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>nobody cares about anything you do
>nobody even tries except your dad
>work so hard at it and nobody gives a shit

>nobody likes you more than as a casual acquaintance
>can't maintain friendships, can't maintain their interest
>everybody's full of shit in dealing with you

>you have no actual productive value
>you can write well and "think critically", write decent music, high iq, but have no "practical" skills beyond a mediocore level
>practical skills are boring as fuck
>feel inferior anyway
>not sure who too though, since nobody meets the same standards I set for myself

>the world is dying
>choral reefs are set to be godamn extinct by 2050
>this is only a measure of the health of the oceans, which produce 60% of the worlds oxygen
>climate change is exponential
>we are ignoring it and will continue to ignore it
>were I to have kids, they would most likely die prematurely, before even having the chance to have grandkids

>were I to have kids implies I could ever find a mate
>no attraction to few people I respect, little respect for those I find attractive (I mean primarily mentally. attraction to and respect for a personality are different)
>tried asking out those few I find attractive in this manner and rejection ensues (obviously)
>too romantic to settle

>music becomes more and more my life
>I hate more and more of it
>nearly everything but classical and metal is structurally pathetic, once you realize the power of these genres to evolve within a piece you can't turn back
>but then metal starts to pale to classical
>but I can't even wrap my head around how they wrote it
>plus, everything pre-romantic has a severely limited range of expressed ideas, very much confined by Christianity and other philosophical missteps
>romantic is barely better than metal in terms of complexity
>modern is ok
>I'm probably going to listen to that now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOat_xsGUOw

it's how I feel.