Okay class, say your name and something interesting about yourself!
You at the back, you go first!
>>29225609
Hi my name is Anon and I am currently crying
>>29225609
My names anon, I've seen an attractive girl taking a shit.
I actually had this happen to me in one of my first lectures at university.
The question was
>Tell everyone a few things about yourself thats happen in the last year!
I said I was married, had just got back from being overseas in europe and that I quit my job to start university.
I ended up buying a wedding band ring the next day in order to keep the lie going and wore it at university every single fucking day for years.
God why am I so autistic, have to make shit up all the time in order to appear like I am not autistic.
>>29225609
you are not a teacher
you are just a slave for shutterstock
>>29225626
What's wrong anon?
Oh, huh teach? Umm.. nothing because I don't do much
My name is anon and I like computers.
I actually said that once
>>29225609
W-ahwah mm-me? i a u-uh dmh -iom annoin
>>29225734
cringing all the way from melbourne, australia
>silently have panic attack while it goes around the room
>run out the door as it gets to my column
>never go to class again.
This is why I'm failing. Fuck your ice breakers.
>>29225609
my Name is Renton
and I fuck Coralians
My name is Curtis and I can touch my nose with my tongue.
this was my standard for years
Rate my autism
My name is anon, I just got back from a holiday in X, and I'm ready to start my degree, I don't really do much other than focus on my business or chill with friends.
>>29225734
This is honestly the most spergy, autistic thing that you could say.
my tag name is AZKANAR and I like to punish those who cross me in cyberspace.. heh..
but there is absolutely nothing interesting about myself
>>29225609
Hi teach, I work a job that is well below my ability with a smile because the feeling of liberation from overbearing and abusive parents is still fresh in my mind even though I've been independent for 10 years. And the mere thought of having to ask them for anything makes me hyperventilate.
your name and something interesting about yourself
>>29225609
Hi, my name is anon and you have to go back! MAGA
>>29225609
My name is Dimitri and I hate all people. Including you, you fat Chink cunt.
>Teacher says this
>Start to have silent panic attack as it slowly comes to me, row by row, student by student.
>Seconds feel like hours, can barely breath
>Before I even know it the student in front of me is going
>Panic and just sprint walk towards door
>Leave, head to the bathroom. Stay there until bell rings.
>Get patronized for it the next day
This is how robots are created. Icebreakers. These fucking things should be classified as child abuse, because it literally is.
>>29225914
She's far from fat you blind cunt
Oh, uh, my name's James and I guess I like music
Oh, neat! Do you play an instrument?
Well, just guitar, and only about as well as the average college student, ha ha. Mostly just into listening to music though.
Ah, fair enough! What sort of music do you listen to?
Um, a variety I guess but mostly [quieter voice] classical music
What was that?
[still quiet voice] Uh classical music...
>>29225822
The least autistic response in this entire thread
>>29225941
She has a bit of a roll in her neck.
my name's and l don't want to be here
>>29225946
>Ever publicly admitting you listen to classical music
That's like asking for suicide.
Never do anything broad like that, like saying you're into music, or sports, or reading or movies/tv because they will always ask for more specifics and eventually you're going to get trapped.
The best option is to just say you enjoy relaxing on your free time and leave it at that. When they ask what do you do to relax, just say sleep or take naps. Normies are a bunch of lazy cunts so they won't judge you too hard for it.
This is a game that is rigged against you from the start, you just gotta learn how to put on the facade of quasi-normality and you'll make it.
>she asks me first
>don't really remember what I said, I'm trying to forget bad stuffI think something about video games
>silence
>she says "Oooookaaaaaaaayyy"
>everyone laughs
>>29225978
Its a crease, not a roll. This is why you're a robot anon, just stop
>>29225946
>>29225999
listening to classical music is pretty common, are you autistic?
hello my name is anon and if anyone is nervous about this nobody really listens to the answers anyway
>>29225999
Even worse if you're a casual opera listener. I swear, I've had normies sperg out at me when I didn't know about some modern opera singer that was apparently big.
I usually just say variety these days, I hate talking about music anyways.
>>29226038
I am autistic but I know that normies don't know the first thing about classical music and what the normie doesn't know the normie hates.
>>29226045
*stacey leans over towards lacey*
lol what the fuck why would anyone be nervous about saying two sentences what a fucking loser
I'm anon and I'm an extraordinarily boring person. Said with enough deadpan to make sure them think it's a joke. It usually got few non-mocking laughs and the teacher just moved on in the interest of time.
Didn't feel bad.
>>29226094
I fucking hate women so fucking much I wish they would all drop dead.
Fucking Stacy cunts need to die REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>29225609
>not having this shit memorized
Nigga that's like going to a job interview without having a canned answer to "what's your greatest weakness"
Think of answers/lies to these normalfag questions so you don't have to think of something on the spot:
>what kind of music do you like
>best concert you've been to
>most interesting/exotic place you've travelled to
>where you haven't been but would like to go
>2+ items on your "bucket list"
>how old you were when you lost your virginity
>something interesting about yourself
Normalfags love talking about music and travelling, and will inevitably ask you about several of the above. Don't be caught off guard.
>>29225925
ever notice how it's the female teachers that especially do this shit
women are fucking terrible academics. no rigor. its all a fucking social activity to them
Hello my name is Reginald and if you're religious don't even look in my direction because I'll shatter your illusion faster than you can say spaghetti monster. *sits down and slams fist victoriously*
>>29226125
Indeed.
