Hey robots
Can we talk for a lil bit, share some feels or advice.
I'm in a really bad place now, I've been there for a long while and I really don't have anyone to turn to and talk about this stuff.
I'm not trying to get attention or whine or be a tripfag or anything really like that, It's just you guys are really all I have, I don't even mean that in a bad way either, It's really sad maybe even pathetic to say but I really like you guys, spending time together arguing and laughing.
I've been here a good while, since 2006.
It's just now I'm in a bad way, I kind of want to just talk it out even if no one responds just so I'm not just alone.
I'll wait a few mins maybe I'll pussy out and sleep or write some more who knows.
tldr: share some feels and help out robots if we can
Hey bro, what's going on?
>>28989457
share your feels op, I'll follow up with my own.
I'm here for you brother.
>>28989457
Share away
If you need to talk I'm here
We are alone in this world, don't trust anyone.
they might back stab you.
know this OP, and then proceed with your decision.
I WILL DIE ALONE
IM IMPOSSIBLE TO LOVE WHY WAS I BORNNNNNJNNN
Feel away robot, we are all brothers here.
Ever since i was 12 or so i've always had this obsession with fucking up others lives, so that might be why im so alone, but i wish i could go back and stop myself
>>28989889
just keep being yourself :)
Hang in there, bro. We all have bad times. Even if it's a lifetime of bad moments, it's either hanging in or dying. I hope you don't die.
share with us your feels OP. i'm feeling pretty comfy listening to some Russian Metalcore band.
you know, i've come to realize that our day to day lives fit on a spectrum that ranges from 'absolute dog shit' to 'meh'. I've been at 'meh' for a week or so and it's pretty alright. i was at 'absolute dog shit' before that though. Don't know what changed between then and now but whatever. Well, here's hoping you reach your 'meh'.
>>28989643
>>28989651
>>28989663
>>28989685
Thanks anons.
Well guess I'll just start from the start, best place to begin really.
From what I can really remember growing up, I was a really friendly kid, nice to everyone and happy, always smiling and hated having people left out on their own.
I've had around three circles of friends growing up, from middle school to high school and to college.
I don't really know what made me change when I grew up, I was bullied a lot in middle school, I laugh a little at it now but I was a big crybaby, it's a little embarrassing really but I never shared that with my parents, never wanted them to worry.
I had like a close circle of friends never that maybe just three who I always hung out with, stuck up for them in fights, made sure when they fought it was made up afterwards, I even remember a few times one friend would be signaled out and not going to a bday and the like, so I wouldnt go and stay with them.
I got a little older and they stopped hanging out with me, or avoiding me, never got a reason, just one friend disliked me and the rest went along with it, that really fucking stung you know.
they've grown up now, but we stopped talking around 14-15, I still miss them.
In highschool, it died down a little, still bullied but not as badly, but I become really shy and withdrawn, this was really around when puberty hit me, he really fucking hit me bad too, just awful acne everywhere, shitty growthspurt, acne getting really bad, fucking hated photos of myself, I mean really hated them.
I made friends again with some others, even went out after school, which was a big deal for me, invited over for hanging out together.
>I'll write a part two in a bit
>>28989457
Feeling a little bit low. Thought I was seeing my ldr for the first time next week. However she was too nervous to tell her parents about me. Now I don't know when I will see her irl. Plus we get on really well. I hope I see her someday. My advice to robots, don't get into an ldr, for your brain will just hurt.
>>28990015
I remember even the few times I headed out I was always so awkward, not in a cringy way but feeling out of place.
everyone knew each other, they all really had fun together, even some underage drinking and light stuff like that.
I think around this time, like early teens or mid teens I really started feeling less happy, just depressed, but to me that was my normal, I loved and I mean really loved making my friends laugh, it was a great feeling.
you can sort of sit back and like feel warmth from it, or whenever we hung out together i could just sit back and watch and just be happy.
time went on, we all got a bit older, they got more experienced in life, more friends, girlfriends, fun memories and I was still that lanky kid with bad acne and perpetual shyness.
I never did great in school, I was lazy never really revised and winged most tests, exams.
I never cared and I don't mean in a fuck school way but like I just didnt care what happened to me.
anyways time went on and we split up went our ways for colleges all over, I went to some ok maybe little shitty school up and away from everyone and like most times my friends started to fade out of my life.
