I should have killed myself when I was 16, but I waited too long and now I have people who love and need me so I can't kill myself.
IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU.
>>28896626
>Be loved
>Still want to kill yourself
Edgy
iktf, anon
iktf
24 yo hhkv NEET failure here
>>28896626
>I can't kill myself.
Bullshit, just do it man.
>has people who love him
>thinks he blong to this board
>>28896626
>BUT NOW IM IN TOO DEEP AND IM TRYING TO KEEP THE THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD INSTEAD OF GOING UNDER
>>28896650
my point is that even if someone ever loved you and you found something to do, you still have to deal the feels.
You won't ever feel secure or safe, and you will always resent the world for what happened to you.
But since you now have something to do and someone to fuck you will feel like you can't kill yourself - and the longer it goes the less you're going to be able to justify killing yourself.
>currently 18
>a month left of highschool
>I could still kill myself and maybe make this or the next year's yearbook
>BUT I already bought a one way ticket to France b/c I'm planning on joining the legion and dying that way
What's better, getting mocked by normies and dumb cunts in death and turning a few heads or dying after combat and having people (maybe including me) think I at least had a good reason to kill myself?
I'm not depressed.. I don't think anyway.. but I don't see any reason to live. I don't see what drives people, I just can't be bothered.
>>28896642
That's not how the depression/suicide meme works bro
Everyone with a real reason to die isn't doing it because "n-no girlfriend! No friends!"
>>28896836
I think it's cooler to die in a blaze of glory that's guarenteed to kill yourself. A lot of suicide methods people use don't work and they wind up horribly disfigured, yes, some people even fuck up shooting themselves in the head. You gotta be careful so you don't wind up living with no face or no organs from an unsuccessful OD.
>>28896626
Iktf
Committing suicide as a teenager is an explainable, almost blameless act. It's tragic. Kill yourself as an adult? You're shirking responsibilities and nothing more. It's disgusting.
I wish I had killed myself back then because I was relatively pure. If I kill myself now, my intentions would be far more convoluted than just a simple rejection of reality.
>>28896746
Fucking this. I've been happy, I've had fulfilling relationships. I've had, however brief, moments of excitement and wonder, even. And still, there was a voice in my head, a roaring emptiness that spoke my discontent for me, even when I was "content".
I've come to have the opinion that nothing here is worth what it takes to have anything here.
>>28896896
Thank fuck someone understands this feel.
What do you do until you die? If you saw a blameless way out and had to make a snap decision, would you do it?
>>28896836
Yeah, nothing really lost by trying the legion. Worst case scenario is that you can't deal, leave, and kill yourself like you were going to anyway.
Other than having no control over your life, difficult training, and no solution to tfw no gf, being a legionnaire (at least for a while) sounds like a pretty decent life.
>>28896961
Without hesitation. I've practiced carotid compression on myself enough now that I'm not truly afraid of it. Life scares me more than death. Other methods of killing myself still put me off, though.
Especially because if I chose not to, something would invariably be imposed on me very quickly that would take away such an opportunity.
>>28896948
When I was younger, I decided that I would not kill myself if I could contribute positively to people, e.g. sticking up for people who were capable of genuine happiness and meaningful lives but were being fucked over by others. So far it's going okay, but I still want to kill myself every time I ask myself if it's all worth it and the answer is (always) no.
>>28897020
>'something would invariably be imposed on me very quickly that would take away such an opportunity'
what do you mean?
>>28897020
>carotid compression
That some kind of vulcan nerve pinch?
>>28897079
Some external influence would take over at some point that would make it no longer guiltless, or I would come into awareness of some thing or person I would be hurting, or something like that. Every window of opportunity, no matter the context, is only a window, with finite width and height.
>>28897081
Takes a bit more pressure than that, and it's a bit weirder feeling, but basically lol
>>28896896
You realize it doesn't fucking matter once you're dead, right? The universe may as well not exist if you're not there to observe it.
Also what responsibilities are you shirking? You have no obligation to justify your existence since it wasn't you who made the decision to exist in the first place.
>>28897116
Oh I thought you meant some other factor, like someone would walk into view so it would be abundantly clear that you killed yourself and it wasn't an accident. Yeah maybe you have to trick yourself into doing it for it to actually work, snap decision before you can start thinking about the consequences.
>>28897125
>The universe may as well not exist if you're not there to observe it
But I have no reason to believe it wouldn't
>Also what responsibilities are you shirking? You have no obligation to justify your existence since it wasn't you who made the decision to exist in the first place.
I completely agree, but others disagree, and others would be pained by the fact that they disagree for reasons I don't understand entirely. They didn't make the decision to exist, either, and since they lack the ability to kill themselves, apparently, they would have to deal with non-consensual agony the same way I did. I don't see a way out.
>>28897125
About 95% of all the human beings that ever existed are dead, so there's pretty good evidence to suggest that the universe will continue to exist if you're not there to observe it.
But what you're talking about whether the universe 'may as well' exist, as though our perception of it is the only thing that matters.
If that were the case, it wouldn't matter if I were 16 or my age atm, I'd just kill myself whenever - I don't because the way that other people live does matter to me. I've had a friend kill himself at 17 and even though he was a depressed cyborg it still fucked a lot of things up. At my age, with my responsibilities, 'I didn't ask to be born' is a shitty excuse and the consequences are worse than having never existed at all. And who wants to die knowing that the world is worse off for them having existed?
I missed my chance to an hero and I guess I have to keep living until I die or stop caring about the reasons not to commit suicide.
>>28896836
>>BUT I already bought a one way ticket to France b/c I'm planning on joining the legion and dying that way
good luck.
I passed all of the shit they made me do, but they only take a certain amount of people and I didn't make the cut after two weeks I think.
Its not hard, at least what I did. If you've ever had a job like stocking shelves for a while, and you have good running stamina, you're good enough to do the shit they make you do early on.
