut
I have this horrible feeling that my book will never be published. I finished it a couple of months ago but no publishing agent wants to take me on due to lack of previously published works.
So now I've been writing short stories and shit to get my name out there but it sucks.
I just want someone to tell me that I'm doing good work. I don't want to write the next great American novel, I just want to write something entertaining that will give people a bit of an escape from reality for a little while, I just want to tell a good story. And I think my book does that, it has potential. I wouldn't have spent two years working on it if I didn't think it was going to be worth it.
Final fantasy V is the best final fantasy of all time, and also the best RPG of all time.. Fuck final fantasy 15, that decade in the making piece of shit game. Fuck waiting a decade for a game, going on n4g and ign for years everyday hoping there would be news on it. Fuck you square enix, you Japanese jew bastards. Fuck you indeed. Square soft was where it was at. Fuck you ching ching ping pong faggots , I hope you all rot in hell for the desecration you made on my childhood. You fucking raped final fantasy and made it into shit. HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU DO THIS TO MY FAVORITE FRANCHISE. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THIS TO ME? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU AGE WHEN WAITING FOR A GAME TO COME OUT FOR 10 YEARS. THE DAYS GO BY QUICKER BECAUSE OF ALL THE WAITING. I SWEAR TO GOD IT DOESNT TAKE THAT LONG TO RENDER BELTS AND SPIKY HAIR. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST TETSUYA NOMURA YOU FUCKING NIPPONG PING PONG PIECE OF SHIT. FUCK YOU LONG TIME FOR TAKING THIS LONG TO MAKE KINGDOM HEARTS 3 AS WELL. I HOPE TO GOD YOUR KID DIES FROM SLIPPING ON A BELT AND BASHING HIS HEAD ON A TABLE AS IT SNAPS OFF HIS NECK AND ROLLS ON THE FLOOR TO YOUR FEET AS YOU LOOK IN HORROR AS YOUR CHILD-FU IS A AS HEADLESS AS YOU BITCH NIPPGA
>on meds for depression and anxiety
>helped up to the point i'm more dead inside than i was the last time
>numb, unmotivated, bored out of my mind
>contemplating suicide
>the meds numb down all negative feelings so it doesn't feel like i'm actually being serious when i think of suicide
>pc is broken
>can't play any games but listen to music or browse around on 4chan, youtube or steam
>purged my whole steam friend list since the friends i had just made me feel like literal shit all the time
>made a few more friends on there but they barely talk to me
>half (if not more) of the steam community apparently hates me and thinks i'm either an asshole or manipulative sociopath
i just want to live a chill and laid back life with a little group of friends or something that are also chill and don't mind talking about anything and don't just create drama out of nowhere, is that too much to ask for?
>>29393931
I was raped.
The other one is mentally and emotionally abusive and has become more violent. He tried to kill me once.
Yeah. I'm just a buttfucking hurt roastie.
>>29394118
According to the world, yes it is.
Because nobody can fucking function without drama.
I'm a failed normie, I've had good friends and good times with them, but let me tell you this; It can't last. You can laugh and joke and put up your facade, but if you are robotic then they'll sniff you out, unless you're a good liar, in which case things turn out like an adrenalin junkie not being able to get his fix anymore, it's stagnation.
It never lasts, once you get to the top, because something, probably yourself, will push you right back to rock bottom/
>>29393388
my stomach is really full from all of these peanut butter cookies but fuck theyre so good
i remember have a little group of friends on steam some years ago, 2 italians. would always voice chat and play games together like l4d2 and gmod:ttt, laugh and joke around and all that crap then at one point it all just collapsed randomly and we started to drift apart.
i guess i keep trying to relive those old times and memories back again now with other people but it doesn't seem to work out at all, all i find is mentally ill roasties who try to fuck my life up or teenage edgy cancer
>>29394974
>>29395167
forgot linking
>>29394088
You're doing good work
I can beat up any female alive but beta orbiters created laws to protect them
>>29394584
why don't you report him to the authorities? Plus, you could always abort the virus if you aren't too late into the pregnancy.
>>29394088
Could you give a small passage that you feel people could gleam your writing from?
>>29395167
The real world is filled with normalfags, and the only chance of finding someone who isn't a normalfag is on /r9k/, which is infested with them.
If you ever want to talk or anything here's my Steam
http://steamcommunity.com/id/ShlomoGoybergstein
I might be a failed normie but I still get and sympathise with robots, so I think you'll fare better with me than with the roasties.
I like to be alone yet at the same time I fucking hate being lonely.
>that feel when no 3.14 girlfriend
>>29395356
...the word is glean and you're using it incorrectly
you can glean something from their writing, but you can't just glean their writing
if it wasnt for my dog id jump off a building
when he dies thats probably gonna be it for me
>>29395430
I have been wrong for so many years.
I am so fucking mad at myself for the slob I've become, every so often I think back at how I had an okay body and I was actually kinda normie for a period of 5 or so years (before that growing up I was lonely and had crackhead parents), so the opportunity was there to take it further and get into college but instead I got fired and lost the hottest girlfriend I've ever had, went into a pysche ward for suicide attempt, and now I'm alone and 40 pounds heavier.
It's just disheartening that one of those old friends moved to where I am at now and we hung out and smoked weed and I felt like my old self, but after that day he never called back nor answers my calls, never wanted anything to do with me perhaps because I look like shit with no job at 29 (this was a year ago). So that's that and I won't be doing myself any favors cause I'll be drinking again in stupid self pity later tonight. who cares
>>29395537
why not just jump now and take your dog with you?
problem solved
>>29395589
he doesnt deserve that, i want him to be happy
>>29393388
Life is shit and everyone sucks
I am so painfully lonely lately that for the past few weeks I've been spending hours every day on Omegle, OkStupid, Tinder and PoF trying to find someone. I get a lot of interest until they ask about my dick and find out it's only 4 inches.
I've been rejected hundreds of times solely for this.. I wish I was brave enough to an hero, because I desperately want someone to love me and there are no traps in this shit state (New Jersey).
>>29394088
Nah, I wouldn't worry about it if it's only been finished a couple months ago.
Think of it this way, shit likeTwilightgot published, and that started out as fucking fanfiction. And then you have people like Jennifer "hamburger" Helper writing for Bioware after her awful short stories got out.
Has it been edited and all that? You could just send it to reviewers to see if they'll like it. You'll do good, anon.
>>29395643
I know how feel, I'd imagine most traps are up in Essex or in the shadow of NY.
>>29393388
I'm complete shit when it comes to conversation skills and I'm boring af, but all I want is to not be so god damn lonely.
>>29393388
At the age of 21 i have realized that i am a failure of a human. College dropout, never had a real job, anyone i have ever considered a friend forgets about me as soon they have a chance. My family hates me. I have a developing drinking problem. The only worthwhile thing i have done with my life was going through conscription fairly succesfully.
Regret, anon.
I just think about my life when I was a kid, I was a good boy...I could've ended up being a great person. My life could've been just the way I wanted if my insecurities didn't get the better of me. I could've joined a top university of my choice if I believed in my abilities, could've made my love interest develop feelings for me just by spending more time with her, could've been a better son, could've taken care of mentally sick sibling. I've just dodged my responsibilities, been a pussy, and underestimated my abilities.
I wish I could think myself skinny. I've lost half a stone in a month and I dunno if that's good or bad but now I'm on week five and it feels like it's slowing down even though I'm losing and it just makes me feel like shit when in reality, if I'm losing still isn't that good?
And I'm still too embarrassed to like run or exercise in public. I still feel disgusting except for that small moment I've seen that I've lost but I don't want it to become an obsession or anything but then I think the fact that now I see myself as disgusting is identifying the problem. Cause I dunno if It's gonna cause an eating disorder or something to develop when my eating patterns are already fucked
>>29394088
>2016
>wanting to entertain people through books
The only way you can do that now is to write erotica for lonely women or be commisioned by rich trust fund furries to write erotica for them. Literature is fucking dead, just stop trying.
My only passion in life is filmmaking. But I've come to terms that it's impossible, I don't have the money, access or talent to make anything better than a "Birdemic" tier atrocity. I gave up on ever creating that obscure indie film that a few thousand people love YEARS ago.
Sometimes it's best to give up your passion and go on auto-pilot. That's what I want to fucking do right now.
>>29394584
If you're not too terribly crazy, I will be your friend.
Femanon as well
>>29393388
I think I'm addicted to codeine and I don't give a shit.
I bitch slapped a pharmacist because she refused to sell me pills that are available without prescription, and I'm being prosecuted for this.
I still don't give a shit.
>>29394088
Self publish. Amazon and such, don't go for any big publishing agent, go for small ones, go for ones that only publish online and in ebooks.
