Who else /mischief/ here?
Me? I haven't taken a shit in 3 days and I don't plan on doing so any time soon.
>>28949901
Who exactly are you mischiefing?
>>28949901
Himself, which corresponds to everyone in the grand scheme of everything.
truly D E V I L I S H
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>sometimes I rub one out in the bathroom stalls at work and shoot my load all over the toilet paper roll for the next occupant to enjoy
>>28949924
The toilet checker. You know, that guy that checks if everyone has evacuated their bowels and checks if they have been naughty or nice? Yeah santa's helpers are checking that shit, literally.
In Op's case he has been a very very naughty boy, he might not get any good presents this year and what is life without good presents from the santa? If you ask me thats not a life worth living.
Op is playing a very high risk game, almost like posting bannable offenses on an internet forum.
>wiped my ass so hard the paper ripped
>on purpose
/mischief/ here
>>28950008
>on purpose
Savagely mischievous!
You're playing a dangerous game, OP. Keep it regular.
>>28949901
Nothing as /mischievous/ as rupturing your own intestines to be interesting to some imageboard.
go OP!
>mom tells me not to pull down the curtains
>do it anyway
>>28950002
I wouldn't really dare to do that. It's bound to go wrong eventually, I predict him opening a regret thread until the end of this week.
>yell at the cat
>GET OUT OF THE ROOM, YOU'RE BOTHERING ME
>wasn't actually bothering me
bye bye cat, lol
>>28950069
Absolutely, Op should just take a big nasty stinky poo that rips his asshole in half.
>>28950078
twisted
oregano
>spend all my free time watching japanese cartoons
>not actually a child
Try to stop me.
>>28950044
I'd rather rupture my intestines than being a faggot on an image board trying to be original by being a faggot
>download phone game
>you can get free coins by follow their social media pages
>click the button to like/follow/whatever
>browser loads
>immediately close browser and return to my game
>game thinks I actually did what it said to do
>get free coins
>>28950160
Death by constipation. He died doing what he loved.
I robbed a corner shop and got ~$350 in an eastern european hellhole
>teachers and parents tell me to apply myself
>dont
>cashier asks me how I'm doing
>say "pretty bad"
>am actually doing okay
>go to dentist
>get a few fillings done
>lady says to ease up on the lollies
>say I will
>continue with my shit diet
>>28949983
They can test the sperm for DNA you dumb fuck
>report my own post for illegal content
>didn't even post anything illegal
>>28950630
Only if they have another sample to match it with. The government doesn't have sperm/blood samples of anyone without a criminal record. You don't just pop the DNA into a big beep-boop machine and get a match, idiot.
>walking into indian restaurant
>ask where the toilet is
>>28949901
>talking to someone
>have enough of their shit
>give them the angriest stare I can muster
>"Look at anon, he looks like he wants to kill me!"
Just as I planned.
>do little wee
>use big flush
Enjoy colon/prostate cancer OP.
>>28950981
The classic autist stare, a mainstay of every sperg trying to look intimidating
>>28950957
>they send you right back through the door you just came through
>>28950981
This might be the most pathetic post on /r9k/ right now.
Is it? Yes.
>slash tires on my own bike so i'm late to work
>boss tells me i need to show up on time
>tell him ok
>show up late the next day
serves up those normO's
>See free pamphlet
>'please take one'
>don't even want any
>but fuck telling me what to do
>take several of them
>leave the pile half toppled over
>fuck the man
Who else /absolute anarchist/ here?
>>28952969
>walking into kitchen from bedroom
>tv is on in living room
>proactive commercial
>"clean those pores make sure they're not clogged"
>proceed to rub bacon grease and butter all over face
>get a free coffee
>don't even drink it
take that you scum fucks
>make others uncomfortable with my sob stories
>>28950721
You'll still be in the database and when in a few years when DNA registering becomes mandatory due to fucks like you you'll get caught for it.
You're fucked man, fucked.
>>28949901
A girl died from not shitting. No joke.
>>28955049
No shit? You're not shitting us? Yeah right, cut the shit. Quit bullshitting man, knock that shit off.
>>28950384
>Colleague asks me how I'm doing
>Say "I'm good thanks"
>I actually feel like complete shit
>start a thread encouraging discussion with the OP
>close tab
