I've been remembering my own fuck ups real bad recently. Would you guys mind sharing some of your own to make me feel better?
>riding bike
>another bike is coming
>move as far to the opposite side of him as I can
>too far
>fall
>"s-sorry"
>tfw that isnt what you say when you fall
>get on bike fast as possible and ride away
>>28856882
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
>be me, 9
>roleplaying with male cousin who was 11
>roleplay as a female character in a random soap opera my mom liked to watch
>she kissed a dude in the last episode I watched
>try to kiss cousin
>he backs away and never talks to me again
>Staying with friend in Europe
>Both of us at pub drinking pints
>He decides to head back to his apartment
>I tell him I'll catch up with him in an hour
>Actually really horny and want to find a brothel
>Figure I can lose my virginity to some European prostitute
>End up at strip club
>Instead of having fun I pour my guts out over how miserable I am to the strippers
>They're sorta sympathetic but it's probably fake
>One of them tries to flirtilly undress me
>Takes my hat and disappears
>I try to ask where my hat's gone but can't get a straight answer
>Decide to pretend to cry and make them feel sorry for me
>Start actually crying instead
>Can't stop crying
>Eventually they just feel sorry for me and give me my hat back
>Fat stripper comes along
>She offers to give me a lap dance
>I didn't really want to but she looked middle aged and I just wanted some motherly attention
>She takes me into other room and grinds on me
>It was awful, she smelled weird and crushed my balls under her knee
>In my drunken state I suddenly lean up and lick her tit
>She freezes up and gets off of me
>I get kicked out of strip club
>End up wandering the streets in -10 degree celsius weather after midnight
>Don't find my way back to the apartment until 7am
>Travel back home the next day
>Can't give my friend a straight answer as to where I was
>He still thinks my last drink at the pub was spiked
I'm still considering whether or not I should kill myself over this
>lift for 4 years
>still look worse than most people do in their first year
I still lift, but I never speak about it. If anyone asks I tell them that I just started recently.
>tfw horrible genetics for gaining muscle/losing fat.
>>28857218
>muh genetics
spoken like a true landwhale
>>28857252
nah, just skinnyfat genetics.
can barely build any muscle, and all the fat gets stored on my lower abdomen
>15 at the time
>group of friends decide to go to school dance
>one girl invites a friend of hers (call her anna) who lives few streets away
>get to dance but you had to buy tickets in advance
>me and anna don't have tickets
>we decide to walk home
>get to the end of her street next to some woods
>she tells me that kids go in there to fool around and asks if I want to go in
>agree so we walk down the path and sit on some concrete blocks
>she tells me kids kiss in here and asks if i want to kiss
>sure (at this point I'm a kissless, no hand-holding virgin)
>start making out in the woods
>move my hand and graze her boob (she was a curvy girl with nice round boobs)
>tell her "sorry" and she says it felt nice
>takes my hand and puts it back on her boob
>more making out, she lifts her sweater and puts my hand on her bra-covered boob
>can still remember how hot it felt
>still kissing, getting more passionate
>anna looks at me and says "do you want to go further?"
>I say "sure" and get up and start walking further down the path
>anna looks at me like I'm a retard because, well, I'm a retard
>"maybe we should just go home"
>walk to her house in silence. she says "good night" and goes into her house
and that's the story of how I almost lost my virginity
>got forced into working again
>talking to one of my co-workers
>hey anon, I know this is a weird question, but [other colleague] said he reckons you're a virgin. is that true?
>n-no
Another separate occasion at the same place with different people
>female colleague asks if I have a gf
>no
>asks me if I've ever had a gf
>lie and say yes
how do they know?
>>28857300
This fucking story pissed me off what the fuck anon
>>28857218
I've been going for 2 years now and you'd barely even notice
Even if I take my shirt off I look like some skinnyfat loser who's been lifting for a month
Granted I only go once a week and rarely ever change my routine, so I'm not taking it seriously anyways.
>>28857020
>cousin never speaks to you again because of something slightly silly you did as a kid
Just a heads up m8, you're really bad at making up stories and everyone you know talks about it behind your back.
>>28857293
Work out more, and eat fucking healthier. To lose weight, simply calories in < calories out. If your exercise doesn't hurt, you're not doing it enough to let your muscles grow. They grow by tearing muscle fibers and rebuilding them to become stronger, which is done through--you guessed it--exercise. If you've been lifting 4 years and there's no change you're doing something wrong. Have a good diet, and learn about the body a bit so you know why you're doing what you're doing and such. Wish you all the best, anon.
