My friend recommended that I do standup, I imagine it would go something like this:
>Nervously shuffles onstage, visibly intimidated and sweating profusely
>fumbles with mic and clears throat repeatedly
>s-so how about airline f-food
>YOU SUCK FAGGOT shouts a Chad heckler from the back of the room as he hi-fives his bros and laughs
>S-so uh the other day I t-tried to kill myself heh heh
>UM WOW, LIKE, CAN YOU NOT? interjects a clearly overweight woman with dyed hair and multiple piercings
>MY COUSIN'S FRIEND THOUGHT ABOUT ATTEMPTING ONCE, THIS IS SUPER PROBLEMATIC AND TRIGGERING
>w-well maybe she should have thought about attempting a l-little harder heh heh, r-right folks?
>IM CALLING THE POLICE, YOUR HATE SPEECH ISNT WELCOME HERE
>*gulp* well uh, I didn't mean-
>AYO HOL UP WITEY, WHY DONT YOU BE TELLIN NO JOKES ABOUT PROUD POC?
>uh, *swallows hard, vision begins to blur* I uh, umm, heh, I've got this one black friend who said this thing about black people should have to work for a living lik-
>AW HELL NAH *takes swig from 40oz and drags from menthol* WE IN CHARGE NOW WITE BOI
>Horde of unwashed BLM protestors swarms the stage with chants of "no justice no peace"
>WEVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS BITCH ASS HONKEY COUNTRY, FREE ALL DEM PROUD BUH-LACK KANGZ BEHIND BARZ! THEY DINDU NUFFIN! VOTE BERNIE (etc)
>W-well this all went better than I thought it would
>>28876060
give us a taste of your comedy, anon
>>28876079
That was it anon-sama, all of my jokes are about trying to kill myself, being a failure, disappointing my parents etc. And a lot of observations on truths that we aren't allowed to talk about in public for fear of being labeled X-ist (not even an edgelord or /pol/
>>28876099
Oh. Hilarious.
>>28876099
someone has to animate this anon
Most stand up comedians are robot types desu
>>28876099
cringey ngl
i didn't even read your entire op post because of how autistic your typing style is
Instead of trying anything you should continue to make excuses not to. That's smart, good stuff.
>>28876060
Someone should narrate this.
>>28876060
I feel like I would be a decent comedy writer, but I would fucking hate to stand on a stage in front of people and beg for their approval.
Give me a topic and I'll try to make a few jokes about it.
>>28876099
>all of my jokes are about trying to kill myself, being a failure, disappointing my parents etc.
You sound like 90% of all "artistic" depressed LA hacks and like 99% of female comedians. You already have the "my mother is disappointed in me" thing going, now just add a period joke.
>>28877912
How about something political, like PC culture.
>>28877985
I'm not really a /pol/tard and I think the whole PC thing has been to death already, but I'll think of something.
Irrelevant, but I was just thinking about a bit where you say you have an idea for Shark Tank. The bit is that you pitch a heroine drugring, but you describe your gangstructure like a MLM business and you talk about high demand and a 90% customer return and stuff. Sounds like it could be funny to me.
>>28877985
First thing that comes to mind is doing a bit where you talk about black people having it rough and you start out really genuine and talk about actual realistic ways in which black people are disadvantaged in life in a very concerning and calm voice. You want people to think you're a hardcore leftist. The point is to start out with the more leftist audience on your side and to get more and more ridiculous as you go further. Like you start out talking about reporations and move on to "you know what I think black people should have a white slave for 1 year. And every white person has to take one year of to be a slave, kinda like jury duty". Just get more and more ridiculous to the point where it's obvious you're not being serious like "You know what, we should just let the entirety of Africa in, line them up in a big line and let them fuck us up the ass, one at a time. Just one big line of Ethiopians like a row of dominoes falling into your ass. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? YOU DIRTY LIBERALS!! (clearly exaggerate so that they get that you're playing a part and are not just an actual ranting right-wing nut)
(laugh break)
Now calmly say "You know, the thing about Jews is.."
(laugh)
move on to other bit
Could kill if you have the right delivery and make it clear that you have no political agenda whatsoever and are just messing around with expectations.
>>28878218
Michael Richards is punching up your bits man
>>28878272
This is fun, give me another topic.
>>28878296
how about road workers, you know, how you only ever see one guy working and the rest staring at him on the government's dime. What if automation gets to the point that road workers are automated, are... are there going to be 4 robots standing around too? (`>_<)
>>28878338
The premise of the bit could be that you keep hearing people talk about being afraid robots will take their jobs, but that you don't believe robotization of blue collar will really happen because we are still years away from a cost-efficient technology to make robots take of their shirts and scream "nice rack" to bypassing ladies. "I mean the image-recognition software to recognize a nice racks alone is probably going to cost millions. Seriously these companies don't think these things through."
>>28878458
not bad, not bad at all
I'm bouncing though
>>28878218
>You know what, we should just let the entirety of Africa in, line them up in a big line and let them fuck us up the ass, one at a time. Just one big line of Ethiopians like a row of dominoes falling into your ass
Someone beat you to telling that one
>>28878513
To bad, I was having fun. See ya
Any new suggestions are welcome. I'll try my best to come up with something.
