Im committing suicide tonight via purposeful overdose on pills I took from my grandpas house.
Just figured Id tell someone, I'm doing a multiple pass wipe on my hard drive right now and after this thread I'm going to trash my phone up. Here's some lessons to avoid this
1. Don't avoid or run away from problems
face them, In retrospect my cowardice just made things alot worse
2. Try not to drive people away
3. New place doesn't equate to success you'll be the same loser in a new environment with even less connections
4. I fucked up badly so the above advice may not be to great considering there the reflections of a failure
5.(Be Yourself) just kidding but thanks for being around when no one else was (you)'s kept me going for the last few attempts at life
adios
Ok bye have a great time
>>29106138
What kind of pills are you using?
>>29106138
Rip man.
>>29106138
So long. See you on the other side.
>>29106138
why not just knock over a bank or something?
they can only hang you once.
Why do you need to wipe your hard drive?
C'mon OP. Green text your story at least. We won't try and talk you out of it but please provide a reason.
Don't do it anon. Run off to Columbia. Bang some hookers. Do something you've always wanted to but haven't. Your money isn't worth anything to you in the afterlife anyways.
>>29106160
OP is an hero.
Atleast get in jail before u kill urself
>>29106194
Lots of 4chan just figure last thing I need is some half baked attempt by my family that hates me to reconstruct my life though saved pepes and greentext stories. They wouldn't get it and I don't want to give them a reason to laugh at me.
>>29106160
Opiates that don't have any asprin etc they're a bit older
>>29106189
The silm chance of hell kinda scares me enough not to and Id just fuck it up
>>29106231
Like I aid I did that I traveled the world and all it is, is a new place and still a loser
>>29106138
Lets get some details OP
>Age
>Virgin?
>Brief overview of circumstances
>What kind of pills
>>29106194
>police investigates potential assisted suicide or something
>finds cached thumbnails of /r9k/ and porn sites
>you now have to kill yourself again out of shame
I'd certainly wipe down my drives and burn all my journals.
>>29106138
I highly discourage suicide by generic pills, except if they're cyanide salts or something.
You'll probably wake up a few days later covered in puke and without a liver
cya man
Post your city so we can check the news
OP if you're ACTUALLY gonna do it make sure they can't trace your most recent interactions to r9k I don't want this place to get shutdown.
well shit man. Good luck i guess if you believe it's the right thing. I wish i had the guts
see you soon.
lemme know what room you're in
there was literally JUST a thread where someone tried to OD on opiates and it didn't work. i hope you have some strong shit OP
>>29106138
No stream?
>>29106293
dont you go to hell if you take your own life as well
>>29106226
>White
>Middle Class
>Ugly
Never had anyfriends I remember my mom got me a cell phone in 7th grade and I didn't have anyone to call with it so my contacts were Mom Dad Pizza place and alot of fake contacts so incase anyone at school saw my phone it would at least look like I had friends
My parents hated eachother and ignored me I didn't have any family friend connections like most people had my dad went to work then came home ate dinner and slept and my mom got super religious and detached from reality
I didnt have the social skills to make friends
I wasn't attractive enough to generate intrest in that way
I was lonley for so long I became mean spirited
went to college dropped out
travled the world for two years hoping to find somewhere I belonged kept trying to be normal, was super accommodating, got taken advantage off a few times
I have 50 bucks, I'm across the world from anything I know in a motel and just figured its finally time to check out with the pills Ive carried around if I ever got the balls to
Its not a great or interesting story
>>29106344
>4chan shutting down because of a suicide
Do you remember toaster steve, the strangler son of a bitch or any of the mass shooters?
>>29106293
can u hold on killing yourself for a moment im trying to find a video i want to show you
>>29106436
what kind of opiates are you using?
>>29106449
My bad I'm kind of a newfag. I've only consistently been coming here for 2-3 months. I've seen pedos talking about getting v& and fucking children and i figured that was the end of the road.
>>29106427
Not in the bible Catholics hold it as a doctrine though I looked it up
>>29106138
Can you wait like 4 hours for a livestream?
At least party with us live before you kill yourself. Plus, I wanna see a suicide. It's a final request from anonymous to you. Kind of like a good bye ceremony
>>29106510
Feel free to report these fuckers and even submitting tips to the FBI about it, I've done it more than once.