>>28857723
Yeah. It was definitely my most awkward/embarrassing story. But fear not... I got my shit together and lost my virginity a couple years later.
>>28857770
Not him, but this is also where I fail.
I have the discipline to go regularly (I feel great after workout so I often find the time even though I'm a lazy piece of shit)
However when it comes to eating right, doing the right exercises etc. I completely lose interest. I just want to grind once, maybe twice a week and be done with it
>>28857753
Dude... once a week won't do anything for you. I was a skinny-fat guy and started working out 3x per week and really made good progress (would have worked out more but I also ran on off days). Put more effort into it and you will see results.
>>28857753
I don't get it, why even bother complaining if you know damn well you're doing it wrong?
>>28857856
I don't know, it was a stupid post
I just don't enjoy lifting enough, I don't know if I should keep at it anyways or stop doing it altogether when I can't even muster myself up to go more than once a week regularly
>>28857944
It's okay, anon. Just remember, a little exercise is better than no exercise.
>>28858075
Probably, thanks. Its a waste of money, but at least its a good one
>>28857174
>I'm still considering whether or not I should kill myself over this
Why would you? No one but you and the stripper even knows what happened. Stop being dramatic.
>>28857300
you're are, in fact, retarded, but you acknowledge it consciously, so well done for realizing how bad you failed. just know you'll cringe at the thought of that situation for the rest of your life.
My turn:
>meet super cute, short, cury (read overweight but very pretty) girl in college
>only been with 2 girls before her, but still kind of beta
>first date, no real kissing because I'm so shy
>2nd date, 1st base, can tell she wants to go further but I'm too nervous
>3rd date, back at my place.
>all evening i've been talking shit about how hard i'm going to fuck her... she's super into it
>we both make it into the bedroom, fully naked
>thisisit.jpg
>naked girl spread out across my bed, rubbing her clit, basically begging for the dick
>realize i'm completely soft, like not even half chub
>she asks me what's wrong, which makes me even more paranoid/nervous that i've fucked this up so dick gets even softer
>she offers to give me head until i get hard
>spend the next 5 minutes with a qt girl sucking on my pee pee and can't even remotely get a hard on.
>she says she thinks she should go
>girl leaves
>cry myself to sleep
>never hear from her or talk to her again
Never in my life have I felt more disappointed in myself. Completely embarassed, especially considering how much shit I had talked about giving this girl the D.
Still cringe every time I think about that night and it's been 5+ years ago.
>>28856818
>waiting at bus station after long day
>suddenly from my left comes Chad on his bicycle, on his way to fuck my oneitis no doubt
>Chad: "oh 'sup dude?"
>"good, you?"
>"yeah, umm-"
>I desperately try to find something funny to say to keep the conversation going because for some reason he isn't going away
>midway through whatever dumb shit I'd figured I'd say I spot some kinetic movement from a surprisingly large area of my field of view
>it's a young mother with a baby carriage struggling to take it on the bus which I hadn't even noticed had arrived
>she's been asking for help for a short while now and I haven't head anything at all either
>I know I should help her but it's at this moment I realize I don't even have enough money for a bus ride
>don't want to give off the wrong impression by getting the baby carriage on the bus then having the driver close the door then ask me for payment which I don't have
>all the while I've been thinking this I unconcsioucly kept the young mother socially engaged by stammering schizophrenic sentence connectors and guttural sounds while making hesitant air-lifting motions towards the carriage
>Chad, who was also here all along, gives me this condescending belittling smirk like I'm the most retarded autist in the world
>drives off into the sunset
>look back at the bus
>the driver helped the mother get the carriage in
>she thanks me even though I didn't manage to do much and I think "what a nice human being"
>the driver locks eyes with me and shakes his head disapprovingly before shutting the doors and driving off
>find out I actually did have enough money to get on the bus
>be me 8 years old
>found my moms victoria secret magazines
>crouched in her bathroom with massive boner flipping through mags
>she catches me
>forces me to sit on my grandmotherw lap while my grandmother flips through the magazine with me.
>grandmother explaining what each piece of lingerie is and what runction it holds.
>mfw looking back and realizing how fucked up this is.
>tell onitis I live when we were rolling hard on MDMA
>she laugh and says aww
>die inside a little
This was 4 years ago and I haven't talked to her since
>>28858957
were you on MDMA when you typed that post, anon?
