I need your help /r9k/ -- this may seem small and insignificant to some of you but it's a stupid situation and I'd like to resolve it without me looking like a fucking weirdo.
I moved in with a roommate 3 months ago. I am a pretty anxious and easily embarrassed guy. I never liked farting out loud when my roommate was home. I found the easiest way to get rid of the sound is to pull my asscheeks apart, which makes it sounds like wooshing air rather than the smacking / squealing sound of a typical fart.
Tonight I was making a snack in the kitchen and had the microwave running. Roommate was in his bedroom -- I had to fart, so I reached down my shorts, pulled my asscheeks apart and let it rip. Effectively silenced, as usual.
The issue is that he had made his way into the living room and I had my back turned to him. I turned around and the look on his face said he saw the whole thing. He got his keys and left shortly after.
Obviously I feel fucking ridiculous. I haven't left my room since 7PM (it's almost 1AM now) and I can't bare the thought of facing him. Help me think of a good excuse to tell him what I was doing or why I did it.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You are so fucked. That is never going to disappear from his memory for as long as he's around you.
Best hope is to burn this bridge and find a new roommate you can feel more comfortable around.
>>29020549
There's really no way to salvage this huh?
I was thinking of maybe saying I had something wrong with my bowels and the doctor told me to do that to give relief somehow. Believable?
If I were you I'd just pretend it never happened. I have a feeling if you try to explain it you'll just dig yourself in deeper
>>29020487
There is no salvation anymore
Start farting in front of him more often with the same technique. It's the only way.
fart in his face while he's sleeping
>>29020600
See >>29020607
No, of course that's not fucking believable. You can maybe hope that he's a cool dude and won't judge you for it, but that's really really unlikely.
If you're going to say anything, it's better to be honest.
Or even better, say nothing, and do whatever you want.
Sorry man, there's no recovering from this. Don't try to delude yourself; you're just going to have to face the farts.
>>29020640
I thought of doing this too, in conjunction with my "doctors orders" lie. Maybe do it in front of him 2-3 more times throughout the week, claim I had some bowel issues, next week stop doing it and claim that the issues are healed up.
I'm open to other suggestions too. I just need to clear the air, I really don't want to leave things unsaid or "pretend it didn't happen". There has to be an explanation that would leave him thinking I'm not a weirdo.
>>29020731
>doctors orders
Hahahahahhaahaha
>>29020731
This is a solid plan.
>>29020731
I don't know man. Whenever I do something embarrassing and then try to explain it seems to make it worse. I guess it's because I talk really fast and I blush a lot, so it makes me look even weirder. After all that explaining they just give me a fake smile and say, "Oh okay then."
I mean it is up to you but it really depends on how good of a liar you are and what kind of person your roommate is
>>29020790
If left unsaid, my roommate would most certainly judge me. I made an informal agreement with him that I'd live here until the end of October. I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable here if I have to live out the rest of this time as the "asscheek spreader" in his mind.
And if he mentions it to his girlfriend, or if she told her friends... god I'd probably fucking hang myself
This fucking thread lmao
Don't worry OP he has already blocked it from his memory. Don't bring it up again you loser
>>29020848
>live out the rest of this time as the "asscheek spreader" in his mind.
>the "asscheek spreader*
It must be really rough living in your mind.
You should care less in general
