HAHAHAHAHAHA
IT IS STORY TIME mostly cuz I'm banned from the chatsite I usually go to for reasons that will become apparent probably maybe
>25 now
>ran away from home at 11
>began to live with estranged father at 12
>father has PTSD and psychotic tendencies
>stay away from drugs out of fear that father will find out and beat me
>afraid to brings friends from school over
>afraid to ask girls out because they would have to come over at some point
>stop talking for months at a time
>turn 16
>start going to friends' houses and convincing them to go out vandalizing stuff
>get arrested for smashing up a car
>don't get charged
>father picks me up from police station
>life becomes a living nightmare
>have first suicidal thoughts
>turn 18
>start doing heroin, literally the first drug I ever touched
>get bad into it
>turn 19
>graduate high school and move to Utah
>kick heroin
>start living good life
>good job
>good place to live
>start losing my mind
>start hallucinating (voices, seeing little pixie people everywhere, etc)
>start believing things that clearly can't be reality but are very convincing
>think about suicide at least once a day
>turn 22
>can't afford to live on my own any more
>move in with (ex)stepfather
>get into fistfight with him
>homeless
>get in contact with mother
>she sends money to come back to my hometown in Ohio
>drive home
>arrive at new home
>go out with friends that night
>back on heroin
>turn 23
>HA HA HA HA IT IS TIME FOR FULL BLOWN PSYCHOTIC BREAKS
>hold down 3 jobs while maintaining a $1000/week habit and a blooming psychosis that gets worse with each passing week
>turn 24
>regularly engage in self-harm and attempt suicide via drug OD several times
>OD 13 times in total, multiple instances of waking up in hospitals/ambulances
to be continued HA HA HA. I know nobody's gonna read this but hey, I might as well give it a shot.
nobody cares
Oregano post robohomo
>>29268664
>OD 13 times
>go to the psych ward for fucking my hand up with a hunting knife (pic related)
>move out of my mother's
>move in with a good friend
>cut down massively on heroin use
>almost clean
>working in a factory
>nigger walks up to me and offers to sell me dope
>break down and buy some
>get high in the bathroom
>crush hand in welding gun
>drug tested
>fired
>go to the psych ward again for suicidal behavior (read: hanging off of a bridge from a streetlamp by my feet)
>get out
>move back in with mother
>totally clean off heroin
>NEET
>months pass
>get job at a casino
>psychosis kept in check by powerful antipsychotics and mood stabilizers
>job is a nightmare of getting screamed at by strangers every day
seriously, fuck customer service anything.
>go to the psych ward again for telling a doctor that was about to put me into a partial hospitalization program that I hadn't stopped thinking about suicide or self destructive behavior for so long that it's basically become my identity and the only reason I haven't killed myself yet is I just haven't been successful yet
>get out
>hardly in touch with reality at all
>consider myself basically immortal from all the times I almost died
>get back on heroin
>really losing my mind despite meds
>finish destroying any ounce of respect or trust I had with literally anybody
>OD and wake up in an alleyway covered in a sheet
>realize it's the closest I've ever been to death
>decide to turn life around
>kick heroin via suboxone, NA, IOP
>fix many broken relationships
>stop taking meds because, hey, fuck it, they aren't doing anything anyway
>turn 25
>wake up in psych ward
>took there from work
>total psychotic break
>get out
>try to go back to work
>can't without a note from psych doctor
>psych doctor wants to put me in 7 hour daily classes for months before I can get back to work
>lose job
>stop taking meds again
>have constant mood swings
>spells of utter psychosis (hallucinations, erratic and unpredictable behavior, obvious craziness)
tl;dr
you seem like a retard though
How the fuck does someone attempt to kill themselves so much and they just let the person go?
America is a fucking shithole country. How are you guys a 1st world nation again?
>life is literally nothing but manic phase, depressive phase, or psychosis
>can't talk to ANYONE about it because I'll just get locked up again
>only social contact is family and /r9k/
I just want to connect with another human being again. I don't want a GF or anything. I just want someone to make me feel human again.
>>29268985
thats what im thinking
>>29269106
We respect people's freedom.
We don't believe in treating an adult like a child for differences in brain chemistry
As it stands, these days, my oneitis won't talk to me, my best friend is fucking dead, my family (except my perfect sister) sees me as a lazy retarded junkie who will end up killing himself (and they're not entirely wrong), I'm losing my grip on what's real and what isn't, my mental health people either want to fuck me over or have given up on me, and there's nobody I can fucking talk to about this shit
I don't know what to do with myself
I'm so afraid of myself
>>29268664
Have you ever gotten any mental health care? Tried meds to get your psychosis under control?
>>29269338
Yeah I have. It didn't go great. Invega worked for a while but they stopped giving me that in favor of Latuda and around then is when everythjing got all fucked up and I stopped bothering with treatment since it wasn't working out very well anyway.
Plus I'm kinda sick of everyone in the mental health community trying to put me on another pill or in another program designed to milk more money out of my welfare insurance.
It's pretty fucked, really.
>>29268985
>>29268790
post like these that only make people
>>29268960
>>29268664
OP you need help
get back on your meds
I never get why people do that for no reason
you can always recover from the mistakes you've made in your pastto some extent I care about you and all the bots on r8k
>>29269539
Aww how cute
>>29269406
OP do you need a prescription for invega
It sounds like it was working until they duxked you over by switching you to latuda. Can't you tell them to just give you invega, and tell them that switching to latuda made it worse?
I know you don't want to take meds but it doesn't sound like you're mentally stable enough to not take meds.
>>29269539
>get back on your meds
I would rather die than go back to the hospital, which is the most likely course of action if I tried to get back on my antipsychotics. It's what happened the last time I was off them.
>>29269580
The problem with invega is that it's an injection every 3 weeks for me. And if I miss an appointment, which is V E R Y likely since I'm a fucking mess of a human being, I'm fucked until I get another apointment which may be very difficult.
Really I just don't want to bother with it any more but I can totally see why you'd say I need it.
>>29269133
dude customer service seriously sucks dick and is miserable, i cannot believe those jobs are considered "entry level." dealing with pissed off people all day is so fucking stressful, everyone is a goddamn child, seriously i see old-ass people with shitloads of money coming in acting like fucking retards and i wonder how the fuck this person lived so long while being so goddamn stupid and obnoxious, goddamn fucking kill me now please before i go crazy and become that person
>>29269626
I don't know what to do if you know meds don'r help
have you considered any other method for help?
>>29269773
such as? meditation? positive thinking? the occult? therapy?
tried those, either can't do it any more or it was bullshit to begin with.
>>29269817
Have you tried total isolation or living like a hermit?
I was isolated as a child and I can say that I'm both mentally sound and unstable yet stable enough to control myself.
Sure I get a hallucination auditory or maybe physical but I'm alright.
well I'm too sad to stay awake any longer.
Thank you if you read any of this.
My skype is WindowToSleep. Add me if you feel like it, or just leave it alone. I'd like someone to talk to, but it really doesn't matter anyway.
>>29269817
You tried the occult? pls tell story