>>29106392
Lol I'm in my car outside a starbucks posting this
>>29106397
I looked it up and there older so they don't have all the kidney killer stuff it just seems to be straight. they were made before the companies needed to add something to curb >
the addiction rate
>>29106309
Meh I don't have any guns and rather not die in suck a way those pictures of the brains everywhere would harm whoever finds me forever
>>29106547
Are overdoses really worth seeing? If it was something like the kid who set himself on fire or a gunshot wound yeah
Don't end ur life m8, that's not a good way of solving problems. Rethink it.
>>29106293
>>29106450
OP
You are not alone, please realise that there are millions of us. Dont end your story this early you dont know what lurks around the future.. None of us do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7CH9cRN8Rg
https://youtu.be/wU0PYcCsL6o
https://youtu.be/C0T9icPl3rw
>>29106642
>>29106708
I just want to say that whatever reasons you are wondering this... please take care of yourself and seek some support if you are contemplating it. I used to think about suicide a lot, and I am so grateful I talked to someone about it.
I thought it was the best option for what I had going on, and I was so wrong. It would have made a lot of people miserable, and would have been a stain on their heart for the rest of their lives.
And my life is so much better now that I've tried to make what I have better. It only gets better if its shitty.
So I hope I'm not reading into this too much. Just wanted to say that.
Take care.
>>29106642
>Are overdoses really worth seeing?
It's not about the method, for me it's witnessing the culmination of a life and self-imposed end. One day I hope to return the favor.
Don't do it. It might seem like it will never get better but it will. It really will. And you have some self awareness, that's more than some people. You might not be what someone else wants you to be but that's ok. You're you and you're good enough.
Who gets the car?
Just do it faggot, enjoy hell piece of shit
>>29106752
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=d23_1376366963
Hang in there Marcus
>>29106854
christian retard acting like a degenerate hypocrite? who would have thought
Have you considered trying to be friends with homeless people?
We can't convince you to not kill yourself. You make your life seem uneventful and simple.
It's really up to you if you decide or think that there is no possible way to change the patterns.
Is it your mean spirit? Is it the loneliness? What is it that drives you to do it?
I've been fighting the impulse for much of my life, especially since September.
People should be allowed to kill themselves if they want to. But sometimes there's a special value to your life in particular. But your choice. I just wonder why and what, and probably how you got here.
>>29106708
I was about respond really cynically to the first clip about Boowhoowhoo I can't make choices O wow I cant do anyhting wrong boohoohoo. What the fuck man.
I do sincerely grasp the sincerity of the message and surely there is no wrong choice we can make. But yet we flunk out of college, we miss out on teen love, we burn our bridges.
Oh but ''it'll all turn out right in the end one way or another'' No fuck you white Morgan Freeman like voice. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
We are the Robots, we are predistined to burst every bubble with our soul piercing cynism. You can say what you want but at least we are honest.
Will try to see if I can watch the 2nd clip now but I help but think these clips might cheer up the meek, but god damn it will not inherit my appreciation.
OP don't do it
i don't want to be like you, teach me
>>29106708
>>29107049
Halfway through the 2nd clip now.
You'd dream that you were living the life you are living now?
REALLY?!
WHAT THE FUCK MAN
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ARCANINE YOU FUCKING NORMIE
>>29106138
Don't overdose on pills man, if you fail the will fuck you up. It's horrible.
>>29106138
Don't do it man
At least try the suicide hotline first, what have you got to lose? I wouldn't do it before I exhausted all help
>>29106138
Pills don't work. You know what makes me feel like the biggest failure? My gf had the courage to hang herself without being under the influence of any drugs.
All I've done since then is live out a pathetic existence. Those who commit suicide are always seen as better than those who live out a long life of failure and disappointment.
I no longer have any dreams or wishes. There is simply nothing. Good luck to you OP. I hope you succeed
>>29106686
Don't see what there's to rethink, if there was some factor im not considering, I would however im pretty sure ive thought everything through.
>>29106752
Why would I want to go to therapist or doctor or hospital I cant afford by myself and say hi I want to killl myself? All this would trigger is being manhandled by the medical system, my parent getting billed or me getting debt, stigmatized and it would be a pain in the ass to the family that already doesn't like me. Plus it would get around that Im all fucked up and why would I want everyone who ever knew me to think even less of me as a mental patient? If
It's also sad but in my case it's really not true that when you say Id make alot of people miserable that the only way that stament would be true is that it will most likely trigger existential questions in some acquaintances that hear about it. I've been traveling for two years and was in college for one before that and not one person from family or earlier life has reached out to talk to me about anything and ive reached out to plenty.