Yeah it won't reach out as far as it could, in fact you'll get next to nothing for it, but its essentially the same as doing an internship or volunteering or work experience for a career.
I'm going to fail eventually.
So, anxiety I guess. It still feels kinda good knowing that the only thing that could go wrong right now is the future. I have a gf and a side chick. I'm worried about my grades but not that worried. I could lose both girls and fail all my classes but it's probably not gonna happen.
There's also the feeling that this is all not real. I can't really shake it off. I started feeling like I was not real last year when I was a lonely NEET. It used to be a comforting thought but it's fucking my mind up now that I'm a normie.
>>29393388
I just moved to DC for a well paying summer internship and am getting kicked out of the current place i just moved into on hella short notice because the landlord is a jerk. Really stressful needing to find a new place. I thought this summer was going to be a good time but i have my doubts now.
>>29395356
Sorry anon, got distracted. Sure, here's the short story I just finished actually. It contains the same main character as the book but there's very little character development. I was hoping to create some interest and mystery before the book finally gets published
http://pastebin.com/eRhqMgfm
I've never thought about a real male in a sexual way at any point in my life. But i would not mind putting a leash on a cute furry trap and fucking his boipussy.and swallowing his cum
>>29395697
I haven't sent it in to reviewers but I've been pouring over it to find details but it gets really difficult when I've seen it several times over
Oneitis is going to a birthday party tonight and even if she isn't a whore, I can't stop the intrusive thought of Chad fucking her.
I can't believe there isn't one fucking female in this city that wants to give me a chance on tinder this summer. This is so frustrating. I have my own place, I have money, I have a job, I don't get it. I honestly don't believe I can be that unattractive to thousands of women. Not even the artsy tumblr bitches who are supposed to be open and accepting or whatever will let a nigga hit. The worst part is, right after I post this, I'll probably go back to hopelessly swiping.
>>29393388
I feel like the vast majority of people in general have been becoming more and more narcissistic and borderline sociopathic over the past decade or so and it'll only get worse. And I can't handle being around it so I just become more and more withdrawn from society in general. I just can't handle the way everything is now.
Even if a girl likes me, I keep telling myself that there's someone way better than me that she could be with instead.
I want to get high on heroin until I inevitably overdose. Life seems empty and meaningless, I want my hedonistic pleasure back.
>>29397076
what if she'd be living with you the rest of her life, not wanting to have any other human contact with anyone else but with you
>>29396613
It's why you've gotta show it to someone else. They may give harsh criticism but it's needed. Better for it to come from one person who points it out so you can rewrite then a critic who smashes your book all over their blog from it.
Everything sucks and is pointless.
>>29395864
0.5-1% body weight per week, any faster than that and you're losing proportionally more muscles than fat and it's unhealthy (but obviously effective...)
I have managed to lose weight. The beginning is really difficult because as you say it feels like it's so fucking slow. But hang in there and it will get easier and easier, you stop thinking about it so much. After many weeks you step on that fucking scale and you see an impressive number and you won't even be surprised at the good progress anymore, just feel really good about yourself.
>>29393388
I turn 19 soon and I feel like I never had a chance to be a kid. It fucking hurts every day that Ill eventually burn out because why the fuck am I expected to work 50+ hours a week just to support myself on a wage cuck pay check. Fuck my parents for kicking me out at 15. Fuck them for their hard lives and their "well I got kicked out at 13" shit. It's not my fucking fault and fuck you. Fuck 4chan for turning me into a cuck. Fuck Normie's for the just bee yourself meme. It's father's day and I want to be appreciative of someone but I don't have anyone I never have. Fucking. Ree.
>>29395303
My rapist? He's the only one who will cooperate with a dna test, so if I report him, what motivation will he have to cooperate? He also is trying to make more money to help with the DNA prenatal test, because he's denying he even was there.
>>29397218
life is boring trash :)
>>29395303
Oh, and I'm 19 weeks. Religious upbringing screwed me up. Theoretically, only comfortable with abortion up to 6 weeks for myself, and further, I didn't think I could have kids. I feel like I'd hate myself and my mental health would be no better off if I got rid of the one chance to have a kid (there were only 2 people whose kids I'd willingly have, and my ex is one, or was. I didn't realize then what he was. I feel very robbed that I didn't have all the information to make a decision, because abortion seems like a good escape).
>>29397203
I'm more than comfortable with criticism, I guess I should just keep an eye out for somebody willing to take a look at it
Why do people stare so much.
I wish people would stop staring.
There's nothing obviously fucked up with my appearance, so it's not because i'm hideous, at least that i can see.
Yet every time i leave the apartment, it feels like i have a giant "I EAT NIGGER DICKS"-sign on my forehead that people just have to visually inspect.
What the fuck, man?
>>29397219
Dunno if you know conversion and such but is half a stone in a month good? I mean I know losing weight in general is good but am I on the right track?
It just feels like in the first 2 weeks I could feel the difference and I lost a ton but now it's slowed down now that the water weight is out the way. I'm not giving up though. This time next year I can at least look back at the weight I used to be.
I have a girlfriend witch I wanted to marry.. we've been going from shit to shit for about five years and when we finally thought were ok and on the way to a good life together i just realized i dont love her and i dont want a relationship. But its fucked cause she has only me, her dad is a cunt he beats her up regularly and her mom doesnt give a shit. She has no friends and if i told her its over she would literally kill herself.. its not as bad as the other stories but i feel like shit bc i dont know what to do. I even fucked a few girls the past week cause just kissing her grosses me out for some reason. The worst part is she really really loves me with all shes got and doesnt have a clue im plotting to break up with her.
Sorry for the grammar senpai.. hope someone replyes
>>29397295
There are forums and such, I know NaNoWriMo does it and other forums that allow you to post like a chapter for someone to check, then in 24 hours its deleted so nobody plagiarises. Sounds good for criticism.
>>29396011
Depends on what your definitions there are.
To some I'm crazy.
To me I'm broken.
To those who are professionals, in whatever capacity, they think I'm self aware, intelligent, resilient, and they don't know how I keep surviving, but I'm going down the right path.
I find most things are perspective.
I plan to keep grabbing my brain by the balls and twisting them into compliance.
What's your key delineations?
>>29396055
Haha, I've been addicted to fucking heroin and I never bitch slapped anyone.
>>29397364
google weight conversion and find out yourself. I have no idea if 0.5 stone is a lot or a little since it depends on your total current weight, also i'm a metric faggot.
>>29393647
whoa holy shit
did you want to keep the child or were you forced to? this is rough. sorry other anons are assholes.
>>29393388
My pain is I will never be able to suck on Kimber James feminine penis bec she had it removed
>>29393388
I want nothing more than to move the fuck out of my house, work my ass off, and live alone. I hate living with that dysfunctional ass twat of a step-father, who literally schemes and passive aggressively fucks with me. I unironically want to murder him, but I hate that I do, because it's fucking wrong. But he loves to argue about everything like a big fucking bitch. I hope he just drops dead already.
>>29397416
You're reminding me of a girl I met in the psych ward
>>29397443
Im glad her penis is gone, I would fuck every hole she has though fuck shes hot, sounds dumb as bricks though huge tits too she knows how to ride a cock
I hate this fucking world of misery and pain and humanity for bringing me into it, I hope it all explodes and everyone dies
fucking cunt, why does she do into my room all the time?
>>29397443
Ya it sucks Kimbers feminine penis is gone but she did lots of vids with her dick b4 it was gone
>>29397458
I wish a psych ward would help me. I've had countless individuals in the mental health profession tell me that's not where I want to go, that they won't help me, that it's only for really crazy people.
I have aspergers also, which makes a lot of people think I'm neurotypical, and they get confused when I don't adhere to the normal neurotypical patterns or melt down over a particular thing.
Sometimes I think if I went to a mental asylum, I'd find that one person who's not out of touch with reality but definitely different, and they become my asylum friend.
But the risks of asylum care aren't worth that delusional and unhealthy fantasy.
>>29397416
you should get rid of the kid imo
My wrists and thumbs fucking hurt from weightlifting
I want to go on a date with a cute girl
i want to fucking die
human relationships are so hard
I dont fucking understand how to act in social settings
>>29397693
my parents also invaded my privacy recently and that makes me want to never see them again
>>29397693
for a second i almost thought you were going to say some edgy crap about how you cut your wrists open and they ache. thank you for not dissapointing me.
>>29396440
Fuck you. Really.
