How are you holding up /r9k/?
This is totally an original comment
not that great. i'm drunk as fuck and now my feelings for my ex are amplified x50 i just want her back holy fuack thisa SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
idk i'll be able to tell better when i'm less tipsy tomorrow morning
right now i'm just like eh
I'm very anxious because I have to get up at 6:30am on Mon. to start a new job 30min. away.
So scared. I'm going to help these guys out with rebuilding a home, I'm the helper, they're the builders.
How the fuck do I go from sleeping until 11:30am to 6:30am.
5 FUCKING HOUR DIFFERENCE!
Depressed because I made a thread on another 4chan board and no one is responding. I checked the archives and there wasn't a single thread that didn't receive at least one reply. It's not completely hopeless yet, but my thread will probably die a virgin, so now I'm here again even though I've been making a conscious effort to avoid r9k because it gets me down.
Poorly sometimes. Fantastic other times. Mood swings. It's weird being back with my family to visit for awhile. Sometimes it's just like I'm on autopilot. I try to just act as normal as I can. I'm real quiet around everyone though. It's not that I don't know what to say it's that I just don't know when to interject. It's really been better since I've forgiven them for what's happened in the past though. If I have kids of my own I will never treat them like I was treated. I want them to be normal. I want them to have social skills. Fuck.
i dont really feel anymore, apathetic towards everything and want to sleep most of the time. Wish I could enjoy things like videogames again.
I'm ready to check out. Buy a plane ticket, fly to some northern state, die in the cold like the bastard I am.
Can't wait f@M
>>29223617
That's pretty typical anon, don't let it get to you. Most of the threads that get replies are baited. If you aren't posting obvious bait it's hard to get attention. Even though the threads are shitty I admit I usually just come here to go to threads like that and argue with people.
I'm not sure I'm going to make it through another summer again
>>29223558
don't sleep tonight and tomorrow go to bed at 6pm you'll wake up pretty early and you'll officially be a morning person.
>>29223496
Not good.
>go out to dance
>don't have friends
>usually enjoy myself
>go out tonight
>reggae/dub and latin mix
>fuck yeah
>not enough people there to hide in the crowd and stand by myself and not look creepy
>fuck
>fuck
>fuck
>call Uber
>drink water
>shitpost on /r9k/
Every Saturday of my life desu senpai
>>29223662
If you came here you might actually not want to die. Life up north is well suited to living in solitude. If you don't like hunting or fishing you won't have much of a social life, and that will probably be fine. Only thing that sucks is the internet tops out at 20mbit.
>>29223526
I know those feels all too well anon
>>29223558
>HAHAHA WAGECUK
No but seriously I wish you the best of luck with your job and hope that you do okay
>>29223638
True robot feels
>>29223638
also I really want a cat but no pets allowed where I live. I think it's one of the only things keeping me from giving up completely and disregarding my responsiblities
>>29223662
It's summer, man. You're not gonna find much snow up in the north.
Shitty. Friend is hanging out with other people more than me and he's been distant lately. Starting to feel like I'm a burden or boring. I saw him with some other people when he said he was elsewhere and didn't call him on it. I should've never gotten friends.
>>29223663
But on this board, it's literally the only thread from over the entire last week that hasn't been replied too. That's not typical.
Pretty terrible to be honest
Every day I discover that life can get worse. I wake up and wish it was night time again so I could go to bed.
I really want to fuck my manager at work. And she knows. It's really awkward. She is definitely not interested. She always avoids eye contact with me.
I don't blame her. I eyerape her for ninety percent of my work shift.
>>29223690
>Implying I have the money to do anything like that
>Implying If I had money I would be killing myself
>>29223700
I can wait. Only a few months until I can become a Popsicle
>>29223496
I shouldn't complain but I'm feeling pretty shitty. i work in a hospital lab making a living wage but it depresses the shit out of me. The medical field has gone downhill fast.
>>29223693
thank you anon, I'm not used to trying new things. Also does it still count as wagecuck if I get paid $12 "under the table"?
Getting up early scares me, and I know it's because I used to get panic attacks randomly in the morning. I think that is why, at least.
>>29223674
No way, I don't think I want to go that long without sleep. It would probably mess with my mind and make me way more prone to an anxiety attack. Thank you for the advice, though.
My friend just bought me some melatonin 3mg. Going to try that 30min before bed each night.
Anyone have experience with this hormone?
