>Use bathroom
>Turn on faucet so it sounds like I washed my hands
>Don't actually wash my hands
>neighbors can't park their fucking shitmobiles correctly
>wait until 3 am
>go out and key the shit out of their cars
>>29174363
hahahaha HOLY SHIT society BTFO!!!!
>>29174608
HOW WILL NORMIES EVER RECOVER? HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
>keep faucet on 24/7 because I don't pay for the water
>>29174363
>poster agrees with me
>attack him anyways
kek they don't even see it comming
>Go into public restroom
>See someone is taking a shit
>Turn off the lights and leave
>make a post
>kill the thread
>>29174363
>4chan tells me to read the rules before posting
>don't read the rules
>post anyway
Take that Nishimura
>sister refuses to pick up her dogshit
>put it on her face while shes sleeping
>>29174363
>game says press start to begin
>press a
>>29174363
I laughed really hard at this. That really is devilish.
>>29174363
>only reply to emails/calls etc during certain hours
>people think I have a life and daily routine
>gf thinks I like Bernie Sanders
>I actually like Trump
>>29174363
>Masturbate before going to college
>Don't wash my hands
>Hands smell like penis
>Tfw the cute girls who sit at my sides have to smell my hand penis scent
>>29175241
I do this sometimes as well.
As a matter of fact, I'm doing it right now.
>>29174363
>use bathroom
>turn on shower so it sounds like i shower
>dont shower
>mfw haven't showered in 3 months
>>29176374
wouldn't it be a penis hand scent
>>29174363
I do this all the time, I don't like washing my hands unless they're actually dirty.Touching my penis doesn't count as dirty
>jizz in the soap dispenser in the gym shower
>buy Chinese food for 4 people
>take 4 sets of cutlery and napkins
>it's actually a dinner for one
>Go into bathroom stall to masturbate
>Finish, then loudly tear off pieces of toilet paper and pretend to wipe
>Flush
>Normies don't suspect a thing
Does anyone else do this?
>Jizz in my girlfriend's shampoo
>Jizz in her moisturizer
>Jizz on her face while she's asleep
>Jizz on her food
>mum tell me to shower
>turn shower on, but just sit on the toilet
>work as cashier
>customer throws money on counter, expects me to pick it up
>do the same with their change
>they usually have their hands hanging out, expecting me to place change in their sweaty palms
>watch in delight as they struggle to pick up dimes
>>29174363
my dick isn't dirty. fuck uoyu.
>>29178397
>don't jizz in her
>>29178330
i can do one better
>go take a peepee break at work
>take piss
>decide to whack off
>take a minute to do my thing
>wipe up evidence
>flush
>if my boss suspected anything in my five years of doing it, he hasn't said it yet
>>29178517
>not jizzing directly onto the bathroom floor
>>29178539
>not jizzing directly intour mum
>go for walk
>on my way home, a guy yells at me from his shed
>he asks when the bus will come by
>tell him i dunno, because i literally don't know when the bus will come by
>he asks me again
>i say quarter after
>it's ten to
>continue walking
>cashier asks if i would like a bag for my groceries
>say yes
>I didn't want a bag
>always talk like I know stuff
>I don't know stuff
>>29178429
this is a feel i can relate to anon
>>29178698
>live in bongistan
>pay 5p for a bag
I feel cucked.
>>29178945
>not bringing your own bag
you are cucked
>>29176273
you do realize that trump does not support net neutrality and DOES support net censorship, and if he wins we will all likely lose our beloved wifis forever
>>29179185
I never remember to, senpai.
>Standing at bus stop with about 5 - 6 people
>Everyone's staring at their phones
>Shout "Finally here comes the bus"
>Everyone looks to the right at the same time
>Mfw the bus isn't actually coming at all
>>29179822
this is actually pretty devilsh
>in Iraq
>going out on patrol
>be automatic rifleman
>replace my ammo with mre cookies
>we had contact later on and I didn't even bother with getting an m9
>>29179298
spoiler: the internet is gonna get censored no matter who gets elected.
spoiler: its already been getting gradually more and more censored over the past 15+ years.
>someone gives me money to buy weed
>I buy the weed and smoke it all
>>29176425
>Use bathroom
>Turn on shower
>Masturbate instead
>>29175180
I can't breathe from laughing at this originality
>girl asks if I want to get some coffee
>tell her I can't drink coffee at night because it keeps me up
>>29178397
Does it make her want to fuck more? I should start doing this
>>29178613
He'd have to get in line behind all the blokes in the neighborhood
>mid-night
>girl comes down the street on bike
>think fast
>grabs a rusty lead pipe
>throw it at the front wheel
>she flies off
>lands with her ass in the air
>notdoneyet.jpg
>rams lead pipe in her vagina
>goes straight through her short shorts and panties
>all she does is spaz in pain
>walk off
No one witnessed.
>Shit the bed really badly
>Get up and walk to bathroom
>Trip and smash my face off toilet seat
>Get up and walk back to bed
>Make retarded goat noises
>Try to cough but hiccup at the same time
>Go back to sleep
>Jap in his 50s in business suit looking stressed as fuck comes up to me at train station
>asks me what train to take to get to the conference centre
>tell him the wrong train
>watch as he gets on the train going in the opposite direction
That one's for Pearl Harbour
>>29179298
>all of a candidates opinions on all policies are implemented the second they assume office
wew lad
>>29183996
Too far anon
>>29184415
Dont spoil the fun mister normie
Bitch
Honestly i just turn the water on and piss in the sink. Much more efficient. But if im not doing that its cuz im either shitting in the toilet, or just pissin out the window.
Kill me
>>29174676
well playedwell playedcommento originalio
>niggers move in next door
>want them gone
>drill a hole in the wall and piggy back their electrical circuits
>run high power loads from it 24/7
>they get kicked out for not keeping up with electrical bills
>a nice white family moved in next door instead
>>29181517
His mom needs a windmill so she can take multiple dicks in the space of servicing one manually.
>everyone tells me not to let myself get depressed
>get depressed
>need to poop
>hold it in and enjoy the sensation instead
>walking my dog
>little girl asks if she can pet him
>say sure, he doesnt bite
>he does
>>29185438
I bite people too.
>>29183996
>Pearl harbour
Keep your extra vowels in your own words. Pearl harbor is too close to the states to be adding extra letters
>>29185438
>walking my dog
>little girl asks if she can pet him
>say sure, he doesnt bite
>dog doesn't bite
>I bite her instead
>>29187177
>walking my dog
>little girls asks if she can pet him
>say sure, he doesn't bite
>punch her in the face, knock her out, and rape her while she's unconscious