>>29395631
this tbqh fuck this gay earth
No matter how hard I work I feel like everything is just always out of reach and fucking impossible and I some sence of normalcy returned to me that my fucking crazy mother robbed from me years ago but I'm just not sure how to go about it and I'm just lonely and in pain with envy at people who actually have a person they care about in the world who cares about them, they can confide in, they can touch, hang out with, do anything at all with. Someone to laugh along with, someone to cuddle with when you feel shitty. I feel like I need somebody like that for healing processes but it's pointless. I just hope there's waifus in the afterlife.
>>29397428
I didn't have objections at first. In fact, I seemed to be happy about it. My ex had finally started being nice to me (I still didn't realize what he was then), and when we had been together, he had talked about how he'd take care of me until I gave birth and then he'd disappear and watch us from afar to make sure we're ok, and he had asked in the last month of our relationship if I would consider having his child. So I thought he'd be ok with me having his child.
The. At my first obgyn appointment, I found out I was further along than I thought, and that my rapist could be the father. Then even later, a month or more later, after asking my ex every time he saw me if we could talk about what he wanted, which he refused to do, he suddenly was very mad at me, called me crazy and unpredictable (despite me giving no evidence of that - he trained me to behave exactly how he wanted. Submissive, unquestioning, silent), and said I was going to destroy his life, all while he still kept doing things that showed he cares (very confusing).
When I realized how angry he was at me, in combination with other things stemming from him, that's when I began to feel REALLY BAD. He said i was stupid for not aborting, that he explained why having the child was stupid to do (he hadn't. I didn't understand).
Gaslighting, debasing, projecting, worsening behaviors. Me even mentioning I needed an accommodation because of how I was feeling physically as a result of the pregnancy was me "pulling strings" and asking for "favors".
He made me feel like I violated his rights, that if he goes to jail or his wife left him (he didn't tell me he married or that he moved in with her) it was my fault, and that no one could know he's tied to the child. He made me not want the baby because it was "my fault" and I had upset the person I loved the most.
Now I'm fully trapped and can only keep on repressing my feelings.
>>29397316
You probably act weird/make weird favial expressions and you don't even notice it. I get stared at too quite often but when I just feel ok and act normal it doesn't happen (wheter cause the paranoia goes away or people stop staring, or both)
So don't worry about it normies look at everything all the time
>>29397577
When I went the psych ward was mostly just people who were suicidal, and/or detoxing.
And it's actually really, really easy to make friends in the psych ward, because pretty much all you can do is talk to other people.
>>29393647
>>29394584
>>29397883
Lol stupid whore
>>29398048
Though I'll give what should be an unneeded caveat, you stop being friends whenever one of you leaves. I've got so many cell phone numbers which I'll never use.
>>29393388
the person i'm trying to get with is completely socially retarded and i know for a fact that they like me, but they are unable to even hit me up to hang out with them because autismo, and i can't even justify being mad because i'm too autismo to do the same >:O
>>29398090
so just end yourself already then!!! :DDD
>>29397883
if you are stay alive not only you will suffer but that future wizard, why not suicide pact tb.h?
>>29397914
You're probably right.
I should film myself for an entire day just to find out how i really appear to other people. It would probably be painful to watch, but necessary to shatter any illusions i have about my appearance and mannerism
In my mind im this ultra-suave motherfucker (pic related), but of course it can't be true because then i wouldn't be a virgin.........
>>29398080
That's ok. I'm sure your life is like the best that a normie can have.
>>29397880
And even now, nobody to talk to ;_;
I don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure that I am depressed. I have attempted suicide before and I have called the suicide hotline twice before I accidentally hung up on them during the second time which led to the police showing up to my front door.
I'm also wondering if I have schizophrenia since I do at times talk to myself (everyday) due to hearing voices in my head. And I have also looked into the symptoms of schizophrenia.
I just want to feel like my old self again. Or at least find out who I am and what my personality is.
>>29398197
a-are you cute?.. >~<
>>29398250
Not really, it's not that I'm that ugly, just not very photogenic. I always look... unsettling in any pictures of me.
>>29398176
I'm not a normie, I'm more like a cyborg, and I laugh at your stupid dramatic women problems cause you deserve it. If women were obedient housewives you'd have an easy and safe life.
So this will teach you. And you got raped cause you probably was dressed like a slut
I keep trying to get better but I can never do it every day, end up sinking in to the same hole I'm trying to crawl out of and it seems to just get deeper every time. I want to be happy and productive but I keep fucking up. It feels so pointless, I have no hope for the future, but I'm trying. I just can't every day.
>>29398284
the cold serial killer sort of unsettling or which kind?
i can sort of relate there though, i always seem to be high on codeine or something when im on photos
>>29398348
Always seem to look a bit angry/crazy at times, so yea, sereal killer.
>>29398323
oh, okay that's p cool you're my type then!!
i don't find that sort of crap unsettling at all
I have a lot because my mind is always racing, I'm just going to write whatever comes to me--I'm pretty much just rotting away and it's as hot as a niggers ass here so I'm a rotting sweaty corpse who lays on a dirty mattress all day with trash bags on the windows waiting for it to all end--summer, life, whatever--I spend a lot of time walking at night because it's cool then and no ones out, or at least the ones who are out ignore me--this reminds me of when I was a teenager and I thought if I walked around a lot I would run into people I knew from school and we would magically become friends, but of course nothing happened because it never works that way--but I like walking, it's always pretty out at night and there is sometimes a cool breeze that will run across you as you walk--might have to get a job now but I can't function-- i would just end up daydreaming and fucking everything up--I have no hobbies--I just lay down listening to music, going full zombie mode, mindlessly browsing chans, maybe walk to get some junk food and energy drinks late at night--I just exist, like an animal--I'm constantly paranoid at the most random shit, I can't even begin to write down all the shit that makes me paranoid throughout a given day, i'd be too long--I'm depressed, and lonely but it's too late because I'm too old so I'm left here in this little room to spend the rest of my days sitting here mindlessly scrolling through images and text on a screen--jerking myself off like a dumb animal to his monkey pleasures until I keel over--nothing ever changing--static--I can't seem to hook onto anything real and tangible--it's all just random flickering images that are burned onto my eyes and they never cease and they are always the same until a string snaps and I die--I can't take it anymore.
>>29398154
Suicide pact with who?
My problem is I need a guaranteed way to die. My best bet is jumping off a building or committing to hanging, but those have so much space for backing out.
>>29396508
Some thoughts I have as I read it. No time to finish it, but here you go. I like it so far, but the exposition seems a bit heavy. It can be hard to establish fantasy stuff in a short story, but yeah.
http://pastebin.com/Z0167Jvc
>>29398174
I filmed myself once because I think and speak those thoughts so rapidly that I thought recording would be easier. I was very surprised by how I came across.
Good way to find out what you're doing wrong.
>>29393388
I ate too much. Again. The stuff I cook is just too tasty to leave behind and it'll get worse if I leave some for tomorrow. I really really really should start making smaller portions at a time.
I am frustrated. Fucking frustrated. I lost 120 lbs in 6 months. Started at 450 lbs and got down to 328. The thing is that I CAN'T LOSE WEIGHT unless I starve myself. In the first 3 months I lost 100 lbs. I ate anywhere from 50 to 350 calories a day. I didn't exercise at all. Then I was told that I should be eating over 2000 calories a day. So I started eating 1800 calories a day while walking 12 miles a week. Gained 10 fucking lbs in 1 month of that and constantly felt sick whenever I ate. Keep in mind I was only eating healthy shit from the start of this, wouldn't even touch anything remotely unhealthy. Switched to 1000 calories a day while walking 24 miles a week. Still felt sick. Lost nothing the next month. Went back to eating 350 calories a day while not exercising and lost 30 lbs in 1 month. The sickness was gone. Like I was losing 1-2 pounds everyday and it was lovely. Then this month I tried eating 800 calories a day without exercising and felt sick again and gained 10 lbs. WHAT THE FUCK. I'm eating 1 yogurt, 1 sandwich, 2 fruits and 1 salad every day and have not drank anything but water in the last 6 months and I'm gaining weight while there are skeletons that shovel down pizzas, mountain dew and various other shite and struggle to gain anything. I never want to make excuses or to place the blame on genetics like the delusional fat fucks out there but fuck man. I'm a 6 foot 20 year old man and I have to eat like an anorexic little girl just to stop gaining weight. What the fuck kind of calories will I be consuming on a daily basis to retain my goal weight of 140 lbs or so? I'm never gonna give up though, decided to go back to 50-350 calories a day for the foreseeable future. Might just water fast for a couple weeks to make up for the mental stress this is putting me through.
>>29398323
Ok. Well then you're just a misogynist. No surprise.
I know in written form my life looks dramatic, but I'm very careful to not put it on others or bleed it all over others, because it's no one's problem but mine and those who want to help.