I met up with some thugs to rob a house because i wanted an adrenaline rush but i left and came home to get drunk like normal
>>29223706
That happened to me once, then I fake replied to myself and somehow it snowballed to like 15 replies. It's a matter of the right person seeing it at the right time, someone saying something and someone having something to add. It sucks but 4chan is fickle and sometimes stupid. Expecting something from it is like expecting to get into a relationship with a prostitute. Even if it happens it's probably not going to turn out how you like.
>>29223703
this fucking feel, i know it all too well
>>29223732
I'm trying to move back up here. I applied for section 8 already. Applying for section 8 somewhere would be a good idea. After 1 year of living somewhere you can transfer your voucher basically anywhere you want.
>tfw you find out the degenerates you've been hanging out with are all actually normies bordering on chads
how can i go back when i know that im the biggest loser among them
>>29223496
Miserably. I'm about to eat a medium pizza and chicken bites. Not sure what else after that.
Not good; I haven't been outside in over 6 months.
FeeIin' fine.
saw a redbox today and it reminded me of a pic i took last year in montana
qt couple both looking for a comfy movie to snuggle together and watch
>tfw this will never be you
Actually i really don't fucking know.
I feel like i've fallen way off the deep end a long time ago, and now i'm just drifting along. I feel like i've been completely robbed of the initiative and need to take steps for my life to get back into my own hands again, start proactively acting instead of just defensively reacting to external circumstances and causally induced stimuli.
I've seen too much to still care or be overtly affected by any of this. Any other weak-minded faggot in the same situation i'm in right now would probably start cutting himself or some bullshit and whine for attention lel. But in the back of my head i'm aware that there are higher goals in life and that there are certain risks and sacrifices that must be taken if you want to attain said lofty goals for yourself.
This essentially means that i will somehow have to make due with what little remaining social resources i still have available from better times and then work my way up from there again.
Considering the current as of now still utterly kafkaesque, not to mention borderline-nightmarish circumstances and odds stacked against me which i've been continually finding myself entrapped in for some years now i've hatched somewhat of a plan during the last weeks and months (the concept itself is quite solid but it's still somewhat hazy as of right now though when it comes to the actualization) which might either turn out to be one of the most retarded or disingenious things i've ever done depending on the external circumstances which are basically out of my control
The only method to know for sure is to just go for it i guess, can't hurt to try and shit
But in any case, at the very fucking least i'm not a virgin anymore i guess heh
>>29224323
>>29224323
Actually i meant to write ingenious instead of disingenous
Gosh i need sum breakfast now
>>29224128
>tfw it will never be me because I stream all my movies illegally with kodi
>>29223695
I really want a dog, but being depressed I don't think it's wise right now.
I've been going out for walks lately, just trying to keep myself from spiralling downwards. Back on SSRIs too. All my friends have left me, too scared to contact any.
When will it end?
Talked about my shitty childhood in another thread. Feeling kind of empty ,never really told anyone about it
Drining some horrible cheap brandy and drunktexting my brother, probably going to fal asleep on the floor again
These chips are fucking delicious.
>>29224667
I can't take care of animals, not with my depression. It's not fair to them to suffer because I want something for the sake of having it.
>>29224667
>I've been going out for walks lately,
Then get a dog, they are the best thing for walking.
just took an Ibuprofen
hopefully that gets me through the night
>>29223496
i am crushed by the weight of my regret, shame and guilt every day. i can't bring myself to stick to anything because negativity takes hold of me, and i become self-destructive. most opportunities i get, i waste
if there is a god, he has cursed me, and i now only desire death to be free from a senseless life of physical indulgence, no lasting fulfillment. please maitreya help us all
Its 1:44 AM and I am to lazy to get out of my chair and go to bed. Jerked off from 9:00 to 12:00. Got work tomorrow and 3PM and then a day off of porn and 4chan.
I want to die
>>29224323
This reads like you're in the middle of a manic episode dude
I'm actually in the prime of my life right now. Really turned my shit around this year, used to be a socially inept NEET sack of shit and now I'm making friends and hanging out with QTs on the regular.
Actually went on my first actual date recently, shit was rad.
>>29225334
What are you still doing here? This is no longer your home
>>29225401
I'm here until I lose my virginity, just like the rest of you.
Just spent the last hour working up the will to leave my car and go back to my apartment.
At least the door is open now.
>>29224323
Dont do anything too fucking retarded, man. Baby steps.
Apathetic. Still waiting to dimsa
Terrible, I've been looking for jobs for months but can't even find a low skill one despite having a degree, now im in a constant mood of stress that cripples me to the point that I can't do anything enjoyable until I figure out wtf to do and time is running out.
