>be me a few years ago
>school just let out, and i was looking for something to do
>my dad walks into my room and says
>"hey anon, let's go down to the amish country and grab some cheese!"
>fuckit.jpg
>we grab some cheese and buy it
>i have no fucking idea what the cashier is saying
>"miller yoder hofstadter mennonite yoder yoder"
>on the way back we stop at this leather store on the side of the road
>everythings way too fucking expensive, but they have goats in the front that we can feed
>heythatsprettygood.gif
>i feed the goats
>me and my dad are just having a grand old time
>suddenly my dad goes "never grab the bull by the horns.."
>he grabs one of the goat's antlers and pulls on it, laughing madly and slobbering everywhere
>the goat runs away
>he does this three more times
>people are riding by us in their amish carriages looking at my dad like wtf
>my dad looks at them and goes "YODER YODER"
>he says "ok this is the last one"
>he pulls on the last goats horn and almost lifts it up
>the goat leaves a huge slimy shit on my dads shoe
>mfw
>>29015819
your dad sounds kickass and definetly not autistic.
My dad is sort of rude and always follows the rules (which means no fun ever). A true sperg.
>>29015819
why do i find the fact that OP is around Amish country and is not able to speak German or whatever more retarded than his dad provoking a goat to shit on his shoe
Why are you not cool like your dad?
>>29015819
>YODER YODER
I lost my shit.
What language did they speak? Every amish I know speaks English...
>>29015938
>22:58:43
Nice single
Guys i got a few more just give me a second, im on mobile and this shits hard to write
My parents made me dress head to toe in safety gear just to ride my bike on the driveway/dead end street with the other kids. that is when the bullying started
>Helmet
>mouthguard
>elbow and knee pads
>shinguards
>gloves
I can't understand why my parents did this to me, I was like 8 or 9 at the time
Alright OP here. Heres another.
>just in the car with my dad probably riding to school or something
>dad is notorious for being an explosive driver, always carries a stun gun and a golf club with a solid piece of metal at the end
>my dad is basically a white suburban ninja warrior
>just fucking around in the backseat with my gameboy or something when i see it
>my dad turns his head around to look through the back windshield
>"i swear to god if this motherfucker doesn't get off my ass there's gonna be some trouble"
>thisgonbegud.wmv
>the motherfucker does not get off his ass
>"WHAT THE FFUUUUUUCK!!!!!"
>12 year old me knows shit is about to go down
>"ANON YOU KNOW HOW I DONT LIKE PEOPLE ON MY ASS RIGHT"
>i say nothing
>"THIS FUCKING BITCH IS MAKING ME FUCKING FURIOUS"
>ok dad
>suddenly she merges into the other lane and passes us but in the process, she also cuts my dad off
>i hear him start to breath heavy
>oh god here it comes
>i look down at my gameboy as i know whay may come next
>the breathing just gets louder and heavier
>he's going super saiyan
>"hhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHH"
>here it is
>he pulls along next to her, rolls his window down and yells
>"DICK FUUUUUUUUCK!"
>the lady was my great aunt
>mfw my dad just yelled "dick fuck" at his own aunt
>mfw no face
Another story from the OP.
>my dad and i are at chuck e cheeses for one of my kindergarter friends birthday parties
>my dad is obviously not into it
>he decides to have a little fun on his own
>this is where it gets a little creepy
>bday boy goes into the bathroom with the chuck e pizza shits
>my father recognizes this
>my dad gathers up all the gullible kids including me and says "now we're gonna throw a little surprise party for bday boy"
>all the kids go "yaaaaaaay"
>he sneaks all of maybe 10-15 kids into the bathroom
>he tells us "okay, be really quiet. when he comes out, just yell 'surprise' and he'll love it!"
>we all agree because we know nothing
>we hear the kid finishing up
>we are getting very eager
>he steps out
>ohshit
>SURPRISE!!!!!!!
>one of the kids got a little too eager and threw up a little on the kid
>the kid pees himself and starts crying
>my dad denied everything
>i was never invited to any birthday parties in kindergarten ever again
You know, come to think of it, my dad was a mastermind.