It's my ex who makes it so dramatic, not me. So technically it's a male life form sourcing these issues, denying his culpability, just like a lot do on r9k.
In fact, he's the one who taught me I can do anything, and to not put up with shitty people and their abuse. He woke me up to a lot of reality that I hadn't seen.
And no. I was asleep in my house. He looked around outside my house for my keys. He was someone I knew. He didn't know about my keys.
And the major problem with your thinking is that women just want to be subservient housewives. Being human means you have introspection and an aspect of uncontrollable emotions. Men and women both have this feature, and just because you can't imagine why someone else, particularly a female, wouldn't be happy being your house bitch, that's your problem, not the woman's or mine.
My mind thinks too much to be some asshole's wife, like yours. I'd be more miserable.
>>29398174
>>29398790
Yeah it may be a good idea, use some 'spy glasses' or something with a cam integrated, I don't know how else you could record yourself while in public.
However if you have social phobia/anxiety (which is the only reason you feel insecure about people looking at you at the first place) you will feel paranoid and uncomfortable as fuck, and it will be useless.
>>29393388
I had something stuck in my throat a couple of months ago and it's never felt right since. I've had x-rays, exams, a camera shoved down my throat and everything, but they tell me there's nothing there. My GP tells me it's probably just anxiety but I don't believe him. It's difficult to eat and eating used to be one of the few things I still enjoyed. Sometimes it feels like my throat is closing up and I'm going to die. It's pissing me off so much. I'm angry and tired and I really just can't wait to die.
I am so alone. I went to pharmacy school to support a girl and her kid, and they chose not to move to the same city so they could stay by her parents. After 3 years of being gone, and working incredibly hard, it's the same shit. I get home, and she goes to hang out with her family until 11PM. I've never felt so completely alone in my life, like there is nothing left for me to do. I can't do any cool bike trips that i've always wanted to do, because she gets jealous and doesn't understand why i want to do things without her... It's a joke and i really feel like my life has officially ended at 25. I'm sorry for this post, i just don't want to live anymore
I feel like I'm slowly being replaced as the main writefag in my home general. People used to love the things I wrote, and I get like 5 or 6 replies for every 4 posts or so. Now there's this new writefag, and he's getting alot more replies than I am, and I'm only getting one or two now. He's not even that good, the only difference between us is that he writes like fucking lightning, making like 12 posts in two hours or so. I'm surprisingly fucking pissed about it, and immediately really down about it.
>>29399485
You sound unbearable.
>>29399999
nice quints m80boyo
>>29399999
checkered and made it an original comment
>>29393647
dont be a moralfag. Kill yourself if you want to. Alternatively, you can stop hanging out with such shit people.
>>29399999
QUINTS OF TRUTH
MURDER >>29399485
>>29399999
waste of some good quints
>>29393647
Do you perhaps wanna talk with me? I too am suicidal and I happen to think that giving birth is the worst thing someone can do.
>>29396508
>>29398774
The fantasy here is very well done, I enjoy your diction and prose quite a bit, and your description of creatures.
I enjoy the entire Hodach concept you have, sorta like a medieval, rustic, more benevolent lovecraftian entity.
The ending is very well written.
Some criticisms (Take with a grain of salt):
Some actions seem a little run on with dialogue, especially in the beginning. This seems more like a personal preference, but the sentence structure with: "DIALOGUE," Said [Char] while (ACTION), (ANOTHER ACTION). seems a little too frequent. Maybe more variety in that.
They know about Hodach masters without knowing what Hodachs supposedly are?
Maybe add a bit more of an accent for the Father, not overly complex like Wuthering Heights' Joseph, but something a bit more thick or peasant. I feel it would help contrast what I assume to be a simpler character to an educated one.
Alver seems very straight forward, matter of factly, but a little too much in certain dialogues. Specifically with the Incense sticks or the initial bit where Alver talks to the father about taking Emily to his Hodach Master friend.
The incense sticks could probably do with a brief explanation of helping with nightmares by blunting a sharp memory, but currently it seems unnatural dialogue with too much exposition.
The initial bit with the Hodach master seems like Alver took a filter off and talked presumption towards taking Emily along. Its a good dynamic, but stiff in action. Furthermore, I feel the Father would need more coaxing or more emotional appeal before feeling alright with giving up his daughter. Emily would probably also have some reservations or hesitance towards being separated from her father. Saying that she would be wasted in the hands of a blacksmith also insults the fathers pride, so it seems less like he convinced him. His emotional appeals are good, but its seems like Alver is grasping at straws throwing 3 different appeals in at once.
>>29398152
but this whole situation is currently distracting me from my usual endless suicidal thoughts
dad offered to pay for therapy for me
$200 a shesh
should i? its a woman so i doubt it'll go over well
>>29398774
>>29400121
Hey thanks guys! I really didn't expect any feedback on this
Im so fucking broken.
Im so fucking broken that i dont want to tell the people i know that it physically pains me to wake up, because im afraid of them having a burden to carry because of me.
Im so fucking broken that other peoples happiness makes me feel even more depressed.
Im so fucking broken that i cant even push myself to get help because that would require reaching out to someone close to me, of which i have barely any.
Im so fucking broken that I cant even fully understand whats wrong with me.
>>29399999
Guy you replied too here, I really am. That's why I'm joining the Marine Corps. At least then I will have my brothers in arms. I also deleted my post so you couldn't have the satisfaction.
>>29400259
kill me, pete
originalegano
>>29393388
i get drunk most days to stop thinking about how shit ive made myself over the past few years. but now the numbness has started to drift into when im sober.
ive managed to get a job on stock control at the local super market, to try to talk to people, but talking with customers and other members of staff is boring. my attitude at work is too layed back. people think im just some chill guy but honestly i just cant wait till the day where my motorbike fucks up and i die from smashing onto a tree or something
sadly i cant do it myself knowing how much my brother would miss me stops me the few times ive tried
well yea thats my thoughts tonight, as im 2 pints and half a bottle of port into tonights drinks
>was in special ed. math since 6th grade
>completely math illiterate
>didn't get into college
>think about going to a trade school
>probably will fail the entrance exam
>trade school was my last hope for any kind of good future
>>29393388
I have actual autism and have a hard time fitting in because there is nothing logically wrong with my behaviour.
I've probably failed HS. (Grades back in July).
Virgin.
Want to have sex, but know that I will want the first time to be with someone special - but my oneitis turned out to be a sneaky slut so my view of women is distorted.
I have no hobbies except Video games.
No friends. (Only "Facebook" level friends).
Want friends, but read first paragraph.
Will probably snap someday and become a horrible serial criminal.
>fck my shit up senpai-sama
>>29400504
If I was a real femanon I'd be your gf anon.
>>29398774
>>29400121
Idk if you guys are still around but I am working on another couple of things. Would you like a sample?
>>29400115
Give me an email, throwaway or non, and I'll message you. Why is birth one of the worst things you can do?
>>29393388
I wish I could live in one of my animes where even though bad things happen there is still hope and a wonderful world but no instead I have to be an autistic ugly faggot who's only true friend is himself. fuck me, fuck life, REEEEE
>>29400602
I'd be down to read more, and help along
>>29400712
Thanks anon, these aren't anywhere near done but I think they're neat ideas!
Another short story with Alver
http://pastebin.com/32gqXuzG
And these are a couple of ideas I've been toying with but I really like them.
http://pastebin.com/etrgRd89
http://pastebin.com/AKZuLz2e
And as a side note, I'd hate to put it out there but I'd also hate for the thread to die without feedback, sooooooonea946@gmaildotcom
>>29393493
Tell me about the depravity
>>29393647
Abort that foetus, femanon. You have no obligation to be a mother if someone raped you.
>>29397396
Quit being a coward and just fucking end the relationship. Today. NOW. It's obviously not good for you OR her. She could be meeting someone new who actually loves her, right now, and you're preventing that by dragging out this already-dead relationship. Hell, you could be meeting someone to be in a healthy relationship with. Women always threaten suicide but it's just emotional blackmail; she's not gonna kill herself just because of you. You're not THAT great, dude.
also:
>I have a girlfriend witch
>>29398174
>In my mind im this ultra-suave motherfucker
Post a photo of yourself. It's probably something very obvious, but you lack the self-awareness to recognize it.