Conversations like
Me: Hey John this is anon how's everything been man? still doing this?
Him: Yeah, still doing, I have to work ttyl
>>29106812
Im destryoing my electrionics in like
mins so sorry man
>>29106816
Thanks yeah I don't think im the worst if I was people would pay mre attention lol I think im just mildly weird enough/ugly/socialy dumb to slip under the radar.
>>29106854
That's what I was hoping for y-you too
>>29106999
Funny enough the longest conversation ive had this year was with a homeless person. I forced myself to go out to a bar to try and meet people it didn work like always nothing bad just not good at convo or attractive enough to push a conversation anywhere worth it for the other people to invest in it.
I left walked home and gave my bar money to a guy who didnt look like they typical drugs = homeless. Had a nice conversation about life he was trying to get to some other city
>>29107202
Suicide hotlines suck.
I used omegle several times to try and find someone who would change my mind or state of mind.
Sometimes the patterns are just unfixable.
Although I get the feeling OP hasn't tried all options to try and change his status, although maybe he's tried all the options he can think of.
We can't effectively try to change his mind without understanding why he's felt this need for so long. He's not giving enough info for one to try to persuade him. I think he's pretty adamant.
I would never OD on one set of pills for suicide purposes unless I was certain it would kill me.
>>29107126
op i posted videos
to be completely honest i feel like dogshit and i just wanted to do what i wanted someone to do for me
>>29106138
come visit me in my dreams tonight anon
>>29107336
That's sweet of you.
What's the still from?
>>29106138
Hey man, I don't know you but I understand what you're going through. I've been suicidal before.
You may hate yourself, or society, or you may just be tired of not feeling anything at all. You probably feel empty, sad, hatefull. This isn't you though, these are symptoms of an illness, you exist outside of it and you are valuable.
This all probably sounds cliche to you, but its important.
Don't do this OP, think about what you're throwing away here. If you're close to them, think about how it will effect your family. Your life has value. Do not do this.
>>29107300
Really though. You in America? Why no Obamacare? That covers ER's, probably not ambulances, and therapy.
Sometimes it's just a matter of finding your tribe. Which can be really really hard.
>>29107430
rigor mortis
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2771800/
>>29106138
dude don't do it, i love you man
>>29106318
Lol suicides don't make news unless they're a little kid
>>29106708
Bye Reddit
Peace out, OP
you still here, OP?
originaldo commentado
>>29107336
I wasn't OP so OP hasn't publicly shown criticism on your vids yet, might make you feel a bit better.
No suicide here any day soon, tried it but never managed to pull through and it's been on my mind for years, some years more than others, the last year felt the most real though, also had the most concrete attempt.
I like to think of it like an anon once described it to me. He describes it as a glooming exit sign at the freeway, it's a comfortable thought it's always there like an escape, but for so long the ride hasn't ended yet and there are more exits to come.
Sad we have to live like this Desu. Oh well. Let's quit the whining and act okay again.
See you around.
OP good luck on your endavour.
>>29106999
I ment mean spirited in the sense that during the worst periods of lonleyness my thoughs were negative for example in uni when I didn't fit in after earnest attempts with diffrent groups I became insular and short handed not mean
>>29107202
They track you and send a cop to come arrest you and institutionalize you if thye think youre going to actually do it which I am and that be hard to hide considering all the prep ive done.
>>29107296
Exactly why be a mental fuck up for everyone to jeer at when the other option is at least even those people who didnt care will pretend they did for an afternoon.
>>29107326
what info would you like all I wont give is where I am now and my name
>>29107336
that wasn't me I'm op my connection isn't good youtube donest buffer well
>>29107338
One dream about getting lost in a store coming your way
>>29107468
just got back to the states, Im still on my parents insurance I just dont want to use it that would get them involoved with something they havent ever cared to ask about (me)
>>29107520
Idk man they have rules against runing up the score in sports and someone needs to call this game before it just gets harder to watch
>>29107523
Peace out dude
>>29107542
yeap got me 14 more minutes before I drive to the parking lot I picked
>>29107621
oh, i like you anyway
have a nice day too anon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_wGIOzO-FQ
>>29107631
>Idk man they have rules against runing up the score in sports and someone needs to call this game before it just gets harder to watch
players don't end the game, referees do
It is NEVER too late to change. Ex 15 year depressed guy here.