I'm a shy guy but I would invite people out, try and organise trips but no one would be up for it really, but they would still hang with each other.
after that, I really just let it fade, let them call me or text, few did, barely one.
so I went on to college, made a handful of other friends, it was a tough course and I was a stupid kid so I had little free time, I mostly spent time playing games and doing dumb shit, but I passed college, had a good few memories but not much.
depression was pretty bad at this stage, still had awful acne and got on serious meds for it, basically locked myself away for a summer to clear myself up.
and thats well now or a year after I guess
>>28990015
>>28990286
you pretty much described me minus the having girlfriends part. Middle school was hell, i managed to ghost through the last half of half school, and now i'm in college with "friends" who don't want me hanging around unless it's unavoidable. i'd break away, but they're the only source of physical human contact I have other than my parents.
I can just feel my dad's disappointment growing daily for me. I dropped from STEM to History because I was failing. I've never had a girlfriend, and all I do is sitting inside on my computer day after day. he can barely look at me anymore.
It doesn't help that my brother succeeded in life. got through Computer Science, got a comfy programming job, is getting married in August, and his future bride is a lawyer. they live in a major city and are going to be making like 300K combined off their starting salaries.
What am I going to do with my shitty History degree? Teach? lol nope. It's worse because my mom keep trying to tell me "oh, history isn't that bad of a major", "youcan maybe land some government job", but I just know she's trying to make me feel better.
My life is just gray right now. like watching a black and white silent film. there is no color, and no happy ending in sight. I'm probably going to off myself soon.
I don't want to be some attention whore and take away from you OP, but I just wanted to get this off my mind. Thanks for listening.
>>28990286
And I'm on my own again, friends faded out, went out of my way a ton of times and did invites, days before, weeks before, at the weekend etc.
few times happened, not many, friends faded out.
Last message was back in october, because I sent a message.
and now its just me, I don't really get why I'm this much of a mess, my acnes cleared up but depression is really here in full force.
I've gotten bad anxiety and still never beaten my shyness, its tough.
I overthink too much now, and I freeze up, I struggle even trying to find a job, I feel unqualfied for everything and now I'ts like looking back I've wasted my life.
always being shy, or never trying, giving up, never seeking attention, being fine with being left out , i dont have many memories of good times not even a handful of them with girls.
and I feel lost now, like how do I even be happy, or get better.
how do I even make friends now lol, I'm alone.
I've never though about killing myself, well no thats a lie, I do but would never do it.
I like the idea of just fading out, blink and I'm gone.
I guess now im just here and I have you guys, thats it.
I think theres just some people in the world that dont get to make it, or be happy, or get fucked from the start, I dont blame anyone, its my fault.
I dont even wanna die I wanna live, I want my friends back, I want to go on dates and get a gf, make her happy, have a ok job.
I dont wanna be depressed and sad, feeling sick from the drop and typing on 4chan at 3am cus I cant sleep.
ive nothing good in my life to look forward too that isnt fucking video games or some tv show.
I dont think i can even get better.
tldr: thats my whining done
ty for letting me type it out, hope you guys get good lives, or get ot be a little happy.
I'm inmy late 20's now and i feel like my exp up to now is just mostly shit due to depression, so I wanna give advice to young anons, just try.
please just try, talk more, be better, get on meds if you need them
gn anons
>>28990527
Do you feel yourself becoming a bitter asshole? I have no friends anymore either. I started becoming condescending to people I felt didn't want to include me and started giving only one word replies to people. You never think you'll be that shitty person until life turns you into it
>>28990443
dont worry about it
its good to share anyways, idm.
I'd say the better advice is to not compare yourself to others, it wont help.
you feel bad if the person is more succesful, and you dont really count it if the person is worse.
maybe look into something besides teaching, or honestly just any job without it even if its office work.
its really weird because I can offer advice and read situations for someone but for myself i dont take it lol.
for me it sort of feels just dreary, like everything is at a 2/10, no excitement or love.
just grey fog, dont even fad sad, just robot going through the motions with extremem highs like i can be better then lows where i wanna fade away.
I dont think we can get better overnight or in a year, but id say to make your hell liveable
even some minor shit like proper sleep or meds, comparing wont help.
I hope it works out for you for the better, try to not make everyones hopes or opinions weights on your back to carry and live up to.
>>28990286
>after that, I really just let it fade, let them call me or text, few did, barely one.
Iktf. Not being important to people around you, just being there, like a lamp or a chair.
At least you made your friends laugh. I was once actually described as a chair, literally. Someone just said "Anon is so fucking dull and boring, he's a chair, just sitting there".
I knew that already though, didn't surprise me or anything. I knew that my "friends" only tolerated me. But they were the only social interaction I got so I sticked to them. After our interests started to split I distanced myself from them, they didn't give half a fuck.