MY RANDOM NEGATIVE THOUGHT
By ANON A ANONYMOUS, June 19th, 2016
We can assume, that contrary to the myth that "girls on the internet don't exist", a bunch of attention whoring worthless cuntholes are posting in this thread, who know nothing of true sorrow, who know nothing of actual shame, and are likely the majority here engaging in social whoring like the hysteria-cal wenches they are
>>29402597
Most of my family are dead
The first man I fell in love with committed suicide
I've beaten and verbal abused by existing family, raped twice (one being a friend of a friend, other cousin of a friend. I was sober. I wasn't dressed slutty, I didn't act flirty. I did not ask for it) , bullied all throughout high school for being socially withdrawn and poor
Been homeless
Mixed and rapid cycling bi-polar
Fucked over badly by so called friends
Lost a friend to ODI have cancer, three years at most to live
But please continue telling everyone that women don't have any hardships ever
>>29402763
But you still say "yes!" to life. That's why women are always happy, even when they pain and suffer. They are always satisfied with life itself.
I don't know what the fuck I am going to do with my life.
Aerospace engineer? Chemical? Mechanical? Do I go into defense?
So lost here guys.
>>29402840
Are you bullshitting me rn
>>29402890
Of course
He had to pull something out of his ass as a response
Fuck Hoenn. Fuck Wingull. Fuck how many fucking places this fucking bird is in.
Look at this shit. LOOK AT IT. EIGHTY-FIVE (85) PERCENT OF THE MAP HAS IT. And people actually like this piece of shit excuse for a region.
>>29395864
Trust me dude nobody is gonna think twice about someone running just do it my friend and keep your diet in check you'll be skinny soon enough good luck anon
>>29402935
>lay women use r9k meme
Never did I stop defending you. Caring about you. Hating myself. Never did I insult you, blame you, mock you. I always wished you the best, I still do. I never went back on my word. I never walked away, even though you removed me from your friend list twice, I never turned my back on you. I can only watch you move on. I can only watch you spend all your time with him. I can only watch him make you happy. I can only brush myself off and get over it.
Would you believe me if I said I've never, ever hated myself before Christmas Day? I don't think you would, but it's true. I hated various things, all factors of life and circumstance, but never truly myself until Christmas Day. I haven't stopped hating myself since. Not a single day has gone by where I didn't hate myself. Isn't it funny? I held onto my self hatred for ending a relationship for longer than we were even together. Isn't it funny? Laugh at me like everyone deserves to.
Point is, I hate myself. I do not hate you. I don't hate anyone in this world other than myself, I can promise you that much. I never went back on my word. Never did I insult you or watch other people insult you without defending you. I don't know why I defended you even months after we stopped talking.
I need to take a break from a lot of things right now. My self-hatred is unbelievably painful to deal with, especially tonight. I don't like it, I don't like how I can't blame anything else. Just me. Smile with him, in your new relationship. I can't.
I am such a fucking pussy woth regard to pain. I am so terrified of it. It seems impossible to me to endure extended pain l, yet people do. I don't even want to acknowledge it. Just terrifying
>>29393388
My disgusting white trash sister is a despicable piece of shit and I want to kill her. I specifically want to beat her to death with my bare hands for disgracing our family by becoming a drug addicted alcoholic prostitute who gets kicked out of rehab after rehab for drinking mouthwash when she thinks no one is watching her. She is scum, as is her white trash faggot boyfriend who has been rightfully disowned by his family for also being a waste-of-flesh alcoholic welfare bum. They need to die.
No one sees this shithead sister of mine for months at a time. Then, she shows up on my mother's doorstep asking for money or a place to stay until she goes back to her degenerate lifestyle of hooking for drug money. The stupid bitch has multiple STDs and hemorrhoids and keeps selling her ass for drugs.
She gets arrested at least twice a year for prostitution, public drunkenness, disorderly conduct, et cetera and our family name appears in the local papers. What a thrill to be related to this worthless crack whore.
Have I mentioned she shit out two kids, both of whom have side effects resembling FAS? She also drank multiple fetuses to death just by being a binge drinking degenerate. She's a literal whore, so I honestly don't know if even she can say for sure who her crotch shits' parents are.
Thankfully, her useless faggot boyfriend is also a compulsive gambler and has racked up some serious debts with some loan sharks. Now they're getting threatening phone calls. Hopefully they can't pay the debt and end up crippled or dead. Fucking useless degenerates.
>>29403586
And you're a paychopath with no empathy for your family members who fall on hard times. Good job, I guess?
>>29402763
Are you from Hastings-on-Hudson, NY? I know a girl with your exact life story, word for word. I mean literally, word for word.
I just wanna be a normie. I wanna be a normie so fucking badly. I get so close and then I'm reminded why I live like I do, why I have the friends that I have and why my family doesn't talk about me. Cause I'm a shameful, awkward wretch of a human being, with no future other than a self inflicted, untimely end. I can't take the constant disappointment of being on the cusp of parties and friends and girls, but at the same time I can't take the day in day out dredge of NEETdom. It's all so damn stressful and each day I grow more and more anxious and more and more paranoid. I just hate myself so fucking much and I know everyone else feels the same way.
I'm actually becoming "sexually frustrated"
I've noticed that I've kinda been more easily irritated at small things, and I've been more likely to be rude to people recently.
At the same time, my urges to fuck are higher than ever. Nearly every women I see is arousing. Masturbating has been less satisfying because I'm not really looking for the pleasure of an orgasm. I'm looking for the pleasure of sticking my fucking dick in a pussy.
So, with these two things happening at the same time, I feel like they must be related.
>>29403729
I'm going through the same thing man. It fucking sucks
>>29403586
We can only hope some enterprising sociopath will do society a favor and leave her dead in a backwoods ditch.
>>29402488
>>29398174
>>29397914
>>29397316
Forgot about this thread.
Fuck it i have nothing to lose
I'm physically healthy and only have a visual disability and back problems. But the main source of pain in my life is depression and social anxiety. I'm mentally ill and it causes me to not be able to connect with lots of people. Occasionally I find some good friends but I'm usually alone. My family fights a lot. My parents are kind of a-holes at times. They lack sympathy in understanding my issues and just keep telling me I have to get over my anxiety troubles and depression. I've had rough time with girls. I've done some things with girls but never had sex. Women either see me as a harmless kind acquaintance or as some weird guy they don't want to talk to. I've given up on that. I just want to move out of my parents house and be away from people in general. I don't really need people.
>>29403879
kill yourglasses
>>29397316
are you pale
>>29403879
Are you Finnish? You've got some sort of half-Slav, half-Nordic potato head thing going on. You're really not bad looking, you just have kind of an unusually shaped skull. A different haircut might hide it a bit.
I think I have low empathy and am antisocial but I have no idea what to do with this information if anything.
>>29403879
I think you should either get better glasses or get contacts.
Also stop smoking. You might not realize it but it's not doing any good for your appearance.
Also try smiling, you look really tense.
>>29403945
what the fuck is wrong about being pale you dark skinned nigger
>>29403879
Your facial features are a little unusual, but actually kind of cool looking. You look intense. You know, strangers look at each other all the time; maybe you're just self-conscious when they happen to look at you.
Actually if you dressed in a suit instead of kid clothes, you'd look badass. That intense expression + well-dressed man = women getting intrigued. I guarantee it.
p.s.: keep the glasses, they do give you a Heinrich Himler kind of style.
>>29403879
I'd say your very faint eyebrows give the appearance that you are missing your eyebrows. So, it looks like something is missing from your face, but keep the glasses because they draw attention away from this.
>>29403945
i don't think so, see >>29403997
>>29403879
Close, Swedish
Yeah you're probably right
>>29404068
Yeah, absolutely, that pic was from just before i quit all forms of nicotine, about a year ago. Smoking just made me feel like crap anyway.
>>29404117
>Heinrich Himler
KEK
I consulted /fa/ a while back, they told me to get round-ish frames
thanks for all your inputs btw
What about the unbearable fact that at the moment we're alone in the universe with no fucking purpose in life than other to make money and die without making any fucking difference to the world because we're literally nothing in this place and if we disappear nobody cares because nature and space will continue doing it's own thing and we don't fucking matter? I could kill myself right now and my family would suffer and stuff, but it would make no fucking difference.
>>29404199
holy shit you're right
i never noticed this before
what the hell
>can't decide between two girls
>can't help but feel bad because know I will lose both now, love both of them deeply
>want to trip acid but won't be able to for awhile
>don't really feel bad, just kind of regret that I let it get to this point, unaware of the grave we were digging
>and now I have to let them go, one doesn't love me the same way and the other I betrayed
I fucking hate myself so much I want to kill myself
I'd like to kill everyone who ever slighted me.
>>29404204
>Close, Swedish
Oh damn, well there's your problem.
You need to paint your skin black/brown and run around raping anything that moves. Then all the Swedish women will spread their legs to "Welcome Refugees" in the name of progressive tolerance.
>>29404277
Well yeah obviously, that's why we're all shitposting to each other on /r9k/ just for kicks. We're bored and lonely.