>>29107631
Suicide hotlines can also be helpful for logistics. You say you can't afford therapy. There might be avenues you aren't considering. I'm not trying to save your life, but I was institutionalized and it was a good experience for me. I learned a lot about myself and was taken away from my real world situation so I could think a little clearer about what I wanted from my life.
If you have any opportunity you should check it out.
>>29106138
So long friendo, catch you on the other side
I hate how normal fags think they're "good people" for "stopping" suicide. They are obliged to. They don't care. They will just throw you into a treatment center and say "IT WILL BE BETTRR JUSS BE URSELF HAHAHA" and throw you out and let you repeat the process. Suicide should be allowed and the shit normies do for it makes them hate their lives worse. Ripped out of their homes to a shitty place.
Normies will forget you, we will forget you, but good luck with your attempt. If your life was so shitty that you had to die, go on ahead. Too lazy to "BEE URSELF N MEET NUE PEEPOL"? Go on ahead. Leave your life if you're happy with your choice.
Please don't. It's all about finding your people, the ones you can connect with. They are out there but hard to find. And some people have a very hard time to show that they care and love you. Your parents don't seem like the communicating kind, but that doesn't mean they won't miss you. They love you.
Where did your travels take you?
Try to leave an impact on the world. You don't want to die alone, go shoot someplace up before hand
>>29107790
no
i genuinely care for OP, there must be a better way
therapy helps
suicide hotline helped (in my case)
i am so glad i didn't kill myself, i just want to spare OP from wasting the huge amount of time he has left
See you on the other side OP. Sleep well weary ones and may Death embrace and carry you gently to the seas beyond.
>>29107790
This. They don't actually give a damn about you but a little post of "pls don't bro :(" allows them to pat themselves on the back the rest of the day. If the person doesnt go through with it then they can say they saved a life and if they do then they made a good attempt. With normies it always boils down to themselves.
Can you at least tell me your first name so I can write it on my wall? Just a little memorial from one anon to another...
>>29107790
>I hate how normal fags think they're "good people" for "stopping" suicide.
Like some of the stupid normalfags ITT? They really need to fuck off.
>>29107790
I care about OP because I went through the same thing. Don't be so bitter, show some morality you faggot.
>>29107631
You just came back to the US from where?
>>29106138
Goodbye pussy btw you're a faggot for commiting suicide
>>29107790
Look you fucking smartass, i dont give a fuck if op kills himself, everyone deserves being talked out of suicide. If he is determined our words dont mean shit. He might cheer up for a day and silently hang himself next week. We have no fucking idea. We dont know his fucking intentions. Dont be so fucking cynical and jaded and jump on the normie hate wagon because we have some level of empathy when another living being is at the brink of death.
>>29107757 here again.
Killing yourself because you don't have enough resources or any good prospects for your future is fine.
But killing yourself without really knowing what your resources are is just ignorant and stupid.
Talk to a social worker or call the suicide hotline and find out what they are.
You can always kill yourself later.
>>29107887
Morality?
It is OP's life, not mine. He wants to an hero, he has every right to do it.
>>29107886
Normal fags just say PLS NO UR LIFE IS NOT WORTH IT YOUR MOM LOVES YOU SELFISH FAGGOT and through you into a padded room. The people in this thread probably actually care because at least a third of this board has thought of an heroing before and would actually understand what he is """going through""".
>>29107964
I am a smart ass?
No. Let him an hero. He wants to die, let him. Also, morality is fake bullshit. If you really care and are not obliged, you go girlll!!!!! But normies just fake it to look better. They are fucking awful.
>>29107816
As much as I like guns I don't have any and the whole possiblity of hell plus the lack of justifiable target made me dismiss that kind of notion of going out with a bang like a year ago
>>29107801
I've been in a lot of places, the only place where I felt home was on 4chan as weird as that may sound.
>>29107790
Thank you it just doesn't make sense to get ripped away from home drugged etc billed and then forgotten about again
>>29107837
No other way for me man rather be dead than lonley for another day thanks for trying anon you're going to make it.
