Share your experiences with depression, apathy, dysthymia, schizoid personnality disorder, etc.
>Be male autist
>low sex-drive, low energy, generally apathetic my whole life
>have no issue with being a friendless loser
>feel nothing when seeing couples in public
>disgusted by the idea of having children and living my life with someone who would eventually take away all my freedom, all my privacy and leave for someone else
>eventually become completely indifferent towards women after years of web browsing and vidya and not giving a fuck
>be 20 now
> going back to college in a couple months, pursuing a degree I know nothing about because don't care enough to find a career option I'd like
>one day read a webcomic out of curiosity
>the kind of romantic webcomic so idyllic and happy that it would make a typical robot KHV consider suicide
>go to bed feeling weary
>rationality, stoicism and heartlessness day in and day out, I suppose I have to let some pressure out every once in a while
>feeling something that resembles sadness for the first time in at least a year
>realize my insecurities and paranoia are so overwhelming that I refuse to even imagine the possibility of relationships
>missing out and it's all my fault
Pic related, how I felt in the moment. Beaten down but still somewhat disconnected
Anybody else knows what I'm talking about? Have you ever been so apathetic that it was ruining your life? How do you deal with it?
>>29300151
I had depression, everything was just dark as shit. Nothing seemed to matter.
I had psychosis and had to take anti-psychotics. This fucked me up the worst. I couldn't even cry if I wanted to. At least when I was depressed I could still cry.
I couldn't deal with it, I just grew out of it.
>>29300151
The thought of suicide actually makes me happy and relieved. The only time, other than sleepeing, where I don't feel like utter shit.
>>29300295
Are you never able to become distracted enough that you forget how shitty your life is?
>>29300151
Your apathy is rational, but you lack the experience to justify that.
You should go then and experience all those emotions, love, hate, pain, fear, betrayal, and maybe even happiness.
Do it until it loses significance.
Then you'll be right back here with your apathy. Knowing that we as humans are flawed and whether you feel happy or not is less dependent on reality and more so on the drugs, chemicals and hormones in your body.
Happiness is just another form of depression or apathy, it's just the better way to waste your potential and time.
I've had relationships, I've loved and lost, I achieved everything I thought I had to and at the end of it all the only thing I'm truly thankful for is my condo, my dog and that I got out alive. So that's what you should work towards, go date and fuck while you do it but secure your living situation and find an animal to love you. Life is shit but VR is coming.
>>29300151
>realize my insecurities and paranoia are so overwhelming that I refuse to even imagine the possibility of relationships
I know this feel too well. I think my depression would take a toll on gf/bf and cause end of relationship. I dont bother trying because of this. Maybe ill get a cat or dog to keep me company
> mfw my family pisses me off 24/7
> mfw I'm still crying at least once per week
When am I going to ascend to the complete apathy phase?
>>29300828
A healthy combination of slothfulness, nihilism and self esteem so low that you don't value your own life. These factors dull the brain, kill the soul and destroy one's will to live respectively
>>29300828
what's it like to cry so much? I think the last time I cried for real was 7 or 8 years ago. Mostly numb now. Seems exhausting
>>29300952
>slothfulness, nihilism and self esteem so low that you don't value your own life.
I'm all that and more. Too lazy to kill myself, because it doesn't matter anyway.
>>29301008
It's an abstract feel. Feels pretty good sometimes, but I'd rather not feel anything.
>>29300151
For me, it's the apathy that makes it impossible to have a relationship
Even if I could get a qt gf, I'd end up being distant and never bother asking her to do anything
>>29300151
I'm apathetic when it comes to things like >tfw no gf, but most other things just piss the absolute fuck out of me.
How do you ascend to apathy? I want to leave behind my worries and annoyances.
>>29300151
Depression/anxiety classic combo here senpai
No sex drive, no motivation. As long as I can remember I've wanted to do anything, back when we had career talks in school I just couldn't believe that people had all these huge dreams.
I'm apathetic about everything except my family now, lost interest in everything. Given up even trying to lose my virginity or get a gf, just no point and my genes shouldn't be passed on...
I was considering getting a dog for company, I've heard it helps cheer some people up?
I'm a lazy, unmotivated piece of shit. I don't care about my well-being. I don't desire friends, girlfriends or sex. My days consist of me laying on the bed with a laptop on my chest browsing this shithole, if I'm not doing that I'm sleeping. The sad part is I know my problems, I know what to do but I just can't be bothered to do shit. Nothing in this world can convince me to change and I don't expect it to, I wish I were dead so I don't have to deal with anything.