>>29393647
abort, go to 'murica and live a new life, start from 0, change your name, don't erase yourself, erase everything else.
>>29393656
that's sad, try liberating yourself trough hobbies, that should do it.
>>29393388
I feel extreme guilt, weep at night hoping my mom doesn't hear me, think about my teacher oneitis, worry that i'm going to die and go to hell, and think about being mutilated.
>>29404493
>worry that i'm going to die and go to hell
Cheer up, anon! There is no afterlife. It's just nonsense made up by primitive superstitious pussies who were afraid of death. When we die, everything stops forever. There is nothing to feel or experience. We all will simply cease to exist.
It will be glorious.
>>29393388
I'm so tired of being sad. I feel constantly alone because I can never have a real life friend who I can tell things, anyone who knew me intimately would hate me. I want to kill people and fillet their flesh from their bones and eat them. I want to feel alive. I don't feel real, I don't know who I am. I'm so sad, so desperately alone and so sick and tired of not feeling well. I don't know where I'm going anymore, I just don't see the point of any of it.
>>29394118
alone is better, get a cat
I've been depressed for the last few months and every little thing has been getting to me. It was all because of a girl i met, but right now i'm not feeling it too much.
I wanted to sleep early today so that i could do the things i had to do tomorrow, so i decided "since i'm doing all those things tomorrow, might as well play some videogames". Now it's 10 o'clock and i have classes at 9am so i won't have much time to do stuff anyways.
Oh well. At least i got around to clean my room. Hadn't done that in a month i think.
>>29403586
The world will make them die eventually, just wait and don't get your hands dirty, Anon. They aren't worth of it.
>>29404521
I used to believe with near certainty that there is no afterlife. I'm still pretty sure, but the fact that I can't falsify hell and the existence of God really bothers me. I study physics and math at uni, but study philosophy as a hobby, and it has dissolved a lot of my certainty about many things.
Overall, I'm terrified because it is logically possible that I will be eternally consciously punished for not having the right worldview in this life. I can't get the thought out of my head, and now matter the respect that I have for empiricism, it is no consolation for these emotional problems I have. I have diagnosed OCD, btw.
I can't stop thinking about how I just don't want to exist. I have severe depression too and I just want to die. Release me anon.
>>29404396
life is sad, man.
>>29404521
reincarnation will fuck us all for eternity
>>29404754
why doesn't anyone remember past lives? if there is no continuity of consciousness, who cares?
>>29404779
we will never really die, Anon
>>29404738
>it is logically possible that I will be eternally consciously punished for not having the right worldview
Afterlife was just made up by primitives to console themselves. Most religions don't even have the concept of "hell" and eternal damnation; that's strictly an Abrahamic concept.
Look, if you study science then you know the burden of proof rests on the claimant. If I said there's a giant pink seahorse that will chew your head for eternity after death, you wouldn't take it seriously, right? You wouldn't say, "Gosh it might be real because I can't falsify the claim".
The exact same situation applies to all religion. It's nonsense, man.
HAVING SAID THAT... there is a chance that the universe will expand, then collapse on itself, then expand again, and just keep re-running everything over and over, exactly the same, for eternity. In which case, we have lived these lives countless times over, and will live them again and again for eternity, unable to change anything.
Pretty fucked when you think about it... but at least there's no god or heaven or any of that sandnigger bullshit.
I can't enjoy anything anymore. Nothing seems like it's worth doing. Even things like eating my favorite foods or playing my favorite video games have become dull and boring and I usually just quit after a few minutes. I feel like i'm living in a continuous numb state and I don't know how much longer I can take it.
>>29405009
i used to be a new atheist when I was a teenager bruh. Agnostic now, would like some types of gods to exist for aesthetic/realist reasons. i know the arguments. It's no consolation. I'm mentally ill, I have OCD.
>>29393388
Somwhere before I was 6, when the mind was developing, my personality became part of me. Science says it's impossible to change that personality.
30 years old and my longest relationship with a woman was 2 weeks. And that was basically the only one.
I really want to find out a quick and painless way to die tonight, because I am a pussy and cannot handle it. I'm so depressed, people don't like me. Women sniff me out and stop being interested real fast, probably because I don't look good and because I hate myself.
I hate everything now and everything around me. I'll never breed. I'll never cuddle or share a kiss. And even if I do, it will be out of sympathy. No woman is ever going to love me. God at least gave Adam a partner when he saw he was lonely. But I am no special snowflake in gods eyes.
The world is cruel. It sucks that today is father's day, and he might die in surgery tomorrow. I can't wait until my parents pass so I can finally off myself. The thing is, I just have to get the balls to do it.
I just want to find some friends to not be lonely so much. I know I'm not interesting, and I can ask questions to make up for it, but I'm not able to put myself out there to consistently interact with people. I feel as if I'm bothering someone every time I try to start a conversation or hang out with them. I hate how online has become a place for everyone, where people already have groups of friends and it's hard to find those in similar situations now. I don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore
>>29405136
Have you been dropping MDMA too frequently?
>>29405136
Steal your mom's car, go on a roadtrip to some unknown location.
What's the worst that can happen? At least it would be more interesting than suicide. PLUS, you can always suicide afterwards.
>>29405204
I've never taken MDMA.
>>29405167
Fuck dude, I wish they ALL existed. I would throw myself into the Priesthood in a heartbeat if it meant I could fight demons with the power of Jesus on my side--- or even better, the power of KEK or some other dark, forgotten god. Life would be so much more exciting if magic was real. It's my boyhood fantasy to dabble in enchantments, alchemy, dark arts, sorcery, etc. It's probably every boy's dream to cast magic spells and fight monsters.
But I can't lie to myself; I know it's all primitive nonsense. We're all just talking monkeys on a ball of dirt in the middle of endless nowhere, and nothing's magic.
>>29399999
checked your privilege
> somedays, think I'm okay.
> seen my reflection of me smiling, lose all hope.
My teeth are fukin snaggletooth tier. brother got braces and I never did.
Really sucks. Smiling is rough.
>>29393388
god dammit why can't i stop drinking for good
i always fucking go back to it
a week later
a month later
a year later
i just get so FUCKING BORED
>>29404204
'roundish frames' as in full coke bottle frames? No, fuck that, don't listen to them. How long you been wearing glasses, my man? I've been wearing them since I was around four/five. Also don't listen to anything /fa/ says about glasses, they're fags who don't think in terms of function. I personally like rectangular frames with rounded edges, large enough to cover the eye or at least 80-90% field of vision. In fact, you could get those same frames you have in a darker shade and it'd contrast with your semi-pale ass skin. I do the same, since I'm a shutin and haven't gotten more than an hour's worth of sunlight for most of a decade.
Get a different haircut though bro, that isn't doing anything for you and looks like a shitty combover like you're trying to hide some baldspot up there. And yes, ditch the cigs, or at least use an e-cig so it doesn't stink(THE number 1 reason people hate it. not the cancer, not the other negative shit, just the fucking smell. really.)
You also look like you might have a decent body hiding under those neutral gray colors and might benefit from a light workout/light cardio routine.
The other folks are right, you -do- have an intense face. Reminds me of some cathedral decorated with thousands and thousands of carven stone men, their faces blocky and angular and really fucking intense looking(i really mean those things in the best way possible dude.) Left pic looks like someone just flipped your murder switch and you're about to garrotte a motherfucker or two.
>>29405182
Hey buddy. Know anybody with type 1 diabetes? Here's a pro-tip. They'll have two kinds of insulin, one long acting, one quick acting. You're gonna want the quick acting version, one of the most common is novalog. Anyway, what you're gonna do is snag one of their injection needles and fill that fucker to the brim(fifty units/milileters) and inject that shit. Then you're gonna do it again. You're going to walk home, or better yet, run. Once that shit is coursing through your veins, you're gonna go down pretty quickly. I'd advise not eating anything before doing this as well, since then there won't be as much sugar in your blood. You'll go into insulin shock, pass out, coma, then finally you will die. It will be scary when you feel the insulin starting to drop your sugar, this is normal. It's going to feel like you're drunk(at least it does for me) you won't be able to coordinate yourself, and then you will just....slip away due to cardiac arrest while you're in said coma, or likely before. Just embrace it. Like slipping into a nice warm bath. If there's anyone to discover you, make sure you leave a note saying you want to donate your organs, if possible, let someone else have them, that way a piece of you will continue on.
>>29405327
It's my boyhood fantasy to dabble in enchantments, alchemy, dark arts, sorcery, etc. It's probably every boy's dream to cast magic spells and fight monsters
That's a man's dream anon. You dreamt big for a little boy. Welcome to the Club.
