>always thought you were special
>everyone always called you a genius when you were growing up
>build up high expectations of yourself
>fail at all of those expectations
>realize you were never the special snowflake you thought you were
>realize you're unbelievably, exceptionally average
>realize you don't know how to act average because you always had an entitled attitude
>can't do shit now
>basically retarded at everything
>>29140029
>thought you were always average
>parents always praised the older brother who was a good student, while you were a huge slacker
>end up getting into college and start working hard
>at top of class
>peers think I'm some sort of genius now
>tfw late blooming smart person
>realize you don't know how to act average because you always had an entitled
Damn...the entire greentext is me, but this hit me the most. Ive never seen anyone on this board address this sentiment.
I used to think I was smart...until I got to uni and was bent over and assfucked. Im actually pretty fucking dumb, but I cant accept it.
>>29140029
same desu senpai (original)
>>29140029
>tfw internal battle between letting go of the desire to be special and wanting to be special
>tfw self-destruct sequence initiated because you're pretty sure you can't change and you hate being who you are
>tfw terrified of all of these reincarnation myths and the like
Not being special is probably a lot better than being special, anyway. At least that way you can have friends who are just like you.
>>29140029
I'm almost you. I didn't realize for a long time that "gifted" and "special" meant "literally, clinically autistic," and the combination of having zero self-awareness, blinding overconfidence from always being praised as a genius, and my toxicity from being raised to think that abusive behavior towards the people you love is normal made me into a real piece of shit.
I ignored warnings like "brilliance isn't everything" from my teachers growing up, and it didn't sink in until I was well-past the point where having potential matters that I actually needed to care. Probably didn't help that special accommodations were constantly made for me despite my complete lack of effort.
OP, I doubt that people would actually call you a genius if you weren't at least talented. I went through a period of serious depression and self-hatred that your post seems to echo after I dropped out following my first semester of college. I don't know what specific events led you to feel this way, but I hope I'm not mistaken in thinking that I've been there.
I guarantee that you can change. You can develop yourself. If you're in the age range that I'm guessing you're in, there's honestly still time. Seriously evaluate what it is that you hate about yourself, and take a step back from your life and just think if you need to. Wallow for a while if you need to.
But when you're done, whenever that is, recognize that your current image of yourself is probably as skewed as your old ones. Allowing the pride of recognition as a very young child to skew your view of who you were as a young adult was a mistake. So is allowing your view of who you are now to skew your perception of what you can become.
Hate yourself? Fine. Fucking kill yourself. But a lot of living things died so that the body you inhabit could be built. At least let a better person occupy it instead of wasting the investment that went into you.
>>29140308
That's very difficult when other people continue to actively reinforce the identity that you're trying to change
>>29140029
Not relatable to me.
I came first in everything up till 4th grade. Then I got into ana accident and became a cripple. I dropped out of school and got a GED. Now I can't get a job because third world shithole where no one will hire a cripple. TFW no welfare either.
