Is anybody else here really suicidal? Sucks man and it's not even allowed to be talked about here because everyone goes "hurrrrr just do it" I am in two months. I feel like this board is mostly filled with normies these days who aren't even fucking depressed. I don't really give a shit if you talk me out of it or not, I just want some fucking people to feel with me dude.
>>28894262
I have never felt the need to kill myself. But there was a moment in my life that I really didn't bother to look both ways before crossing a street, because I did not care if a car would hit me or not.
I have the urge to kill other people, though. Often I have this trembling anger remembering people I hate. I'd like to take a mallet and hit their heads to death or rip their eyes out and eat it.
>>28894262
Also, it's kind of annoying people just attack you, instead of trying to actually help, like talking, trying to understand the situation.
>days without suicidal thoughts
>0
>>28894491
People are mostly jerks, dude.
It's not even really their fault. It's just the way they're programmed by their genetics and environment.
>>28894262
I have an autoimmune condition and when it is acting in full strength, it makes you suffer intense pain all over and cloudy minded and feverish in addition, the longest stretch I've had it is about 3 months, I barely slept during all that time, but the thought of end it all never occurred to me.
Right now I'm all better, somehow it made me cherish the mundane and normality more.
>>28894474
>I have never felt the need to kill myself.
Why not? It kind of boggles my mind that people can go through even the average life and not want to kill self. Idk, mine is a lot more shit than average, maybe im wrong.
>I have the urge to kill other people, though. Often I have this trembling anger remembering people I hate. I'd like to take a mallet and hit their heads to death or rip their eyes out and eat it.
I wish I could, over the years I've become more numb to it and mainly just direct towards myself. I want to kill myself so bad, it's honestly unreal I haven't died yet even just from all the drugs ive done or times I've attempted.
>>28894491
Yeah thanks for replying and trying to empathize man, I appreciate it.
>>28894537
Do you care to describe why you're suicidal?
>>28894560
OP here, I'm not a jerk and never really have been naturally ill intentioned. It boggles my mind that other people can be so cruel just by nature.
>>28894580
Damn, have you ever got meds for that? Honestly I think that having something like that would make me want to live a lot more than I do now. It's like the actual suffering gives me reason to live. Right now I'm just a fucking pussy that has fucked my life up to an unreal point.
>Right now I'm all better, somehow it made me cherish the mundane and normality more.
I imagine you would.
>>28894594
>Why not? It kind of boggles my mind
I don't think you can cease your existence, so you are going to continue living in some way, so suffering even more is always a possibility. Maybe that's part of the reason.
>>28894694
You don't think we can die?
>>28894723
Maybe you can't die "in first person" or there is an afterlife, but what I believe for sure is that you can't stop existing and, therefore, suffering even more is possible.
>>28894798
Why do you believe that?
>>28894827
Because you can't perceive your own lack of perception. It's hard to explain my reasoning. But anyway, good luck, I hope you get better OP.
I planted to kill myself once like you, I had chosen a date about a month in the future so I could have everything ready, then I am at a friends house and he's like "wanna pop some molly" and I had the worst trip imaginable because my shit was cut with meth, but that bad trip saved my life. My advice, live a little anon.
>>28894928
thanks
>>28894939
how did a bad trip save your life?
>See friends from High School I used to hang out with all the time having fun on Facebook together
>They stopped calling and inviting me
>They're all successful, with girlfriends and jobs
>I'm a waste of flesh
What else can I even do at this point?
>>28894262
I am hopefully suicidal
Which is ridiculous, to most
But, I think, if I kill myself, it's either a chance at oblivion and peace forever, or a chance for a new assignment in reality
>>28895091
>girlfriends
All women I have known are cunts to their boyfriends, unless they are some kind of ubermensch which is really really really rare.
So, when I see a friend or acquaintance with a girlfriend, I pity their foolishness and misery.
>>28894262
>Is anybody else here really suicidal?
I was, then I started designing video games, writing music, painting, spending countless nights awake until morning studying history/culture/religion/science. I changed. I don't think you want your physical body to die, but you want to be reborn and for your old self to die. Sometimes when people want to do this they would isolate themselves for a long time and cut off all of their hair before rejoining society.
>>28894657
Yes I got meds now, and I'm going to study something related to pharmacology so I can get to know newer treatment and their potential.