I always run away from trying to figure it out because it seems impossible, so I sit here playing videogames I no longer enjoy or browsing boring youtube videos with the plan to sort things out tomorrow, always tomorrow.
I haven't responded to my family in months, they are clearly really worried but I just can't bring myself to respond to them. I'm not entirely sure why, something to do with not wanting to admit to them how much I fucked up, partly to do with having nothing to say to them, I also feel like I have enough to worry about without worrying about them worrying about me. I know they would say virtually the same things they have said before and I will realise there is no solution. They will say things that essentially sound like 'just get a job lol' or 'maybe you should move' or 'we can help' (in a way that wont help), I can't move with no money and I don't want more handouts to do it, i've already leeched off them enough and wasted everything they gave me, I just want to work right now to get my basics back together and be self sufficient but I can't even find that.
I've seen friends (no longer friends) who were in about the same situation as me, same grades, same amount of contacts yet they got good jobs handed to them, so many people I know seemed to luck into good futures.
I feel dead inside and although I feel like there may be some solution (work to numb my brain and buy distractions/therapy or whatever) it's like why, I have to work to buy the motivation just to want to work more, should just end it all fampai.
>>29225425
Why didn't you want to go back to your apartment?
>>29223496
>working 8 hours tomorrow at a job I hate
>oneitis is excitedly talking on Normiebook about how excited she is to be pregnant
not great famalam
>>29225690
Depression is a hell of a drug
>>29225690
Cars are comfy, good music. Why go home?
>>29225717
My version makes me want to never be anywhere other than home but to each their own.
>>29225877
>work up the will
made it sound like you had an intense internal struggle but i'm glad you're enjoying yourself.
>>29226100
It's not limited to just getting out of my car. I'm often late to work because I can't find the will to leave my apartment. Sometimes I just sit in the changing room for a half hour. When I'm finally done and ready to leave, I'll sit in my car again. I'm done work at 12:30am, and it takes me 25 minutes to get home. Sometimes, I don't step into my apartment until 3 or later.
i don't want to die but i don't want to live, i'm not in pain but i'm not happy.
i'm growing increasingly resentful of this world and the people in it. i want something to be excited about, i want a reason to get out of bed in the morning. but i'm having trouble finding it.
i'm tired r9k. and i'm tired of being tired.
>>29223496
Losing grip on everything. Anxiety has gotten worse. Can't even leave the house without a pnic attack. Can't speak right. Don't even know how I am supposed to survive after college.
>>29223496
Feelin pretty okay desu
Kinda hungry but I need money for tendies
![20160612_023340[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/mN7LJEw.jpg "20160612_023340[1].jpg")
>>29223762
I took 20 tablets. made me sleep for 15 hours. Nothing to brag about though. Makes you drowsy and tired as fuck. Use at your own risk wageslaves.
Realize I did life wrong because I was raised by narcissistic parents and lunatic female figures.
>>29223496
I've noticed that due latest, prolonged troubles, I grew somewhat cold, aloof, distant and indifferent.
I'm losing it and after it's lost and I have nothing, I'm going to hurt the degenerates who hurt children and walk free without a care in the world.
There is nobody to talk to about this, so I think it will only get worse. At least this way the families affected will have some relief without any of them having to go to prison. It's not like I interact with the outside world anyway.
How am I holding up? Not good at all pham. The girl I've been talking to told someone that she can't imagine having sex with me
after my first exam this term I felt like everything was over for some reason even though I still have an equally weighted exam tomorrow
it really messed up my study schedule and now I'm maybe half as ready
I'm just really tired and want holidays to start
but I'm probably gonna sit alone in front of a screen >12h a day and start feeling really bad when holidays start
>have to perform a classical saxophone concerto in less than 11 months
>have never seriously studied saxophone
>scared
please help I am doing this to myself
>>29228424
how did you get into this situation
at least it's about a year
I found out the girl i loved during all my childhood and teenage years is happy with another man while i'm all alone and depressed.
>may have ruined a relationship with some really cool friends i made a week ago because of unforeseen circumstances
could be better
>>29228460
I'm making remarkable progress and discovering little things but I still clam up and start sweating when I think of performing onstage. It's going to be the most stressful night of my life so far.
If you haven't tried music, you should indulge yourself with it some time. It has proved to be an endless fount of awe, it's like sports but at a level of skill and control that is inconceivable. There are people (saxophonists for example) who play music that really isn't even music, multiphonic effects, quarter tones, et cetera. It's fucking crazy.
Its bad desu senpai I have been chilling with this girl but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere and I really like her and she is cool but being beta is lame.