Know the exact same feel where I'm so full of insecurity and self doubt that I rationalize that I like being alone better even though I feel way happier with social interaction
>>29301114
>I was considering getting a dog for company, I've heard it helps cheer some people up?
Depression/Anxiety bro here, don't do it. It's a huge responsibility and only adds stress. Just think about how you have to go for a walk three times a day, buy food supplies, care for him etc. I already failed to walk the dog twice a day and if you're in this thread I doubt you can even properly take care of yourself. Plus dogs cost like several hundred bucks.
Can we talk about feeling better? Right now I don't actually feel depressed most of the time, and it's such a radical change that it's hard to even get used to. The worry that it's about to come completely crashing down is near constant.
I'm diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder, but at my last psych ward stay me and my psych agreed I do experience mania/hypomania sometimes, so it's not a clear cut picture.
>>29301038
>I'm all that and more.
I can't think of why you would need to cry or be pissed off, clearly you're straining yourself in some way. Maybe solitary life isn't for you but circumstances forced you into it. Apathy comes with indifference, and it's definitely easier to be indifferent when you are relatively comfortable physically and mentally.
Being a high-functioning autist, solitary activities and distractions are usually my favorite way to spend my time. But at times I'm going to "wake up" and realize how unhealthy and shitty it is to be as isolated and detached as I am.
>>29301293
>it's definitely easier to be indifferent when you are relatively comfortable physically and mentally.
That must be it, familiano. I'm phsycially and mentally a trainwreck and fully aware of it. JUST
In my situation, the key thing to remember is that no matter how much I try to make things better, i will still forever and always be a little one-eyed short white retarded male with hearing aids and will never matter enough to anyone to contribute anything to society. Minecraft and weed helps me escape the crushing reality of my irrelevance,
>>29301228
If something, anything, makes you feel better, I say think about it often and hang on to it. Recently I started talking long walks in the evening a couple of times a week and it's definitely been good for me. I don't really have the energy to do much more than that and housekeeping, but I can appreciate the little things. Peace of mind and positivity is what you have to keep looking for
Just got diagnosed as a socio-path.
Think I can safely say its over lads
This is the most /wiz/ thread in awhile. I like it.
>>29301598
That's basically what I'm doing, trying to maintain this high. I still get some decently extreme mood swings, but the general state seems like it's actually livable, at least for now. Smoking quite a bit of weed, sober from the hard drugs. Finding out the lowest amount of medication I can be on. Trying to exercise and actually do things. I've just realized I'm not done yet, and that in itself helps a lot.
>>29300716
I've had one relationship in person and one long distance relationship, both times they have ended with both of them telling me that 'I'm too negative', even though themselves were even more depressed than I am.
Doesn't matter who's it with, if you're depressed you can't hold a relationship because it'll drain them as well.
>>29302132
Well that's shitty. You would think that they would understand if they were depressed too.
>>29300531
Good advice listen up OP
Why are you guys depressed?
I thought being a NEET was amazing, I saw that video on youtube where the NEET reads books, adventures and has a great life. Was it a lie?
>>29301788
jesus fucking christ
how was your home life, relationship with your parents and whatnot?
i am also a cluster-B fag, a diagnosed personality disorder is the robot's ultimate death sentence
>>29300952
>healthy combination
Top kek
>>29300151
Got over depression quite some time ago which led me into apathy. Now I just don't care. No sadness within me, but also not a complete feeling of meaningless towards everything such as nihilism would portray. The least saddening way to live.
>>29300531
>>29302261
I do appreciate the perspective. Kind of wish I had the energy, the will or the emotional capability to enjoy someone's company (or make them enjoy mine) on this level, but that's not the case
>>29302266
Not everyone on /r9k/ is a NEET
>>29302360
>Not everyone on /r9k/ is a NEET
Well there's your problem.
If you became a NEET maybe your depression would go away with all the freetime you got
>have not cried in a legitimately long time
>there are times where I really do want to but I'm just unable
>have a dream where I just sob and it feels fucking amazing
what does it all mean
Don't you think it could also be the current state of the world that contributes to apathy/nihilism? With information technology and other developments that make life easier yet more trivial, it seems like most people I observe don't really care any more as much as say in past time periods. Tfw the world succumbs to minimalism of things previously considered tragic. What a time to be alive my ballsack
>sleep crying again
>>29302451
you should drink senpai
>tfw no drunk r9k friends to be emo with
>>29302496
I do drink,and I love it
>>29302276
Relationship with parents is non existent more anger towards them than anything, i was physically abused as a kid for any mistakes i made and was raised by child minders/baby sitters.