>>29405790
Sounds like you don't have any sort of support system friend. I never pull out the AA card because fuck that goddamn cult(read their book sometime, it's a fucking beginners primer in brainwashing, seriously.) But there ARE genuinely nice people there that might be able to help you, or at least offer you a few crutches so you can stand on your own for awhile longer than without them.
But, mind if I play armchair doctor for a moment? Why do you want to stop drinking? Or maybe a better question, why do you feel you need to? Trouble with the law? Trouble at home, family, friends? Do you sit and drink alone and stew in your own broth? I get the FUCKING BORED thing. It's literally all there is to do around here unless you're into outdoorsy shit like hunting/motocross/snowmobiles/'big boy' toys like that.
No matter how much I try, I will never get rid of the pain my past gives me and thus I will never forget all the things I'm running away from.
>>29404547
I love you.
Lack of original thoughts blocks one from commenting.
I met a beautiful, smart girl, but I didn't act as strongly as I should have and things quickly destroyed the mood due to no real fault of my own.
I have her number, and got an immediate response the night of, but it's been a day since we've both been sober and she hasn't gotten back to me. I've sent one sober text, and I'm afraid she wants nothing to do with me. She might also have simply been busy and forgotten.
She also has something of mine, and I'm wondering at what point I should call her; why bother texting again, she obviously got it, but she either didn't know what to say, or didn't want to say anything. Am I really willing to miss out on someone I could love because I'm scared of embarrassing myself? At what point am I being needy and creepy? I've never been intimate with anyone ever before.
I look at my phone and wait, but I already know I'm not going to get a response.
>>29405800
> Left pic looks like someone just flipped your murder switch and you're about to garrotte a motherfucker or two.
heh, good shit
I will have to go try some frames in stores of course, but the reasoning people give for round frames is (what i read) the round shape contrasts with square-ish jawline and makes it stand out more visually
But i always liked the look of square frames as well, it will be hard to chose between them.
i am too tired to think straight, goodnight r9k
>>29393388
Right now I'm feeling soul crushing sadness and euphoria at the same time.
I had a friend in highschool. Actually several, but now most of them are dead or in jail/prison. However, as close as my male friends were(not very, to be honest, just a drinking buddy and his friends who tolerated my non-talking ass because sometimes I manage to unwind just enough to start cracking jokes), this one girl, who I only assume considered me one too, because she talked to me every day since middle school about anything and everything and made me walk with her to classes and sit between her and the 'creepy' guys(more creepy than myself i guess anyway), actually made me feel like a real person for the first time in my entire life. Like I wasn't just going through the motions, waiting for the day I killed myself, that there wasn't a countdown clock hovering over my head. Lost touch with her after graduation, and suddenly that countdown clock was back. Ran into her once more after that, just as cute as I remembered, if not more so. Then she was gone off the face of the earth and I can't find her, not even on social media. I wouldn't even want to now, I don't want her to know what i've become. Would want her to remember the me she knew back then, not this pathetic excuse of.....whatever the hell I am now, but it ain't human. Humans live, and I stopped doing that a long time ago.
I live my life on railroads unable to change anything. My life has been predetermined from the day I was born, I am ugly, stupid, unmotivated the list goes on. My parents were controlling throughout my entire childhood I never got to be independent and my mum in particular was completely unbearable at times. Even though I loathe them for ruining my life I still feel guilt that I will never live up to their expectations. They want me to get married and have kids but no one will ever care about me enough to marry me, and I honestly never want kids which is looked down upon in this society. The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because my upbringing as a Christian and the fear of going to hell. These days I find it hard to believe in God but I'm so terrified of going to hell that I have to keep believing. I don't understand why I have to keep living my life on a path that I didn't choose. I was born just to go to school, then to work, then to live the rest of my life in misery until the day that I die.
I finally got my first job, and within two days of working it I nearly got fired for incompetence. I am so stressed from the job, my paycheck is going to buying liqour (It starts at 12,50 in a state where minumum is 7,25).
>>29393388
I just got back from getting some aspirin at the local gas station. As I got out of the car, this chick and her buddies in the car next to me start calling out insults to me as I walk in. They did the same on the way back out. I acted like I didn't hear them. What I wanted to do was hurt everyone in that car very badly. I've spent the past ten minutes talking myself down from going back over there.
>>29403653
Nah, midwest
was reminiscing about HS tonight
just getting this off my chest
you are everything I hated in High school R
I thought a qt 4chan grill would be different but man was I deluding myself, you proved to be just like the rest of them.
I'm not like the rest of them, but you are.
I have already come to terms with the idea that I'm going to have to settle, but fuck if it beats being alone for the rest of my life.
>>29393647
ABORT ABORT ABORT THAT SHIT
I'm a total loser. My oneitis kissed me out of pity when I was 15 and then wiped her mouth on a towel. That's the closest contact I've had with a girl.
When does it end? Why did I have to be born with avoidant personality disorder? Why can't I just have never existed?
I'm a wizard who does nothing but slave away at work all day and watch anime all night. I want to die.
>>29405993
You can buy insulin OTC
>>29393388
I want to leave my family behind.
This environment just doesn't feel healthy and I feel like I'm punishing myself for something I didn't do holding myself back all the goddamn time.
I should be over the fact that I was lied to about dying at 12. I should be over the fact that my hallucinations were in fact real. Or that my friends died and all of this other weird paranormal sci-fi shit that's happened to me was real. But I can't help but think of those times on a daily basis.
I was active and doing shit then. Not laying around all day with no job and no money to do or go anywhere. I fucking hate what my life has become. A stagnat. Hate filled mess. Where everyday I want to scream and die out of frustration, Desperation, and hate.
It's been two days and I thought that it's been three weeks until I looked at the calendar today. Holy shit. Even if I sell my 3 electronic devices I can sell I would probably only get about $179 dollars.
I can't drive get a passport or whatever else I need I think. Maybe I think to much.
'Yeah, just pack a change of clothes and walk away from it all.' What shit advice for someone with no money or life. Or even experienced living . I wouldn't even know how to fend for myself, let alone get a job. I feel so frustrated and traped.
I'm pretty much dead inside,I no longer really feel anything except for rage,which is brought by minor inconveniences at best,and sarcasm,which i use a way to cover up the fact that I no longer possess the ability to really care for other people's personal problems ,most of my friends live too far away for me to go visit and i kinda get the impression that I'd just be a burden to them anyway
Looked through the whatsapp statuses of everyonon my contacts because of insomnia. Her status was something about how special it is to meet somebody outstanding
>it isn't me
I don't even like her anymore but I still feel like the worlds biggest pussy
i've never actually been with a girl and i think It's mostly because of the fact that i'm hideous and am riddled with acne and have a shit personality
and i kno people say your acne will go away over time or just use proactive you'll be fine but my face has literally been just the same gross, disgusting face it's always been plus I feel like i have just a weird disgusting body that i'm too fucking lazy to work on or do anything about
and all i want is to be loved but i know that that will never happen
>>29409446
Also this. Whoever thought this unoriginal comment shit up had good intentions but fuck off
>>29393388
I'm a gay dude with no self-esteem. I'm almost 21 years old and I've never gotten any. There were no gay guys that I liked in high school and I didn't want to come out because I have no self-esteem. If I could be straight I would do it in a heartbeat. I wouldn't wish this kind of upbringing on my worst enemy. No one should have to suffer the loneliness and emptiness like I did. I have virtually no connection to my family or the little friends that I had. My parents don't care about me at all and my brother's honestly kind of a dick. I never really had a real family connection. To me, they're just people that I grew up living with. Parents would always fight, blame me, rinse and repeat.
Sometimes I just want to run away and never look back. I want to start over in a place where no one knows me so I can re-invent myself. I'm borderline a compulsive liar except that I told lies because I hated just about everything about myself. Most of my old friends caught onto me as I tangled myself in this web of lies I put up. I guess a big part of my issue is that even though I don't act like it, I very much do care what people think of me.
I hate myself and want to die.
I've been dumped almost a year ago, and I didn't get over it.
My ex now hates me as much as I do, for the wrong reasons.
I bite down the treason, broken promises and future just to keep on living, making good figure to my family and friends, puting on a show.
I accept I'm not in a emotionnaly, physically and financially state to start dating again, I don't even want another woman if in the end, I'm just gonna get hurt, but fuck me, eveytime I see a cute girl, my brain start to make movies about us falling together, and fuck you brain, FUCK YOU, I don't need this, I don't need this girl, I don't need to let someone else in, we close the business, threw the key off, so just stop your love bullshit.
I lost more than 40 kg in a year, but if it means to get back in time and live again with the bitch that broke me, I'd get the weight back. Just to believe in the future again.