>>28858885
Lmao I'm so sorry anon
>>28856882
>riding bike
>another bike is coming
>turn to give way
>he does the same
>we are on each other's way again
>>28858461
Damn famn, that's fucked.
Ive posted this here before but
>freshman year of high school
>its the day of the homecoming football game, which means we fuck around and play games all day
>Im emulating banjo kazooie on my school issued laptop
>1st hour teacher brings in mutha fuckin cookies
>puts them on a bench in front of class
>I get in line for that shit, but sit in front of class because of horrible vision so not much wait
>suddenly, girl in front of me drops her cookie on the ground
>instead of waiting for her or a few other people around her to pick it up, I sperg out
>crawl underneath girl's legs, she's wearing a skirt mind you
>grab cookie
>start to crawl out from underneah her legs, misjudge when I should stand up and brush my head on the underside of her skirt
>dont really remember her reaction, she may have smiled, but some stoner made fun of me for it
She was dumb as a sack of rocks and got pregnant on purpose senior year. In a Catholic high school nontheless
>>28856818
>be me
>like 7 or 8
>Christmas eve
>chillin with my 5 or 6 year old bro
>see what looks like a giant stick covered in wrapping paper behind the tree
>"ha looks like someone got some dumb stick for christmas"
>bro tears up
>it was a walking stick he got me cause he knows I like hikes n shit (pic is what stick kinda looked like)
>still have the stick somewhere, it's really nice
Not the worst thing in the world, but it was such an unnecessarily shitty thing to say I can't help but feel awful everytime I think about it. Thanks OP for letting me get this off my chest.
>>28858448
LOL similar experience with the limp dick, but goddamnit i tried to jam that whisky dick in her for hours.
posted this in another thread but
> good friends with qt girl in college
>study together all the time
>she has a bf
>she studies with me until 2am one night, gets angry texts from bf
>apparently it's their 2 year anniversary
>we're still talking and studying she doesn't care about going home
>don't make a move because she has a bf
>few months later she stops talking to me
>>28858957
jesus what a waste of that molly im sorry
>>28857174
Why would it make you kill yourself?
>hey Anon where did you go last night?
>I got drunk and ended up in a strip club. Ended up getting a lapdance from a fat stripper. Weird night hah.
>>28856882
>earlier today
>be on escalator
>guy behind walks by me
>"Just gonna squeeze past here"
>"Ok, s-sorry"
>WHY DID I APOLOGIZE
>>28860971
>Why would it make you kill yourself?
Because it was fucking gross. I physically cringed in my seat as I was reading that.
Robots typically aren't apt to spout mealy-mouted normie shit like you greentexted, by the way. Might need to lurk more.
>>28856818
There is no such thing as a bad experience. Only experience.
>>28861032
>mealy-mouted normie shit
>lurk more
how dare you be a functioning human being!
It is very cringe worthy and a pretty shit experience but shit like that happens to everyone. Just gotta pick yourself up and improve.
>>28858448
Hahaha, similar experience
>bring back genuine 9/10. And I mean real 9/10, none of these bullshit 4chan standards. Dark haired Swedish chick, absolutely stunning, incredible body.
>Staying in a hostel and don't really wanna piss all my roommates off
>There's a bed infront of a TV in one of the common areas, I bring some sheets down
>It's 3am so pretty quiet.
>Get her naked, holy shit what a body
>Had a little bit to drink, but not much - fairly hard
>She insists on a condom. Fuck. I don't have one.
>Find my kid brother and have to ask him for one (he carries it in his wallet but is never going to use it) - incredibly embarrassing experience.
>Go back, get fairly hard again but not same as before.
>Try to put condom on
>Goes all floppy
>Take it off, play with/eat her a bit and make myself hard
>Try again
>Nope
>Repeat like 10 times
>Nope.
>Get her a taxi.
>As she's leaving she kisses me and says "I wish you could have enjoyed my pussy"
My friends' reaction was "how the fuck did you not manage to get it up for her? what is wrong with you?" She was so hot.
I think I was just distracted cause we were in the common area so there were a few people walking past within 10m or so of us. That plus condom = floppy drive :(
>>28861643
Condoms make me go soft too. There just not natural.
>>28856882
>riding bike
>going down an alleyway
>convinced I am #1 at biking and can do anything one-handed
>approaching the end of the alleyway, there a small but steep drop at the end
>try to go down it with one hand
>get super nervous last second and fucking faceplant and bust my ass in front of a guy fixing his car
>he asks if I'm ok
>somehow unscathed, I say yes
>face and body are super hot
>ride away