What about you?
>>29302517
you dont cry when you're drunk?
I do almost every time
>>29302538
No I don't, but it does make me feel nice
Maybe if I drank alone
>>29302451
Your repressing your emotions and they want to come out
>>29302575
How do I get them to come out?
>>29302526
apparently leaving your kid in daycare or with babbysitters for too long at a young age can cause the same symptoms that result from total abandonment
my parents seem like ok people now but they divorced when I was 5 or 6 and their parenting was very inconsistant, I'm pretty sure my mom was cheating on my dad even while they were still married with this degenerate white trash cunt that she was seeing, when she took me over to his place he would yell and intimidate me, he even showed up at our house one time while I was watching pokemon and when I told him to leave me alone he grabbed me by the shirt and yelled right in my face
My dad hit me on multiple occasions too
>>29301387
This made me sad. Sorry about your eye.
Sitting on almost a decade of depression. Anxiety came later about half way into the depression. It's only gotten worse I feel like. Now it's become depersonalization/derealization. I recently read that dp/dr is actually commonly the brain's defense mechanism against high levels of stress and anxiety. Reading that kind of made me feel worse for some reason.
I just keep waiting for more bad shit to happen because I know it will at this point. It's not going to get better. I'm currently trying to get myself out of my environment though and force myself to get a life by getting into the military because I just have no way of being financially independent or just independent in general at this point
had anxiety, then depression. the sadness turned into apathy, meaninglessness and giving up.
been here a few years now. i just exist.
>>29300151
Apathy was a choice I made, I regret nothing.
I got the shit bullied out of me during middle school, entered high school as a bitter alcoholic and actually found "friends" to fuck myself up with, even a gf. Got diagnosed with cancer not too long after, already packed all my bags inside of my head and for some reason survived. Gf left, friends vanished over time.
I started college, made my driving license, pushed away all remaining friends, stopped drinking and smoking. I surrendered myself completely to my personal autism and simply do not care anymore.
I want to earn some dosh, get myself a remote home and nice car and spend the rest of my life completely drowned in asceticism.
Do whatever the fuck you want anon, life could be over any moment.
>Be male autist
>low sex-drive, low energy, generally apathetic my whole life
>have no issue with being a friendless loser
>feel nothing when seeing couples in public
>disgusted by the idea of having children and living my life with someone who would eventually take away all my freedom, all my privacy and leave for someone else
>eventually become completely indifferent towards women after years of web browsing and vidya and not giving a fuck
What the fuck, are you me? This describes me all too well and the best (perspective) thing is I love it like this.
I use alcohol to connect with my emotions, otherwise i don't feel them. I go through a gallon of gin on friday nights and i'm either real happy or real sad.
>>29302957
>depersonalization/derealization
OP here. Sorry that's happening to you. I used to be terrified of this happening to me
>>29303617
I think it might be high-functioning autism mixed with some schizoid tendencies. It seems to be a really rare thing, kinda glad I'm not the only one
>>29302451
>have a dream where I just sob and it feels fucking amazing
I had one just last night, iktf, although the reason I was crying was because I was thinking about the ending of Final Fantasy X, I never even considered it sad which is the weird part
>>29303865
Why drink then? Don't you want to be in control?
>>29302451
>>29304525
Crying? huh. My emotional dreams always seem to revolve around me screaming at my extended family. wew
Anyone here self medicate with hard drugs now or in the past? I keep binging on benzo's and ruining my life. I've used heroin too, but honestly I was almost always able to keep at least some level of control over it.
>>29305560
I've been curious about heroin, but being a robot I don't know anybody to buy it from
>>29305595
I just got it online for the most part, or from people I met online. It's fantastic, but if you do it you either won't really like it that much, or you'll love it for the rest of your life. That's your gambit to take.
>>29302239
no you wouldn't they want someone to cheer them up. They want to use their depression to get taken cared of. They don't want someone who actually is fucked too.
>>29300531
This kind of advice can only come from someone who is clueless. It would be like saying to a dog stop chasing your tail.
>>29303470
loled
(cunniggerpobot)