>>29107866
here here
>>29107878
Amen
>>29107885
Sorry man I like the idea of just anon for the al other anons that have done this too
>>29107952
Work on your memes
>>29107964
Not sure what to say to this, that picture is really fucked up though dogs are the best thing on this miserable planet
Well that's the (literal) end of the road I wish I had better words to say how thankful I am that 4chan existed when I did
looked for a meanful picture on my phone and didnt really find anything so heres a meme I always enjoyed (Shit Taste?)
Calling it in, Parking lot in between the train station and pizza shop W/M/21
Love you guys
>>29108119
well, goodbye anon
>>29108119
Auf weidersein, OP?
>>29106427
That sounds fucked
It's basically god telling you you're not allowed to hate his shitty world
Why is god such a bitch who can't take criticism?
>>29107631
You don't care about what the people you know really think, because you're killing yourself.
What is mean is. Do you live for other people, or do you live for yourself?
If you're living for other people, for how they're gonna value you or treat you, you're doing it wrong.
If you don't live for them, you only live for yourself, then why not take advantage of your parent's insurance? Can you pay your deductibles, or can they? Why not get off theor insurance and onto Obamacare, if that's the issue?
Also, there are free resources in most communities, for stuff like therapy. Sometimes there's a wait list though.
You can also apply for financial assistant for a hospital visit - I got all hospital ER bills covered due to my lack of insurance and money (got a bill for some BS though.).
Some people are just too self-centered and unaware to consider what someone else is going through. Sounds like the people you've known and your senpai are like that. Fuck them. You can do better.
Youtube has good self-help type of resources. Books can provide insight. And in my view, life is a tumbling precipice. People come and go, and finding someone who really cares and relates is even harder to find, especially the more different you are. Sometimes we create false realities because of our neurosis'. You need to recognize what is falsely constructed, and what is truly unchangeable.
Fixing yourself, whatever way you mean, is really fucking hard. I have been trying to cognitively change myself for the past 1.5 years. NOT easy. People are weak.
Why did you keep living? What reason did you give your life?
Life. That's the punchline.
So make up your own value.
>>29107631
I don't think suicide hotlines track you. Isn't the whole point that it's anonymous? Not even 911 gets accurate locations of calls despite the GPS on smartphones.
I don't get why normies think this world is worth living in
It's an objectively shitty world no matter how you look at it
it's like 99% shitty to the 1% not shitty
>>29106138
Livestream link? What kind of pills? Usually people underestimate how many they need to die. Also if ur gonna kill yourself dik pix?
>>29108119
Are you sure you are ready to leave? your story is about to end. And i assume you havent lived more than a third of your life. If you really feel like this is the right choice and that you have zero interest in what the future holds then i guess this is what you really want.
You should probably be aware that males actually die when attempting, so you cant really wake up at the hospital tomorrow.
>>29108119
Peace be with you until the end.
But I really adamantly think no one should kill themselves until they've lived a little beyond their 25th birthday.
>>29108228
Because he is self obsessed Chad.
He can be a dick, and he doesn't have to take shit.
See you space robot.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8NOabk7Lt2E
>>29106239
Thrizzead
>>29108119
i don't know if we can stop you, but this doesn't feel right.
i hope you had a good life. peace be with you my nig.
dead men don't cry
no but really it's not too late. it really isn't.
>>29106138
Please, dont do this. Have hope. This to shall pass.
>>29106138
See you around OP. I'll be joining you soon enough.
God I am really just feeling like joining OP right now. Fuck.
>>29108910
Why the feeling right now?
opiods will make you sick OP! i attempted suicide last week with 60 klonopins and a handful of xanax and a large amount of whiskey i ended up just going to jail and fucking up my life more lol. if i were you i wouild get my hands on some promethazine to keep the stomach from getting upset or maybe just something over the counter like antacid and the such.. ill be attempting again probably tomorrow. but ill be shooting myself while standing on the top of a 7 story parking garage that way it wont backfire again. i will see you in another life OP
>>29108951
I got reminded of my past that I forgot. How I used to always sit alone in recess in school when I wasn't being bullied, and no one ever came and said anything to me, and no one ever talked to me. I heard them mocking me and making fun of me though.
I forgot what triggered my memory to be brought back up, but I just want to die with that in mind and the rest of my past that I still remember and the future that I don't have anymore.
>>29109100
The past isn't now.
It was the same for me.
I still don't have "real" friends.
Don't you live for yourself?
Why no future?
did OP an hero?