Time to start the day.
I feel so lonely.
I just want someone to hug and hold.
It's gotten to the point where I'd settle for a trap. Just something cute to cuddle and have in my arms while I lie in bed. Something to love.
But I have zero social life. I have friends at university but they have their own lives and I have no money to join them and I'm too scared of rejection to ask them if I can join them - not that I ever know they're going anywhere.
I just can't talk to girls or anyone randomly. It's fine if we're set up to chat but it just feels like I'm being annoying if I talk to them randomly.
I always also feel I have nothing to say
Like I'm just a boring bother no one really wants to talk to.
University is supposed to be the best years of my life but here I am, a lonely mess
I hate myself so much over all of this that I can't bear it. I don't know how I could get over it and be happy when I'm forced to accept a reality that only exists because of my own action. I'm supposed to get over the fact I can't have something because of myself. Something is literally impossible and only because of me, nothing else. At least if you can blame life, you can get to grips with it and move on from whatever it is you don't have a chance of having. How do you do that when you look in the mirror and think "you're the reason it's impossible" or "You're the reason I have to find something else" or even "You're the reason someone else can have what I want"?
Whether I shut myself away or not, I have to deal with living with the person responsible for me losing someone important. It's all fine knowing there are other people out there, and one day maybe I'd find that feeling again. It's the fact that the only reason for that being necessary is right in the mirror.
i'm hungry and cant afford food
Been alone for a few years now. Friends either had kids or moved out of state. Occasionally see the ex when I go to the bar for a drink. She's flirting as usual.
Always flirting.
Hanging on some man-bun wearing tool. He seems like a fag, to be honest. Why does she keep looking at me?
Work shit job after shit job. Just got back in school. Doubt I'll finish this time either. Not much point in doing anything. Probably gonna die alone anyway.
I can't believe I really made it 18 years without being kissed. Every year since the 7th grade, I would think "this is the year it would happen" and it never did. I guess that's trivial. More so than that, I just want to be held close enough to someone to feel their heart beat, and be able to lay my head on their chest and feel the beating in my temples. Ah well. Someday, maybe. Again, that is trivial.
If I think about the future, I can't imagine myself being alive in 10 years. I feel as if I would have killed myself or had a motorcycle accident or something. I just hope I die instantly and not have to suffer some awful gorey death
>>29410708
I will buy cheap food if you post an amazon wishlist.
I'm still a little butthurt about a girl I've been crushing on rejecting me, even though I consider it better than staying deluded in hopes the fact we hang out all the time, do shit for each other and get along well in general may mean something more. She also said she's usually mean to guys who crush on her while she's not interested in them, and she isn't mean to me, I was wondering why. Turned out I'm too nice to be mean to me, and also too nice to be a boyfriend material. Apparently you gotta be a dick to make some chemistry happen, constant banter isn't enough.
Or I'm just too ugly, probably
22 years old. I had it great graduating high school. Friends, loving family, full ride to a top school in the states. I had the potential to do anything I wanted.
I wasted my four years of college getting high, and being resentful for my upbringing. Always in the back of my mind I thought, I have no responsibility for my life because I didn't ask for it, if I killed myself no one could blame me.
I let my ungratefulness get the best of me and socially isolated myself for the past 2 years. Doing nothing but playing video games and smoking weed/cigarettes. Lost all of my social skills as a result. Developed paranoia, bipolar disorder. Regressed to the mental state of a child.
I don't know what's right anymore. I don't know up from down. All I know is that I don't want to be myself anymore. I'm tired of fucking up socially and being a heartbreak to my family. If I could go back to the moment I graduated high school, I would beat the shit out of my high school self for not having a sense of responsibility and self-preservation.
All of you robots never had any potential in the first place. I wasn't meant to be here. I have recently graduated friends pulling six figure salaries from world famous companies, Google FB McKinsey Goldman Sachs Bloomberg JPL Boeing etc etc, and I was easily smarter than most of them. I hate myself so much, and it stopped being funny a long time ago.
Life is laughing at me, everyone is laughing at me. My mind is so far gone I don't even know where to begin. Plato said in The Republic that humans possess an innate ability, and those with great minds will either succeed wildly or fail terribly depending on the guidance they are given, while those with middling potential won't go very far either way.
I've failed miserably. Instead of getting filled with book smarts, social grace, and moral values, I waste all my mental energy pacing back and forth in my own head. What the hell is wrong with you.
> not really good friends IRL that I like to spend time with
> work from home
> work, play games, watch anime, repeat
> no ambitions
> lonely most of the time
> start drinking heavily at home
> in love with this friend that I know will never work and she told me she doesn't like me 'that way' (even though we hooked up) but still cannot stop thinking about it.
> no reason to live.
>>29393388
Why do I stay with Kathryn?
After all, she has cheated on me and left me TWICE now.
She keeps "wanting to make it work" before the Chads dump her.
It disgusts me that my love is unrequited, but I feel too guilty to try and find anyone else.
This long distance relationship was a mistake.
Online friends have randomly started calling me boring and have even alluded to me being a cancer among them.
Closer online friend has decided to respond reluctantly now that his online girlfriend doesn't like how I said that he was worth a chance. Friend now rarely respond to me, at all.
Real life friend uses excuse they don't like to talk to others outside school to stop talking with me; goes on to talk about seeing her old orbiter, how she gets fucked anally/choked out by some guy who she feeds false info about me to, won't even care that she's messaging some guy when saying to me she prefers personal conversation. Expects me to pay attention to her as she hugs and flirts and grabs people's asses and calls me disgusting or unattractive whenever she likes, and since pretty gets away with it.
Work asshole who has worked a grocery store for 15+ years thinks I'm out to get him, my younger colleagues put all blame on me for their fuck-ups, the kid almost in Uni while they're at TAFE. Manager therefore thinks I'm a daft child.
Friend is getting continuously bullied for her right-wing views at the fucking Uni level by left-wing art students.
Dealing with Australia Post.
At this point;
BURN THE HERETICS. CRUSH THE ENEMY. SMITE THEM, FOR GLORY.
>>29412527
Stop whining you bitch.
If you are so stupid to throw all that away than you deserve to be here just like the rest of us.
You can still get your life back on track but you need to stop believing that social pressure that tells you that if you don't do it exactly like your friends did it you will never reach their level. Start developing an own personality and go your way.
Or keep whining and don't learn from your mistakes and live the rest of your life in hell.
I fucking hate winter
>>29410394
can i be your friend and cuddle you, anon?
we could talk about your life or anything that'd help you feel a little bit less lonely
>>29413848
No thanks.
I may be lonely, but I will never be gay or desperate enough to cuddle a gross anime faggot.
>>29393388
Everyone in this room is a massive faggot
>>29413864
>calls me gross for using anime
>his previous post is also anime
hmm.. im calling bait on this one
I need pills for my social anxiety, but I can't get them because of my social anxiety.
>sometimes my girlfriend gets into these bouts of sadness and ends up manipulating me to feel guilty for her
>i understand it's sort of a mental issue thing where she needs to be validated and praised sometimes when she's feeling really down
>of course i try to be as appreciative and loving as possible toward her, and i understand she's going through some rough times
>but i really hate it when she tells tales and lies to enable me to overtly patronize and esteem her
>talking to her last night, she had a confrontation with her parents and was feeling down
>tells me she took too much Advil again and is acting "loopy", i.e making intentional misspellings and being nonsensical
>somewhere in my mind i know that she's not being truthful about doing anything but i still act pissed that she broke her promise to not do it again
>gets sad and a little defensive, tells me that it's okay for me to call her a horrible person because i "have before"
>mfw because i literally have never said anything of that sort to her, i'm as respectful toward her as possible without being weird
>she tells me i berated her one night when i was drunk, called her a bunch of names
>"i know i have a poor memory but some things you just don't forget anon"
>i'm dying inside because 1. i rarely ever drink, 2. i've only ever texted her while drunk once, and 3. i read the conversation thoroughly and i never said anything like that
>confront her for lying, actually fuming
>she goes "am i thinking about... my ex... oh my god i mixed you two up im the worst baah baah waah"
>i roll it off like it doesn't bother me and she ends up falling asleep
>but it hurts a lot knowing that she would lie to me to that much of an extent just to pull at my emotional strings and make me guilty for no reason at all
god i love her but she does this too often
I've ghosted my bachelor degree classes for the third time and feel too guilty to enjoy anything at any given time.
Paid for 1 month of WoW, don't know if I'm gonna make use of it, ghosted my online friends I used to play with too.
>>29414028
you're a complete fucking retard for not losing your feelings for her after all this and just ending it all already. enjoy your emotional rollercoaster you sperg.
