I'm not, I just can't indulge in self pity anymore. It is like a drug that I had to give up.

I think about suicide daily but i dont think im actually serious about it. Its basically just escapism.

I'm dead inside. My body will give out eventually.

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I used to live with it every day.
Now that I'm on medication, it's not so bad.
I don't think I'll ever go back.

>>29107284
This is exactly how I am too.

I don't think I could ever commit suicide. If I was going to, I'd be sure to take a load of people down with me though.

>>29107256
Don't worry about your mom.
That's like staying married for the kids' sake.
An unhappy person living a meaningless life is a burden to everyone around them.
If you think you can still be happy and have purpose somehow, do your best to figure it out.
If it seems that your life will always be pointless, end it.

I just inherited a lot of money from my dad.
If I can manage to work enough to liquidate his estate, I'm going to return to a mental institution to see if that helps.
If it doesn't, it's back to plan B.

>>29107256
I am in a sense.

I fully plan on killing myself with an exit bag or a shotgun blast to the dome, but I can't do it before I'm unable to easily work to earn money.

I have basically a second family (I go trick or treating with the kids and spend Christmas with them. That kind of stuff.) And they're a lot worse off then my blood family. So I'm going to help support them until I can't work easily.

I'm assuming around my 40s or 50s my body will start giving out (I work in construction. I smoke like a chimney and drink like a fish.)

Then I'll off myself so I'm not a burden.

i have a plan on how i'll do it but i need to wait for an opportunity since i live with my parents. i used to be deterred by the fact that it would really hurt my parents but i'm starting to care a bit less

>>29107395
This is an excellent plan in theory, but I can't see many people having the guts to do this.

I suggest you should volunteer at a nursing home for a day or two. Ask to help in the dementia ward. Every time you think about how maybe old age won't be so bad, you'll have that terrifying memory to look back on. I know I do.

Last year I briefly thought about it because of a health issue I had.

I didn't think my condition would ever improve but it did. It was hell for almost 3 years.

I don't think I could ever actually kill myself though.

>>29107256
I'm a neet but I'm not suicidal. There's something peaceful about avoiding annoying people and having to work. I get a third of my dad's income so it could be worse.

>got really drunk one night
>shitstorm ensues
>ask my mom to let me go
>next morning
>she says that if I'm that serious about it then maybe she should let me go

I don't know how to feel. Seems like I got the green light, but I have no idea if she really meant it or if she was just saying that to be selfless like she always has been.

I think I just have to get a few things in order and that'll be that

>>29107527
Yeah, I don't know if I'll go through with it. I expect to fuck up as much as I have so far so I hope I'll still have the same feeling when I'm older. The thing that has held me back mostly is the kids in my second family. (I'm the youngest in my blood family that I actually see more than one a decade.) I want to see them grow up.

Actually, the mom of most of the kids in my second family works at a nursing home so I've seen a bunch of that. It terrifies me. Being old and unable to help myself.

>>29107615
What heath issue if you don't mind me asking?

>>29107657
So you are basically a parasite.
One of the reasons i want to kill myself is because i don't like being a burden to other people...

>>29107657
I don't know your full situation so I won't judge off the bat.

How can you stand being a leech on other people's hard work? I can't stand waiting more than a minute for an elevator when I'm getting paid by the hour. I should be producing.

>>29107861
Not him but for me I don't feel regret or ashamed of leeching because of how shit my life has been. My parents or people I've met could've helped me to better myself but instead I get shit-talked behind my back and laughed at. I'm not contributing to something that has made my life shit, I'm gonna enjoy leeching off faggots who laughed at me. As edgy as it sounds I wish nothing more than the end of society or even the end of the world.

There is no going back, society only gives one chance, you fuck up you're the one everyone laughs at.

>>29108283
Society doesn't have the fault, your own actions are what brought you to that situation. You just try to find someone else to blame for your own fuckups.

>>29108283
So even the innocent people you leech off of are to blame and it's fine to fuck them? Even though they had no part in your "getting shit-talked"?

I've been "shit-talked" all my life, except for my second family.

You seem to think it's all fine and dandy to fuck people than had nothing to do with how you grew up, or whatever your pussy is hurt about.