No worry, everyone gets their share of suffering.
>>28894262
Nobody give a shit about you anon.
Only your fathers and maybe your brothers.
And girlfriend, sometimes.
>>28895179
Seriously. The only person I've ever known who has never complained about their significant other is my brother. Literally every single other person I've talked to just bitches about their bitch. Makes me honestly wonder why people even bother. "Just enjoy being single, dude."
>>28896340
>and girlfriend, sometimes
kek
only your mother or maybe grandmother is capable of caring about you, and even then women don't have real feelings
>>28896340
>girlfriend
You what?
>>28894262
go chop some firewood
Depression is no joke man. I haven't made any progress in years and I feel that I can no longer cope with it. I've been suicidal for years as well, but my anxiety is so bad that I can't even imagine carrying out a plan, even if it's the last thing I will ever experience. Basically the only thing keeping me alive is my fear of pain, inability to get the resources, and just being a general pussy.
I figure I'll try to stick around for a few more years until I force myself to act on it. I really don't want to die. I'd much rather just be normal, but I don't believe that it's possible.
I hope you can find a way to stay alive OP. I'm just gonna keep doing drugs and see where that takes me
>>28894928
Yes, this is absolutely true, there has never been a moment where you "experience" nothing. Reddit gets confused with this all the time and says things like "imagine the sense of sight from your elbow, thats what nothing is"
well, thats something even a child can understand, lifes not that simple
nothing in that sense doesn't exist
>>28896410
>and even then women don't have real feelings
Are you saying that a mother doesn't feel anything for his sons?
Stop this nonsense now.
>become suicidal
>can't even talk to a professional about it without being thrown into a ward
How can I keep my job and fix my suicidal ideations?
>>28896504
Those are my exact feels almost down to the T, the only difference is I can't even do drugs anymore, cause no money and my parents caught me ordering fucking rcs. The only way I am capable of killing myself is by benzo or heroin OD, I'm too much of a fucking pussy to do anything else, but after a few half hearted attempts I believe I'm ready to put the final nail in the coffin. Do I mind if I ask why you're scared of a painless and euphoric OD?
>>28894262
I feel your feels OP
I've been suicidal since I was twelve and I'm giving myself another two years to try to get better. If I don't then I'll an hero but at least I'll know that I'll try.
>tfw your friday and saturday nights consist of drinking and crying
>>28897702
>tfw your monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, and sunday nights and days consist of weed, drinking, anything else I can get my hands on, and crying
hoo boy
>>28897927
Stop. I don't need these feels.
I went through a period where I'd think about suicide about 10 times a day. I'd never really make a realistic plan, just a lot of "what ifs" and playing shit over in my head. I'm not sure whether that merited talking to someone about, since it's technically suicidal thoughts so they'd probably psychward me, but I really had no intention of doing it, it was more of the standard robot "neither life nor death appeals to me"
>>28894262
last year, every weekday morning i would take a train. a few of those days i sincerely considered stepping in front of it as it rolled onto the platform. Depression is wierd. I have had a relatively good life but at some moments i just feel incredibly alone-a sea of faces stared out at me on the train, on the subway, on the streets of the city; not a single one of these strangers cared who i was and that made me really sad. i just want people to know who i am. Its usually deep into the winter when i start to feel like shit when the night ends when you leave home in the morning and falls when you get home.
>>28894262
Sometimes I think about it, the thought pops into my mind real fast and goes away just as fast. Have 0 intention of doing it, but I know that it pops into my mind because of how miserable I am and I'm so miserable because I'm still a virgin.
I definitely am homicidal though.
I pretty much have suicidal thoughts all day and have attempted twice in the last two and a half months
>>28894262
A few months ago i tried to commit suicide.
I gathered 30 pills of an antipsychotic that was prescribed. I swallowed them all and just laid on the bed and wait. Woke up like 4-5 hors after, my heart was beating very fast and my pants were pissed. I realized that the suicide was failure and I was truely fucked.
zabing
>>28894262
i feel u :).. thoughts with u rn
>>28894262
I am.
I'll get shit for saying why, but it's because I'm a tranny but I know I'd never pass so I just want to die. I'll never come out, never tell anyone.
Life has nothing for me if I can't be a girl.
>>28895041
A bad lsd trip saved my life too. It made me realize I wasn't really living at all and it was time to start living for the right reasons
