I have no friendships that feel real. Everything I do for them is forced, and the only reason I do anything at all is so I don't feel alone. I don't know why I can't connect to people anymore. It wasn't always this way.
I just want someone to be nice to me who won't rip my head off if I say something wrong. Someone who would rather debate opinions rather then just have an emotion-fueled response. Someone to make me feel important and wanted. I feel like I am a pretty chill person, so it shouldn't be a hard criteria to fill. But still that warmth of acceptance and love eludes me.
I've tried everything from being aggressive to being nice. Nothing works. Everyone stays at an arm's length despite my best efforts.
This is more a vent post since I don't have anyone else I could talk to about this, but suggestions would be appreciated. Maybe there is some secret to this.
inb4 kys
>>29268182
I'll bite. Want to go into more detail?
>>29268442
thank you for bumping this, I've been lurking for a while now, go on OP pls
![[deja vu, ive just been in this place before].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/Zf4C6NB.jpg "[deja vu, ive just been in this place before].jpg")
>>29268472
Hope he checks the thread again. I hate seeing 0 reply threads. Just felt like talking to people too.
>>29268182
Well, OP. I kinda knew what you mean. Not to sound elitist or fedora.jpg, but people are weird. There's 7 billion of them though, you can find people to get along with (if you want, you don't have to live conventionally unless its dangerous for your health),
>>29268472
>>29268442
I don't understand what else you'd like me to say. What else would you like to know?
>>29268486
An odd picture, but I like it. I inhale, and can almost smell the fog.
*she
>>29268626
I guess the other poster wanted specific stories, I just didn't want you to be bummed out with no audience. Have you tried meditation?
>>29268182
This almost reads like bait written to appeal to me.
I am so unsuccessful socially because for some reason I assume everyone is oriented toward this idea of "progress" or objective utopia/self-awareness and collective growth? That just feels like my fundamental mode of operation in social settings because they're such a good opportunity to both hone one's skills in defining the specific point at which something logically stops making sense and generating rational but creative solutions to problems. It seems sorta like....the whole point of anything social imo
>>29268724
Meditation is worth a shot. I have a pretty unquiet mind, so it isn't easy for me to sit down for any length of time, but I can't say I ever put serious effort into it.
It's okay, I don't really need an audience. Just sorta nice to throw something into the void and know someone out there glanced over it. That my troubles are not just in my mind, but out there, somewhere. Maybe someone genuinely relates and sympathizes with me.
Or something.
>>29268752
I engage socially because once in a blue moon someone will say something genuinely nice to me, and it gives me a warmth that I can not feel on my own. I am a better person for it. I just can't obtain the connection to feel that consistently. Perhaps I am too paranoid to let people in right away.
At this point I know something is wrong with me, but I just can't figure out what it is and remedy it.
>>29268767
I empathize with this, too. Good conversation seems almost like a meditation game of sorts without all the radical acceptance that provokes terrible anxiety in me. Mental silence is not nearly as fulfilling as "Friend's Name is typing....." in response to something you feel is important.
>>29268767
taking walks in nature can be pretty calming too. I have maybe on, two or three friends. I feel like with one of them I curb them away from depression. I always feel isolated and despite being normie on the surface I feel like I could cut connections with so many. So easily too. I don't think his clinical depression is that bad for him but he doesn't know that I think about offing myself pretty frequently. It feels normal though.
>>29268626
btw im
>>29268442
>>29268486
.>>29268604
>>29268604
It's late and I'm just trying to fully understand your post. I know what you mean about friends though. Personally i just don't fucking like "normal" relationships. I don't mind being alone
>>29268817
This is a good way of putting it. I think most people who try to stay open-minded experience with the warmth that comes with validation. It's basically a loner's attachment to the social world...the reward system that keeps a person from becoming totally antisocial out of convenience. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
>>29268941
experience* the (sorry)
>>29268838
I feel better knowing that someone else feels similar. Thank you.
>>29268875
Walks in nature is nice, but the world is so loud. It demands my attention so much that I can not find time for peacefulness. If I sit for a moment, I was wasting valuable time, which is wasting valuable money. I currently have three jobs to fill all the free time I have, and still feel as if I am not doing enough.
I have a friend that is much the same. I have been ignoring them lately as well, but I am just too tired to deal with them. I organize friends like resources, but I long for them to love me. It is a very confusing situation.
I have been thinking of death often as intrusive thoughts, it is starting to concern me.
I am sorry you are thinking of offing yourself. No one should feel like that. I wish it didn't happen at all. As fruitless as that is.
>>29268900
I envy you. Sometimes I am like that, but there are these times of weakness where I realize that I only live for my own existence.
>>29268941
Jeez. I really am fucked if this is a regular product of living.
>>29269301
I believe just wishing and thoughts can have profound results. It really does feel normal though. I figure if I killed myself my mother would kill herself too though, so I feel like I don't really have the right to kill myself. Funny story about being detached, one time my mom was threatening to kill herself and walked out the house and down the street maybe a quarter of a mile. I kept on trying to get her inside but eventually I got tired and parted ways because we were pretty far away from home and I was not feeling good at all. I played borderlands and got comfy while my mom came home. I wonder if in that moment I gave up on my mom and just wanted to be comfortable at home. My friend who is depressed has a girlfriend now so I guess he isn't feeling that bad probably right now. He seems happy. Have you tried breathing excercises that are similar to meditation.
>>29269462
also, I'm a paranoid person too OP
i can't follow this thread at all but i'm still gonna hang out in it
>>29269462
Funny. My charge also found a girlfriend, so they haven't been as reliant on me. I also am still on this Earth because of an obligation to my mother. She did everything in her power to raise me healthy and happy, from long before I was even born. She would die without me. But she doesn't fill that need for meaningful connection. Can't pick your family, after all.
You seem like a nice person. I hope you do not kill yourself. I will try and put some effort into meditation, since I have run out of other ideas.
>>29269632
how was your day? I don't think I'll be dying anytime soon