You are a fucking worm.

>>29108370
Not him. People are judged and treated accordingly in life solely from their looks and mannerisms alone. I try time and time again to get my life on track because I hate leeching but it feels like people force me away. They treat me with no respect. I guess the rise of suicidal thoughts and anxiety among betas is probably related to evolution and removing the undesirables.

>>29108405
I will enjoy being a worm then. Everyone who contributes to society are the same. But you wouldn't understand because throughout your whole life you've been fed with.
>society and working is the ultimate goal in life guise xDDD meme

Also, if you're calling me a worm you're also calling a huge portion of the world worms as well. Old people who sits at a retirement home waiting to die while draining money, handicapped people who are unable to work or even prisoners who does nothing but sitting in a cell to rot drains money.

Your vision of life is what others have kept telling you, don't try to guilt-trip me into your unfair and unforgiving society.
If anything you're the dog running after the bone right between your eyes on a treadmill.

>>29108648
Holy shit, i don't understand how can you live thinking like that.
If i was in your situation i would fucking kill myself. But not because i wan't to contribute to ''the unfair and unforgiving society'' as you said, i don't give a shit about society.
If you think the world owes you something you are wrong.

it's always been on my mind but I won't actually do it until my parents kick me out for real

>>29107256
I have my ups and downs, sometimes it's a daily thing and sometimes I actually want to live.

I don't think I could ever do it though unless something sudden and traumatic tipped me over the edge.

>>29108803
>If you think the world owes you something you are wrong.
No, I did the best I could. Tried as much as any other. I failed alot of shit but instead of
>"Oh that sucks anon, I hope you make it next time."
I always got
>"Hah what? You didn't make it? Did you even try at all... "
>"Eeew that's anon, he is weird"
>"Are you stupid? You will never get x without y"

No one has been supportive in my life, my dad is probably the closest but he knows i resent him. He tries really hard to make me do shitty activities with him, pays my meals and shit. If they didn't want such a failure they shouldn't have ignored me when I needed their help the most. Fuck my parents and fuck this gay society.

I hope you enjoy keeping filth like me alive, because you're sure as hell not helping me in any other way. If someone gave me a gun I would bring as many shitstains that has it good with me.
Fuck you for making me write this shit on my phone. I'm going to bed, don't stay up too late wagie.

>>29107771
This will probably sound stupid but it was caused by hemorrhoids.

I had trouble going for about a year before I finally went to a doctor. I hate going to doctors so I waited as long as I could.

He saw the hemorrhoids and got rid of them but my problem remained. I guess I was because my muscles had been overworked during that year and needed time to go back but I woudln't allow them to.

It got to the point where it would take well over an hour to go to the bathroom and even then I couldn't get it all out. Had to resort to digging it out with my fingers. Imagine feeling like you have a rocks stuck up your ass all day and never having any relief for years on end. It was absolute hell.

I finally managed to get it under control though. Much better now. Sorry for the overly long and detailed description.

>>29107275
there is nothing enjoyable about self pity or being suicidal. it's constant agony and thinking about why you want to kill yourself actually hurts.
nothing is enjoyable about this state.
been suicidal for over a decade now

>>29109465
Not him, but for me it's like a drug in a sense that i just can't seem to stop doing it. Sometimes i feel happy for a while but i keep relapsing.

>>29108648
>society and working is the ultimate goal in life guise xDDD meme

When did I ever say that was the right thing to do? I fucking hate being alive.

And your shit about old people, they did their part. Whether is be good or bad, they tried. whether they are right or wrong is meaninglesss. They tried.

Maybe they were wrong. Maybe they were born wrong. That doesn't mean it's okay to live off of other peoples hard work.

>>29109275
At least you admit that you are filth. Nobody in the world actually owes you anything and your dad still tries to make you do things with him, he tries to help you, and you fucking resent him for it? You are a fucking shitstain and you should kill yourself, your existence brings nothing to this world.
Thank you for making me realize that there are other people who deserve to die more than me.

>>29109275
>I hope you enjoy keeping filth like me alive, because you're sure as hell not helping me in any other way.

I don't fucking know you, how else am I supposed to help you