>>29109195
I try to live for myself. I have been treated like shit and bullied and isolated all my life but I just can't turn my back to some. I do it to most though and I continue to ruin my reputation like the self destructive guy I am. I actually try to make a contest out of it to see if I can get the most destruction with someone as I possibly can because I know that they are fake to me.
I have no future because the past is always dragging me down. I am not going to get into a great college, something necessary for computer science, so I might as well off myself as soon as possible. I keep driving through highschool in hopes that it gets better, but it hasn't.
No one invites me to anything. No one talks to me. I still get bullied. My father mentally abuses me. I come home to him drunk off his ass daily. The whole world is fucked.
If I had one wish, it would be the end of the world.
Just tell us where are you from so we can check the news and see if you delivered it or not.
>>29109302
for the love of god dont do it, Please it will destroy your family. No matter what you say about them, they still love you. Please just sit down and go to bed. Hell dude, I dont know you but I fucking love you, please dont do this
>>29109437
>destroy my family
My family spit in my food and threw things at me (my cousins that is) during Thanksgiving behind closed doors. My cousins are all the same age as me or older. I never have even seen my uncles, and I haven't seen my aunts in years. My mother used to lock me in a closet and beat me up, and put my hand on a stove as a kid. I haven't seen her in 8 years. My father is a drunkard that likes to throw me out of the house, and continued to abuse me mentally.
None of them love me.
You don't love me you fucking phony. Jesus christ, way to pull the, "i love you" card. If I want to, I'll kill myself. I haven't reached the point yet where I am forcing myself, seeing how there might be hope for me (lol, i keep telling that to myself, but i know there isn't any).
>>29109572
please, just always look at the light of things. Save up, get a job, and move far away. Thats what I did and everything else is perfect. All you need is a fresh start. Clean your hair, fix your hygiene, lose weight or gain it. work out. Please, it will all be worth it. After this move somewhere so far away that no one even knows who you are. And then you will be happy.
Like some of you, I have been treated in mental hospitals. A lot of people were there against there will. In my 32 years I've seen many suicide survivors, but the ones of note are the guys I met during my several hospital stays that blacked out thinking they were done and woke up in a hospital bed. All of them without exception regretted their attempt and were looking forward to life outside the hospital. With that said, I am not trying to tell this robot not to off himself or hurt his thread (desu idk if he did already I'm not even halfway through reading it) - I just want to say that its strange how they all regretted it.
>>29106138
>be OP
>want attention
>pretend to be suicidal on r9k
Okay shitposting aside, don't do it OP. Go take a walk or something. Try to clear your head. Don't be a faggot. Your life has value.
Look at all these cynical assholes on r9k trying to talk you out of it. We are the types of people who are usually REEing at normies and Stacies and Chads, but even we think you should hang in there and see if life's got more to offer.
Someday you'll look back on this moment as a happier man and wonder how you could ever think like this. It's going to be okay, OP. I don't even know you but I love you and I don't want you to do this to yourself.
>>29109572
OP, we do love you. We don't know you, but you're one of us and we care about you.
At least stick around to see the end of GOT senpai
>>29109878
I'm not OP. OP killed himself long ago.
I have a name, and OP doesn't.
>one of us
>all true robots actually just say goodbye, etc.
RREEEEEEEEEEEE GET OFF MY BOARD
>>29106293
damn youre going to go out feeling good. might fall asleep with a 10/10 high and never wake up. You wont even know it
shit my man bout to check out to.If theirs 'another side" can we be friends op?
>>29110364
oh fuck op died nvr mind
>>29109931
>implying he died
gonna live because lolpills, that shit's for women who don't really want to die
>>29109302
In hs still?
High school fucking sucks. It's shit.
You're stuck in a shit situation, which vastly affects every other small aspect of your life, including how you relate and how you're received.
The toughest part about feeling the way you or I or a lot on this board do, is that it's damn near impossible to pull yourself out of the sinkhole you've found yourself in.
Things are so complex and situational, that I don't know if I can even figure out a proper way to disseminate "changing your life!".
1) Your situation is kinda fixed right now, which vastly inhibits potential change.
2) The attitude that's been cultivated in you is hard to escape because of (1) and isn't being helped because of (1). I mean, I really want to say, "but if you try hard enough!" But I can't. But.
You can only control how you react and behave.
One way I look at the world is, if all these people who are so shitty at what they do can make it, and even excel at whatever, then why can't I?