The only good teachers are the male ones. They actually take the time and effort to educate their students.
With stupid fucking stacy teachers it's all about "LOL GROUP WORKKKKKK XDDDDDDD WORK IN PAIRS XDDDDDDDD PRACTICE FOR THE 500 ORAL PRESENTATIONS!!!! XDDDDD SOCIALIZING YAAAAAA!!!!!"
I wish every female would just drop dead.
>>29226125
One time there was an especially shitty icebreaker where we had to take off or shoes, pound them rythmically and pass them to your right, over and over.
So yeah, everyone had to handle everyone's shitty shoes.
No ice was broken, and obviously it was orchestrated by a woman.
hello my name is ching from the land of chong
Hey, my name is Oscar and I'm probably going to kill myself before I turn 30.
>in a hindu accent
Hello, my name is Anonysama and you're going to catch me masturbating back here a lot... a... lot...
>>29226111
i'll have to try that one
Hello my name is anon and I have more board games than female acquaintances.
>>29225609
The name's Anon, I'm fond of drawing and writing own tales or concepts.
I hope this year won't be as troubling and stressful as previous ones though..
Also I'm fluent with english, but oddly enough I have never been abroad beside Lithuania and Latvia. There I didn't really have the opportunity of putting the knowladge to use. At last I can be shortly described as a chaotic melancholic, so to say.
I had a friend who just said:
>My name is Jeff and I am very excited to be taking this class.
Very deadpan and he got some laughs. I think I might try that next time I have an icebreaker with a backup answer in mind in case a normie gives me shit for this one.
>>29226319
I'm glad you could read my incredibly butchered post. Hope the line works as good for you as it did for me.
>>29226387
disgustingly autistic
>>29226387
*TIPS M'FEDORA*
Hello, I am Anon and no matter how quiet I'll be for the rest of the year, I promise I won't shoot this place up.
>therefaceswhen
my name is anon and I usually drop out of classes with first day icebreakers but this is mandatory
>>29225609
I'm anon and I once jerked off on a baby.
my name is anon and i hate myself and my parents for naming me thislegit said this in middle school
>>29226038
Listening to classical music is a sure sign that you're a pretentious fedora lord.
>>29225609
I am annon and I like playing pokemon silver. I actually did say this shit. Luckly I wasnt made fun of much bcause of it
Uhh my name is anon and i like playing video games by myself
>>29225665
>immediately blew any tiny chance you might have had of sleeping with someone by saying you are married
Good job, fucknuts.
>>29225609
My name is anon and I'm interested in teaching English and discussing writing pedagogy.
Wowwww, so tough. Just don't be a fucking sperg and tell everyone about your nerd hobbies.
My name is anon and I just want you all to know that over the year i've come to see you all as my friends. And if everyone would like to give me their phone number as they leave class then we could all get together and hang out!
>everyone stared awkwardly and filed out without giving me a number or looking me in the face.
Hey I'm Mark and at any time you can come up to me and ask me for a mint. I've got loads! You may as well call me Mark the mint man haha! Just making sure everyone has fresh breath during the year.
>>29226705
Ionno, when I was in college (a whole five years ago), women seemed more flirty when they assume you're in a relationship. I even wore a fake ring, and they acted more interested than any other time in my life. Even banged a few.
>>29226116
>what kind of music do you like
"I like listening to classic rock as well as the new hits"
>best concert you've been to
"I went to a [previously stated music interest] concert once, best night ever"
>most interesting/exotic place you've travelled to
"I went to Tenerife with my GF" (sounds pretty exotic and it's basically like any other warm island so pretty easy to bullshit about)
>where you haven't been but would like to go
Repeat what someone else said from the previous question so you appear engaged
>2+ items on your "bucket list"
Some sappy motivational bullshit like "see the world" and "meet my heroes"
>how old you were when you lost your virginity
"18"
>something interesting about yourself
"I get all my socialising advice from a welsh calligraphy forum"
>>29226585
reactions?
my name is anon and if you talk to me i'll probably end up showing you a picture of one of my cats.
>>29226319
It's one of those things you have to really nail on the expression and delivery. I can see several effective ways to deliver that line depending on the kind of person you are but if you don't do it right people will just think you are weird or contemplating suicide.
>>29226786
their impression of you
I am anon, and I once got attacked by a moose. I once tried to summon satan, and I almost murdered my brother.
>>29226706
>discussing writing pedagogy.
That sounds spergy as fuck.
>>29226813
They probably think that anyway because i hardly ever speak or smile. I'd be able to pull it off though i think.
my name is anon and i dont know whether ill get laid or kill myself first
>I don't have anything interesting to say
How hard was that? Said it every time.
>>29225609
MEINE NAMEE EST KORPUKLANII HANS UND ICH BIN EINE KAKALAKEN (juden) ABER ICH LEIBE MEIN FUHRER HERR ADOLF GITLER UND ICH ICH LEIBE DEUTSCHALND MEIN MUTHERLANBD SSIEG HEIL
"My name is anon and I got into this career because I find it easy and well payed"
Said that at the Uni a few months back. There's no reason to be nervous, as long as you don't say retarded or autistic things it's ok, and it the worst case they laugh it off a bit and that's it. People have more importante things to focus on than what an idiot says in class.
