GOD FUCKING DAMN IT I'M SICK OF THIS
WHY HAVE YOU NECKBEARDS RUINED EVERYTHING; THE PHRASE FRIEND ZONE INCLUDED
LIKE WHEN I USE THE PHRASE FRIENDZONE I MEAN IT A TOTALLY NOT ENTITLING WAY. LIKE I'M NOT SAYING I DESERVE A GIRL JUST BECAUSE SHE ISN'T INTO ME OR SOME SHIT, THAT'S JUST WHERE I GOT PUT IN
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
so this is shitposting that i've heard so much about
>>28874292
if you were friendzoned it's most likely because you are ugly, autistic, or a mix of both. neckbeards are that perfect combination so naturally they get associated with each other. and you can't exactly blame the neckbeards because they can't help it. They only exist in their own little autistic world.
I used to masturbate onto birds at a local park. Not a thing that I am particularly proud of but I became quite good at it. I was taking zinc supplements so I was shooting massive loads and it became something of a sport to me.
first, you need to find an isolated area so you don't become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the pigeons would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I was usually content with envisioning the occasional jogging lady coming over and taking a shit on my chest and that was enough to fuel the fire but if you're not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go. After you're good an horny, you get some bread.
My pigeons preferred white bread but healthier birds might have a taste for honey wheat or maybe even multigrain. Fat, unhealthy birds are slower and easier to hit.
Once you are seated on the bench and ready to do the deed, whip your Roosevelt out and scatter bread out within a few feet of you. use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I was a lonely soul who could hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet.
You wait for the pigeons to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence. At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust. Now you're finally ready to cum on your bird.
This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the birds, so you have to be subtle. Suck my dick Anon. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences.
I always came high so I would aim for the neck of the bird and catch it right in the face. It's an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those birds reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city. Either way I haven't done it in years but still catch myself gazing wistfully at a flock of birds, cock throbbing and waiting for them to land close to me.
>>28874310
rektoregano
>LIKE WHEN I USE THE PHRASE FRIENDZONE I MEAN IT A TOTALLY NOT ENTITLING WAY
Just say "friend" then