Does it HAVE to be a good school for computer science? Or can you just focus on getting the basics or the degree under your belt, network and do the shit on your own to build up your repetoire/reputation to get exactly where you want? Remember, nepotism is a huge factor in making it. Which also relates to be being charming/persuasive. Manipulation has its uses.
I personally have gotten to the point where I only trust myself for everything I once looked externally for. Some people get it fucking easy and don't even realize it. You may have to work harder, but that'll also make you the wiser of the bunch.
Not that long ago, I was telling someone, "things will never change for me, everything has been x way and will never be otherwise, because It hasn't thus far, and it still isn't, and nothing indicates change." He said, "We'll that streak stops now."
It helped break me out of a funk. I was going to kill myself in this time frame. It was a matter of figuring out a surefire way.
>>29107790
My tharapist said something like this.They just want to feel good without doing anything.One thing to check of there checklist I suppose.
>that cold reality that OP is possibly dead
readingt his posts makes my chest freeze
>>29109302
Did this drastically change and fix my life? No. But it broke through to me and helped me transition to another phase or level or whatnot.
And I'm continuing to try to change.
And what I'm saying is. Maybe we don't have a lot of control, especially when we're younger. But we can control what's going on in our heads. Especially as robots.
I dislike delusion. It seems too easy to get lost in it. But, it's a legit coping mechanism.
Divorce yourself, when able, from the past. When it hits you, that history, memory, pattern - take it in your hands, look at it, and say, it doesn't have to be like this. The past does not control the future. I can change this. Simply - you take the installed pattern, learn to recognize it (turn it into a trigger or figure out something that triggers you recognizing it), and then put a new pattern on top of it. Everytime you recognize the pattern, set it up to trigger the new desired thought process, and keep cognitively/manually recognizing and triggering until it becomes a new installed pattern that overrides the old one. You know. Upgrading your OS.
Or sublimation. That can be a way to work over unfavorable programming.
And really, I do think you should live until at least a bit after 25. Things change with time and experience. And I know things don't noticeablely/rapidly change - but really, time gives you the space to explore new stimuli and environments and opportunities. Sometimes you just need the freedom and that space to find it.
Really. I'm kind of only surviving because I've been practicing ignoring my neurosis' and unending thinking, and also because I have started finding more support groups that really relate to me. But dude. It's taken me a third of my lifespan to get there practically. I fucking wasn't even that self aware until this last 1.5 years.
Life takes time. But you gotta fucking take it internally, by the balls, and command it. Just very slowly.
But I get it. I couldn't see this part 4ever.
>>29108119
Goodbye anon. I hope to join you soon
>>29110653
At least you didn't see it livestream.
>>29110397
Prince died from pillssssss....so have a lot of other celebs. Or a notable number anyway.
>>29106138
So long space robot, hopefully you can find the comfiness and peace you couldn't find in this life. Bye.
I'll be your friend op me you and the pizza place we'll find you a hot girl too
>>29106138
You are not stupid, don't listen to people who put you down. Watch that video JewWario made.
>>29106752
how does talking about your suicidal thoughts to someone change anything? I have. I'm the same person afterwords. The person with suicidal desire.
>>29106138
Have fun waking up in a puddle of vomit, feces and urine anon!
>>29106900
HA
He is wearing a Nike just do it shirt
I like that meme.
>>29106138
>pills
Learn to chemistry anon, pills wont kill you they will just screw up your insides, once the brain detects a substance that can kill you you are gonna vomit involutarily if that doesnt work all sorts of fluids are coming out of you.
>>29106138
>taking life advice from a suicidal
wtf
bump before it's too late
>>29115279
I think it's too late. At best, probably a "wake up in the hospital" thing.
>>29106138
bye buddy see you in the next life
godspeeed dingus
Tell the devil a shitpoostorm is coming, and he had better batten down the hatches.
But you wont read that because youre dead, so i will just think it to you.
If you wanna hear some jokes, use your one phone call to hit me up
631()812()7600
>>29106900
>http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=d23_1376366963
love how he's wearing a just do it t shirt
>>29106138
Don't do it man, you will fuck up your family's life for ever. Don't just think about yourself. But then again it's your life and your choice, it's up to you.
>>29106854
You must be fun to hang around
>>29106436
Taking the bait because your filename made me chuckle.
FUCKING GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. My younger brothers best friend was just like you. Well travelled but never fit in. He killed himself 3 weeks ago and it destroyed my brother. To someone you're the whole world.