>>29228473
iktf. I looked up my teenage oneitis (who might have actually legit loved me at one point) on FB the other day. She's moved across the country and is now happily married with a kid. Good for her I guess.
I think my brain is fried. Its 4:45 am and im still up shitposting and feeling ill. I dont even know why I stayed up that long, I normally never do.
>>29228501
you didn't even answer the question
you'd never really played saxophone before and then told someone you'd perform a concert and they let you? I don't get it
Man I stopped practicing the flute seriously when I moved to Germany and they didn't have the grade levels there at my music school so I didn't really know if I was making any progress. I was at grade 4 or 5 last and then stopped forever
>>29228557
>you'd never really played saxophone before and then told someone you'd perform a concert and they let you? I don't get it
I'm sorry I haven't slept in at least 20 hours
I am friends with very rich guys who are expats from Sweden, they're related to their king and sit on ungodly amounts of free spending money courtesy of their government and large banks. I met them online in video games, became fast friends and eventually we met up, they learned I was living alone in a little shack in Florida working a dead end job and they let me move in with them. They share my love of music and have offered to buy me instruments; to them, 3,000 dollars for a saxophone is not a problem as long as it makes someone happy.
My life feels as if it was pulled out of a novel or a movie. They told me "If you can learn the Glazunov Concerto we'll pay for your tuition to go to college for saxophone" (I'm 22), so here I am in this huge house in Rochester, NY being able to practice music and live comfortably. They know the head of Eastman and have set up a "guest's recital" program there for people who haven't applied to the college to go and perform for a potential entrance into the university.
>>29228673
that's pretty cool man
good luck
I hope you can get some good criticism so you know you're playing it properly though
>>29228723
Oh I'm ruthless with myself. I listen to music constantly and I think because of them I may be able to pursue a career. To me, they are serving the greatest possible philanthropic mission. They could easily buy a new Ferrari with the money they spend on housing and helping me, but they enjoy watching my personal growth and helping other people. I am eternally grateful.
>>29223496
I'm just drinking, listening to Radiohead and crying about the fact that I will never be loved.
Not good. I want to go to sleep and never wake up.
>>29228758
are you a brown man by any chance
are you fucking the wife
>>29228787
>are you a brown man by any chance
>are you fucking the wife
No but I'm half Irish and my divorced, disappeared father is a confirmed cuck (found his porn collection which included pictures taken by him of my mom taking BBC)
So therefore there is Cuck blood in me somewhere, that's most likely why the Swedes like me
![maxresdefault[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/g7Mbm8T.jpg "maxresdefault[1].jpg")
>>29228759
>crying about the fact that I will never be loved
I'm starting to fall for the trans meme
Like trying to be a girl would help me change my shitty life even though I know it won't
I don't have much time left. My suicidal episodes have consumed my entire life, there isn't a shred of stability left. I was too late to seek help because all that they'd do now is throw me in the looney bin since I'm pretty much insane. Speaking of which, should I let them get me or just let the natural turn of events happen and just kill myself eventually? Which will go smoother?
>>29223496
I am scared
First mental hospital visit starts tomorrow
>>29228804
is this pic from Push - Universal Nation video?
>>29223496
I just want everything annihilated.
>>29229194
Your life would be even more shitty. Now you get treated badly by men who hate women, other women will not accept you because you're not a true fem, and gaybashers will be out for your blood everywhere you go. Why would you purposefully do this to yourself?
I'm doing better than I was 2 weeks ago. Stronger medication may actually be helping. Work keeps me sane.Also popping 2 Solpadol tablets every now and then keeps me afloat.
Not great.
I'm not sleeping well at night, I get 4 hours on a good night, been going on for about two weeks now. Working 60+ hour weeks, completely burned out every day. Top that off sometimes I get home and a chick that wants me to be her orbiter texts me, if I ignore it she calls me crying. Oh except when she's with her bf, when she's with him there's no texts thank god.
Gotten better at dealing with it at least, I can feign interest in her trivial problems or discussions in short texts that get her off my back
I dunno if this posts makes sense I'm really tired. Work soon, another 12 hour shift.
Never become a wagekek /r9k/, live the tendy neetbux dream
>>29223496
The only female in my life who liked me and care enough for me to let me lay in her lap,and in general touch me in an affectionate manner,told me she only did it because she was too nice to give me a firm "no".So yeah,holding up great.
Saw a couple in the store with badminton gear in their backpacks and it made me very sad and depressed.
I'm not
each night I pray that God will wipe me and everything I ever did from existence and let me have peace.
