>be me 21, severe depression, social anxiety, general anxiety disorder, beginning schizophrenia
>finally decide to go to an really nice looking clinic, gardens, modern, top of the topest 10/10 ratings online
>arrive, for the first 2 weeks i decided i go there, not sleep there. I was there from 8am-7pm
>refuse meds, they are okay with it
>participate in group therapy, i hate it but it helps to see other humans after all this years
>don't say anything for the first sessions
>see hot qt without makeup, 18 yo
>as the creep virgin that i am i look at her all the time, but just when she looks not in my direction
>pretty hot desu, long blonde hair, cute face 100% aryan phenotype
>participate in group therapy, talk a bit to doctor infront of the people, very nervous
>most people look at doctor, i turn around to go back to my chair and realise that girl is looking at me, but quickly turning away after i saw it
>1 week after, she approached me, i was just to scared to ever even try to do it
>she told me 'Hello anon! Hows your depression going?' I tell her, it's not good but i do better every day
>she smiles and walks away saying 'great! have a nice day anon!' y-you too
>tfw i think the whole day about why she talked to me no one did this ever before
part 2
>a few days after i noticed how she always looked out of the window to me when my mother was picking me up
>scared
>think she wan't to kill me, it can't be that anyone actually likes me
>the next day she approaches me and ask me if we want to go out in the garden and watch the birds, she likes nature (got this info from group therapy)
>tfw scared because im an retard, thinking that she want's to kill me
>tfw say her, sorry, but i have something to do see you later
>she says quietly okay and goes away
>tfw i realise that i am retarded
>as im about to get picked up at 7pm, i hear her crying from her room as i was going outside
>don't think anything about it, she has depression after all
>arriving the next day, ambulace and police is there
>what the fuck
>come in ask what is going on,
>Anon, this one depressed girl threw herself from the top of the building, she killed herself
>i don't know what to think, i fuck off to the community room
>did she do that because i refused her? Did she do it because i seemed uninterested?
>after that i cried, i didn't know that she had it so bad..
Why guys, why is everything such suffering? I want to die right now, i really hope she didn't do this because of me, she seemed scary, i mean this is a fucking clinic for mental ill people
I don't know what to do i think i stop going there.. i rather die of alcoholism than being in that depressed shithole again
>he is mentally ill
>he's not a psychopath
>>29259485
>tfw no depressed qt bonnie and clyde gf story straight outta the asylum
>tfw even the bottom of the barrel white trash manages to get some chance while I don't
>>29259568
What i learned from that experience is that i was blind, people, potentional partners are everywhere.
I am an depressed, mentally ill person, i found my kind there, that has the same mindset like me, that's why she liked me maybe.
Being an Robot and going outside, you don't meet people or see/feel people that have your mindset, because they are normies.
Just remember, there is always someone somewhere that is set for you.
You are the Ying and somewhere there is a yang just for you. It changes overtime, but there is always someone for you, always.
Go out, go to some Internet Cafes or libraries, if you are sick like me go to an asylum.
It's all cause and action m8, if you don't do at least something, nothing will happen.
Beautiful story OP. Sorry it happened to you if it's true but it sounds like it had a profound effect on you. Hope this is a new beginning for you and I hope you find what you're looking for.
>>29260908
It had. At first i thought live hates me and everything is a joke. But after that, maybe i can find a live with another human. It showed me life is short..even if i still want to kill myself from time to time, poor girl..god..
>>29260157
I'm sorry that it happen to you, and your advice is right, I wish I could bring myself to talk more.
I recommend Yes man anon, besides being a comedy, maybe you will say Yes to more stuff, even if you are uneasy about it, like the girl asking you something, I'm trying it with most of the stuff now and the outcome is good most of the times.
>mental health services publicised
>they're shit
>private clinics few and far between
I do not believe this happened.
On the off chance that it did, no the girl didn't kill herself because some ugly autistic virgin wouldn't watch birds with her in the fucking garden. She did it because she was severely mentally ill and you need to quit being so narcissistic, you are obviously extraordinarily self-centered and it bleeds through in every word of your story.
>>29261369
Thousands kill themselves every year in germany, it's nothing special.
Im not ugly, im just an mentally ill neet, does that mean im ugly?
I really hope she didn't kill herself because of me, but it was really weird, she looked at me all the time and wanted to do things with me, maybe she just wanted one of her kind just to talk to her, or do things with her.
And as autistic and paranoid as i am, i refused it.
Im not a narcissist, i wouldn't go to that hospital if i was.
I think you don't know how people like me are, we have lost any self respect, any self love, almost anything that evolves around the ' I '.
It was real, i just don't know if she wanted to kill me or if she liked me.
I don't really give a shit anymore, shes dead and i am going to be dead too really soon thanks to my alcoholism, you don't know real suffering, this shit at the asylum was the last nail of the coffin for me man..
I just wanted to share it, maybe someone can take some teaching out of my story, and not be an autistic angsty retard if confronted with women.
Well i thought she wanted to kill me but maybe someone my story can help.
>>29261352
i don't know where u live, but in germany these facilities are quite nice, it's just the people that are more fucked up than ever in history, this place was so depressed and fucked up i can't even describe it
>>29261588
No, you ARE narcissistic. Being that and depressed have nothing to do with each other.
Sorry breh.
>>29261588
Fuck I forgot to add. Watch "Ordinary People". It's a good movie.
Sounds pretty romantic, desu.
>>29261771
It wasn't.
There was always an presence of anxiety and death around both of us.
Maybe it was the last scream of the soul to find someone and end this suffering, but it didn't happen, suffering happened.
Please i expected you guys to tell me to kill myself already but you didn't im disappointed
>>29261713
>OP obviously makes thread about himself, sharing his story
>OMGGG YOUR NARCISSIST, HOW COULD YOU, I CAME INTO THIS THREAD EXPECTING YOU NOT TO TALK ABOUT YOURSELF NOT EVEN ONE BIT
