I'll start:
>Moved 5 times before I turned 5 so I never got any childhood friends
>sexually abused by some fucking shit who was a couple years older than me when I was 6
>had some "friends" but got bullied daily until like the 8th grade
>had anger issues so nobody would come near me
>teacher singled me out for being left handed, forced me to write with my right hand and called me an autist in like 3rd grade
>only "long" relationship I had was with some insane bitch who manipulated me, abused me and threatened suicide when I considered breaking up with her
>no teacher liked me
>no adult liked me
>got absolute shit grades until now
>broke
>no job
>closeted bisexual, haven't come out because I would get fucked even more, dad doesn't like fags or anything similar to them
>immigrants come up with bullshit every day at school
>no real talents, tried several stuff but nothing I was good at
>addicted to tobacco and alcohol
>does drugs when they're available to soothe the pain, but the drugs don't usually last long because of my fast metabolism, so there's a lot of money wasted
>constant pain in my spine because I've been in several snowboard and gymnastics accidents
>no friends and never get invited to parties, even though I try to hide the real me all the time and seem like a normie
>no girls will talk to me for some reason, it's not like I try to avoid them or be negative towards them
>have a hard time feeling empathy for others
>been clinically depressed since I was 11
>nothing is fun and everything is boring
>Haven't killed myself because I'm too much of a pussy, and the drugs kind of help temporarily, so every day is just a wait for a high
>only thing I'm looking forward to is to study abroad, which might not even happen because it's hard as fuck to get in.
Same boat as you OP, except nothing is fun, everything is boring, and I don't chase highs so I never really feel anything.
>feel depressed because i cant make relationships work because im depressed
>cant kill myself because I think of what itll do to my family
>>29370535
the last one fits with me as well, wonder how my 11 yr old brother would react, he barely even knows I'm depressed
>>29370023
My life pretty much combo'd me into being an apathic sack of bitter bile.
During my childhood I often had to handle my alcoholic father and helpless mother who regularily loaded me off at my granmas place during summer, where I witnessed all kinds of fucked up shit. I was always a sick kid and often ended up in the hospital. Later moved to another country and got bullied the fuck out of me, had to overcome language barriers, learn like a good little autist, even still did sports. But as I entered my teens I got some really vicious acne and psychological problems, bullying flared up to 11/10. I still somehow kept it together, still had that optimistic, naive approach to life. I took meds to fix my acne and I think those finally punched me into a permanent depressive state. As I finally entered highschool and could start with a blank slate I thought things are going to get better, but life was not really fun anymore. I started to drink and abuse various other substances a shitton with "friends" and wrecked all that was left of a chemical balance in my head. Then some time later my health finally collapsed on me, my doctor told me I have cancer and I got spinned through this whole clinical mess. Surprisingly handled it like a champ, but after my treatment was finally finished and school was over the whole shit came over me like the pain does after a shock. Had a really vicious depression, some days I did not leave bed all day, on others I got wasted as fuck and proceeded to sleep for another 2 days. And after that hell of a summer I am not the same.
I stopped drinking and smoking, started to excercise, got my shit together and went to university. But this whole thing fucked me up so good that I really do not see any fun in anything. University just pushed me deeper into this psychological limbo I was in since. I literally can not cry anymore, no matter how much I want to and push through out of sheer boredom when I can handle going out of the house.
>>29370874
Oh and I did not kill myself yet because I am afraid to do so of course. I cling to life like a madman not matter what happens, despite life being permanently shit. I do seek comfort in the thought that it will all be over one day though.
I also have this thought which always hurts me, where I see that little kid that was me back then with hopes, big dreams, really energetic and working hard. I feel like shit every time I notice that I am fucking this kid over. I used to be better than all of this and if god would just stop fucking me over for once maybe I would snap out of it.
>>29370535
Are you me?
I was going to kill myselfe yesterday, but chickened out
>>29370874
> granmas place during summer, where I witnessed all kinds of fucked up shit.
Explain.
>>29370023
Your life is shit because youre a fucking retard hanging around on this board. Get outside and do something fucking loser.
>>29370874
good luck brother, I've got the same where I can't cry anymore, have got a bit wet in my eyes once the last two years but it's been physically impossible
>No Waifu
>No Raifu
>No BMQ
If it wasn't for my AISH income to feed my vidya addiction I would've killed myself by now.
>>29371141
I'm only on this board to post this, I rarely go on 4chan, also >get outside and do something fucking loser
like what? literally the only things to do in this cold fucking country is drink excessive and do drugs if you're into that
>>29371269
Go to school
Get a girlfriend
Science
Literally anything. Fucking loser
![doggers_2e_12_by_doggers-d4rk1rn[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/bbbxMrw.jpg "doggers_2e_12_by_doggers-d4rk1rn[1].jpg")
>Fat
>Autistic (diagnosed)
>gay incel
>balding at 23
>grated down, enamel stripped teeth
>Severely depressed and panic attack inducing anxiety about everything
>no friends
>Job sucks
>education and career possibilities limited because I have an almost complete inability to do even basic math for some reason.
I haven't killed myself yet because my depression has gotten better with age (it used to be physically painful and I would rarely leave bed).
I've given myself 12 months for self improvement. If I can't eek out some normalcy in that time, I'll take out one of my many guns, and shoot myself in the head.
Shit is looking pretty grim for me, I'm starting to ache like an old man. Only going downhill from here.