And that's exactly me. I might have "friends" (or, rather, acquaintances, I can hardly bond with anybody), and even hang out with people but ultimately I'm just part of the background to them. They tolerate me and all but if I disappear nobody will notice.
In a way this makes me feel a kind of freedom. Sometimes it feels lonely though. Like right now, I've distanced myself from everybody I've ever known, and nobody has reached me in any way. I also realize it's dumb to even give it a thought, but, well, I feel the empathy with what you said I guess.
>>28990622
nah I dont feel bitter honestly.
just the weird kid that wants to fit in, stuck in the middle between the normies and weirdos.
my hate is directed inwards, i dont dislike or hurts others, id rather help people if i can just i think i sort of have my heart on my sleeve and get attached maybe too much.
try to not let it damage you anon ok, you can be a decent person even if its just to another person
>>28989457
You should go out and do some stuff. Like whatever the fuck you want. Just stay positive. :)
>>28989787
This is actually pretty solid advice, I keep forgetting it but I try to stay loyal to this rule.
Don't fucking tell anything secret to other people and don't rely on other people. Even the most trustworthy people are fucking shit and can fuck you sideways at any time
>inb4 2 deep 4 me, it's just like that.
>>28990527
>I tried to make friends but couldn't succeed
>moral of the story is make friends anon :^)
come on you have to think a little harder than that
>>28991045
I'd still rather try and fail than give up and fail
>>28990754
It's good that you haven't turned bitter. I started realizing that normies see /EVERYTHING/ as a competition. They are constantly subconsciously trying to dominate each other, the only reason they let you hang out with them was so they had someone low to be better than.
Women HATED me until I started to hate them, but it was too late by them. If you give them positive attention immediately they sense your niceness 'betaness' and despise you.
welp
Sorry OP i'll take this opportunity to pour my feelings onto ya
I feel like I have experienced everything that has to be experienced in the world. Every feeling that arises in me has to be finely dissected and examined so I don't fall back in NEETdom/crisis.
I feel like I will never discover something to kickstart me back into life, something I will discover that will bring me joy and passion.
Philosophy is just pointless at this point, it's going in circles without ever finding any questions. And the more the questions, the more lost I become; the more questions I ask.
Life is neither bad nor good it's just gray. Or brown. Just /there/. I feel like I want to be helped but that I have seen that there were no escape, and so any attempt was futile. Not attempts to better yourself, but to attempts live with a purpose.
I attempted suicide and I attempted life, there is no clear choice, I just want my head to be cleared and focused.
I wish I had never thought of these thoughts. They will forever follow me like an "undying truth" above everything. I feel like I am kidding myself when I'm trying to live purposefully, feeling that I "know" I will be fall back into this state where I detain "the truth", being that nothing matters. Everything is grey.
My OCD and the rituals therein keep me up very late.
Oftentimes between three and eight in the morning.
The rituals themselves are mentally and physically (in some cases) to go through.
I then sleep through most of the day, and then when I wake up I have like three hours until the ritual begins anew.
It's mental torture, and I want to fucking die, but I'm holding out because I feel like I'm getting somewhere slowly but surely, so I may as well see what happens.
>>28991148
for me I was often pretty shy and ignored girls really.
I'd only maybe chat to a friends gf now and again other than that id rarely speak to girls.
it would happen sometimes that because i was friendly with my friends but ignored girls it made them try to chat to me more and give me attention.
shit was odd, but that rarely happened.
normies is a meme, chads and stacy is just shit to vent over kiddo.
most chads irl are actually bro tier
>>28991133
true but his story makes a shit example for his advice
>>28991324
that response was me the op
it is a shit example for advice, but like i said i dont want to give up and il still try.
>>28989457
Reading Ops story he quit really easily. If you really want to make friends and are okay with loserish people join your local card game community. They have events already planned that everyone there is super excited for and every time I move and join the new community everyone is super nice and awesome especially if you explain you are new.
>>28989457
b-bait-kun, yamete!
>>28991148
10/10 post.
Oddly, the 'niceness' thing is genuinely appreciated by older people. Seems like a huge cultural thing; much less backwards than it is now. Sorta like sarcasm, fucking people ages 18-30 or so can't go a day without being sarcastic twats.
Still, I somehow can't seem to break it. I think it was my childhood conditioning from my boomer parents, or something. Doesn't help that I had 2 older sisters either, teaching exactly the WRONG shit to teach a male in this day and age.
>>28991274
>most chads irl are actually bro tier
to a normie maybe, I doubt they'd be so nice to someone like me.
>>28991687
REMEMBER! Normies know the only power they have over you is the ability to ignore/be mean to you DO NOT GIVE THEM THIS!
