>shit
>wipe ass a couple of times
>still shit on paper
>wipe ass again still shit on paper
>wipe ass again, shit and blood on paper
>wipe ass again, still still and more blood on paper
>flush so I don't clog the toilet
>wipe ass again, still shit and blood
>shove paper into asshole, even more shit and blood
>wipe again
>still shit and blood
>wipe again
>just blood
>stop
have you considered using a bidet or water jug and then using TP to dry your asshole
>>29390522
I use a soap and water afterwards to remove any residual shit on the exterior, never considered doing it first.
>wipe ass
>blood and mucus
>go to doctor
>not cancer apparently
>been like this for a solid 5 years now
Sounds like you have terrible diets. Eat more whole grains and vegetables.
>>29390577
I'd bet I eat better than 98% of this board
>>29390522
>bidet
nod id by cudtree
Best method of wiping ass.
Apply handwash to the first wipe and lather your ass and asshole
Wipe with wet wipes to clean
Wipe with toilet paper till dry.
>>29390634
i have the same problem, my diet is godly, but my shits are a major issue and can require excessive attentionbut i'm pretty sure that this is due to severe alcoholism
>>29390499
Best method of wiping ass:
- shoot yourself in the base of the skull, near the spine, at an upward angle or through the mouth aiming towards the same area
- instantaneous lights-out means you never have to worry about performing daily maintenance on your filth hatch ever again
>>29390675
>attention but i'm pretty sure that this is due to severe alcoholism
You're probably right.alcoholwill annihilate the bacteria in your gut and mess with your water retention which isn't good.
>>29390725i meant more like i ruined my pancreas and liver from years of drinking alone every nightbut your thing is probably true too
>>29390675
>>29390725
>>29390761
Started drinking heavily three years ago and my asshole started occasionally bleeding about two years ago. Coincidence?
On the days it doesn't bleed, it's just chunky diarrhea, i know it's bad, but i don't care.
Fuck i wish i could an hero, but i don't have the courage to do it and i instead chainsmoke and drinking every night, alone, in my apartment, while shitpostingheh.
>>29390761
Yea you probablyfucked those up too, but they typically don't have an effect on your shits. Your pancreas might indirectly. Doubt your liver does though.I don't know for certain since I'mnot a doctor
>>29390797
>Started drinking heavily three years ago and my asshole started occasionally bleeding about two years ago. Coincidence?
That's hemorrhoids. The alcohol is dehydrating you.
>>29390577
When I improved my diet, I started taking massive shits. I'm talking 1-2 feet long and thick as hell. It really strains my ass, but it is worth it.
>>29390557
>unidentifiable fluid keeps leaking from my ass
>doctor says it's from internal hemorrhoids, prescribes suppositories
>nothing changes after using them
>turns out it was just sweat from massive swamp ass due to drinking too much coffee.
Wipe once or twice to get rid of the initial cruft. Then wipe INSIDE 3-4 times. Then wipe normally.
It's fast and works well.
>>29391164
>hemorrhoids
Is that going to kill me?
>>29391212
Nah, it's just kind of a pain in the ass.
>>29391295
Quality joke my friend.
